Nikolai's Favourite Medicine

Nikolai's favourite medicine

Gogol: It hurts, it hurts so much! Ahaha!

Sigma: What the... What's so funny?

Gogol: My brain converts pain into laughter. It's the best medicine and it's free.

Sigma: You've been stabbed! Repeatedly.

Gogol: Hahahaha...

Sigma: I'm calling the ambulance. Now.

Gogol: I know another good medicine. Show me your beautiful smile...

Sigma: Stop flirting with me, you're dying!

𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 😈 (𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕)

Pros: + You can finally make Fedya wear your clothes! Even your hat 🎩 You always wanted to see him in it. But he refused to swipe outfits. Well, no more.

+ Your body is gonna carry Dos-kun inside, as if you're giving him a giant hug 🤗🫂 Your flesh will become a candy wrapper for the sweetest, most demonic entity.

+ You'll never fear being separated from your friend ever again. That awful feeling in your chest – it will go away 💔

+ You won't have to rack your brain over ways to get Dos-kun's attention 👀 No more sleepless nights spent coming up with charades to catch his gaze. Now Fedya will have to “see” you every day. You'll become his new shell. So, little demon will be stuck with you forever.

+ Fedya might even smile, while taking over your body 😈 And you can even manage to smile back, before your face will be pilled away

Cons: — You'll never experience any of this from your own perspective (and you wish you could so, so badly)

𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐬𝐨 𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭

Fyodor can't love himself through his POV. He can't tolerate his mind from his own perspective. Dostoevsky resents his being, his soul, and thoughts. They're tainted by Fyodor's self-judgement, disappointment in his results, unattainable standards, other inner struggles.

But then he imagines God, it's different. Fyodor takes a look into His higher mind through prayer, and sees light and warmth directed at humanity. That makes Dostoevsky want to be a part of it again.

Not in the present, though, where people are sinful and cruel. In the future. Fyodor will join the renewed, renovated humanity, freed from abilities, living joyfully in heaven. They'll all be loved by God, by each other and even by themselves. Forever. He wants to believe in that.

𝗔𝗺𝗲𝗻𝗼𝗴𝗼𝘇𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘆𝘀𝗶𝘀: 𝗙𝘆𝗼𝗱𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗗𝗲𝗺𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝗚𝗼𝗱 (𝗯𝘀𝗱 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝟭𝟭𝟱–𝟭𝟭𝟳)

It's interesting how Fyodor positions himself towards Fukuchi, whom he calls a “Devine being”. Fukuchi or Amenogozen, as he is now, is the closest thing to “God” we can have on earth. And Fyodor is absolutely thrilled to control this DIY Devine Bring. Is it a blasphemy? Maybe. But let's look at what Amenogozen is.

How did Fukuchi turn into him? What happened to Ouchi's mind to make him act like he does now?

Amenogozen is Fukuchi's desire to get rid of suffering amplified. Ouchi used to see the whole world's agony as his own. Now he is a literal embodiment of everyone's pain, big or small.

Amenogozen has only one instinct – to turn everyone into bubbles and store them inside himself. He isn't just killing them, he “eats” their souls as well. When Fukuchi erases a person in this way, all of their suffering becomes his (along with their memories and identity), thus giving their souls piece.

Amenogozen isn't explicitly hateful or cruel, but he is also far from human. He seemed to genuinely empathize with Teruko and, especially, Kunikida, during his last moments. He saw their anguish, sensed it (Teruko's grief, Kunikida's fear along with wounds). And Devine being thought he would help them. He would erase their suffering.

This is what Amenogozen sees as his mission: to kill every person, swallow their pain and “save” them by turning them into pure emptiness (in a cloud of bubbles, yes).

Gozen grew to respect Kunikida during their brief interaction. He even acknowledged that Doppo's ideas can transcend death itself. And yet, Fukuchi still decides to kill him. Because he sees “death” as the kindest option for every living being.

It seems like Ouchi came to this decision during his transformation. For us, it all happened in a few seconds, but for him, it probably lasted for centuries. He travelled through time and space indefinitely, until he became a Singularity. From outside it looked like a brief flash of light, but it continued for eternity in his mind.

Off-screen, Fukuchi went through a psychological torture like no other. He was forced to observe everything that happened to humanity, while being outside time and space, unable to do anything. Of course, he saw an immense amount of pain history is filled with.

Ouchi watched it unfold in front of his eyes, like a helpless disembodied ghost, unable to die or let go. He, who thought of himself as a warrior, was forced to be a bystander to everyone's agony. It all continued indefinitely and was extremely traumatic. Eventually, Fukuchi discarded what was left of his humanity and became “God” to survive seeing all the visions of pain.

As a result, suffering became the only focus of his broken mind.

I think this what Dostoevsky has hoped for. Because he came to the same conclusion after living for centuries. “Death is the ultimate salvation, and nothing else can help”. So Fyodor hijacked Fukuchi into the same mindset by overloading his brain with the images of agony.

Now, Amenogozen sees pain as life. They are inseparable from each other from his view point. So his goal transforms into erasing all suffering, by erasing all life on Earth. Fukuchi wants to be the one who bares the whole world's agony, while everyone's soul rests peacefully within him in the blissful oblivion.

Amenogozen is a twisted, distorted caricature of Jesus. He takes on everyone's pain by killing them. It's a befitting path for an ex-war criminal.

And what about Fyodor? Does he call Amenogozen “devine” just because of his immense power? Dostoy certainly enjoys watching Yokohama being cut into pieces. But that's not only it.

Fyodor nicknamed his new weapon "Devine power" based on his philosophy about God.

Fukuchi isn't entirely gone. His motivation is what drives Amenogozen forward. Singularity craves to erase every source of pain / life, so much that he is ready to become a sinner, a monster, an empty void.

Just like Fukuchi in the past Gozen uses his body until he doesn't resemble a human anymore.

Ouchi lost his sanity due to his immense desire to free people from Samsara. Now he is a literal monster, but he is still trying to help and "save" everyone from pain, albeit in a twisted brutal way.

And this what makes him so close to a “devine power”.

Because to Dostoevsky, God is someone who encapsulates everyone's pain, carries everyone's burden. Just like what Fyodor tries to do as his loyal servant.

Despite this, I think Fyodor calls Amenogozen “God” ironically. He doesn't see Fukuchi as such, but he “compliments” him for trying. Because Dostoevsky realizes how truly selfish this newly formed “Devine being” is.

Before everyone's salvation, Amenogozen desires oblivion. He wants to disappear. But, just like Fukuchi, he can't do that, until his mission is entirely complete.

Amenogozen sees everyone's pain as his own. So he erases it repeatedly, as if it can save him. He can't distinguish his own soul from everyone else's, so he kills himself again and again through others, but still remains alive.

Amenogozen seeks relief through self-distraction, something to what Dostoevsky relates too much.

And Fyodor smiles because he knows: real God is only yet to arrive.

Do you know that I love to draw?

I do. And this is how my art looks like. But I haven't been able to create it for a while because of a terrible toothache. My teeth hurt so much I want to pull them out.

This GIF is replaying in my head over and over again. Can you do this to me too, Bill?

Right now, it feels like bees are trapped inside my teeth 🐝 When my dentist opened the first one, she saw a dark puddle of a decayed filth. Turned out I needed a root channel. And I've got 3 more to go. My teeth are literally rotting. And it hurts.

Please, help me get a root channel for 3 of my teeth.

I need $700 in total, but I'll be grateful for any amount of your good will:

https://boosty.to/sssarrrra

(I've posted more of my drawings here.

You can take a pick if you wish 👀)

The whole story so far:

It took so long to diagnose because my cavities are covered by the old fillings. From the outside they look fine, but once fillings are removed, you can see an aching dark caves.

Three dentists couldn't see a problem, despite my complaints. One of them even called me a “whinny baby” for feeling pain. But I live in a 3rd world country, so any kind of good health care services are super rare.

When I finally found a decent dentist turned out that I needed three root channels. She already started doing one, so for now, I have a temporary filling. And I'm still in a lot of pain.

If you're interested, I can send you any proof I can gather, including receipts and a document from a dentist.

I kinda wish Tooth Fairy could appear and take my teeth and all the pain away 🦷🦷🦷

I wish I could just turn it off.

The nerve pain in the pulp is the worst one I've ever felt.

I need $700 for 3 root channels.

So if you can, please check out this link for my donation page:

boosty.to

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Love your analyses! They're very nice to read and touch a lot of internal conflicts C: ♡♡♡

Thank you so much! •O• I love dissecting character motives and contradictions within, yet I'm always a bit scared that it's boring to read about. But your words made me feel so happy and proud 😤 Now I feel inspired to write even more stuff!