Me Rn As The Anti-elle-woods Like : Did You Guys Know That Grad School Is Um... Hard ?

me rn as the anti-elle-woods like : did you guys know that grad school is um... hard ?

🪐 — LOST PROMPT : @shadowcovcn ( claudia ) for madeleine ▶ ❝ you took those bastards down like it was nothing. it…was amazing. ❞

IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE to save her blouse. the fine fibers had absorbed the blood of her victims she just as ravenously as she had, turning from ivory to red down to her waist. killing the humans was easy now — they moved so slowly — but feeding without ruining her clothing proved to be more difficult. but madeleine shrugged it off as easily as the final man's crumpled body. it was nothing to be concerned about. claudia had assured her that her skills would sharpen with time. & there would be time enough for practice, & for purchasing more fabric ; time enough for everything, now.

as the last heartbeat in the pile of bodies at her feel fell silent, her companion's voice called her from her red-tinted haze. & madeleine returned to her without hesitation, stepping out of the carnage & moving to claudia's side. ❝ i had a good teacher, ❞ she replied simply, wiping at her chin with the back of her hand. her companion had fed too, of course, but unlike madeleine, she had managed to keep her yellow dress unstained, a bright spot in the grimy, blood-stained alley. ❝ & besides, no one will miss this trash. ❞ & she glanced back at the bodies they had left behind with contempt. the ability to read the mortals' thoughts had been quite overwhelming shortly after her transformation, but it had made it a simple matter to find deserving victims, no matter where she & claudia traveled.

so anyway i'm thinking about this interview where jacob says of louis dpdl :

"My feeling about Louis is that he is the most vampire of all of them. He has the highest drive and jonesing for blood, I think he really wants blood, I think he hates human beings. I think everything he says he is, I think he is the opposite. […] I think that's he feels the need to overcompensate for a really deep blood lust, like he really wants to be a vampire. […] He's the reticent vampire because he is reticent to embrace what he is."

& i think that this is really on base, & says a lot about... well, everything tbh. louis tries so hard to be empathetic because he is afraid that he's actually not. &... he's not. this could be a whole other post, but he pretty much never actually acts to help other people. even the act of saving claudia was admittedly more about his own sense of redemption than helping her. & he is a vampire, he does kill. & sometimes he does kill violently, 'theatrically.' & sometimes often, he does enjoy it. he represses those instincts because they are so strong, & because he fears that he cannot separate himself from them any more, & because he has come to believe that they are bad & inherently wrong.

& i'm thinking about how louis, a Black queer creole man living in pre-civil-rights-act era louisiana, was well practiced at suppressing his rage & hatred for other humans, even when he was human. & i think that because he spent his human life trying to advance in his unjust society, & he tried so hard to be "one of the good ones" ( thinking here about his 'exceptional negro' speech in 1.02 ) who would be allowed to live in their world only if he suppressed his true feelings ( his "true nature" if you will ) hard enough. & how this narrative also ties to & compounds with his queerness, & his shame over & suppression of his desires for other men.

& of course, vampirism can be seen as a direct continuation of these themes, & we can see louis modeling the exact same behaviors of repression & self-loathing as it relates to his vampiric nature. he has convinced himself that what he is is inherently wrong & shameful. & i genuinely believe that the only way forward for louis is complete & total acceptance of himself. he is a queer man. he is a Black man — yes, even one who is often ( rightly! ) angry. & he is a vampire who needs to ( & likes to ) feed on humans. these things are all inherent to what & who he is, core elements of his identity that shape how he moves through this world. & he has to learn to be ok with those things... or he will ( continue to ) go insane.

🪐 — LOST MEME : @shadowcovcn ( lestat ) for louis ▶ ❝ stay with me a while, will you? it's not safe outside in the storm. ❞

THE IDEA THAT LOUIS WOULD come all this way, cross an ocean to return to the city of his birth ( nearly 100 years after he'd left it ) to track down his maker, & finally finally find the courage to say all the things he should have told him a century ago, only to leave the moment after he'd said it — in the midst of a roaring hurricane no less — it's simply so ridiculous that he can't stop himself from laughing.

but lestat isn't laughing with him. in fact, the look on his face is almost childlike in its hopefulness, his round blue eyes still rimmed in bloody tears. louis has never seen him like this before. he goes quiet, & it strikes him suddenly that maybe he doesn't truly know his maker after all. ❝ yeah, of course. i'm not going anywhere. not today. ❞ human ears might be at risk of losing his voice to the howling wind, but knows lestat can hear him. & even though the sky is still darkened with clouds, the pitch black night is giving way to a stormy grey dawn. ❝ is there room in your coffin for me ? ❞

🪐 — BLACK SAILS : @anquenin for louis ▶ ❝ am I crazy? tell me. i’m asking. ❞

IT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION, & the absurdity of it almost makes louis laugh. almost, but not quite. instead there's only a slight twitch of his brow as they wander like mortals through the city, a slight curve of his lips as he stops to look at the other vampire in the orange streetlight glow. ❝ you're asking me ? ❞ his voice is tight, uncertain of everything — including his own sanity.

but astarion seems to want a real answer, looking to him as if for some kind of reassurance that louis doesn't know if he can provide. palpable tension rolls off of astarion, his thoughts a bleakly fatalistic mirror of louis' own. but after a moment, he shrugs, brushing away the other's concern. ❝ look, man, we're all crazy. all of us. it's our way, our kind. we all lose our minds eventually. ❞ & if astarion hadn't figured that out yet, then he should be prepared for it to happen soon. the price of immortality was insanity; louis had seen the truth of that firsthand. & yet, somehow, he felt as if his mind was sharper, more lucid while walking with a relative stranger than it was with his companion of these last 30-some years. louis found himself in no hurry to return to the suite he shared with armand. & knowing what he did of astarion's maker, it seemed the strange pale vampire felt the same. ❝ but i think keeping the right company helps. at least a little. ❞

🪐 — BLACK SAILS : @azmenka for asha ▶ ❝ The thought of losing you… ❞

❝ DON'T. ❞ she cuts maron off before he can complete the thought, giving a sharp shake of her head. ❝ don't even think of it. i'm fine. i told you, it's barely a scratch. ❞ but the dark splotch on her tunic undercuts her reassurances, a hand-sized patch of drying blood betraying the wound beneath. still, asha knows without looking that it's nothing she can't heal from. she can still breathe in, stand, bend, & turn, all without agony, so she's confident that nothing critical was pierced by the lucky greenlander's spear — it's likely more of a scrape than anything.

maron still looks worried, his face white as he reaches for her as if to check for himself. but asha swats his hand away. his concern is touching, but unwarranted. & besides, their men are still watching — any sign of weakness must be saved for later, when they are alone. ❝ do you remember the time back when we were children doing the finger dance & you nearly took my head off ? ❞ & she smirks, tossing her loose hair back so that he can see the scar on the side of her throat before nudging him affectionately with her elbow. ❝ you came closer to killing me than any greenlander ever has. ❞