Labpartner From Hell | Park Jisung

lab partner from hell | park jisung

badboy!jisung fuck yeaaaaaa!!! okay so basically i posted this about 100 followers ago as a sneak peak and got too busy to finish it - but here she is now!! I’m v happy w how it turned out!! absolutely cheesy and classic maybe thats why i love it so much you’ll never know. (also if no one knows who jiwoo is, she’s also known as chuu from loona.) 

fluff, enemies to lovers, hopefully some humour, 5.3k words

song rec: conversation by catfish and the bottlemen

Starting a new school was scary for most people, however, by now, you were pretty much used to doing so on more or less a biannual basis. Your parents worked for a company which required them to move around extremely frequently, and subsequently your childhood and adolescence had been spent trying to keep up with an endless stream of names and faces. Apart from your immediate family, there were no constants in your life because of how frequently it was turned upside down.

Keep reading

[11:51 pm]

“she’s so pretty what am i supposed to do?!” renjun’s hushed whisper echoes from your laptop, prompting your head to snap towards the screen.

it was late, your group had decided to work on your project that was due the next day. with you being the only girl in the group, a deep intense blush situates itself on your cheeks—was he talking about you?

“um… renjun, your mic is on.” jaemin grins secretly, your whole group watching as renjun’s eyes widen and his camera shuts off.

“s-sorry!”

---

cry me a river | the promise

— summary: if you told them about the darkness inside of you, would they still look at you like you're the sun?

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, slight fluff, mafia!au, arranged marriage!au

— word count: 12.4k

— warnings: violence, hurt and comfort

— part one / part two / part 3

— masterpost

The bodyguard utters a curse and, despite his injured arm, he picks you up and begins to run.

Run and run as fast as he can, while you shake tremendously as the world haunts your every thought.

It’s scary, so scary you can’t control anything around you.

Not even yourself.

Especially not yourself.

You don’t know how much time has passed, you don’t even remember when you were set on the floor or where you are but all your body does is scream danger. Everything is danger. You reach out for the bodyguard who is about to leave you, in fear, wanting him to stay but not being able to utter a single thing and it’s frightening. So frightening. You feel like the last thing that can save you is slowly slipping away.

Someone snatches your hand from reaching out and you scream in silence.

Afraid.

So afraid.

Your bodyguard is just a few feet away but someone’s holding you back and—

“Y/N!”

You shake violently until the images of Seokjin come into view.

Ah.

He’s the one who grabbed you.

You’re safe. It’s Seokjin.

Seokjin.

You want to call his name, tell him what happened, that you’re afraid, but no words come out and you’re just frantically opening your mouth with nothing but the shortness of breath the only thing you can hear. The tears begin to blur your vision and you panic because you can’t see him but you feel his strong hands cupping your face and bringing his forehead to rest right against yours.

“I’m here. I’m here,” he repeats in a soft, soft whisper. Enough for you to hear. “It’s alright, Y/N, you’re safe now. No one’s going to harm you, I’m right here. Breathe, just focus on breathing, don’t focus on anything else right now.”

“I...I-I—”

“You’re alright, just follow my lead. Breathe in through your nose, okay? Can you do that for me? Come on, in,” he breathes in and you follow. Slowly, slowly. “Hold.” You hold. “And slowly exhale through your mouth.” He exhales and you follow. “That’s it. That’s one breath, you’re doing so well. Let’s do it again, alright?”

And so the cycle repeats until you can no longer feel the tensions in your shoulders, until the shaking begins to calm, until you know how to properly breathe again.

And Seokjin stays with you during the whole process, speaking to you, listens to you, and responds in such a gentle voice you lay there in his arms as he holds onto you securely, a sort of comfort you always wanted but never received under the care of your father, or the lack thereof.

But he stays with you the whole time without ridiculing you for anything and sometimes, sometimes you want to think that you don’t deserve his kindness but he doesn’t give you any room for such thoughts. Only the positive ones walk in as you focus in on his calm, soothing voice.

Until the moment your eyes droop and they can no longer remain open. Until he hears your soft, slow breathing and realizes you’ve fallen asleep.

He looks up at the rest who were in the room the whole time, unnoticed by you, who had watched the whole scene unravel before them.

Seokjin’s brows arch with concern while Namjoon stands there for a moment, his jaws clenched, and walks away with a storm following his steps in the hopes of catching the ones who had dared do this to his wife.

.

.

.

“Y/N?”

You jump at the sudden voice which spooks you in the darkness of the corridor, fear creeping in until he comes into the light under the moon peeking in from the curtains and you realize it’s alright, you don’t have to be afraid. You’re fine. You don’t have to be weak.

“Sorry,” you say in a whisper, so soft and barely audible but when it’s just the two of you in the empty hall, he hears it all.

“What are you sorry for? You went through something traumatic this morning,” Hoseok points out and you know, you know, but you’ve always done so well to hide your feelings and have been able to take of things by yourself so why is it that tonight it’s not as easy to control everything?

You’re scared, it’s a feeling you’re all too familiar with but it’s something you can never get used to. And right now being in a place that doesn’t ignore you for everything you do, you think this fears you even more.

Because they’re paying attention.

And now you definitely have to get better at hiding your weaknesses.

Yet the images of Mister Butler and the two dead bodyguards still haunts you and you can’t get rid of them at all.

“You look tired,” Hoseok notes and when he reaches out to hold your face, you flinch back, which causes him to pause midair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“No, I…” What are you doing? “I-I’m sorry.”

“...Would you like to return to your room?” He asks as he returns his hand to his side. “Your body must be really drained.”

“No, I can’t,” you quickly shake your head. “I can’t sleep. I-I don’t want to sleep.” The nightmares will only plague your thoughts and you will only wake feeling even more drained. You can’t have that.

Hoseok almost wants to hit himself for asking such a dumb question. Of course you wouldn’t want to sleep and dream of scary things.

“Hoseok, um…” He looks your way when you call his name. “Can I...can I be left alone?”

He pauses for a second and asks, “Do you think it’ll be better for you if I left you alone?” You give him a hesitant nod. “Then no.”

“Huh?” Finally, you look up to meet his eyes for the first time that night.

“With all due respect, Y/N, I’d like to stay here by your side. You’re scared and afraid and confused and right now you don’t know how to deal with it. So wouldn’t it be better to rely on someone else when you’re in this state?”

“But wouldn’t I be a bother?”

He shakes his head sincerely without shaming you for thinking such thoughts. “I’m here because I care, not because I forced myself to.”

You want to say something in regards to that, but suddenly the brightness of the moon begins to dim and when you look up to find clouds slowly moving in the hide the glow of the moon, you find yourself taking a step forward to where Hoseok stands.

“Hoseok…” You don’t like the darkness. It frightens you.

“Yes?”

“Can I make a selfish request?” You ask him.

“Of course,” he says without hesitation although he hasn’t heard what the question is. It makes you wonder just how good of a person Hoseok is. He understands when his lovers aren’t in the mood, when they need comforting and all sorts of things. He observes and understands.

So you try to pick up your courage. “I...I was with Taehyung once and I, may have cried in his arms. And Seokjin helped me calm down from my panic earlier. Do you think...Is it strange that I felt so comfortable and safe around them?”

Hoseok shakes his head. “They do have calming effects.”

“I...I don’t want to, hurt anyone, or make anyone get the wrong idea and upset anyone.”

“You won’t do that.”

“Then...when I’m scared, can I go to you? Can I...Can you hold me?”

He chuckles. “Of course. You can come to me anytime.”

“Then can I come to you now?”

Your cheeks flush slightly but he can still see the fears in your eyes so his face softens into a soft, soft smile, and Hoseok opens his arms for you. “You can come to me,” he says gently.

And so you take a step forward, then another, until you’re close enough to let him wrap his arms around you in a warm, warm embrace.

You stay up with Hoseok that night, talking while in each other’s embrace and without getting a wink of sleep because the nightmares still frightens you.

.

.

.

“From now on your freedom will be restricted and you will not be able to roam the outside world the way you wish to.”

That much was inevitable but hearing it aloud causes a piercing straight through your heart. Just as you were given the free will to spread your wings, the cage closes around you once again and you aren’t sure if there’s any way for you to ever leave again.

Trapped once more with no one to let you out.

The silence whispers into the room as Namjoon observes you from where he sits, watching the way you seem to shrink back with hands that are on your lap tightly gripping the skirt of your dress. You look so small, so fragile, as if at any moment you would shatter right before his eyes and he knows he’s only making things worse.

But this has to be done. He can’t let you roam free anymore, not when there are people out there trying to hurt you.

He still has to find out how they were able to get information on a woman like you, who’s been hidden from the world your whole life. Perhaps involving your father in this matter would be the best decision but then again, if your father finds out his precious daughter was attacked under his care, Namjoon’s sure the reaction wouldn’t be so great. What if he loses you and the marriage—

Wait.

Why does he care if you’re brought back to where you belong?

He was never in true agreement about the marriage. After all, he has his own lovers, so what does a wife matter to him in this life? You’re nothing but a pawn.

Ah.

He doesn’t like that word anymore.

You’re not a pawn. You’re a precious woman who deserves all good things in this life. So wouldn’t it be better if you were brought back to your family? That way you’d be safer.

Yet he’s starting to feel a bit attached to the kind wife who was brave enough to challenge him. And he knows that the others have as well.

He sighs inwardly so that you cannot hear from the silent monologue he just had with himself and returned to your present self who sits before him.

“Hoseok told me you didn’t sleep last night.” You look up slightly, thinking, then give him a small nod. “You look like you can pass out at any moment.”

“I...I-I don’t want to sleep.” Your voice is small, weak, and his brows furrow.

“Because of the nightmares?” You give him a nod and he lets out a small, quiet sigh. “Would it be better if I were to send you back to your father?”

Father.

Your father.

You tremble at the word so simple and small yet so significant you think you can hear the beat of your heart pounding loudly and fast against your heart. “No, I..—” You shut yourself up, forcing the lump in the throat away with a deep swallow as you realize your voice is going to shake. “W..why? I don’t...I-I thought..”

Ah, you can’t do this.

You stand up abruptly from the chair, shaking, with the only thing on your mind being the fact that you have to hide, to leave this room. If Namjoon sees you anymore in this state, he may most definitely want to send you back and you can’t. You can’t do that.

Not now, not after everything.

“Y/N?”

You were so happy. You had your freedom. It lasted for only a split second but that second is so much longer than what you’ll ever receive if you were to return to the house of your Father. The Reaper is dangerous, spiteful, and filled with so much poison you know more than anyone you’d hurt if you were to ever return.

You can’t return.

“Y/N, hey.” You’re about to trip on your own feet upon wanting to escape but feel strong arms holding you up. “What are you doing?”

Ah, you’re scared. You’re scared.

“I...I-I..—” You can’t even form a sentence as the fear crawls up your entire body and you know, you know that if he doesn’t let you be, you’ll break and fall apart and all that image of a perfect, pure and innocent girl will shatter into pieces and you can’t have that. You can’t.

“Y/N.” Yet Namjoon’s persistent.

You want to shake him off, your hands coming up to block your ears from the calling of your name.

You’re scared.

You’re scared.

And Namjoon rounds to the front of your body, placing both his hands over your own, and brings you to sit on the carpeted floor of the room. “Y/N, look at me. Look at me!”

You gasp, breathing shaky, and he holds himself so close to you your foreheads touch. Almost in the way Seokjin had done for you but Namjoon’s a bit more strong, harder. He takes your hands, brings them to your lap, and encloses his large ones over them.

“N-Nam...—”

“Keep your eyes on me, alright?” The tears fall and your hands can’t stop shaking but he keeps calm as your foreheads rest against one another. “What do you see?”

Your brows furrow. “What?”

“What do you see?” He repeats again and your voice, still trembling, begins to answer him.

“I..I-I see...I see you.”

“Right,” he nods. “Go on.”

“I see,” you blink a few times, letting the tears flow, “I see your hair. It’s really..really black.” He hums in reply. “Your..eyebrows, and your lashes. Your lips, your chin, um...And your eyes, they’re...they’re a lot more brown than I imagined.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmn,” you say. “You’re always in the dark so they’ve always been so black to me but, looking at you in this distance, they’re really...they’re not as intimidating as they usually are.”

“Do I intimidate you?”

“At times,” you admit. “Most times.”

He hums. “Now what do you feel?”

“What do I feel?” You squeeze your hand and there he is, right there. “Your hands. They...they’re pretty rough. I-I can feel your calluses. And,” you think for a second, “your fingers are thick. And long.”

He accepts your answer and only prompts you some more. “Do you feel anything else?”

“I…” You can feel more tears welling up long your waterline and bite your lower lip. “I’m sorry,” your voice breaks again.

“You’re alright.” Yet Namjoon remains composed. “What else do you feel?”

“I feel my heartbeat,” you tell him. “It’s pounding really hard and it...it hurts.”

“Your heart?” You nod. “Why does it hurt?”

“Because I’m scared.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I…” A tear falls and another follows along. “I don’t want to leave,” you say. “I want to stay but I..—I don’t want to be a nuisance.”

“Who told you you were a nuisance?”

“I just thought...I-I thought that when you asked me if, if I wanted to go back, that you mean..meant that you...you didn’t want me anymore.”

“No.” He sighs. “I only suggested sending you back to your father with the idea that you’d feel safer that way.”

You shake your head as you squeeze his hand. Being weak and afraid is inevitable but still, you still remember the fact that you can’t truly show everything before him. You still have to keep the walls up. “I..I-I do miss my father but when I married you...I’m in your hands now, Namjoon. You’re the one responsible for my safety now.”

“Right.”

“If you send me back, father will be angry, and I...I want to stay. Here. With you and Bangtan.”

“...Alright.”

“Will you let me?”

“Mmn.” He nods. “Now tell me what you smell.”

It seems he’s still keeping this game up, though you’re unsure why. Yet you follow his words and sniff the air. “You.”

“You smell me?”

You nod. “Your cologne, it’s...I don’t know how to describe it.”

“That’s alright.”

“But it’s like…” You sniff the air again, this time leaning towards him. “It’s faint but it’s there. You smell like...the smell after it rains. It’s fresh and, and nice.”

He hums. “Anything else?” When you shake your head, he continues. “Now tell me what you hear.”

“My heartbeat.” You take a moment to listen to it, looking down at your chest, before meeting his eyes again. “It’s slowing down.”

“That’s good.” Ah, was that why? He was asking you questions to distract you so that you could focus on your surrounding rather than the thoughts that wished to stray away. Yet at the same time, Namjoon doesn’t leave you to abandon them completely. Those thoughts are just...faintly visible.

“I also hear...the wind.” The both of you turn to look at the window that had been left slightly open. “It’s a little cold.” Namjoon instantly takes his blazer off to put it around your shoulder and your eyes widen. “B-but you might get cold.”

“I’m fine,” he says flatly, “I prefer the cold.”

“Ah.” You nod. “Speaking of, your hands are also a little cold.”

“Are they?”

“Mmn. But it’s nice. It keeps me awake.” He watches you silently as you bring the palm of his hand to rest against your cheek, nuzzling against it to feel more of the cold. He doesn’t know why he’s alright with this but also understands that you wouldn’t have been brave enough to do this if your head was clear.

At this moment your head is still in a vulnerable state and he knows not to act too rashly.

“Do you taste anything?” He asks, continuing on with the last of your five senses. You take a moment to reply before shaking your head. “Did you not eat at all today?” You shake your head again and his brows furrow. “And why not?”

“Because...I don’t know,” you say and he sighs.

“You do understand that there are a lot of people here who care for your well-being, right?” When you don’t answer, he speaks again. “Alright then, would you like me to personally ask each and every one of them?”

“What?” You quickly shake your head. “No, no. That would be a waste of everyone’s time.”

“And you’re wasting your time believing in the things that aren’t true.” You fall silent again. “Why do you fear me, Y/N?”

“You...Isn’t that obvious?” You ask him. “You’re the boss of one of the most powerful mafia.”

“Right. But before that, I am also human, just as I am your husband.”

“But...you’re only my husband for the sake of power.”

“Right, but that doesn’t mean I do not respect you,” Namjoon says. “Engagement and respect, those are two very different things. Do you really believe I would get married just for the sake of power? I’m not that heartless as to run off and marry while I have my own lovers to think of.”

“There was another objective?” He doesn’t say a thing, leaving you to your own thoughts before you realized it. “I’m your pawn, right. You’re allowed to use me in any way.”

“It has its benefit, though at this point I’ve come to realize that I do not want to use you as a pawn anymore.”

You tilt your head to the side. “Why is that?”

“Well first of all, you are no use to me as a pawn. After all, what use is there for someone who is meant to be hidden from the world?” His words are harsh but fairly honest. It’s the brutal truth and you cannot deny that, though for some reason it hurts. “However if I really didn’t care for you, you wouldn’t be here in this very room, now would you?”

“That’s...right.”

“I’ve come to realize that my wife is someone who is much more fragile than she appears to be.” He holds the collar of his blazer to squeeze it closer around your body. “And for that, you are no longer my pawn but someone I wish to protect.” He picks you up effortlessly and begins walking towards the door. “I already failed the first time, I will not fail another time,” he vows with a hard expression resting on his face.

And you?

You’re unsure of what to do.

“W-where are we going?”

“To the dining hall. You need to eat.”

“Wait.” You begin to panic as the door begins to open. “Wait people are going to see us! Namjoon put me down!”

Yet the embarrassment you feel that day does not faze the man one bit.

.

.

.

“We found him.”

Namjoon looks up to find Seokjin walking in with the rest of them following right behind. He drops the pen he was holding and stands without a word.

“Stay,” he orders at the youngest of the three before strolling past them with heavy steps.

There is no hesitation as he walks on, ready to greet the man who had dared to harm his wife.

.

.

.

“I’ll head on to Taehyung’s lab and help out there. You should check up on Y/N.”

With a small nod at Jimin’s order, Jungkook begins to make his way around the building in hopes of seeking you out. It doesn’t take him long, you’re easy to find. He finds you standing before a window with eyes that yearns for the outside world and for a moment his heart aches at the sight.

It’s almost as if he’s the exact reason why you have on such a sad expression. They can’t let you out, not after what had happened, but the way you stand there with a palm resting on the window, eyes searching and yearning so pitifully, Jungkook’s brows arch with guilt. You’re like a trapped bird whose wings have been clipped away and forcefully locked up in a cage.

Their cage.

Would you be happier if you left?

“Y/N.”

You don’t look away from the window when he calls your name but he knows you hear him because you respond, albeit softly. “I had it for a split second,” you say, “just a split second, but that split second was one of the most precious and happiest seconds I’ve ever had.” You pause for a moment, breathing in. “And now it’s gone.”

.

.

.

“Shin.” A simple word uttered, calm and collected, yet anyone can tell just how much venom is filled in that simple name. Namjoon remains as emotionless as ever, but when he takes his foot to step on the hand of the man, the scream which rages in response is enough to showcase the anger he has yet to release. “What a coward you are, going after a woman. You’ve gotten really low considering I was kind enough to let you off for months. Or was that it? Did little Shin get lonely because I kept ignoring him?”

The moment his fingers slip from Namjoon’s foot, Shin automatically retreats back as he holds his hand in pain, but he doesn’t get too far when his back hits the foot of Hoseok who stands right behind him, an intimidating glare leveled right at him.

For a moment he falters back, scared out of his mind, before deciding to taunt the Bangtan boss right back. “So, I hit the nail right in the head, huh? You..s-she meant something to you, huh?”

“And if she does?”

He laughs aloud for a second but the moment he finds Namjoon’s eyes, it shuts him up immediately.

.

.

.

“Do you pity me?”

When you finally look on over at him, Jungkook almost gasps at the sight of tears running down your face and in a split second, he’s right at your side.

“You’re crying,” he whispers as his hand automatically reaches up to hold your face and brush away the tears. But it isn’t enough to keep them away.

“I’m scared,” you say with a voice so soft, so frail, and weak. “What do I do, Jungkook?”

.

.

.

“You already have six lovers, Kim Namjoon. You can never be satisfied, huh? I pity the mistress.”

Mistress.

“I do not recall giving you permission to utter my name.”

“Though she can’t be just a mistress to you, can she? I mean why would you be personally coming to kill me yourself if she didn’t matter that much to you? I know you, Mr. Kim.”

“You do not know me.”

“But you do know that I’m right.”

He narrows his gaze slightly, a small glance made Seokjin’s way before quickly reverting his attention back on the man. With the way he regards you, a stranger that just caught his eyes, Namjoon’s sure this man doesn’t know your true identity. “How did you find out about her?”

Shin scoffs. “My men caught sight of her with your two dogs one night.”

That night Jimin and Jungkook took you out.

“So it was just speculation...hurting her.”

“Who hurt her? The only deaths that occurred that day were her two bodyguards.”

With brows furrowing, Namjoon crouches to the floor to grab the man by the collar. His face falls so close to the man it’s enough to leave him to pee his pants. “Those dead men that you killed,” his hand tremble at the tight grip he has on the man as his voice lowers an octave, “are enough to leave her traumatized for the rest of her life.”

“W…” Eyes shaking with fear, Shin tries his best to remain brave. “W-what about it?”

“What about it?” Namjoon raises a brow before scoffing. “You’ve dealt a deep wound to my wife’s heart and now she cannot even rest her eyes without fear of the nightmares that may plague her; that is a transgression I cannot forgive.”

“Your...your wife?” The moment Shin looks up at Namjoon, his vision is blocked by those very hands which come down to claim his head, slamming it down hard at the cold, cement floor below him.

.

.

.

“I’m so tired.” Your head falls against Jungkook’s chest, body feeling so light and limp you aren’t sure how you can still hold yourself up. “I want to sleep.”

He picks you up effortlessly and being too weak to protest or push him away, your head only lays against his chest, where the steady beat of his heart drums against your ear. “I wanna sleep..” Your words fall less formal, more childish, as you whine and whimper in his arms like a child who’s having trouble sleeping but is too afraid. “But the nightmares are so scary, Jungkook. It’s been days and I just wanna sleep. I wanna sleep in peace. I don’t wanna dream.”

He listens to your every word without interrupting you one bit. He listens to your concerns, your whines, and everything that you give him.

.

.

.

Namjoon lets out an exasperated sigh. “I hate getting my hands dirty, you know that?”

He’s down on the floor barely able to move but a shaky touch to his head and he can see the blood all around him. “So just kill me, Kim Namjoon...Kill me already..!”

Yet Namjoon only lets out a laugh. “You’re funny to think I will let you off with a quick death. Not after what you did to my wife.”

“If..i-if I knew she was your wife—”

“You would have done way worse, I know.”

“T-That’s not what I—”

“You’re losing quite a lot of blood, you know. But just as I don’t want to give you a quick death, I will also not give you the privilege to die peacefully.” Crossing his arms against his chest, Namjoon takes a step back. “Hoseok. Yoongi.”

.

.

.

“Y/N?”

You hear Taehyung’s voice at a faraway distance but the hand that reaches over to tuck your hair behind your ear tells you otherwise. Your head lays against the thighs of Jungkook’s. He had settled you down onto the sofa, leaving you to remain still and silent as he runs soothing fingers against your skin.

It’s nice, calming, but no matter how calming this is, you still don’t wish to give in to the exhaustion.

“You’re alright,” you hear Taehyung say and feel Jimin’s hand holding yours and running a small pattern against the back of it. “Just give in.”

“I don’t want to.” You shake your head lightly.

“Don’t force it,” he whispers.

“But..”

“It’s alright. We’ll be here to wake you,” he takes your other hand and squeezes it tight, almost as if that’s to replace a pinkie swear. “We’ll wake you before it gets too much.”

“I’m scared.”

.

.

.

Blood splattered across his suit and face, Namjoon uses the collar of his white dress shirt to wipe the splatter from his face. “Clean this up,” he commands and the lower subordinates are quick to oblige to his demands.

“Namjoon.” He doesn’t turn Yoongi’s way when the man calls for him but he listens as he turns from the room and begins walking away. “About what he said.”

“What about it?”

“You’ve come to care for her, haven’t you?”

Silence falls in, saved by the footsteps that echo as they walk. “Have I?”

“I’d like to think you have.”

“Do you?”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

A small glance towards Seokjin and Hoseok who do not protest and Namjoon lets out a small sigh. “Well,” is all he says. Nothing more, nothing less. As short as he always has been.

“And about the night that caused the enemy to find out about Y/N, will you let either of them know?” Seokjin asks.

He doesn’t hesitate to answer the question. “There is no point in letting any of them waste their time blaming themselves. What’s done is done, we just need to be extra careful from now on. Be silent about what you heard from the man.”

“Yes, Namjoon.”

.

.

.

“I see their eyes, Tae...it was the last thing I saw.”

Mister Butler, those two bodyguards.

“I’m scared.”

He squeezes your hand again and holds your face in a gentle manner, caressing it. “We’re right here,” he repeats again. Over and over again.

Until it is the last thing you hear when your consciousness slips away.

.

.

.

“Namjoon?” The door opens with hesitation, slowly, and then a head peeks into the room before the whole body walks in. You find Namjoon not where he usually is; sat on his office chair, but rather in the middle of the room, on a sofa, with booze and an ashtray on the coffee table. He seems to be lost in thoughts so you call his name again. “Namjoon?” Another gentle call. “Joon?”

“Say that again.”

You blink. “Huh?”

“That name.”

“...Joon?”

“Mmn.” He leans back against the sofa, head hung with his dark hair a little messy. This isn’t like the Namjoon you know. The Namjoon you know was always clean, perfect in every way no matter what time of day it is. Yet now seeing him right here, he looks more...human.

“Are you alright?” You ask as you walk further into the room and take a seat beside him, watching him carefully.

For some reason, you aren’t so scared. Seeing something new usually scares you, booze and cigarettes, because most times new is a bad thing, like the first time you saw your drunk father high on drugs.

Yet despite the fact that Namjoon looks a little more disheveled than usual, perhaps it’s the fact that his tone is still the same as it always has been. No, it’s gotten softer. You aren’t sure exactly when that happened, perhaps it was that night of your first mission, perhaps later, all you’re sure of is the fact that Namjoon is a little different from the man you had first met in that room many months ago.

“I’m fine,” he says but something tells you he may be lying. “And you?” He asks as he turns your way. “Did the nightmares scare you? Is that why you’re here?”

“You know I wouldn’t bother you with insignificant things.”

“No?” You shake your head. “Why not?”

“Well...you have important things to do.”

“I can always hold them off.”

You’re surprised by the way he’s speaking to you, so casually, so kind, kinder than he usually is. “Um,” you shake your head again as you look off to the side, not able to hold that intense gaze of his. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. And besides, Hoseok’s already promised to take care of me when I get scared.”

“Right.” He sounds a little disappointed. “Alright, but for the record, those nightmares of yours are not insignificant in the slightest. How can anything that scares my wife be insignificant?”

He’s using the word ‘my wife’ more often these days.

“Do I scare you?”

You wonder why he’s asking that. “Not at the moment.”

A small noise leaves his lips. “Sometimes your honesty is…”

“Are you...laughing?” Your eyes widen and although you expected the man to shake that thought off, he only looks at you without hiding a thing.

“Do I look more human now?”

Messy hair, dark eyes that can stare straight into your soul, and a small smile that is so rare you never knew you’d ever witness such a sight. But here you are, sitting right beside the man who leaves everyone to shrink in fear at a simple look at him, and here he is smiling right at you.

“Surprised?”

“I am,” you admit.

“You don’t have a filter, do you?” He reaches out and ruffles your hair with his large palm. “Stay that way.”

A filter.

Little does he know.

“Um...are you drunk?”

Namjoon shakes his head. “Perhaps a little tipsy.”

“Did something happen?”

Thoughts of you running through his head. Everywhere, at any time, any day. He had hoped the booze and smoke would leave him to think about other things for a moment but nope. And here you are, not helping the situation in the slightest.

The others may be fine but he’s still conflicted and it’s something that doesn’t usually happen to Namjoon.

You shake his ground, make him second guess, make him doubt himself, and sometimes even cause him to regret the decisions he makes. Is it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? He doesn’t even know the answer to that.

“Is it wrong…” he begins slowly as you lean in a little more, wishing to hear his thoughts, “for a husband to love his wife?”

“Well…” You look a little confused at his question. “Isn’t that the purpose of a marriage?” You ask him. “Though, of course, in some circumstances like with arranged marriages, love isn’t something that can be achieved but I believe that if two people can accept each other despite circumstances, I think it’s quite lovely.”

“Lovely,” he repeats the word. “Then, you’d be alright if I loved you?” The way he stares into your eyes, for a second you aren’t sure how to breathe. But you can hear the beat of your heart skipping a beat and suddenly you don’t know what to do. “Hypothetically,” he says and you blink.

“Right, hypothetically.” You cough. “Um,” clearing your throat, you try to think of the right words to say. “Well in our circumstance, we’d have to consider your other six lovers, right?” You say. “You love them dearly just as they love you. So wouldn’t I just be a thorn in the flesh?”

“Not if they love you too. And if you love all of us.”

“If that happens...I guess that wouldn’t be a problem. But, why are you asking?”

“Why indeed.”

“Hm?”

You wait for him as he gathers his thoughts. It’s a first, watching Namjoon so indecisive and unsure of himself. He is human after all, no matter how coldhearted and aloof he may be at times. He’s still human. “I...I don’t love you,” he tells you, “not yet at least.”

You blink slowly. “Not...yet?”

He lays his head against the sofa, all the while watching your every reaction. “Do you understand what I mean?” Your silence is what gives him the answer and he nods, understanding. “You don’t have to give me an answer now, or us for that matter.”

“Us?”

“You don’t really think I’d spontaneously say such things without confiding in them, do you?”

“...You don’t seem to be the type.”

He laughs again. “How long has it been since we first met?”

You think about it, retracing your memories to those times. “A little over a year.”

“That long, huh?” He takes a glass in hand and downs the remaining liquid. “Well, we have the rest of our lives to hear that answer of yours.”

.

.

.

Is this true?

How? When? Where? Why?

There’s no way this is true at all. I mean, how absurd does it sound hearing that you have seven admirers? But then again, why would Namjoon ever lie to you? Everything that’s come out of his mouth has always been the truth, he has no reason to lie.

But he was tipsy.

But that wouldn’t cause him to outright say irrational things to you.

You never saw it coming, but then again you never really expected anything from them in the first place.

If what Namjoon says is truly real, then how do you feel?

You don’t know how to answer that question. You’ve never been in love before and love is something that causes one to give themselves to the other parties. It means vulnerability, secrets let out, the walls broken down and you aren’t sure if you’re ready for all of that just yet.

It’s what keeps your heart from yearning.

You’ve loved before, loved a mother who passed away hating you for all of your life, loved a father who still hates you to this day, and loved a butler who was the most kindest man, too young to die all because you loved him.

But this sort of love is different. Not in the way a daughter loves her parents, or in the way a little girl will look up and respect someone older than her. This love is different and you’re scared. Because so far love left you scars, love left you hopeless, aching, and it is something your father never wants you to do.

But love always left you wanting more and it is the exact reason why you’re so weak.

You want love and you want to be loved.

Yet just as quickly as that love can hold you, it can leave you cold and broken at the same time.

They don’t know anything, not the truth of your past, nothing. So if you were to turn the lights off and allow them to see the battle scars, the broken pieces, the aching, the torn and ripped up heart you have, will they still accept and love you for what you are?

You’re scared.

You’re scared it can’t be true.

.

.

.

“Hoseok?”

A blind path.

The corridors are dark, empty, and it makes you fear for everything that lies in its path. Yet even then you’re too afraid to go to the windows and rip open the curtains, afraid something will snatch you up, afraid to see the eyes.

But the fear alone can never stop you from wanting to seek out a light, a warmth that has always been able to steady you and calm your nerves.

“Hoseok.” You call his name again, hoping he can hear you, hoping you can find him.

“Y/N?” But another voice comes and when you find his figure rushing to your side, you aren’t entirely disappointed. “What’s wrong?” Yoongi asks and when you look up at him, the genuine concern plastered on his face makes you cry even more.

“I’m sorry,” you say as you wipe your tears, “All I ever do is cry.”

“You’re frightened and that’s not something that should be taken lightly.”

“But two months have already passed since that incident, Yoongi.”

“Trauma isn’t something that leaves you so easily, Y/N.” He’s right, you know he’s right, because no matter how hard you try to forget the last picture you saw of Mister Butler and only wish to remember the good memories, the image of his death can never leave your mind. Not even years later. You haven’t healed from that and you aren’t sure if you ever will.

“I hate it, Yoongi. Please make it stop,” you plead at him as you hit yourself on the head. “Please make it stop, I don’t want to see them anymore. Please—”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” He takes both your wrists in his strong grasp, forcing you to stop. “Please, Y/N.”

“But I…” A few tears escape your eyes and you sniffle. “I’m so scared. What do I do, Yoongi?” Begging and pleading at him is the only thing you can do, and so Yoongi releases your wrists, only to intertwine his fingers in yours.

“Come with me,” he says, softly, and still crying helplessly, you follow the man who walks slowly in order to keep pace with you.

You arrive at a room you’ve never been to before and a single piano lies right in the middle. Without a word, Yoongi leads you to sit right on the bench. He watches you carefully, giving you a small smile when you look at him with the eyes of a lost puppy, and takes a seat right beside you.

He places his fingers right on the keyboard, playing a few cords for a brief moment before the sound of a beautiful melody echoes into the room, ringing so softly and beautifully your eyes widen slightly at the sounds coming out from the simple crossings of Yoongi’s fingers.

And so you close your eyes, letting yourself in the moment, letting your heartbeat calm as it listens to the steady beat of the beautiful melody played just for you.

“Want to dance?”

When you open your eyes to find another man offering his hand for you, you blink at the unexpected guest. “Tae?”

“Looks like you’ve had another nightmare, huh?”

You purse your lips and give him a small nod. “I was doing fine last night.”

He reaches out for you, gently wiping your tears away with his thumb. “Dance with me,” he asks you.

“But I don’t know how to dance,” you frown and he chuckles lightly.

“Just follow my lead.”

With one look Yoongi’s way, who gives you a small nod, you accept the hand Taehyung offers you, and in the room filled with nothing but a single grand piano, you follow the steps of Taehyung, slow dancing in your white, flurry nightgown, listening to the soft melody of Yoongi’s playing.

The moon up above shines right into the room, past the windows, past the curtains, and you twirl about under the guidance of Taehyung, giggling slightly when he catches you during times you almost lose your steps.

Normally you wouldn’t do such a thing, normally you’d fall embarrassed were you to make a mistake, but right here in this room where two men watch you with gentle gazes so soft and tender, you find yourself feeling so much lighter and freer than ever before.

Soft laughter, light steps dancing around the room, with a piece of beautiful music played, you think this is the first time you’ve ever felt happy since the tragic incident that left you hurting for days on end.

This is happiness.

This is freedom.

And perhaps this is what receiving love feels like.

.

.

.

“You stayed up again.”

The way the boss stares down at you from his tall height, you know you can’t go up against those disappointed eyes so you find yourself instinctively hiding behind Yoongi. Not only that but this is the first time you’re seeing him since his tipsy confession and you aren’t sure how to face him just yet.

Yoongi, a little taken back by you using him as a shield, sends Namjoon an awkward look before clearing his throat. “If there is anyone to blame, please lecture me instead.”

“W-wait!” You quickly peek your head out, shaking it hard. “Yoongi was only trying to help, you can’t blame him for my lack of care.” A single glance made your way by Namjoon and you’re quick to hide once more.

The boss lets out a sigh, understanding your shy state and knowing not to provoke you any further. “Get some breakfast,” is all he says before he walks off in his usual charismatic ways while you find yourself looking after his back, wondering why he’s letting you off so easily today.

“Come on,” Yoongi places a hand on your shoulder, “you need to eat.”

.

.

.

“Hoseok?”

He jumps slightly at your voice and when he turns to find you, Hoseok stands up tall again with a bright grin as if he wasn’t just making a painful expression just seconds before.

“Ah, Y/N. Something wrong?” He asks, standing in an awkward position and you frown at the sight.

“No um...what about you?”

“Me?” He chuckles as he walks on over to ruffle you on the head. “I’m fine, babygirl.”

“Baby..-” Your cheeks instantly flush at the endearing nickname, causing Hoseok to laugh aloud at how cute you are.

“Sorry, that just came out. I won’t call you that again if it makes you uncom—”

“No, um...it’s fine.” He raises a brow when you refuse to meet his eyes, head facing the floor with a hand covering your mouth and Hoseok smiles at the sight. “But, um, that wasn’t what I was—” You clear your throat and look up at him, expression a little more serious this time. “You can come to me too, you know.”

“Huh?” He’s not entirely sure what you mean.

“When you get scared,” you say, “it doesn’t have to be just me going to you. You can come to me too. For anything.”

A precious little thing scared of most things, offering to become someone else’s shield. But he guesses that’s your charm. No matter what goes on around you, you’re willing to lend a helping hand and show kindness towards the people around you.

“I can hold you too. I can give warm hugs, I promise.” Two arms opening wide, eyes looking up at him expectantly and Hoseok lets out a short, small laugh.

Cute.

How cute.

And he’s only falling more and more.

“You...you’re not helping me out one bit,” he mutters under his breath, a hand coming to cover half his face to hide the blush that had formed on his cheek.

“Huh?”

“No, I…” Hoseok clears his throat and looking at you, he doesn’t know whether to cry or smile. But why choose any of those options when he can just hide in your arms? “May I?” He asks and you give him a quick nod, eyes smiling and watching him with kindness.

So who is he to refuse your offer?

And you were right. Your arms are indeed warm, so warm, and even though he doesn’t say anything else in that moment, you accept him for who he is, the silent man behind that mask. Because everyone has their moments, everyone needs a little break, Hoseok included. He feels your sincerity right there, so gentle and sweet.

Ah, he wishes you could be theirs.

.

.

.

A small finger places itself right upon the furrows between his brows.

“What are you doing?” Namjoon asks and the crease only deepens.

“You’re frowning,” you say as if you aren’t touching the face of one of the most feared mob bosses. “Frowns don’t look good on you, Namjoon. You’d look much better if you smiled a little more.”

“You’re saying my resting face doesn’t look good?”

“What? Who said that?” You say as you cross your arms at the accusation. “Your resting face is handsome but this face screams stress.”

“Does it?” He stops writing.

“Mm. Being stressed doesn’t look good on you. Though I guess that means I’m saying you don’t look good most days since you’re always stressed, huh?” His frown deepens when he glares up at you and you burst out laughing at the sight. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Please don’t kill me! I promise you’re handsome!”

“What bold words coming from someone who was just making fun of my face.”

“I was kidding!” A bit fearful you may indeed face Namjoon’s wrath, you’re quick to hop on your feet and run to the door. “Anyways, catch you later! I’d rather see my grave than catch Kim Namjoon’s wrath, you’re scary when you’re mad.”

Namjoon crosses his arms as he stands from his seat, slightly confused as he narrows his gaze at you. “You’ve never faced my wrath.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way!” And with that, you’re out the door before he can say anything else.

A small smile curls along the corner of Namjoon’s lip.

.

.

.

“What’s wrong?”

You blink at Seokjin’s question and hide yourself a little more behind your door. Had he already figured it out? But how? All you did was open the door slightly upon his knocks.

“Uh,” you clear your throat, trying your best to hide your raspy throat, “what do you mean?”

“You haven’t been out of your room at all today,” he notes.

“Oh,” you say. “I see.”

Brows furrowed, he narrows his gaze with suspicion. “It wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary when you first arrived here but a year has already passed and if anything, your restriction of freedom will only allow you to leave your room the moment you wake up. So something must be wrong.”

Gosh, why were they always so observant about everything? But then again, mobsters are smart like that so you shouldn’t be too surprised.

Still, you refuse to give in to your stubbornness. “Nothing’s wrong, I promise.”

“That’s one broken promise.”

“Huh?”

“Tell me what’s wrong or I’ll go to Namjoon,” he threatens and you quickly protest to that, door opening a little more.

“Don’t you dare!” Raising your voice only makes things worse but it’s far too late to regret anything at this point when your coughs get too much to keep it in. Seokjin’s brow raises and you’re quick to try to slam your door closed but he’s too fast for you and in just a split second, he’s already gotten into your room with the door closed behind him. “Deng it.”

“Right.” He sighs and goes on to place a hand on your forehead, only you refuse to be anywhere near him and quickly back away.

“You’ll catch my cold,” you tell him as you cover your mouth and a few coughs leave you.

“Let me help you.”

“No way.”

“Come on, sweetheart, don’t be stubborn.”

“But I don’t want you to get sick,” you pout. It’s adorable but it isn’t enough for Seokjin to forget about your sickness.

“Alright then,” he crosses his arms against his chest, “would you rather I stay here and help you or leave and report this to Namjoon?”

You think about the choices for a moment because quickly falling into despair because it’s honestly not much of a choice. “You’re so cruel, Jin.”

He chuckles in amusement. “Then go on, be a good girl and lie in your bed.”

You almost feel like a little kid when he sends you off and, with heavy steps, you walk on over to your bed, where he helps you tuck in.

It isn’t as bad as you thought when you lie there, letting Seokjin take care of you. You’ve never had someone take care of you when you were sick. You’ve always been a healthy girl, thankfully, but during those rough days, you always suffered the most while having no one to rely on. Rather, even on sick days you were still forced to do things your father ordered you to do.

How cruel it was for him, forcing a sick kid out of bed without a care in the world.

A cruel man.

Hence you always tried your best to not let yourself get sick.

And for a second you were scared today, afraid you’d have to spend another lonely day. But here’s Seokjin, sitting right beside you with a white mask on to prevent himself from catching your cold.

“At least you haven’t caught a fever.” His voice is gentle, his hands are warm when he feels your skin, and you’re beginning to get really sleepy. But on days like this, nightmares are scary. When you get sick, your mother always comes to visit you in your dreams and you hate it.

“What’s wrong? Too stubborn to sleep now?” You think about what to respond to that but eventually just nod your head. “If you’re scared of dreaming, you can say that,” he tells you, “You don’t have to be ashamed of it.”

“...How is it that, you just know?”

Seokjin chuckles and reaches out to ruffle your hair. “You’re easy to read when you wear your heart on your sleeves, sweetheart.”

“..Hm.”

“Have you eaten?” When you shake your head, he frowns. “Come on, little one, you know better than that.”

“W-well, I…” When he speaks to you like that, it’s kind of hard to respond and you already know the flushed cheeks aren’t just from your cold. “Please don’t tell Namjoon. He gets really worked up.”

“And for good reason,” Seokjin says. “He’s just a little protective.”

“Why?”

“Well—”

What a dumb question. “Nevermind, you don’t have to say it,” you quickly cut the man off and hide yourself under the covers. Touching on the subject still leaves you flustered and unsure of how to deal with things. But still, running away from your problems isn’t exactly the right thing to do. And what if you hurt people’s feelings because of it? “You...um....are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“..Well…”

You don’t finish your sentence but he knows exactly what you mean and Seokjin chuckles lightly. “There’s no rush, Y/N. We don’t even expect you to reciprocate the feeling.”

“...You don’t?”

He shakes his head before remembering you’re still hidden under the covers and can’t see him. “Not at all.”

“Why not?” You ask, confused.

“That’s what love is, Y/N. You give your heart to someone without expecting anything back. There’s hope, sure, but if you really care for someone, nothing in the world would matter as long as they’re happy.”

Love.

As long as they’re happy.

You think you can understand it to some extent. You loved your mother and father, gave your heart to them without expecting anything back. Even though they trampled on it so many times, you were fine as long as you could do anything to make them happy.

You shake your head to rid of the thoughts.

No, that’s not a good example.

You think of Mister Butler, how kind he was, always giving you head pats and watching over you with care. You loved him and couldn’t care any less about how he felt in return. Though you were lucky he loved you back. The first person to ever do so.

Ah, but then again, this sort of love is different from the ones you have for Mister Butler and your parents. You can’t truly understand Seokjin, not yet, and it scares you knowing you may potentially be hurting them.

You don’t deserve this love.

Not at all.

.

.

.

“Jimin..?”

You hope it isn’t him hunched over beside the entrance, barely able to stand on his trembling feet, with his whole suit red with blood. But how can it not be him when that figure, his hand, the way he presents himself, and the sounds leaving his lips belong to him?

You’re quick to run over and reach for him and the instant you give him your support, his weight leans against you as a curse leaves his mouth.

“Jimin, I…” Blood. You can feel the blood on your hands and when you look over to find that it indeed belongs to him, fear is quick to take over. “Jimin, what happened?”

“Sorry,” he winces at the pain below his abdomen, “I’m going to need you for a moment,” he says as he lays his head on your shoulder and although you’re afraid, afraid of so many things, you allow him to lean on you while trying your best to hold it all together.

Jimin’s the one in danger, you can’t lose yourself just yet.

He’s fine.

He’s fine.

“Jimin!” You hear Jungkook’s voice who quickly runs over to help you support the man. “What happened?” He asks before quickly correcting himself. “Wait no, don’t speak. Let’s get you to the emergency room.”

“Jimin?”

A few more feet runs over, confusing and concern clear on their faces and before you realize it, Jimin no longer needs your support. You feel his weight transferred over to someone else and you stand there, completely frozen as the world moves in chaos.

It’s alright, the boys are here now.

They’ll take care of him.

He’ll be fine.

You have nothing to worry about.

“Y/N?” Amidst the panic, a gentle voice reaches your ear, and the room falls silent as Jimin looks over at you. “Hey, you.” You feel his cold hand against your cheek and a soft smile curls along his lips. But his eyes, his eyes are filled with worry over you despite the fact that he’s the one in pain. “Look at me, I’m blinking aren’t I? I’m breathing.”

Right.

He’s still blinking. He’s still breathing.

“I’ll be alright, Y/N, but I won’t get help until I know you understand that.” How cruel of him to put you over his bleeding body. When you squeeze your eyes shut and feel the tears rolling down your cheeks, you nod against his hand, words unable to form as you can feel a lump against your throat to prevent you from speaking. Jimin smiles. “Good girl.”

He pats you gently on the head before allowing the others to help him to the emergency room.

“Y/N.” You hear a commanding voice and look up to find Namjoon who had stayed behind with you. “Go wash up,” he orders, noting at the bloodstains on you.

Still in a daze and unable to process all of this at once, you give him a nod and begin to walk away as if in a trance.

“Hey.” You look back at him upon his call. “You’re shaking.”

“...Ah.”

“He’ll be fine.”

“I-I know, I just…” You wrap your trembling hands around you, hugging yourself. “I-I’ll be okay. You should catch up with the rest. You’re the boss, after all, Namjoon. You should...should uh, figure out what..what happened.”

“...Right.”

You leave him there standing alone.

.

.

.

The world is so cruel to you, you know, but you never expected to receive love, not after the only person who cared for you in your life had died as a result of their love. You never wanted to receive love after that incident. It took some time for you to realize that, not wanting the people around you to get hurt because of your mistakes.

Father says love is a weakness one should never carry. Because you can fix yourself when it comes to mistakes and weakness but love, love is a powerful thing that can leave you broken and hesitant before the enemy.

So it surprised you to find a powerful mafia boss, more powerful than your father, to lean onto love.

Namjoon doesn’t look like a man who will ever hesitate nor does he look like he cares about anyone in his life. Father said love makes you vulnerable and weak but Namjoon is a powerful man. So powerful the whole world might as well be afraid of him.

And you know because before you ever met him, his name alone frightened you and everyone else that’s heard of it.

Namjoon’s powerful despite love. Or rather, is it love that fuels him?

You’re scared, unsure of what to do, but Jimin’s incident leaves you wondering and hoping and suddenly you’re scared of another thing. Because what if you leave things be without ever giving in to the love and regret everything? What if you lose them before you can even confess the things that on are your mind?

But what if you do give yourself in and it leaves you hurting even more than you are now? What if you’re happy one moment and the next, you feel so broken it ruins everything that you’ve built?

Nothing lasts forever and you’re afraid.

They don’t know much about you but one day you know you’ll have to tell them the truth about everything. And if that day comes, will you be alright?

If you told them about the darkness inside of you, would they still look at you like you’re the sun?

You are anything but the sun yet the way they’ve always looked at you, the things they do, the things they say, this sort of love is something you want to hold onto. But is that selfish of you? To want love when you aren’t sure about your own feelings?

“I want it,” you say and each word you speak they listen well without degrading you one bit and sometimes you think this makes it worse. Their unforgiving kindness, their unwavering eyes, and the fact that they expect nothing in return. You never thought this would hurt more than being ignored and hated but it does. “I want it but I...I’m so afraid.”

In the infirmary room where Jimin has yet to heal, you say the things that are on your mind, hoping they can understand every word you say.

“What if one day you come to hate me and just...leave without an explanation? Or what if you get hurt because of me and what if you come to resent me one day? What happens then?”

“That’s what love is,” Seokjin says. “You go into it blindly, trusting the person you give your heart to.”

“But that’s so dangerous.”

Yoongi chuckles lightly. “It is but look where we are. We’re fine, aren’t we?”

You look around at where they surround you before meekly avoiding their gaze once more. “You’re...Mmn. You guys are doing fine but I...that’s because you’re kind and sweet and caring.”

“And you aren’t?” Taehyugn asks.

“I’m selfish.”

“How so?”

“I want this but I don’t even...I haven’t even...”

“That’s okay. We’ll wait for you.” You don’t even have to finish your sentence for them to understand you. And hearing how kind and gentle they are towards you, you only feel more guilty about the situation and quickly shake your head at Hoseok.

“But it isn’t okay. It’s wrong of me to make you wait. I...I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

“Of falling, Namjoon,” you say as you look at him, eyes arching with pain because you want them to understand. “I’m scared of falling.”

“Then we’ll catch you.”

“...What?”

“We’ll catch you,” he says again and opens his arms for you. He smiles, gently, and your heart skips a beat at seeing this for the second time. Namjoon’s smile is pretty, just as it was the very first time you saw it, yet this one feels a little more special, a little more sweet, and filled with a little more love. Does he love you now? You aren’t sure, but for some reason, you aren’t afraid of the answer.

“Collapse into me. Just once, and I promise you’ll never have to fall again.”

Promise, he says, as if the word itself is that easy to keep.

But giving a promise to someone is dangerous. A promise means forever, a contract for one who swears to never break, and when that promise breaks, the person receiving that promise is on the losing end.

You’re on the losing end.

A tear rolls down your cheek but Namjoon’s right there to catch it for you. You blink, allowing more tears to flow, but the way he caresses your face with such gentle hands, it’s almost impossible for those tears to escape him.

They fall and fall but he catches them all and you’re afraid, you’re still afraid. But you want to trust in the promise he’s given unto you and in just mere moments, you allow yourself to collapse, to fall right into the arms that catches you so, just as he promised.

He catches you and holds you right there and you thank the heavens for allowing your stars to cross paths.

.

.

.

“Stop trying to pretend that you can magically make things all better just because you’ve lived a better life than I have.”

You know he doesn’t mean it. He doesn’t. He’s just a little bit angry and a little bit stressed. You’re fine, you’re fine, you don’t need to trust in these words that are leaving his lips.

“You’re useless when you try to help.”

Useless.

Utterly useless.

It may not mean much to him but to you, you can feel a knife stabbing you straight through the heart. It hurts, hurts so much, but when he doesn’t feel any remorse after saying such a thing, you can already feel the lump in your throat trying to keep you from speaking.

No, you tell yourself. You’re better than this and Namjoon...Namjoon just needs to cool his head down.

“Namjoon…”

He leaves the bed, irritated, and your heart sinks a little more at the cold shoulders he’s giving you. It hurts, it does, but you know you can’t let him be when he’s like this. You have to talk to him.

“Did you not hear what I just said? If you want to be useful, do that by getting out of my way. What use is a daughter of a mafia to me if she can’t even follow simple instructions?”

He was never this angry when you first met, never this cruel. Maybe in his heart he was but he always did his best to keep his cool and not let his emotions take over. So what’s wrong this time? Why is he speaking to you as if you are just some simple pawn for him? You’re not a pawn.

“Isn’t that what you are?”

As if your feelings doesn’t matter, as if you’re just some insignificant woman who walked into his life one day.

“Be a good little housewife and stop pestering me if you don’t want to piss me off even further.”

You feel the harsh wind against you when the door slams shut right in your face.

That was probably the last night you ever spoke to Namjoon. Before you decided to end it all.

.

.

.

“I know I told you I’d always come to you when I get scared but...promises are meant to be broken, aren’t they?” Hoseok lays on the bed sleeping peacefully and normally you wouldn’t have gotten such courage to speak your thoughts out loud but he’s taken some medicine so you know he won’t wake up any time soon.

It’s better this way.

“I’m sorry, Hoseok,” you say, a broken smile resting on your face before the feelings get too much and your tears take over. “I’m sorry I can’t come to you. I want to but I...who do I go to when you’re the one I’m also afraid of? What happens then?”

You hear how broken you are when your voice gets too high, when it breaks and falls quiet, and when your body does everything to keep you from holding on. It’s hard to hold on, to keep yourself steady when all you want to do is succumb to the darkness.

Promises are meant to be broken. Promises imply a forever but forever doesn’t exist.

Why did you ever think you were capable of living a happy life? You’ve been taught so much about the world, how broken it is, how cruel and selfish it is, yet you thought you could leave it all behind and hide behind your shields.

But when the shields break, you have nowhere left to go.

You’re left alone.

Lost and afraid.

Even though one last light shines its way towards you, it’s dim. So dim you’re afraid holding onto it will only break you even more.

Because holding onto a dimming light will only give you false hope and you can’t hope anymore. Not when he can shine brighter with his own lights. If he stays with you, you’ll only break the two of you and you know that if that ever happens, you will never forgive yourself.

So you decide to let Hoseok go.

“I’m sorry.”

The words repeat over and over again until you can no longer find your voice. You pray, you wish, that your words can reach his heart someday when he thinks of you, of the good times, of when you were enough and had made them happy.

You hope you made them happy.

If even a little.

.

.

.

May 20XX; Age Twenty-Three

Present.

“Fool.”

You flinch at the venom which spits from your father’s lip. You can’t meet his eyes, too afraid of them, but you know he’s staring down at you with such disappointment and disgust for the one daughter who couldn’t do anything right, not even when he gave you away to the mafia boss Kim Namjoon.

“You’ve always been useless from the second you were born,” he says, voice filled with loath. “For a moment I thought things were going well, finally made useful to me. But here you are, crawling right back and begging for forgiveness at the foot of your father. I told you to make yourself useful.”

“...” A disappointment. From the second you were born, no one wanted you. An unwanted child whose own parents hated her. Your mother hated you with all that she had and spent the rest of her dying days placing curses upon you for causing her suffering.

She never recovered from childbirth and you were to blame.

Your father never cared for your mother and certainly couldn’t care any less about you. But you were his heir, his only daughter, and so when you finally became of age, you were made a pawn in his game of chess pieces, exchanging you into the hands of Kim Namjoon so that he could gain power.

It was going well for some time.

But you messed it all up.

You swallow thickly, praying your voice will not come off weak because you know your father hates that more than anything. “Mr. Kim and I made a contract, father,” you tell him slowly, not wanting to piss him off even further. “You will be allowed to keep your power as long as the gangs do not cross paths. And as long as I keep my silence for anything that has to do with their gang. No war shall be ignited.”

You hand the contract to his assistant, who hands it over to him.

It’s silent for a while as you keep quiet while he reads the content of the contract. You remember the moment well, left alone with Namjoon for the last time as the two of you made the agreement for your father to keep his power and for you to keep your silence.

A contract that sealed your fate upon never crossing paths with him ever again.

You can still feel the pain so well, hurting, aching, but you know better than anyone that allowing yourself to show weakness before your father is a death sentence.

“Leave,” your father utters when he throws the paper back at you. This means he accepts the contract and although he’s disappointed in you, at least you had done one thing right in letting him keep his power.

He doesn’t care that his daughter was hurt by the very man he gave her away to. He doesn’t care one bit.

Just for power.

You lower your head his way with respect still, take the paper from the floor, and walk out the door.

Namjoon never knew your life behind these closed doors, he always thought you were raised preciously.

Some life filled with rainbows and sunshine.

You want to scoff.

They were all just illusions you made him believe.

Maybe if you had told him, he would have loved you a little more. But can you really use your sad past just for a crumb of love? You’ve become that desperate, haven’t you?

But it’s too late now because you’ve already decided to sever ties with them all, Hoseok included even though he showed you that he still had love for you. But you’ve become too afraid to stay, afraid that one day his love for you will wither as well.

So it’s better to leave before you have to witness that right before your eyes as well.

You’re a worthless being not meant for anyone to love.

When you return to the room you haven’t seen in such a long, long while, everything feels empty and for a moment you think you’re becoming numb to the pain.

Until you feel a tear fall from your eye. When that falls, the rest of them, which had been holding on, begin to follow along until you can no longer see what is before you.

The room is dark, empty and cold, and when your knees weaken below you, you find yourself falling down and hugging yourself. The warmth isn’t enough, it will never be enough. But it’s far too late to seek for their warmth.

Not that they wouldn’t have given it to you in the first place.

Perhaps Hoseok would have but you’re afraid.

You’re so, so afraid.

Because you know that as time will inevitably pass, his love will break as well.

And so you’re left alone to just yourself, just as it was from the very beginning. Nothing has changed and your heart shatters into tiny pieces, impossible to ever return to its original shape.

They healed you, and they’ve broken you.

---

[9:39 am]

you shut your camera off as your back slides down your chair. this class was going on for a lot longer than you thought—your back was hurting and your eyes were drooping.

ping! your phone lights up as you stare down at the notification.

jisung: y did u turn off your cam?

a smile tugs itself onto your lips as you quickly type out a reply.

you: why do you mind?? miss me? :O

jisung: of course! turn your cam on rn.

another chenle drabble bc why the freak not !!! a non-idol!chenle x shy!reader drabble ( ◠‿◠ )

warning/s: reader swears a little more than usual here, but only around once or twice!

game with me — zcl.

in which he makes you play minecraft with him.

—

“c’mon babe! it’ll be funnn~” your pouty boyfriend whines as he tugs on your sleeve. he’s been trying to slowly pull you from your comfortable position on your bed to the ‘swivelly’ chair he’s set up next to his. your eyes glance at your laptop that’s already open and running next to his own pc.

you sigh, scratching at your nape, “but lele—i don’t even know how to play!” your reason doesn’t seem to be enough as the boy simply grins at you as he tugs a little more forcefully.

“that’s why i’m here! i’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

and that’s how you find yourself, sitting quite close next to chenle as you two mined your way through the block cave of minecraft. chenle smiles, continuously praising you as you stumble upon random ore chunks as you go.

“you’re doing so well,” chenle grins, feeling his heart swell as you fight off a zombie from your makeshift home in the middle of nowhere. you roll your eyes at his compliment but your lips tugs itself into a smile nonetheless.

you don’t know how much time passes, but you eventually find yourselves with a beautiful block home, made of wooden planks and surrounded by colorful flowers—that chenle picked out all by himself—your boyfriend urging you to go ‘to the nether’ with him. with your little knowledge of the game, you happily comply.

“chenle! it’s so scary what the fuck?!” you find yourself screeching as an unknown mob chases after you, attacking you and bringing you down to half health. chenle’s loud laugh echoes through the room as he swoops in, effectively killing off the piglin, the freakish mob that nearly killed you. “you’re not dying on my watch y/nnie!”

you roll your eyes, feeling your cheeks heat up as your character munches on a few pieces of steak. chenle ends up having to lead you all throughout your journey across the nether, aggressive whipping out his iron sword when any mob comes close to you. “not my y/n!” he’d shout over and over, you’d laugh at his antics because, truly, they were so endearing.

you’re not aware of the sudden silence of the world, nor do you realize that it’s already dark outside when chenle is leading you towards another portal—the ‘end portal’ as he called it, and when a bunch of small rat looking mobs start to attack you—you’re yelping and cursing at your screen.

“this is gonna be scary again isn’t it?” chenle laughs aloud at your obvious grimace, but you comply after he promises that he’d be right by your side the entire time.

after clicking on your beds, he’s urging you to jump into the black portal. your character is teleported into a small box, which chenle says is normal but you find it kind of weird. you’re quick to understand though, when tall endermen await your intrusion on the other side.

“babe! lele—shit!” you gasp when one of them starts its attack on you, your mouse freezing when your screen dims and—

you died!

chenle finds this heavily amusing, his hand going up to pat your head, “you did well, babe.”you scowl, “you said you wouldn’t let me die!”

chenle smiles sheepishly at you, but you let him go as he presses a chaste kiss to your cheek before waiting patiently for you to get back to the end.

—

saw you in a dream - park jisung

okay this was by far one of the best requests i have ever gotten - which is probably why it took so long (i’m sorry!!), because i wanted to get it perfect!! I am such a sucker for a soulmate!au so i had so much fun writing this i love jisung so much smkddjkfjlsf 💞💖💘

fluff, 4.6k words, slow-burn, hell ye boiiii non-idol!au, soulmates!au

song rec: talk me down by troye sivan

The first time that Jisung showed up in your dreams was when you were about six years old. You didn’t recognise him then - how could you? Life at that stage was mostly preoccupied with which stuffed animal you would decide to bring to school for show-and-tell that week. However, you did certainly remembered him. Unwittingly tucking the boy deep into your subconscious was not an option - not when your first encounter was under such bizarre circumstances.

You remembered the meeting like this: You had watched an extremely entertaining episode of Winnie the Pooh a few hours before you were put to bed, and fast asleep, were enjoying a delightful tea wedding ceremony with the bear himself. That was, until your vows were rudely interrupted.

“Hey!” came a voice, from just outside of your peripheral vision.

You sighed. Even though the memory was from such a young age, you still clearly remember your frustration at your marriage to Winnie being put on hold.

“Hello?” You swivelled your head around, scanning the Hundred-Acre-Wood for the source of the noise.

“You can’t marry Winnie the Pooh!” 

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