Jimidols Deactivation

— jimidol’s deactivation

As some of you might have noticed, i deactivated my account jimidol.

i’m really sorry if i left without sharing the reasons with any of you but it’s really hard for me. the month of october was truly a nightmare for me, and it destroyed me beyond i could imagine it. since i was super busy with work, i didn’t really notice how bad i was feeling but once everything calmed down, it just hit me super intensely. i was — and still am — in a bad place, and every time, i’d come here, i’d only see all the things i did wrong with my writings. i was being harsh with myself, and it got to the point where i deleted the app from my phone to avoid destroying myself even more. 

however, it wasn’t enough. every time i’d be on my laptop watching a show or a video on youtube, i would come here to do the exact same thing. tumblr stopped being my safe place and it was just making me even sadder. i couldn’t handle this anymore and i just decided to completely deactivate my account. i kept my second account ephemeralkookie that i renamed jimidol so you could easily found this little note.

at this stage, i really don’t know if i’m ever coming back. i need some time away from this platform to just breathe, get better, and then i’ll see what i’ll do. please note that if i come back, i’ll inform you all here.

i want to thank you all for the love & support you always showed me, i always felt it & i’m forever grateful for it, this journey on tumblr was incredible 💞 also a big big thank you to all my moots with whom i’m still in contact, they’ve been nothing but big angels 💞

love you all, catie ✨

cna i please be added to the valentines date tl

hello angel ✨ yes, i will add you to the taglist ❤️

spideyjimin's masterlist

© spideyjimin; please do NOT repost or modify any of my works without explicit permission

key; ☁️ = fluff | ⚡️= smut | 🥀 = angst

⟶ marry me, yoongi ☁️ ; ⚡️

established relationship au

⏤ when yoongi decides to get married in vegas after all the fan’s comments on the vlives.  

ONE-SHOT

⟶ first christmas ☁️ 

parents au 

⏤ this year, you spend your first christmas as a family of four. nothing brings more happiness to your heart than seeing your husband, namjoon with your seven months old son, hyeon.  

ONE-SHOT

⟶ plot twist ☁️ ; ⚡️

friends with benefits au

⏤ jimin loves you more than you’ll ever know, and you love him more than you’ll ever show. what a tragedy.

⟶ fantasize ☁️ ; ⚡️

⏤ when suddenly, you share a naughty-naughty time with your coworker, the one with whom you’ve been flirting for months already.

ONE-SHOT

⟶ beast ☁️ ; 🥀 ; ⚡️

established relationship au

⏤ taehyung doesn’t like your best friend, he truly never did. kibum has always been too flirty with you, something he never liked. but this time, seeing him flirting with you at his birthday party was too much, and he felt the urge to make you understand that you’re only his.  

⟶ until i found her ☁️ ; 🥀 ; ⚡️

⏤ taehyung is your best friend, he’s been part of your life for as long as you can remember. his love life is a complete chaos. there is only one girl he has truly ever loved. that girl is you. but how would things turn out when he finds out that you love him back?  

↳ part of the dads universe

SERIES 

⟶ un cielo di perle ☁️ ; 🥀 ; ⚡️

⏤ taehyung doesn’t know how to love, he actually has never loved anyone, not even himself. he dreams of escaping this life, a life where he can do whatever he wants and where his parents don’t exploit him. his dream becomes a reality when he meets you; however, it comes with a challenge. at first, you hate him. but as the saying goes, there’s only one step between hate and love. and when taehyung loves, he can steal a sky of pearls for his lover.   

ONE-SHOT

⟶ valentine's date ☁️ ; 🥀 ; ⚡️

fake dating au

⏤ Every year, on the 13th of February, your family gathers together to celebrate love, it’s your own kind of Valentine’s Day before the actual day. This year is going to be different because, for the first time in years, you’re single but your parents pressured you to find someone otherwise they’ll bring someone for you. Although you love your parents, and you know this comes as a caring act, you don’t trust their tastes. So, you propose to your coworker, Jungkook, to come with you to save you from embarrassment. But nothing goes as planned since both of you have feelings for the other.

⟶ only you 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

established relationship au

⏤ after a traumatic event, your world flipped upside down, leaving nothing but emptiness behind. an emptiness that has been eating you completely for the past year, but in the middle of the chaos that has become your life, there has been one person who has never left you. the only person that can fix you. jungkook.

⟶ love in the dark 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

forbidden romance au

⏤ being the heir of the empire his family built over the years was something jungkook never liked, all the constraints that came with it never pleased him. his entire life, he played the rebellious child, never listening to a word his parents would say. but marriage was a topic prepared since the day he was born, he has to marry a woman his parents will choose. no one else. so he has to love you in secret, or as he says, in the dark.

⟶ taxi ☁️ ; ⚡️

parents au

⏤ in which a simple valentine’s dinner turns into a very steamy teasing session in the backseat of a taxi with the father of your baby, jungkook

⟶ break up with your boyfriend 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

college au

⏤  jungkook, the campus fuckboy, has decided to make you his next victim, but you’re far from being like any of his previous hookups. you’re not single. you’re actually in a very long-term relationship with baekhyun, the man you consider the love of your life. but it’s for sure something that won’t stop jungkook. he wants you, and he’s going to do absolutely everything to have you, even falling in love.  

⟶ seven ☁️ ; ⚡️

⏤ jungkook never grows tired to be fucking you right every day of the week, and even more than once per day.  

⟶ what was i made for ☁️ ; ⚡️

⏤ have you ever met someone with whom you instantly clicked? well yes, but never to the extent of how it happened with jungkook. in a matter of days, he made you feel like the prettiest and most special woman. right there and then, you understood what you were made for. 

⟶ before you ☁️ ; ⚡️ ; 🥀

⏤ jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant? 

↳ part of the dads universe 

SERIES

⟶ crazy over you 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

rockstar au 

⏤ after a year of being friends with benefits with jungkook, you decide to put an end to it and to start looking for love. only problem: jungkook is falling for you.

↳ part of the devil lovers series

⟶ timing 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

exes to lovers au

⏤ falling in love with the right person at the wrong time but what happens when the time becomes right?   

SERIES

⟶ the devil lovers 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

rockstar au 

⏤ “Devil Lovers”, one of the biggest rock bands of the moment, is composed of seven awkward lovers.

⟶ the dads universe 🥀 ; ☁️ ; ⚡️

⏤ in a world where these seven wonderful men became fathers.  

even if i’m not a fan of txt, i really loved reading this, bibi! ❤️ the ending broke my heart so much but i still loved it! thanks for writing it ❤️

YOU DON’T LOVE ME.

summary. maybe tonight you are finally giving up on soobin.

⇢ idol! soobin x gn! reader. L2E, angst. warnings: mentions of drinking alcohol, fighting, being in an unstable relationship, cussing. NOT EDITED.

a / n : first writing i make for txt omg, let’s see how this goes 🤍

“Where were you?” It’s the first thing Soobin hears seconds after crossing the entrance to his own room. There’s a dim light, kindly provided by the overused nightlight he so much cherishes and has told you not once, but a hundred of times, not to turn on, because it’s on its last days and he wants to keep it in one piece, with the original bub and such.

Clenching his fist, Soobin takes three steps in and purposely drags his feet across the rug on his floor, feeling the heat underneath his skin burn and sting a bit in order to wake himself up just so he can complain about the nightlight, but then you turn around. Your figure rolls from one opposite end of the bed to the medium sized bed to the other, and suddenly you are pushing your knuckles down the mattress just to support yourself up with all your strength.

No sweetly tinted light can compare to the raging madness burning in your eyes once you connect glances. Soobin gulps, having realized that tonight you wouldn’t fall into your usual petty argument but more so start a war over something else.

The problem is he can’t seem to understand what will have you so mad on the first place. Then, it hits him. ‘Where were you?’ you’ve asked in a disappointing tone. You weren’t accusing him or actually about to throw everything his way, you were simply voicing out your concerns in the most heartbreaking tone he has ever seen you imply.

“Who…who let you in?” Automatically, he hits the back of his head mentally, scolding himself for asking something pointless. Who gives three shits over how you got inside the place, what matters is what happened to you.

You chuckle, humouring him with the answer. “Yeonjun noticed me leaving the party early. He offered to drive me here and let me rest for the night.”

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Soobin knows nothing about the context of the situation. All he can think of is himself coming in second in the list of people you can reach out to before everyone else, when he is supposedly your boyfriend.

It feels as if it always ends up the same way. Days are filled with no fights, barely texts, then you meet at some rando’s house and waste your minutes away drinking and dancing. Things are fine for a few hours, but everything is so blurry it might be just ten seconds before something happens and you are bickering, not funnily or light-heartedly, but bitterly and hurtfully.

Tonight though, tonight’s different. You both barely make it home with your arguments, let alone leave the party separately no matter what. It makes no sense. The expression in your eyes says you are clearly up to fight, but your curved down figure and tear stained cheeks say you’ve given up even before it started.

“There’s no point in asking you, Soobin, you never pay much attention —.”

“That’s bullshit,” he interrupts. “I’m just a call away, you are just too prideful to ask for my help.”

Soobin braces himself for your response taking a step back but straightening his posture. For all he knows you can begin a yelling match right now or hit him with the most painful and guilt inducing cry ever, and he needs to be ready.

“It’s…” you let out a breath and try to smile, “whatever. I’m sorry we couldn’t work stuff out. Let’s end it here.”

Okay, maybe he wasn’t expecting that nor was ready to hear you say it so calmly.

“Excuse me?”

“Soobin, why are we together at all? You and I both know we have nothing in common and don’t even try to understand each other. It’s not fair on you to stick around if you don’t love me, but it’s also not fair on me to let you stay and use me.”

“I never used you!” He raises his voice a little, offended beyond belief. How could you try and break things off by pinning all the blame on him?

“Think about it, why are you with me if not for the party and the party only? Soobin, I tried to understand. Being an idol is harsh and you’ve got a lot in your plate already. Being a leader is also something really important and I swear I did my damn best to justify your attitude. I thought I could make you happy since you seemed much more carefree around me, more like what you wanted to be and couldn’t because of the cameras and the pressure, but this is too much, I can’t do this anymore. It’s not me what is helping you get out of your shell every night, it’s my friends, the environment, the alcohol. You don’t love me —.”

“I fucking do!”

“You don’t, my life is your escapism, nothing else and it feels right, doesn’t it? To be free for a few hours,” you shake your head, softly smiling through the pain that it brings you to accept and voice out the truth. “It’s alright, but whatever you think you can gain from my environment won’t last you long, and one day someone is gonna catch you. The company and the rest can only cover you for so long, Soobin, you need to let go.”

“No…no,” he mumbles. “Thi—this is all bullshit. Just tell me, tell me, how to fix this. I promise I can do better. Fuck’s sake, what is it that you want?” Exasperated, he walks past you, reaching out for the small planner besides his nightstand, and opening on the schedule written down for the next few weeks. “You want to go on dates? You want me to buy you something? I got small breaks every afternoon, maybe we can grab some coffee and have a chat!”

“Binnie…” you address carefully, calling back a nickname you haven’t used in months. “I hate coffee.”

“Right? Right! Then you can order some tea and I will pay for cake and all those sweet treats you gush about so much! And we can take cute pictures or whatever and —.”

“Binnie, it’s over.”

“No! It’s not over until I say so!” He whines, sitting down harshly on the edge of the bed.

He is well aware of the foolish act he’s pulling off but he pays no mind to the repercussions of his actions and sayings. Desperation is crawling inside him, tearing up his skin and booming entire sets of drums against his intoxicated heart, and all he can see is you walking up to him and kneeling down with the same smile you gave him all those months ago, when you two first met and let him let loose. It’s like a deja vu, but this time you aren’t opening the door for him to a new world, but closing it slowly on his face.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you are right for once and he’s wrong. It’s not fair that the night will end up in a breakup rather than sleeping off a petty argument.

“Soobin, I think it’s time you learn how to manage yourself and your life.” Your fingertips trace a pattern down his jawline, comfortingly and he melts underneath your touch, almost purring like a cat. “If the problem is you fearing ending up alone, with no friends or having no fun, I promise you that won’t happen. My friends are your friends now too, okay? And from time to time you can join them, have a few laughs and forget about all your things, but you need to balance it with your actual day to day life. Your group mates love you, you are their friend, your fans adore you they way you are too. Please, just let yourself be yourself, okay?”

Soobin sniffles, pulling away from your touch and wiping his tears harshly. You watch him raise up his legs to the mattress and lay down with his back facing you, putting an end to the whole discussion, and while one side of you is glad he’s so prideful he can’t see past his own nose to keep on bickering like a child, the other — more rational — side of you feels utterly bad for leaving him alone when he’s clearly hurt and downright lost.

But you need to take care of yourself too. This relationship, however it worked and whoever it benefited, took two people to make and you were also spiralling down your own nightmare right now. If you stood around any more you were afraid you’d never be able to crawl back and wake up from your slumber.

“I’m sorry, Binnie.” You get up with some difficulty and turn off the nightlight on the stand, letting go of the last bits of color splashing on the walls. “I will get going.”

He doesn’t answer back, sinking further onto the mattress and you sigh, struggling to walk outside in complete blindness.

Once the door closes behind your back, you can clearly hear the first heartbreaking sob pierce through the air and send a dagger through your chest.

Soobin begins to cry loudly, but not even once you dare to turn and look back, not until you are out the apartment complex and many streets away from him.

It’s over, everything is over.

— catie announcement ✨

for the past days, i’ve been thinking a lot and i decided the following: 

⟶ i will slowly post some of my previous works. for the moment, i only decided to post “only you”, “sweet love”, “before you” and “valentine’s date” as those ones where my favourites out of all the ones i wrote but it will be new versions of those works as i’m planning to read them again and change them a bit; 

⟶ all my works posted here as from today will also be posted on my new account on AO3. the username is the same and valentine’s date is actually already available there;  

⟶ i will post teasers throughout the upcoming days so you will know when the fics will be posted again; 

⟶ for the moment, i will only post previous works because i don’t feel secure or well enough to fully work on something new. i have been having some ideas but none of them has pushed me to start writing; 

⟶ i also intend to work on the “devil lover’s series” i was working on but for the moment, it’s pending as i don’t know if i’m really ready to work on something as big as that series. 

again, thank you all for your love and support! 💞 it means literally the world to me & we will see how things are going to go from now on, this is not a full come back from my side, this is more like a testing thing and if i ever don't feel good, i’ll just step back again but thanks a million times for everything ❣️

i’m so so happy you posted this again, hadi! ❤️ this will forever be my favourite work of yours as well as one of the most beautiful fics i’ve ever read! this fic is so comforting and i will never get over it! thanks a million times for writing this, angel ❤️

Slow Motion | kth.

banner made by the lovely @caffekoo​ 🤎

↠ pairing : Kim Taehyung x Female Reader

↠ summary :  Burdened with melancholic thoughts, haunted by unspoken words and carrying a heavy heart… Taehyung turns to his safe haven, you. The warm you who will melt his blue and grey.

↠ genre : established relationship au, idol au, boyfriend!tae, comfort au

↠ rating : SFW (angst & fluff only)

↠ warnings : allusions made to depression, depictions of a sad day and feelings, taehyung is heavily upset … that’s about it :)

↠ word count : 2K

↠ a/n : hi everyone! i hope those who haven’t read this before enjoy being comforted by boyfriend!tae <3 this fic is very personal and dear to me, it was the first one i wrote so please do share your thoughts. comments & feedback are always appreciated 🤎 the gorgeous banner was made by @caffekoo​ & this was beta-read at the time by @taegularities​ & @chateautae​ - thank you 🤎 happy reading !!

↠ songs : blue and grey & there you are - zayn

Days like today. Days where Taehyung only feels hollowness blossoming within his chest. No heart, no contentment, no sign of life within him. Voidness being the most apparent feeling, his silent screams simply echo inside his numb self. Days like today are days where he wants to fall into your arms and let them be enough for the night.

When wrapped in your arms, he is transported to a serene place, a place of loving restoration. He knows it’s love. The moment he drops his head on your chest, he knows he can be the vulnerable human he is. Trusting you with his eyes closed, he is certain you’ll never abandon him in the depths of his despair.

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