I Can't Believe Wizards Of The Coast Destroyed The Open Game License (OGL) Just To Stop The World From

I can't believe Wizards of the Coast destroyed the Open Game License (OGL) just to stop the world from enjoying my very controversial and highly unauthorized add-on: "How to Play Slowpoke in D&D 5E" 😔

joking aside i'll probably have to take this down eventually so download it now while you still can 💾💦

Nerevar: Well, Voryn, I made it- despite your directions.

Dagoth Ur: Welcome, Moon-and-Star, to this place where destiny is made! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.

Nerevar: Meh.

Dagoth Ur: Oh, ye gods! My stew is ruined! But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ohoho, delightfully devilish, Voryn!

Nerevar: Ah- Hmm.

Chorus: Dagoth Ur with his crazy explanations / The Hortator is gonna need his medication / When he hears Dagoth's lame exaggerations / There'll be trouble on Red Mountain tonight!

Nerevar: VOOORYYYNNN!

Dagoth Ur: D’ah, Moon-and-Star! I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

Nerevar: Why is there smoke coming out of your mountain, Voryn?

Dagoth Ur: Uh- Oh. That isn't smoke, it's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams.

Dagoth Ur: Whew.

[transition jingle]

Dagoth Ur: Hortator, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering ash yams.

Nerevar: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Dagoth Ur: D'oh, no. I said steamed yams. That's what I call ash yams.

Nerevar: You call ash yams "steamed yams?"

Dagoth Ur: Yes. It's, uh, a regional dialect.

Nerevar: Uh-huh. What region?

Dagoth Ur: Uh, Vvardenfell.

Nerevar: Really. Well, I'm from Balmora, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed yams."

Dagoth Ur: Oh, not in Balmora, no; it's an Ald'ruhn expression.

Nerevar: I see. ... You know, these ash yams are quite similar to the ones they have at Kwama Burger.

Dagoth Ur: [chuckles] Oh, no. Patented Dagoth yams. Old Sixth House recipe.

Nerevar: For steamed yams.

Dagoth Ur: Yes.

Nerevar: Yes. And you call them steamed yams despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

Dagoth Ur: Ye- You know, the- One thing I should- ... Excuse me for one second.

Nerevar: Of course.

Dagoth Ur: [loud yawn] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all; I'm pooped.

Nerevar: Yes, I should be- BY AZURA! What is happening in there?!

Dagoth Ur: Aurora borealis.

Nerevar: Uh- Aurora borealis?! At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of Tamriel, localized entirely within your mountain?

Dagoth Ur: Yes.

Nerevar: ... May I see it?

Dagoth Ur: No.

Sleepers: Voryn! The mountain's on fire!

Dagoth Ur: No, companions. It's just the northern lights.

Nerevar: Well, Voryn, you are an odd fellow, but I must say- you steam a good yam.

Tinkaton is TinkaDONE with your bullshit.

I love u narrative songs 💖💖💖

this is so lynchian

can someone please tell me what the fuck I just saw