Personally-published - Personally-Published

would anyone wanna see my older drawings?

I look at him, eyes filled with what I think is love.

He doesn't notice I'm staring,and surely doesn't know the reason why.

Its a strange feeling knowing the boy I love won't give me a second thought.

When I look at him all I can see is what I wish our relationship was.

What I wish I meant to him.

He barely gives me a passing glance.

But it has nothing to do with me, no.

Not my looks, or the way my voice sounds.

Not the way I dress or even how I act.

Because all he's ever looking at is the girl beside me.

She's no stranger, she's been my friend long before highschool.

I know he likes her in a romantic way. He so very fond of her.

It hurts realizing that he'll never look at me like he looks at her.

I can't be mad or hate her.

I cant't blame him either, anyone would be lucky to have her.

The way she laughs and can light up a room with her jokes.

The way she can comfort people, saying all the right things.

I cant compare to her.

I wished people looked at me the way they look at her.

I wish he would look at me, the way he looks at her.

24/7

I thought about you again. But it's not the same as it used to be. I didn't get the urge to text you. I didn't even think of actually unblocking you. I would have before. i miss who you were but not enough to break no contact I looked back at a video of you. you playing your stupid fucking guitar.

Then I took a guitar class. It wasn't much of a choice now that I think of it. But now I am forced to remember you. Every other day. Whether I want to or not.

I don't miss you how I used to. I don't have dreams about you coming back into my life, not anymore. I don’t cry thinking about you. And it's great, it's wonderful actually But as much as I don't miss you. As much as I want to forget about you entirely. You still hold a small piece of my heart. I wish you didn’t, believe me I wish you didn't. but you do. You forever will, unfortunately.

You still own some of those love songs. And you definitely still own some of those break up songs. Funny, how I look for the two sides of you in the lyrics of two very opposite topics. Songs about the joy of falling for you. Songs about the bitter heartbreak after I fell. And the fact you weren't there to catch me.

Why did you do that? Why did you make me believe that you loved me back? Why? I know that we weren't meant for one another. In hindsight we probably never were. Although sometimes I still wish we were.