Sometimes You Just Gotta Let Your Tiny Wife Carry You

Sometimes you just gotta let your tiny wife carry you

I just had a random thought and I’m burdening you with it.

If I was in Harry Potter, I would be a Slytherin, but Snape would hate my fucking guys and I will tell you why.

1. I hate his greasy weasel bird fucking nose having ass (I don’t specifically hate hooked noses I love them because my grandmother has one and everytime I saw one growing up all I could think of was her which is great!! Then snape popped up and just ruined that and now everytime I see beautiful people with hooked noses all I think is snape. Which is bad. If you have a hooked nose live your life and love yourself but I can’t unsee him. That, and he just ugly with or without it let’s be honest.)

2. I would NOT put up with his bullshit

3. I just know the man is homophobic I JUST KNOW OK THE MAN IS WALKING BIGOTRY AND HE LOVES TO PLAY THE VICTIM IM NOT WRONG HERE

4. Given the chance, I would make out with two of his “star” students (Off the top of my head that is Pansy Parkinson and Draco Bitchass Malfoy) in the same damn day and tell McGonagall all about it over biscuits I WOULD BITCH TRY ME

5. I would not respect Dumbledick for shit. I take no criticism and I give no context.

6. I’m nonbinary and he’d have to fucking respect that or I’m poisoning him and I will make that very god damn clear.

7. Fuck dress code

8. I’m am more of a pain in the ass in the classroom than Potter ever will be and I’m a part of his house like how big of a middle finger is that???

9. I would sure as fuck play quidditch, and be a beater most likely based off my skill sets. I would like to pelt a beater at his head. Watch me.

10. I am a Ron in the classroom at first glance, (not paying attention, “what the fuck is this shit??” seems to do the bare minimum), but you literally can’t fail me because the work I do is up to par, like the lowest you can give me is a C+ if you spent your afternoon critiquing even the slightest oddities and honestly his petty ass can try. I feel like at my worst, I’m like Potter. But if I care, I’m Hermione, maybe Draco.

11. I can befriend anyone if I try. Malfoy will like me and he will hate that he does. I will make out with Parkinson. And Zambini. Hermione will be skeptical of me at first but tolerate me. Ron is easy, let’s be honest. Just don’t be a bitch basically. Harry will like me because I love Luna Lovegood (and how could I not). Like fuck. These bitches kinda easy.

Even in death you cannot respect a woman enough to use her name. How disgusting.

Dis is my oc, Kicky she’s Slappy’s ex gf and he loves her still but she broke up wiff him when he cheated on her wit mary ellen even though mary ellen is a total prep and isn’t Slappys type!!!

Slapy is mine D:< I mean Kickys >///3///< lol XD

DO NOT STEAL or flame!!! Kicky is a possestesd monster hgih DOLL dats why she has purple hair ok!!!

Kicky © meee lol XD

Snape was racist bullying creepy trash and his obsession with Lily absolutely does not excuse his behavior.

Folks, friends, y’all…. esk*mo is a slur. I understand a lot of people don’t know that, I don’t want to be a dick about it, but I’ve been seeing it in fics. Wanna write “esk*mo kisses”? Just say “nuzzled noses” or something.

I’m not here to call anybody out, it’s been in multiple fics, I’m not vague posting. This is just a psa. 👍🏻