My Dude Just Did A Whole Ass Vaudeville Act

my dude just did a whole ass vaudeville act

the comments on this video killed me

wheres seasons greasons

just looking at this hurts my DNA

yeah I'll refrog that

Today on Spy Ruins The Classics (with apologies to Aristophanes):

DIONYSUS

Don't mock me, brother: on my life I am in a bad way: such fierce desire consumes me.

HERACLES

Aye, little brother? how?

DIONYSUS

I can't describe it.

But yet I'll tell you in a riddling way.

Have you e'er felt a sudden lust for soup?

HERACLES

Soup! Zeus-a-mercy, yes, ten thousand times.

DIONYSUS

Is the thing clear, or must I speak again?

HERACLES

Not of the soup: I'm clear about the soup.

DIONYSUS

Well, just that sort of pang devours my heart.

And no one shall persuade me not to go.

HERACLES

Do you mean below, to Hades?

DIONYSUS

And lower still, if there's a lower still.

HERACLES

What on earth for?

DIONYSUS

I want soup, you see.

HERACLES

What do you mean, you "want soup"?

DIONYSUS

I mean I want soup!

HERACLES

WHY ARE YOU BUYING SOUP IN HADES?!

DIONYSUS

FUCK YOU!

it’s just funny though that in The Before Times when the goat burned (or didn’t burn) there was very little fanfare except maybe some tongue in cheek celebration (or disappointment). but give it a few jokes about lack of ritual sacrifice and a five-year survival streak and two plague years and suddenly we’ve collectively tapped into the seasonal worship instincts of our ancestors from 36,000 BCE and created a new sacred ritual through sheer force of internet jokes and desperate hope. it’s like we’ve crowdfunded a god.