To People Who Say "oh I Was Born In The Wrong Generation!! I Only Listen To Old Music"

to people who say "oh i was born in the wrong generation!! i only listen to old music"

fake news, you werent. its seriously so convenient to listen to any kind of music today. if you were around in idk the 80s you might have been listening to the rock music around that time and everything else but the chance of missing out on other music you also listen to today wouldve been exponential. no one was born at the wrong time because of the media they consume, please

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

twitter is incredible

modern au: link has a car. what kind of car and how do you think he would drive?

Oh oh oh oh oh okay.

Ocarina of Time Link

Rauru had this Corolla parked out back his place and is letting Link drive it for a bit. Just a hand-me-down temp car. It’s got dents all over and the brakes squeal a bit.

Skyward Sword Link

He just HAPPENED to get a FRIGGIN’ SWEET RED FERRARI and no one knows HOW. How is he managing to pay for the insurance on this? He speeds all the time too he MUST have tickets. He’s in school everyone knows he doesn’t have the money Groose thinks this is utter bullshit.

“Hyrule Warriors” Link

He has a new 2013 Honda Civic: a car you can trust. The rims are extra shiny. He has a clean driving abstract too.

Twilight Princess Link

He has had this truck for years and just fixes it himself when it breaks down, which is about every other month. He is so far beyond giving a single shit about anything driving related. He takes this beast everywhere, to and from work, speeds, parks wherever the hell he feels like. No collision insurance.

And yet he mysteriously has no tickets or has ever been in a collision.

All “kid” Links

Beep beep

Wind Waker Link

BACK THE FUCK UP