Emergency Cleaning: Unfuck Your Whole House In The Shortest Time Possible

Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

Don’t panic. Panic leads to fear, fear leads to procrastination, procrastination leads to the dark side. You can do this, but you have to stay calm.

Unlike maintenance cleaning, we’re not looking to completely unfuck one space at a time. Instead, we want to decrease the overall mess in stages, spread evenly across the whole area that we’re concerned about. If you think your home is at Level 10 filth, we want to bring the whole thing down to a Level 9, and then down from there. One really clean spot in an otherwise messy home is not going to be helpful here.

Get prepared. You’ll want to shut the computer down (or turn the modem off if you need your computer to play music). Trust me. Get your music going. Gather up trash bags, your vacuum and mop, some rags or paper towel, sponges, and other cleaning supplies. Use what you have on hand. Don’t get distracted running to the store and spending an hour browsing cleaning supplies. A multi-purpose cleaning concentrate or a jug of vinegar will be just fine.

Breaks are very important. Depending on your time constraints, work in 20/10s (20 minutes working, 10-minute break) or 45/15s. But take breaks because otherwise you’re marathoning, and marathon cleaning is no one’s friend. Keep hydrated, don’t forget to eat, and check in with yourself frequently to make sure you’re physically doing OK.

Make your bed. This will be your home base if you get overwhelmed or need somewhere clear to take a break.

Start with the garbage. Going from room to room, throw out anything that is obvious trash. Once you fill a bag, take it out. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Move on to dishes. Gather the dishes from all over your house and bring them to the kitchen. If you can, start them soaking in a sink of hot, soapy water or start loading the dishwasher. After the dishes are all in one place, spend one 20/10 getting started getting them under control.

Now it’s time for your flat surfaces. Countertops, tables, dresser tops, etc. Clear them off and wipe them down. Don’t get distracted in too much sorting and organizing. We’re in crisis mode here. There will be time to get in-depth once this is all done. The same applies to cabinets and closets. Unless you have reason to believe people will be opening closed doors, leave these alone for now.

Attack the floordrobe and shoe pile. Get your clothes either put away or in the hamper. Start a load of laundry if you need to, but keep in mind that laundry and dishes have three steps: wash, dry, and put it away, goddammit!

Get random stuff up off the floors. If something is trash-worthy, throw it away now rather than just move it around a bunch of times. Otherwise, put stuff where it belongs.

Take another 20/10 or 45/15 to catch up on more dishes, if needed.

Head into the bathroom. Pour some cleaner in the toilet bowl, fill the sink with hot water and cleaner, and either spray the tub and shower with cleaner, or fill the tub up with some hot water and add cleaner and let it soak. Put everything away that’s out and shouldn’t be, clean the mirror, counters, and toilet seat. Sweep or dry mop the floor. Wipe down the sink and tub/shower, and give the toilet bowl a scrub. Mop the floor.

Sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Vacuum everything you can, and sweep everything you can’t.

Walk outside of your house (don’t lock yourself out, please). Walk back in and see what catches your eye first. Go and deal with that.

If you’re being inspected or your landlord is coming in for repairs, spend time on whatever area they’ll be focusing on.

Give the whole place one more once-over and pay attention to anything you’ve missed so far.

It’s an old trick, but if your place is a little funky-smelling, put a pan of water on the stove on low heat and add some citrus or cinnamon or vanilla. Don’t leave it unattended or forget about it.

Take a shower, put on something clean, and eat something.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

Custom suit, lala.

Wanted to do, like, a suit slightly inspired by the concept art of that cancelled AK sequel. I loved the gold accents in it... plus the pattern of his AC tie, I always liked that.

Hi!

Can you recommend any Dazatsu fanfics to read? I really can't find any on ao3 and was hoping if you could share some you really liked.

hello i can mail you a hundred fics

Okay okay if I were to try and narrow them down, let's begin with my top 5 in no particular order). Also mind the tags

'all around is stone, and all is soft inside' by blchwaaan - Read all of their stuff cuz its very good, especially if you like a lot of hurt before your comfort. This one is soulmates but not usual soulmates💕

'open my eyes to everything (there must be something more)' by zinder_fox - Only ongoing fic on the list but its so damn good I only drew like ten things for it. Also read all of their stuff its so, so good. One way time travel fix-it ✨

'Take Me Back To The Night We Met' by Mushroomfields - An absolute CLASSIC if you ship Dazatsu you have probably read it. Time travel fall in love 🙏

'Broken glass can be put together' by Anonymous - I don't really subscribe to Dazai liking pain but this is one exception and that exception is probably like top 2 for me and no I will not answer further questions COUGH

Funeral Bell by chimesDissent - I know this is technically two fanfics but they're the same tale but from different POVs and I love it so much. Read all of their stuff also its so damn good

Those were my favourites, but I'll just give you authors not included above because all their fanfics are bangers and if you read any you won't go wrong:

Hyoushin (so many of those fics live in my he rent-free)

arrrowiee (WATCHING NEWEST FIC LIKE A HAWK)

lostdandelion (the pillar of our community and also writes good o7)

the_port_mafia (if you want lots of cute oneshots this is the house of cutest oneshots)

yaoicean (the way they phrase their words absolutely enchants me)

evil_moo_bunny (MOST ANTICIPATE FANFICS IN MY BOOK their Dazatsu week is probably my fav dazatsu series an I cant wait for the rest of it it's SO SO GOOD i'm very normal about it)

planet_B612 (SOOO MUCH GOO STUUF. My personal fav would be 'tell me (about the shape of his absence)')

Special shout outs to 'Basorexia' by Ruri_Ru, 'Plight of the thornless Rose.' by Lithiamystery, 'The Sun Sets, The Sun Rises' by ChaoticQuill, 'Black Sea' by Technicolour (Lirriel), and 'take half a pint (take half your heart)' by parhelions

These are my beloved I hope you'll find something you like! You can hit me up again for more concrete recs I can talk a LOT

a message from squirrel

I've Been Waiting...

close-ups under cut:

I want to credit @monstermonger for inspiring the style of this one. Her style gives me whatever the visual equivalent of ASMR is. It makes my eyes water (in a good way lol).

When I was young I used to ink with pen a lot, sometimes painting in with watercolor, but I'd gotten out of that since learning digital art. I'm finding I miss it. There's something about nice black ink that tickles my brain. With this piece I wanted to try to imitate the technique digitally. You can be the judge as to whether I achieved that.