Ophelia--dearest-departed - God Hath Given You One Face, And You Make Yourselves Another

forgotten words ~ fading memories

Wagashi in Kyoto

2017.03.04

barbie of swan lake (2003) | 3/?

I’ll always love Odette’s dress

Abusive parents make sure their children always act like everything’s okay. That’s one of the first things you learn there: don’t let the neighbours hear you scream, don’t cry in public, don’t show your marks from being beaten to anyone, don’t talk about things that go on at home, show that you’re okay, don’t be a weakling, don’t let people get the ‘wrong’ idea. You learn that 'acting’ okay and making sure nothing is suspicious about your appearance comes way before your needs or your well being; keeping the family’s secrets is imposed on you before you even know what’s being asked of you.

There’s almost unspoken rule to not ask for help; in fact if you do, you’ll be punished, so asking for help will feel as the same thing as asking for pain and humiliation, something highly inadvisable to do. So on top like feeling that most of the abuse is your fault just because you never said anything or showed symptoms, you learn not to ask for help, ever. The mere thought is humiliating and like you’re making yourself weak and a target for bullying, even when it would be okay, even preferable for anyone else to ask for help in the same situation.

It’s not your fault if you can’t ask for help. If pretense of normalcy was ingrained into your mind since you were a kid, that’s not something you can fight. Trauma conditioning is powerful and it created a real barrier between you and anyone who could possibly help, just to keep you abused in secrecy, to make sure you’re keeping it secret, isolated and alone in it. This is not something you could have done to yourself, or chosen, it’s inflicted, and none of your responsibility.