It's Actually Impressive That My Last Surviving Braincell Got 12 And A Half Seasons Into Supernatural

It's actually impressive that my last surviving braincell got 12 and a half seasons into Supernatural before waving the white flag. We followed the plot this far and everything - even the small stuff, and for all the characters at once (except Garth. Lost track of him somehow). Today... blank. What is this Earth thing you call "plot"? Given how Crowley is poking Lucifer, the most powerful being left on the gameboard, with a big stick of uncharacteristic stupendous shortsighted stupidness, and that they just tied off the non-storyline with his son, I'm guessing this is the season where Crowley taps out? Love ya always, Mark A Sheppard.

Braincell and I watched the new Doctor Who episode yesterday while doing the mental equivalent of the 'buffering' spinning circle. I've followed both Doctor Who and the works of Russell T Davies for decades. I know how DW works and I know how RTD builds stories/characters, and this season I'm just confused. What the hell is going on and, whatever it is, why make it any new Doctor's introductory season? I don't know any more about Gatwa's Doctor today than I did after his intro beside Tennant and The Church on Ruby Road, and given the character-relevant events of yesterday's new ep, and how few episodes form a full season/arc these days, that's pretty bad. This story's almost over and there's only so many other-shoes you can drop in a finale.

I'm enjoying watching him do his thing, and enjoying Ruby doing it with him, and I've enjoyed most of the individual ep storylines this season - but I'm not feeling it. Maybe there isn't more to know about him? Is that the point? We knew enough by the end of Eccleston's and Tennant's first eps to take an educated guess at a lot of aspects of their character ("That's who I am - now forget me"/"No second chances"), so maybe... this is it? But Eccleston and Tennant had me riveted by ep 3, enchanted and half in love, and they kept on growing as Rose learned more about them. I'm not feeling it this time, maybe because I keep getting jarred out of the story by the impromptu musical numbers. Ruby seems to know him better and better - when not to offer her hand in support and when to hug him until he hugs back. What has she learned off-screen that we didn't learn on-screen?

Or is it that my braincell's waved the white flag and I'm just completely missing the point?

The last Supernatural ep we watched last night was 12x10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets. It and the end of 12x09 went some way to answering the question I was getting nowhere with yesterday - 'where's my in for fanficcing Castiel?'. That angel finally reached max gross load there and got angry with his situation to the extent of taking it out on his friends. He's acting put-upon and under-appreciated, exasperated to tears with the Winchesters' latest attempt to sacrifice themselves to save each other. That sarcastic, bitter, 'You're welcome,' at the end of 12x09 was a huge moment for the character.

Since beating Dean senseless back in S5 he's sat on his frustrations, fears, disappointments, and failures like a champ and put up with those of others with tired stoicism and humility. When he's screwed up, he's done so from honest motives - protect Winchesters; fix what's broke; be of service. He's been learning and growing in every way he possibly can - from practical and emotional experience, from suffering and loss, from personal failure, from self-reflection, from the Novak family he nuked just by showing up, and from his friends.

The early evolution of the season 4/5 angels storyline showed Heaven flailing because God had left the building without leaving a plan, the remaining archangels holding it all together with the Apocalypse as the be-all-and-end-all of existence. By season 6 they're fighting a multi-front civil war. By season 8 they're all but destroyed, their numbers dangerously low, and we learn that it's taken brutal brainwashing - repeated full factory resets in Castiel's case - to keep the rank and file angels in line since at least Biblical times. Even the higher ranking angels are lost sheep, guessing at what God wants of them and - whether explicitly or not - asking, 'Father, why?'

By the time God dropped in at the end of season 11, when it looked like his last and only chance, Castiel had nothing left to say to him and no questions he felt were worth asking. On the one hand maybe a missed opportunity for the characters, but on the other... maybe that lack of a conversation with Cas said it all? Chuck had The Conversation with Dean, and with Lucifer, but he has no connection with the lower-ranking angels. None. God is over Castiel, who keeps not quite playing out his role in the story; and Cas has been pretty well cured of his zealous 'because God' angel programming, along with any illusion of a benign or worthy father figure in Chuck.

He's left with this quietly resentful disappointment that turns easily to self-loathing and self-doubt when he encounters failure. He doesn't take the opportunity to share that with Chuck, a detail hammered home by also having Misha Collins play Lucifer in that setup - a no-holds-barred, personal, messy-emotional father-son relationship with God that Castiel never had.

He's gone from resentment towards Dean for distracting him from his obligation to Heaven with its security blanket of narrow, emotionless certainty to the complete reverse, focusing everything he has on the Winchesters - Mary included - because Cas still needs something to believe in and something to serve. He equates that, now, with his protective love for this human found-family who taught him how to feel, love and live. With Dean especially, who doesn't see his own value and keeps endangering his life and soul.

Cas doesn't believe in himself, though, not even slightly. He still only defines himself, knows himself, relative to something he views as greater and more important than himself, and as a cause worth killing or dying for. He's trying to do his duty as he sees it - his duty to the thing he has faith in. It still hurts him when that faith lets him down, and that's the 'in' I was looking for.

Gut-kicker. My strongest emotional reactions to Supernatural were to these tiny windows on Dean's lost childhood and how hard he worked and sacrificed to shield Sam from the worst of it so he can have these fragmented, good memories.

 Bones was my dog. Your… your dog?

I somehow managed to see this during my aeons-long stubborn 'stay unspoilered about Supernatural' quest. I somehow managed to forget about it until right now. Must watch again, cuz I remember Castiel reaching what I now, having finally watched Supernatural, know to be all new levels of 'done with Humanity, done with his job, done with everything'.

Why isn't this on the BluRay with the other silliness? Thankfully Misha Collins has it on his YouTube channel. Couple of other versions up too, I see, but I think this version has the best quality picture.

SUPERNATURAL ⛥ The Ghostfacers meet Castiel ⛥

Very much a Castiel moment, one I loved, but for some reason this was the scene where I finally felt I really 'got' Dean and the difference between the persona he projects and the person he is.

"Talk to me." ↳ 8.08 - HUNTERI HEROICI

They did NOT just open season 15 with Bob Seger's The Famous Final Scene... *jawdrop*

Holy cow. This is going to be one intense long goodbye, isn't it?