10/15/2024

10/15/2024

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Today I went to Walmart with my mom to get some groceries, and while we were in the bakery section, I saw some really pretty flowers. Roses, sunflowers, I think a couple of lilacs.. Just beautiful ones.

I know I'm aromantic, but I really wish a boy bought me a bouquet of flowers to make me feel special. I wished they kissed me on the cheek too while they were at it.

Why can't I get that kind of love without something coming in and fucking it up?

god I hate being single....

it feels like everyone has their own friend groups and im just a dog that trails behind

10/10/2024

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Guess who just dropped out of intensive outpatient therapy!! /sarc

Okay but in all seriousness though, i fucking HATE intensive outpatient, why the fuck did I even agree to go?

OH WAIT! Because I can't see my main therapist everyday and I wanted to get the help I needed to not only try and be a better person in general, but to also learn how to cope with certain situations because everything's so damn overwhelming and the coping mechanisms I did try made me feel worse.

But instead I just got a bunch of condescending assholes who have no mental health experience whatsoever.

So, in intensive outpatient, we get to do this thing called "processing time", which is basically where you vent about your trauma to the whole group and the therapist can give advice for how to deal with it (eg: tips for dealing with boundary issues), and patients are allowed to give their own advice that they believe can be helpful in that moment.

The problem? I didn't get to do process time at all. Instead this kid named Skyler just hogged up all the processing time by talking about their family issues and ignoring any and all advice given to them (fuck you skyler btw, nobody fucking cares about how your sister is a violent little asshole.)

Also, the staff were so fucking condescending and rude to everyone in the group I was in, especially that one psych ed teacher we had today. She was complaining nonstop about "oh, i'm so tired of this job, this is all stupid bullshit" all while she was reading out the lesson for today, AND THEN SHE DISMISSED US EARLY BECAUSE "I'm done with this shit".

Literally the whole time all I could think was "shut up you annoying ass bitch I'm going to stab you if you don't shut the fuck up." and I was even contemplating dumping my *freshly made* hot cocoa all over her because she wouldn't shut her mouth.

If you're so sick of your job, then why not just find another one??? You're a fucking psych ed teacher for a pretty high level therapy program and you probably get paid a lot to do this shit and therefore have the privilege of finding another job.

OH! did forgot to mention that there also a lot of ableist jokes against autism being thrown around in process time today and everyday it was really loud and overstimulating and I wasn't allowed to have my headphones at all the whole time despite them knowing I'm autistic and deal with overstimulation.

And also someone got the whole group to gang up on another patient over some drama that happened between them, and he couldn't even speak up about it because "oh, she was just processing! you're invalidating her!" (and fyi, this was during the transition period between psych ed and processing, so no she was not processing). Man do I feel so bad for him, because he did not deserve that..

And just in general I was being completely ignored by everyone, getting interrupted and being told to be quiet because "they need to process and you're interrupting them." BITCH FUCK YOU, YOU'RE THE ONE INTERRUPTING THEM WITH STUPID AND OFF-TOPIC CONVERSATIONS, WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME TO SHUT UP???

So yeah, I dropped out after all that shit happened.

I fucking hate therapy so much, I had literally tried EVERYTHING and yet nothing got better. If anything, I actually feel so much worse and I became more toxic to the people around me as the years went by.

What's the point in even trying anymore if I'm never gonna get better in the first place??

I'm contemplating just quitting therapy in general and sticking to just mindlessly scrolling on the internet for the rest of my life, I'm fucking worthless anyway.

Fuck this, fuck therapy, fuck mental health, fuck it all. These fucking bitch asses do not know ANYTHING.

Oh, unrelated, but it's tony crynight's birthday, but I'm not gonna celebrate this year because I'm still in a split with him.

God I hate being mentally ill...

I identify as aromantic because I already gave up on trying to find a romantic relationship, it's my need for a sexual relationship but not being able to find anyone and how my relationships failed me in the past that makes me an incel (well, I actually identify as a femcel, but you get the idea)

I feel like aro/ace incels are valid because they are a celibate due to their lack of attraction (which is involuntary btw), and I think that should be more recognized in the incel community.

idk, that's just kinda my take.

(tagging as BPD because that's also why I identify as an incel)

Edit: forgot to mention that cupioromantic/cupiosexual can be used as an alternative label to describe celibacy due to attraction (as a former cupiosexual myself), and it's just as valid :>

It's kind of shitty and borderline aphobic to claim most aspec people are just incels trying to get away from the label. You seem to miss that a lot of us don't want a relationship or are already in one. If an aspec person struggles to find a relationship more than most people, it's usually because of their aspec-ness, since it can be hard to find someone ok with that. Overall you clearly have a very warped perspective of aspec people and I'd love it if you took your nose out of our business

I don't have any problem into admiting I excluded a lot of people when I said "aro/ace people are nothing more than socially accepted incel", I was actually typing an smol apology about that since it wasn't supposed to get into actual aro/ace people and I communicated myself badly

except I'm still gonna point about actual incels who use it as a umbrella term to avoid being related with the stereotypes that people think about incels

hehe real

0 notes? Time to kms

this but instead of just my parents it's also the american school system (and school had a greater impact on me btw)

Also my ex friends manipulated me for years and are pissed that I know the truth about them.

How come parents just casually neglect you in your childhood, purposefully get you addicted to your device and are now crying because of how their child turned out, as if it wasn’t completely their fault