Oh God Wrote Jun Angst For The First Time And Idk How Was It, But I Hope It's Worth Reading. I Wrote

Oh god wrote Jun angst for the first time and idk how was it, but I hope it's worth reading. I wrote on shot almost after one or two month 😭😭😭😭😭

everything and more; chapter 1 / choi seungcheol

➝ Seungcheol x single mom!Reader (feat. original characters, Jisoo, Jinyoung, Jeonghan, etc.)

➝ best friends to lovers // single mom!Reader // slowburn // fluff // angst // slice of life-ish

➝ wc: 5.2~k

➝ chapter warning: character death (its literally the plot sjhdfhsjbf), curses, cliche probably lol, not entirely proofread, nothing more that i can think of

➝ everything and more masterlist

[✾✾✾]

You used to say you wanted at least three children growing up.

But then your sister gave birth to one beautiful son, a nephew you love with everything your heart can offer and more, and, after seeing the hardship she went through, you decided motherhood isn't for you. You had never thought motherhood was easy, but seeing someone so close to you going through it was another experience altogether.

The thought of being the aunt that spoils their nephew to no end definitely seems like the better choice. Given, your sister's journey is probably harder than most because the father isn't in the picture and God knows how cruel the world can be to single mothers, especially those out of wedlock.

Still, you had lived with her for the first three months after she gave birth to help her around, and you’re 99% sure (the 1% you keep around just in case your words will bite you back in the ass) you would never be able to care for a child 24/7. Even babysitting during the day was hard, but she had to care for Seungyoon during day and night and you don’t even dare to imagine the amount of patience it took her to do that.

“Seungyoon is… how old now?” Jisoo asks as she bounces your nephew on her lap. You’re on babysitting duty today, as Yuri has a business trip to Suwon and you’ve convinced her to let you babysit Seungyoon. That sister of yours can be too hard headed for her own good when it comes to her son, which you understand to a certain point, but you don’t see why she should bring her toddler son to a business trip when you don’t even have work today and you’re her sister for a reason.

It’s always been you two; three now, with Seungyoon. You don’t have any other family and it’s okay as long as you have each other. You’ve found a lot of family along the way in other people: like Jisoo, your best friend since high school, and Seungcheol, another best friend of yours from university. Not to forget Jinyoung, Yuri’s only and closest friend who’s basically your big brother. You’re happy with this family and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

"He's three next month." You grin as your nephew giggles uncontrollably on Jisoo's lap, the way Seungcheol is poking his belly making his giggle louder by the seconds.

"Already?" Seungcheol exclaims, his mouth turning into a small 'o'. "Wow. Felt like it was just yesterday we visited Yuri after her labor."

"Right?" Jisoo sighs as she hugs the kid closer to her. She has always had a soft spot for him, to the point where she was probably more excited about Seungyoon's birth than you were almost three years ago. "Now this brat can already talk back if we try to make him eat his carrot."

Seungyoon scrunches in distaste at the mention of the vegetable, frowning at Jisoo like she has personally offended him. "Auntie. No carrot."

"Why do you not like carrots though?" Seungcheol intercepts, indulging him.

"Yuck." His frown deepens, followed by a yawn that makes its way out of his small lips. 

"They're good for your eyes, you know." You poke his cheek to gain his attention and, just like that, the little kid turns to you and extends his arms so you'd take him to your lap instead. It's something he often does when his mom isn't around; seeks for your warmth when he's sleepy or uncomfortable. Because you're you and you're always there together with his mom that his mind already registers you as another safe place for him. It's something that Yuri has taught him too, to find you or Uncle Jinyoung if she's not there.

"Sleepy?" You take him into your arms and whisper with a soft kiss on top of his head, the way you endlessly caress his hair lulling him to sleep. "We'll go home in a bit, okay?"

Seungyoon doesn't answer, simply buries his face in your chest as sleep overcomes him bit by bit.

Almost an hour goes by just like that, with the three of you quietly continuing the discussion in the cafe, talking about work and whatnot as your fingers absentmindedly comb through Seungyoon's hair even if he's already asleep at this point.

"Hey, didn't you go on a date or something last week?"

Seungcheol looks at you, nods, then shrugs, not giving any details until Jisoo prods, prods, and prods. You're thankful she does it for you, because you're actually also curious but don't really have the heart to force it out of him.

Seungcheol is a romantic. Has always been particular with the girls he wants to date. If he's not interested, then he wouldn't spare them a glance. If he's only remotely interested, he'd still be skeptical and find a hundred reasons not to agree on a date. There's just something bothersome about going out with someone he doesn't know without anyone else present.

You and Jisoo have been encouraging him to go on dates though, if only because it's been too long and you recognize the longing in his eyes everytime he sees his friends with their partners. He claims he's not currently looking for a relationship, but it's also been quite some time since he even goes out with anyone other than you two, and that's why you've been telling him to be more open at least for the first meetings. If he doesn't want to continue from then, then it's up to him. But how would he find someone–anyone if he doesn't even want to go on the first date?

"It was okay… but, nothing special. She's nice and we have some common interests but…" His gaze falls on Seungyoon on your lap, then caresses his head as if seeking some sort of comfort from the little boy. "Not interested in a second date."

Jisoo is about to argue, probably meaning to convince him to tell more, but her phone rings and she immediately picks up when she sees her fiance's name. Jeonghan rarely calls when she's out with you both, that's a rule they've decided together: to respect the time they spend with their friends. So she knows it must be important if he calls her instead of leaving a text.

You see her panic the longer the call goes, hand already busy packing up her stuff as you barely hear Jeonghan's faint voice calmly speak through the phone. 

"Jeonghan’s sister got into an accident." Jisoo relays the information once he hangs up, voice shaking, and worry floods over you despite not knowing the girl personally. "I… I need to go. She's being taken to the hospital now."

"Want me to drive you?" Seungcheol offers, but Jisoo shakes her head and says she's going home first, that she'll go with Jeonghan because the accident isn't in Seoul and, even if he didn't mention it, she knows he needs her with him.

"Update us?" You try to be calm for her, your palm caresses her arm in comfort.

"I will." She bites her lip in worry, looking at the map on her phone that indicates the location of the taxi she's just ordered. "She's… she's on a trip with her friend and she's supposed to come home today. But there's an accident on Seocho and it's quite a big one because a loading truck caused it."

You blink at the location, the transition between your heart dropping then speeding up as the worst case scenario goes through your mind is a matter of seconds. Yuri would need to go through Seocho too on her way back from Suwon. 

It's only 3PM now. If she's on a business trip, surely she would go home later in the evening, right? Fuck, your phone is in your bag and you can’t take it without waking your nephew. You just had to put it on ‘do not disturb’ too, though you’ve made sure to let it ring if a call goes through.

Your tendency to spiral into worst case scenarios makes it hard to convince yourself everything’s fine because it hasn’t rung. You’re dying to just call Yuri and listen to her calling you dumb for worrying; because she’s okay and she’ll be home in a few hours. That you need to calm down because she promises she’s okay.

Jisoo doesn’t seem to notice the shift in your mood due to her own stress, but Seungcheol does and he doesn’t address it until Jisoo bids you two goodbye along with a soft kiss on Seungyoon’s head. He shifts closer to you, his palm reaching your shoulder before he asks if you’re okay.

“Can you get my phone, please?” You say instead, the tremble in your voice worries him. He goes through your bag like you ask him to, then hands you the device as he notices the way your arm tightens around Seungyoon.

You’re so tense that he almost reminds you to breathe, he sees you scroll but it seems like you find nothing by the way you’re biting your lip. Then he sees you type, another sigh escapes your lips as you anxiously stare at your screen. Before he can ask if something’s wrong, you bring your phone to your ear, an endless ring greeting your ear because whoever you’re calling isn’t picking up.

“Okay, talk to me.” Seungcheol finally says, his voice soft but firm. The way you’re looking at him isn’t helping at all, and he sees you gripping your phone like it has personally wronged you. “What’s wrong?”

“Yuri is in Suwon.”

“Okay?”

“She–she’d need to go through Seocho to go back to Seoul, right?” He nods, finally grasping your worry. “She’s not replying to my texts nor my calls and I’m–I don’t know, I’m freaking out.”

He doesn’t want to brush off your worries, because he knows how much Yuri means to you and he understands how your train of thoughts might’ve gone in the short span of time between Jisoo’s news and your current condition. But he’s not sure how to calm you down without sounding like he’s downplaying your worries; so he takes the one route that he knows would at least remind you that you need to get it together.

“Hey. Breathe, okay? You’ll wake Seungyoon up.” He whispers like it’s a secret, and you take a long, deep breath as you nod. Seungcheol has always had that effect on you; to make you calm down and be your pillar when you need someone to be. Jisoo is a little blunt and harsh at times, another type of friend you’re glad you have in life because you definitely need someone like her to knock senses into your head. But that means you don’t always go to her when you’re looking for comfort and validation. That role is Seungcheol’s and, while he can be strict at times, he’s better at sympathizing with your feelings (or everyone else’s, really) than anyone. “Maybe Yuri’s in a meeting and she’s not with her phone?”

He’s probably right, but the feeling inside your gut is starting to root deeper and deeper within you the more time passes by, it’s ugly and it’s unpleasant. Like you can feel something is going entirely wrong though you can’t tell if you’re making things up or not at this point. You try to find comfort in Seungyoon’s sleeping form, his cheek pressed against your shoulder and his arms limp on his sides. 

It works along with the deep breath Seungcheol reminds you once again to take, and when your phone does ring thirty minutes later, it’s Seungcheol who takes it because Seungyoon squirms in your arms at the sudden noise.

It’s an unknown number, but the way his jaw tenses at whatever he’s hearing is making your heart twist with worry. You can’t even try to understand what they’re saying, because Seungcheol doesn’t say anything but ‘yes’, but it must be important if he’s still listening, and the last thing you heard before he hangs up is not a sentence you wish to hear in midst of your worry. We’ll be there as soon as possible. Thank you for informing us.

The way he looks at you makes your throat tightens, you can probably feel dread at the tip of your tongue. You hold Seungyoon tighter for the sake of your sanity, the toddler has fallen back to sleep. When Seungcheol speaks, your eyes blur with tears and you hate the way you already know what he’s saying before he even finishes his sentence.

The one time you wish you were wrong, you just have to be right.

“Yuri’s in the hospital. She’s in the ICU and we need to get there immediately.”

You’re trying your best not to bawl on your way there, thankful for Seungcheol as he drives as fast as he’s allowed to, Seungyoon no longer asleep but cluelessly plays with your hair as he obediently stays on your lap. It’s like he knows you’re not okay, knows not to throw a tantrum and not to ask to sit by himself at the back like he usually would. 

Like he knows you need him with you to keep you sane.

Seungcheol looks calm, but the way his palm grips yours obviously indicates otherwise and you try to distract yourself from all the worst possibilities in your mind by thinking of how lucky you are to have him with you of all people. You know he’s worried out of his mind too, but he still takes your hand because he knows you need it, knows that it helps to keep you grounded even if you have your nephew on your lap.

It doesn’t last for long though, and you don’t know what to think of Seungcheol’s lack of explanation. Yes, he confirmed that Yuri is also involved in the same accident as Jeonghan’s sister, but he didn’t say anything else. But does he really need to when he’s already said Yuri is in the ICU? If she had been okay, she would be in the ER at most; but they felt the need to take her to the ICU and that must be saying something.

Did the speaker not say anything to him? Or does he simply not want to give you empty hopes?

“Hey.” His voice brings you out of your trance and you squeeze his hand out of reflex. “I’ll be here, okay?”

You tear up again and nod, your arm that’s around your nephew tightens.

Seungyoon shifts at this, buries himself in your neck and wraps his arms around your neck like he knows you need it more than you do.

[✾✾✾]

Jinyoung is already there when you arrive, and he hugs you tight like he’s preparing you for bad news, like he needs to calm you down because whatever follows after isn’t going to be pleasant.

Seungyoon is in Seungcheol’s arms, breaking the older man’s heart by asking why they’re in the doctor’s place over and over again. Seungcheol assures him he’s not going to get shot when the toddler almost cries saying he doesn’t want to see the doctor today, promises to buy him ice cream later on if he doesn’t cry and stays in his arms.

“Is… is it bad?” You manage to choke between your tears. Jinyoung is rarely unkept, but he’s disheveled and if he’s like this then you don’t know if you want to hear what he has to say. You’re sure the doctor has filled him in on something, Jinyoung is registered as both your and Yuri’s emergency contact and if he’s here before you do, they must have told him something.

He takes a few moments to compose himself and arranges his words, his hands holding yours like it’s his lifeline.

“They aren’t sure she’s going to make it.”

More tears spill out of your eyes, though you try to contain your sob because Seungyoon is right behind you with Seungcheol, though when Jinyoung gives your friend a look, he’s quick to take Seungyoon somewhere out of sight so you can finally cry, cry, and cry until your tears dry out.

Yuri might not make it. You swallow the words like needles between your throat, your lips trembling as you stubbornly try to contain your despair. But when Jinyoung pulls you once again into his chest and whispers words of comfort you wish you could tell Yuri who’s by herself in the operating room, the dam breaks and you grip the front of his shirt like it’s the only thing you know how to do.

You don’t want to think of the worst case scenario. Don’t want to think of a life without your sister. But how can you not when you’ve been there in front of the OR for two hours? How can you not when your consciousness is going in and out of your head and the only thing that reminds you you’re awake is Seungcheol’s soft breath and the steady pattern of his heartbeat?

“Drink something?” He asks, his voice hesitant. You haven’t talked at all since Jinyoung told you Yuri might not make it, and you’re thankful Seungcheol doesn’t force you to either when he comes back with your nephew in tow. Jinyoung fills him in quickly between whispers before taking the kid with him and Seungcheol doesn’t waste a second to hold you because you look like you’re seconds away from fainting.

You shake your head even though your throat is dry and you honestly feel like you’re about to pass out any moment now. The only thing that’s keeping you here right now is Seungcheol: he’s basically plastered to you and he refuses to let go of you since earlier, which you appreciate so much because you don’t know if you even have it in you to sit straight without him by your side. You’ve just been spacing out in his embrace for two hours straight, his arm around you and your forehead on the juncture of his neck.

“Mommy?” Seungyoon’s voice brings you out of your trace, and you find him with Jinyoung, though the boy immediately lets go of his hand once he sees the state you’re in. Seungyoon only calls you that when he thinks you’re sad, a nickname that Yuri has always encouraged him for because even if he doesn’t have a father, she makes sure to let him know that he has two mothers who would do everything for him and you’re one of them.

He calls Yuri Mama, and he usually calls you ‘Mi’ because it’s easier than ‘Mommy’. He very rarely calls you by the latter because no one refers to you as such and he’s not used to it most of the time. But he knows you usually smile when he does it, which is why he only calls you that way when he thinks you’re upset. 

“Mommy okay?” He climbs into your lap, making your eyes water once again. God, this precious child might lose his own mother and he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know a thing and you pray once again to every deity in existence that you wouldn’t need to tell Seungyoon he wouldn’t be able to see his mom again.

He frowns when you don’t giggle like you usually would, though you do force a smile as you pull him into a hug.

“I’m sorry I left you with Uncle Jinyoung.” You say instead, not wanting to lie to the kid when you’re obviously not okay. “He’s boring, isn’t he?”

His small giggle warms you a little, but then he shakes his head and tells you Uncle Jinyoung is fun today and he buys him food earlier. You hum as he continues to blabber, mouthing a ‘thank you’ to Jinyoung when he catches your eyes.

“Yoon, will you tell Mi to drink water?” Seungcheol hands the bottle to your nephew, knowing full well you can’t resist him. You pretend to glare at him, aware that Seungcheol knows how grateful you are with him by your side. Seungcheol has just texted Jisoo that you’re both in the hospital for Yuri, and she promises she’ll drop by as soon as possible after informing him that thankfully Jeonghan’s sister is okay even though she has a minor concussion.

“Mi, water.” He repeats after the older man, his hands can barely hold the water bottle straight.

You thank him as you take a gulp, only now realizing how thirsty you actually are. Seungyoon shifts to play with your hair, still blissfully unaware why you’re all in the hospital, though he’s just happy in his bubble to be surrounded by you and his uncles.

For a second, you let a little bit of hope pass through you. You hope it can stay peaceful like this, with Seungyoon in your arms as you pretend you’re waiting for Yuri to come home.

Yeah, you’re waiting for her to come out, aren’t you?

Right–you’re so going to give her hell for all the worry and tears she made you shed. For making you lose it in front of Seungyoon and making you cry in front of Jinyoung, of all people. Yuri is in for a lot of nagging once she wakes up. Sick or not, you’re still going to scream at her and you’re going to hug her tight because it doesn’t make sense how deep the dread she makes you feel right now.

Yeah, that’s what you’re going to do.

She’s going to make it. She might not wake up immediately after the surgery, but you’re going to do all that when she wakes up and–

Min Yuri’s family?

And you’re going to lock her in a headlock like you usually would when she’s being annoying–

We’re sorry…

And you’re going to bawl into her chest like you used to when you were six–

…tried out best… 

And she’s going to laugh at you because she never knows what to do when you cry–

…too weak and…

But she’ll still hug you back because that’s what sisters are for–

…we’re sorry.

Because you only have each other.

Only have each other.

Had each other.

Your eyes get more and more blurry by the seconds, everything came crashing all over your body from head to toe, it’s getting harder to breathe, someone is holding you and—

You don’t know what happened after.

[✾✾✾]

On your eighteenth birthday, Yuri gave you a silver band and said you’re not allowed to take it off unless someone she approved of proposed. That you’re only allowed to take it off on your wedding day where she’d definitely be your maid of honor because who else would?

It’s a promise that I’ll be with you until I’m sure someone else will take care of you as well as I do.

You have never taken off your ring since then, never had any intention to, either. But now that you stare at it as you pack her belongings in her place, you want nothing but to rip it off your finger like it burns.

Didn’t she promise to be with you until then?

Didn’t she promise to make sure that whoever’s going to marry you is worthy of taking her ring off for?

Didn’t she fucking promise you she wouldn’t leave you behind like your parents did?

“Hey. Maybe it’s time to rest?” You look up at Seungcheol who’s hovering on the door. He looks only a little better than you are, but who can blame him when he hasn’t gone home at all since that day in the hospital? He’s been with you since then; Jisoo and Jinyoung take turns going back and forth, even Jeonghan stays for a bit when he has the time. 

Seungcheol was with you when you spent that night in the hospital, when you cried next to Yuri’s body before they closed the coffin, when you went home with Seungyoon to your place because you couldn’t bear to go to Yuri’s place just yet, and now, when you finally gathered the courage to go to her place and pack her stuff because who else will?

“Don’t you have work?” You ask instead, feeling bad that he’s been with you basically 24/7 the past week.

“You know my work allows me to work from anywhere.” He smiles a little before taking the seat next to you on the floor. “Let’s get lunch? Seungyoon says he wants jjajangmyeon.”

Seungyoon. Your poor child. You don’t think he really understands what’s happening. Jinyoung had kindly taken over your role to relay the information to the kid, but he had simply asked if his mom was going somewhere when Jinyoung said he wouldn’t be able to see her anymore.

You’re sure he would’ve cried seeing you bawl if not for Seungcheol quickly pulling you with him and holding you in his arms as you tried your best to block your sob, barely making out the conversation between the two.

Mama is in heaven now.

“Is it nice?”

Hmm. The best. But you won’t be able to see her anymore.

“Even if I miss her?”

Yes. It’s too far and if she has to come here, she’ll get very tired and might even get sick. We don’t want that, right?

“But what if I want see Mama?”

Then you’ll have to wait until the sky turns dark and the stars are visible. Mama is one of the stars now. Is that okay?

“But… there are so many…”

Seungyoon is smart, though. Aren’t you?

“Hmm..”

Then I’m sure you’ll know which one is Mama?

“Mmm… Want Mommy… Where’s Mommy?”

“Mommy?” Seungyoon has been calling you that often now. You’re not sure if he’s simply too confused or if it’s because you’ve been looking too upset these days, but his small voice always makes your heart clenches in the most painful way possible because it sounds like he knows he can’t call his own mom anymore. It’s getting harder and harder to hear him call you anything of the sort because it reminds you that his Mama is no longer around. “Hungry.”

Jisoo looks at you in apology from the door. She’s been with Seungyoon earlier, telling him they have to pack his toys because he’ll be moving with you and no longer live there. The boy has been more quiet these days, and you feel bad because you think he’s quiet because he’s tired and he doesn’t know what’s happening; why you barely talk and why his mom is not here.

“Uncle Cheol said you want jjajangmyeon?” You say as you take him in your arms, the boy suddenly shy as he nods and buries himself in your neck. “Do you want to eat outside or here?”

“Out okay?” he asks, almost hesitant. Then continues to make your heart hurt when he says his next words. “Mommy always inside these days…”

“Oh, baby.” You bite your lip and murmur an apology against his forehead. The way you hug him is more for you then it is for Seungyoon, but he tightens his arms around you also and asks once again if it’s okay to eat outside. “We can. Let’s go with Uncle Cheol and Auntie Choo, yeah?”

Seungcheol opts to go to the jjajangmyeon place you used to go to during university instead of the one nearby. It takes almost an hour to get there, but he thinks you need it and he’s sure the owner of the jjajangmyeon place near Yuri’s apartment would definitely be asking about her–which you definitely don’t need.

It’s been quite some time since Seungyoon went anywhere too, so he figures he could at least give that to the kid.

“Been some time since we went here, huh?” It really has. The last time was probably a year ago or something, because life gets in the way and even though you’ve been saying you wanted to come here again, the both of you are always too lazy and the university seems too far away even if it’s not really.

Still, the owner recognizes you two and happily takes your order which hasn't changed since the time you were in university.

Apparently, the old lady hasn’t changed either, because her eyes sparkle with interest as she sees Seungyoon in your arms. You dread her question already, knowing what she’d ask before she even does.

But as much as you expected her words, nothing prepared you for her whole sentences.

“Oh my. Is this your kid? He looks so much like you. I knew you two would get married one day.” She says as she addresses you and Seungcheol, way too excited to notice the horrified look you share with your best friend, nor Jisoo who’s trying her best not to laugh at the sudden turn of events.

You don’t even get the chance to deny her statement, because she already turns back to the kitchen then returns just as quick, giving Seungyoon a pack of jelly that’s supposedly her grandson’s.

“What a nice kid.” She smiles at Seungyoon who thanks her with a cheeky smile, the boy clutches the jelly like you’d take it any moment now. “My grandson used to cry all the time at his age. What a nice mom you have, hmm? She’s brought you up really well.”

“Mommy the best.” Seungyoon replies cheekily, which concludes the conversation because that seems to be enough for the owner to leave your table.

Once again, you’re thankful Seungcheol is beside you as you exhale a deep breath and try to swallow your tears on his shoulder. This is just a taste of what you’d need to deal with more in the future; people mistaking you as Seungyoon’s mom and you’ll somehow get the credit for everything Yuri did to make sure Seungyoon grew up well.

It’s not fair.

Nothing is and you hate that there’s nothing you can do about it.

“Mommy?” Seungyoon tugs softly on your hair to catch your attention. “Feed me?”

You tear up again at this, because Seungyoon has actually been insisting on eating by himself the past few months, saying he’s a big boy and that he can manage eating by himself. Does he know? That you need him to depend on you? That you need something to distract you?

“Want Mommy to feed me.” He repeats, his voice faltering at your lack of response. How long have you been neglecting him? How selfish can you be, drowning in your own sorrow like Seungyoon hasn’t lost his own mother? He’s probably even more lost than you are, with Yuri gone and you disassociating for a whole week.

You’re lucky Seungyoon has always been a nice kid, that he simply accepts that his aunt and uncles were to take care of him for the week. 

How fucking selfish can you be? 

“Yeah.” You square your shoulder and drop a kiss on his head. It’s not only you that needs him, you remind yourself. Seungyoon also needs you and you’re going to give everything you have and more if it means he’s happy and healthy. “Mommy will feed you, okay?”

[✾✾✾]

A/N: i hope you enjoyed this aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pls do send me your thoughts and feedbacks through ask or anything bc i'm still a writer that needs ur words to continue writing lol<3

series taglist: @cheolctrl @nap-of-a-starr @shiningstar-byulxx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups

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[I don’t allow any reposting or translation, so please do tell me if you find anyone reposting my works. You can only find me on tumblr or my Ao3. –wonwoonlight.]

Happy Lee Know day! 🐰 🤍

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❌PLEASE, DO NOT REPOST❌

thank you for the tag @savventeen

tag game: put my playlist on shuffle, list 10 songs, and then tag 10 people

These songs are from my ‘on repeat’ since I couldn’t decide which playlist to pick up because there are sooo many playlists

1.     Forever Only - Jaehyun

2.     2 Minus 1 - SEVENTEEN

3.     Animals – Maroon 5

4.     Open the safe – Na Yoon Sik, Park Sejun

5.     The Dreaming – Monsta X

6.     Love You Goodbye – One Direction

7.     Night view – Monsta X

8.     Maroon – Taylor Swift

9.     The Happiest Girl - BLACKPINK

10.  Losing You - WONHO

tagging @aestheticfangirl @oxyjunator @itutsity 

feel free to do, no pressure though ^^

I’m a loner here ><

hihihi thank you for the tag @wooahaes <3

tag game: put my playlist on shuffle, list 10 songs, and then tag 10 people

i have too many playlists, so i'm gonna shuffle my spotify 'on repeat' lol

Alligator Monday - Cuzco

Follow - Monsta X

Say My Name - ATEEZ

Remedy, Surging Sea - Son Lux

Going Dumb (with Stray Kids) - Alesso, CORSAK, Stray Kids

_WORLD - SEVENTEEN

Pink in the Night - Mitski

Look at the Sky - Porter Robinson

Left & Right - SEVENTEEN

VERY NICE - SEVENTEEN

honorable mentions are Uta's songs from the new one piece movie bc they are all i've been listening to since sunday skjflsjfldsj

tagging @twancingyunhao @rubyreduji @dokyeomblr @housewifehui @soulmateshua @softnyams @smalliechelle @nihyunluvskookie @diamondyjh @freakyfriedrice and anyone else that sees it and wants to do it!!

3:40, the first sunrays

a magnificent happening

witnessed by the universe

by the earth

at 3:40

only when you sleep

can the sun rise

for this mundane cerulean land

can only contain

the light from one diamond

finals season

day one of junkissed's svt seasons greetings event

=͟͟͞➳❥ member | college tutor!seungcheol x college student!reader (gn)

=͟͟͞➳❥ genre | fluff, mild angst, hurt/comfort ? 

=͟͟͞➳❥ word count | ~2,000

=͟͟͞➳❥ synopsis | getting a degree isn't easy. fortunately, your tutor that you maybe have a crush on is here to help.

=͟͟͞➳❥ warnings | frat president!cheol, mentions of math (yes this is a warning), mutual crushes but they’re both kinda idiots, friends (?) to lovers, really awkward confession scene oops, there's 2 screenshots at the beginning bc i wanted to!

=͟͟͞➳❥ notes | lowercase intended; honestly idk how this happened i promise the rest won’t be angsty like this sjdgkfs it was supposed to be cute but then my brain just kept chugging so. um enjoy !

one reblog = one snowy frat party

you sigh and stand up off the couch, wrapping your scarf around your neck. as much as you hated doing math, you always seemed to jump at the chance to study with seungcheol. the weather had made you reluctant to leave the comfort of your home, but the promise of coffee (and your unfairly attractive tutor) was more than enough to lure you out of the house for a couple hours.

even though your major had almost nothing to do with math, you’re still required to take so many credits of the subject to meet your requirements.

you shrug on your coat and grab your backpack in the dark, shoving your laptop and charger in with notebooks and folders. turning to take one last look around to make sure you aren’t forgetting anything, you shut the door quietly and lock it.

the lady working the shift at the front desk smiles and waves as you walk through the lobby of your apartment complex. “where are you headed?” she asks, setting down her nail file.

“tutoring,” you say, pulling the strap of your backpack higher up your shoulder.

“ooh, that hot guy that comes through here every thursday?”

you giggle. “yeah.”

“well, good luck, baby,” she grins, giving you a very indiscreet wink. “have fun with you man!”

“no– we’re not together,” you explain, feeling your cheeks start to heat in embarrassment. not that you don’t want to be together. you don’t even know if he’s single or not.

“not yet! you never know!”

“i’ll see you later,” you laugh, walking out the front door with a wave behind you.

seungcheol’s house is on the other end of campus where the fraternity houses are. it’s not a far walk, but with the snow still coming down heavily you decide not to risk showing up at his door looking like a total mess. so instead of walking like you usually do, you wait at the bus stop outside your apartment, rushing to find a place under the overhang with a crowd of other students waiting to get to class.

fifteen minutes later, you step off the bus, trudging through the quickly growing piles of snow on the ground up to the door of cheol’s apartment.

it’s only friday afternoon, but lambda phi epsilon is already gearing up for whatever party they’re hosting this weekend. you can hear faint music playing from one of the houses across the street. you wonder why cheol, the current president of the frat, isn’t over there with them, but you don’t dwell on the thought.

you smooth down your jacket and check your hair in the reflection of your phone screen, then take a deep breath and knock twice.

the door swings open immediately, revealing your tutor dressed in his… pajamas. you almost choke, your eyes falling to his flannel pants and collared pajama shirt, the top buttons undone revealing an expanse of smooth skin. the material looks soft, so soft, and you have to physically restrain yourself from reaching out to touch him.

“hey! come on in, it’s cold out there,” he smiles warmly. you snap back to attention, drawing your gaze back up to his face.

“thanks,” you manage, stepping inside. “you look, um. comfortable.”

“i love the snow,” he explains. “perfect weather to stay inside and get cozy for the weekend.”

you raise your eyebrows. “you’re not going to the party later?”

“no?” he questions. “why, are you going?”

your cheeks flare. “no, i’m– work,” you laugh awkwardly as the entirety of the english language disappears from your brain.

he smiles. “cool. you can stay as long as you want, then, i don’t have plans. we can work until you have to leave.”

“sounds great,” you squeak out.

oh, it’s gonna be a long night.

but the night isn’t as long as you thought it would be. it actually goes by pretty quickly, once you sit down and start working. as distracting as seungcheol is, you’ve really gotta learn these concepts before your final.

after many tutoring sessions you’d already figured out that cheol is insanely smart, but it never occurred to you before just how smart he is. not only does he understand the material, he understands it enough to explain everything in a way that makes sense to you— something your teachers could never do. everything just seems to click in your brain when he tells you things like why the angle of elevation is below the shape and not above it. hell, he’s even made his own practice problems for you that aren’t in your book, and after hours of teaching you get them all right, all on your own.

“try using this equation,” he says, gently nudging your elbow.

“huh?” you realize you’ve been staring at him and you whip your eyes back down to the workbook in front of you, embarrassed to be focusing on him and not the actual reason you’re here.

what is the reason you’re here? you wonder, your mind wandering. you went to the math department and signed up for a tutor, and a week later you met him in a private corner of the library to get help before your exam. and after a while, you started meeting him at your apartment, because your sessions ran long after the library had closed for the night. and now you’re sitting in his living room, contemplating every life decision you’ve made up until this point and wondering how the hell you ended up studying triangles with him in his pajamas.

he calls your name again, and you turn your head to look at him. but when you make eye contact, you suddenly feel the overwhelming urge to cry.

“do you wanna stop for now? we’ve been on this for a while, we can switch to something else if you want,” he asks. his eyes are full of concern at the sudden way you’ve stopped responding.

how did you end up falling in love with him?

“i… i think i should go home now,” you choke out. your throat feels like it’s closing up from the effort it takes not to burst into tears in the middle of his house.

“oh,” he says quietly. “are you sure? i have more practice problems for you, here, you can take–”

“why are you so nice to me?” you say abruptly.

he pauses. “i– what?”

“our study sessions go way past the hour set by the university, you make practice problems for me, you invite me to your house in your pajamas. you don’t have to do any of that. you get paid no matter what. why?”

his gaze shifts around the room, from the workbook still lying open on the table to the posters on his wall behind you. “i’m sorry about… this,” he says finally. “we can meet in the library again if you don’t like meeting here. and i would’ve changed, if i knew the pajamas made you uncomfortable.”

“it’s not the pajamas,” you whisper.

“sorry?” he says, not hearing you.

“it’s not the pajamas,” you repeat, louder this time. “it’s you. i… i don’t think i need a tutor anymore,” you say.

your vision begins to blur with tears when you hear him say softly, “okay.”

you grab your things and pack your backpack in record time. cheol holds the door open for you as you shrug your bag onto your shoulder.

“i’ll, uh, talk to the tutoring advisor and tell her you don’t need help anymore,” he says awkwardly as you rush out the door.

“goodbye, cheol,” you say, and turn down the steps to leave.

the sound of the door closing quietly behind you is what finally breaks you. tears stream down your face, burning your skin in contrast to the freezing air.

the snow had stopped while you’d been in his house, slowly turning into slush. you plop down on the sidewalk, not even caring that you’re sitting in a puddle of dirt and ice. not only had you just lost your free homework help, you’ve lost a friend who might’ve maybe been something more, if you hadn’t panicked and run off at the first thought of him.

your nose starts to run and you cry harder, wiping your nose against your sleeve, but it does nothing. you sit on the curb outside in the cold for so long you start shivering, but you don’t have the motivation to get up. a part of you doesn’t want to leave, and you don’t know why.

without the extra practice from cheol, you’ll probably bomb your final, which means having to take even more classes for even more credits next semester.

you hear a squeak behind you, but you don’t look back. whatever it is, it doesn’t matter.

“are you okay?”

a familiar voice calls out, and you force yourself to turn around.

“i mean, you don’t look okay,” he adds. “you’re sitting in front of my house, in the snow.”

you hadn’t even noticed it had started to snow again. “oh.”

“do you want to come inside?” he asks gently.

“no,” you answer immediately, but the cold is starting to get to you. “yes.”

he smiles, and just that makes you feel better. he moves out of the middle of the doorway, leaving room for you to come inside.

you stand up, trying to wipe the snow from your backside, and walk back into his house.

a pot of coffee is already steaming on the countertop, and he pours a mug and hands it to you. “why were you sitting in front of my house, in the snow?” he asks after a moment, giving you a minute to warm up.

“i don’t know,” you admit, sniffling. he hands you a tissue. where did he get that?

as you start to calm down and take in your surroundings, you notice he’s changed into jeans and a sweater.

“you didn’t have to change,” you say quietly.

“i know,” he says. “i, uh… i decided i’m going to the party later.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

the tension in the room is almost unbearable, but you purposely ignore it, bringing his mug to your lips to drink with shaky hands.

“what did you mean, ‘it’s me’?” he says finally. “what you said earlier.”

you swallow. no running away this time.

“well. um. because you’re too good. at everything.” you close your eyes and sigh. “you’re good at math and you’re good at tutoring and you’re a good person.”

“oh?” he asks cautiously. “is that… a bad thing?”

“i don’t know,” you say,. “i don’t know. you’re too nice to me. i can’t figure it out.”

he smiles, and his hand moves at his side, as if he wants to reach out and touch you, but he stays put. “i–” he swallows. “i think you’re really great. and nice. and i wanted to, i guess, get to know you better. that’s why i suggested meeting outside the library. and why i help you so much. because i do want to help you, but, uh…” he trails off, staring at his feet. “i also want more than that.”

“you do?”

he looks up at you nervously, waiting to see if your reaction is good or bad.

“i also want more than that, i think,” you say quietly.

"do– do you wanna stay for a little while?" he asks, glancing out the window. "it's started snowing again."

you smile. "yeah."

his face brightens. "we can order food or watch tv, or– we could keep studying, whatever you want," he says shyly.

"i thought you were going to the party?"

"nah," he grins. "i’d rather stay right here.”

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