Overwatch Characters Watching Your Kid

Overwatch characters watching your kid

I've been thinking about writing some silly short stories about OW characters getting stuck watching someone's kid, but I figured I would make this guide for my headcannon for the kind of babysitter each of them would be.

Brigitte and Reinhardt would make you the most nervous with their methods. Lots of rough-housing, throwing them around and into the air, giving your kid sugar, letting them climb things, and overall just encouraging mayhem and rule-breaking. "You mom/dad doesn't let you do this at home? Well, they're not here, are they?" Your kid will come home thoroughly exhausted, but bitter about you not being as fun as they are.

Orisa would make the same mistakes as Brigitte and Reinhardt, but more out of ignorance and inexperience. Like letting your kid stay up too late, because she doesn't understand why going to bed at a decent time is important, or feeding them something that makes them sick because that's what they said they wanted to eat. Unintentionally lets your kid walk all over her, but once you teach her how it's done, she'll be your go-to option when you need a break.

Zenyatta would be so intrigued by the natural imagination and curiosity of children. He'd provide lots of different toys, art supplies, and time for unrestricted and uninstructed play. A one-man enrichment program. Just don't try to tell him there are boy toys and girls toys. Your kid will be allowed to play with whatever they want. He would also unironically have a blast playing pretend with dolls or action figures. I'm talking a 25-part narrative with backstories, lore, worldbuilding, and an Endgame-style final conflict.

Genji, Kiriko, Tracer, and B.O.B would be the kings and queens of "don't tell your parents." Extra screen-time, taking them out for ice cream, staying up a little later then their normal bedtime, etc. What I would call "a healthy amount of rule-breaking." They have everyone else convinced they are Responsible™ but you can't help noticing that your kid is always excited to hangout with them.

Ana and Torbjorn could be depended on the same way you can trust grandma and grandpa. They've had kids, so they know all the tips, tricks, and games to keep your kid clean, fed, safe, and happy. Just don't tell them some dumb shit like "organic, non-gmo fruits only." Your kid will be eating bananas from the supermarket like everyone else. But for more sensible rules, even the ones they don't agree with, they will follow them.

Echo will make you fill out a 200-question survey and write an essay on how you want your kid cared for. She will follow every instruction down to the letter, and send you updates every 30 minutes. If your kid sneezes, she will call you to ask about it. The downside is your kid will probably hate her for being such a rules monger.

Baptiste, Illari, Lucio, and Sojourn would try so hard to be responsible and follow your instructions, but puppy-eyes work on them 80% of the time. Your home will look like a warzone when you get back, but they'll help you clean up.

Lifeweaver, Pharah, Mei, and Zarya would get a whiff of that specific smell babies have that makes your DNA scream at you to make one yourself. They would be the sweetest, most gentle caretakers on this list. They'll spend most of the time snuggling on the couch, watching T.V. and drinking hot coco. Would let your kid give them a makeover, paint their nails, and play with their hair. Would read to and rock them to sleep, tuck them in really snug. They'd probably look forward to seeing your kid again, and every time you happen upon one of them, they'll only ask what's going on with the kiddo.

Sombra, Symmetra, and Widowmaker would rather be water-boarded then spend five minutes with those sticky-fingered cunt goblins you call kids.

Ashe, Hanzo, and Winston would happily agree to babysit for you, thinking they will be serviceable at it. How hard could it be? Then an hour later they call you, on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and beg you to come back, because your kid is crying or throwing a tantrum. They definitely have the potential to be great caretakers, but they would need someone to walk them through it at first.

Bastion and Sigma definitely WANT to give babysitting a try, but they understand why that's probably not a safe idea. They would question your intelligence if you asked them.

Cassidy and D.va would take your kid to McDonalds or somewhere else with else with a play-place, and let them go wild while they sit on a bench nearby. They will do the bare minimum amount of work to keep your kid alive, because they have better things to do. Would only babysit as a favor for you if no one else is available.

Mercy is married to her work, and Ramattra is dedicated to his mission. If you somehow convince them to watch your kid for even a single hour, they'll set-up a playpen with whatever toys they like, toss in a sippy cup and snack every now and then, and ignore their existence while they do their usual business.

Doomfist, Moira, Reaper, and Soldier: 76 would tape your kid to a chair the first time it annoys them. I know there's the fandom joke of S76 being the dad of the team, but he's always come off as grumpy and impatient to me.

Your kid would love the junkers (Junker Queen, Junkrat, Roadhog, Wrecking Ball) for all the wrong reasons. They would teach your kid how to make a grenade launcher out of plastic bottles and rubber bands, 37 new swear words, and how to punch people in the throat. Unless you want to get a call from the school about your kid blowing up the chemistry room, I would choose literally anyone else to babysit.

Mauga would use your kids to get dates. He'll take your daughter to a dance class and talk to any single parents about how much of a family man he is and how difficult being a single dad. He'll take your son to play catch in a park so he has an excuse to take his shirt off and flex his muscles. He'll coach your kid to walk up to someone and say, "my uncle thinks your pretty, so maybe you can play with us."

Thoughts on Overwatch character designs (Tracer edition)

The energetic and optimistic young lady that the franchise always seemed to be trying to frame as the main character.

Overwatch 1: Orange and blue (complimentary colors) are used to draw your eye to her important aspects. Her orange goggles make you focus on her eyes. The tights emphasize her sleek design. Also invokes the speed and fragility she is known for in the game. But most importantly, it makes you immediately notice her chrono-accelerator (I think that's what it's called). Even if you've never heard of the game, you know that the glowing device is something important. And I love her hair (it always looks ruffled up by the wind as she zips around) and her flicked up collar. The boring browns are kept in the background, so we can focus on what's important. The only things I don't like are the weird fins on her forearms (makes an otherwise sleek design look more clunky) and those plastic-looking crocs (I imagine they are suppose to invoke moon boots, but it does not match well).

Overwatch 2: Most of my original points still stand, and they fixed the awkward forearms and ugly shoes. But I don't like the extra bits of orange added to her fingertips, shoulders, etc. And i dont like the fonts and stripes added to her tights. It makes her design a bit too busy. When I look at her, my eyes are drawn all over the place. They also took away the scuffing you can see on her OG skin, which I thought added character. But worst of all, the made her chrono-accelerator, arguably the #1 aspect of her design and lore, smaller and less noticeable, and put a jacket over some of it. It's also surrounded by some weird white bits, and the blue is more faded and neutral as opposed to sharp and eye-catching.

Overall, I rate her OW1 skin as 9/10. Couple small things I didn't like, but it does an excellent job of hinting at her character and lore.

OW2 skin is just a 7/10. They fixed some things I didn't like, bit also added a bunch of unnecessary details that I feel takes away more then it gives.

Overwatch Ecopoints

Probably should have posted this either with the other ecopoint relevant posts or just sooner in general. Well live and learn.

Spoilers for OW Declassified

Ecopoint: Antarctica - Mainly focused on monitoring climate, the recovery of the polar regions and glacial stability. Along with research into solutions on stripping the remaining access hydrocarbons from the atmosphere.

Ecopoint: Samoa - Focused on geothermal activity, research focused on heat resistant material and the monitoring of seismis activity.

Ecopoint: Connemara - Focused on the reclamation of bogs and wetlands.

Ecopoint: Osa - Largely focused on the recovery of reptile and amphibian population in cloud forests. They researched antifungals and biological solutions to hazardous wastes.

Ecopoint: Zealandia - Was made to monitor ecological recovery of the Oceania region, it had specialized in the filtration of radiation from the water and air.

Ecopoint: Tarapoto - Studied various ecosystems of the Amazon, with an emphasis on the wetlands around Lake Tarapoto.

Ecopoint: Monterey - Focused on monitoring deep sea life and implementing experimental protocols. Such as mapping changes in the Earth's currents, and finding more efficient ways to remove pollution from the water.

My thoughts on Overwatch Designs (Reinhardt Edition)

Tbh, anytime I think of him, I remember when the game first dropped and everyone was guessing what he looked like without the armor, with my favorite being:

I feel that his canonical height of 7ft tall is very unrealistic (the fan-theory is that it's in the future, and humans have become taller over time, but I feel like it takes more then 50 years for a species to gain a foot of height AND most other characters are reasonable heights), and it's funny tonimagine this HUGE personality and booming voice coming from a scrawny or small dude. I could get behind the decision to have him so tall, but then they kept releasing characters as tall as him, which really steals his thunder, imo. OK, back to the main topic.

There aren't a lot of huge differences, so the devil really is in the details on this one.

The red highlights in OW1 are used much more sparingly then the yellow in OW2, which might sound like bad thing, but they are used to make the glowing heat shining through the plates of his crusader armor and the eye-slits of his helmet seem more bright/hot. This detail gets lost in the yellow of the OW2 design.

It was clever of OW2 to change the number on his shoulder from 08 to 09. It's a nice hint of storytelling in the design. Is this a new and improved suit, did he rank up, what does it mean?

I REALLY wish they kept the helmet on. It's like an episode of Scooby-Doo, where they unmask the culprit and it's just some guy. And if the base skins represent how they look in canon, why would he not wear his helmet in battle?

I'm an absolute simp for men with wild hair and long beards, and I cannot bring myself to decide which hair/beard style I love more for him.

OW1 had a circle on Reinhardt's chest, which I never was too fond of. I imagine it's supposed to be a power source of some kind, but it just doesn't come across that way. OW2 replaced it with a lion's face, and you'd think I'd be a fan, but I find it redundant to have a lion on the shield and the chest. If they had made out like the lion IS the new power source and had energy pulsing from it's mouth and eyes, that would have been cool.

Finally, the look of the armor itself. OW2 has way too many creases, open joints, and those weird straps on the front. OW1, by comparison, looks solid and defensive, with stains and scratches everywhere, and a sense of the power building up under all the protection.

OW1: 8/10 a good example of how to make boring grays and blacks seem bright and colorful

OW2: 6/10, it's got too much going on, and the exposed head feels like it stands out from the formidable mass of metal and muscle.

Overwatch Valentine's Day Headcannons

My headcannons about how OW characters would treat you on Valentine's Day. Does NOT include Bastion, Echo, Orisa, Sigma, Winston, or Wrecking Ball

Baptiste, Hanzo, Lucio, Reinhardt, Torbjorn, and Tracer follow the classic moves. They will ask you to be their Valentine; it doens't matter how long you've been together, and they always seem excited when you say yes. They cancel any and all plans on the 14th, handle all the plans and reservations, and give thoughtful gifts that show how much they know about you and care for you. Valentine's Day is always the WHOLE day for them. However, they are laser-focused on the day being perfect, and a small inconvenience can stress them the fuck out.

B.O.B, Doomfist, Moira, Ramattra, and Zenyatta don't understand the holiday at all. You guys shower love on each other all year long, so they don't need the calendar's permission to express themselves to you. But if Valentine's Day is important to you, they will match you excitement and energy, and do their best to meet your expectations. If your not a fan of the holiday, they won't notice it passing every year.

Brigitte, Lifeweaver, Mei, Symmetra, and Zarya are the ones who want to be courted and doted on. They love to be asked to be your Valentine, or surprised with a romantic night. You'll notice them getting a little more upset with you as the day gets closer and you don't seem to be making any plans. They just like being treated like the royalty they are.

Ashe, Cassidy, Pharah, Roadhog, and Sombra ask you about a week in advance "What do you want to do for VD this year?" And whatever you answer, they will go along with, even though they would rather treat it like any other day. This is not from a lack of romance or interest in you, but just a lack on interest on the holiday.

D.Va and Mercy are busy with the schedule of being a celebrity and a doctor, Genji has spent the past few years adopting an "every day is important" mentality, Kiriko and Sojourn are putting most of their focus on their vigilante work, and Junkrat always has a flittering mind, so they all have a 20% chance of remembering at all.

Ana, Illari, Junker Queen, Mauga, Reaper, Soldier: 76, and Widowmaker are the bitter, cold-hearted fucks that roll their eyes at the holiday. If there's love in the air, they're spraying Febreze and wearing a gas mask.

Ramattra Pride skin when