Figured Out My Hunger Games Au And Now I Can't Shut The Fuck Up About It.

figured out my hunger games au and now i can't shut the fuck up about it.

au where nesta comes out of the cauldron and immediately knows cassian is her mate.

“do you ever think about the person you would have become if our mother hadn’t died – if we hadn’t lost our fortune?” it may seem as though nesta is (once again) ignoring the youngest archeron’s words; her pain. she isn’t. despite being all too aware of the hard truths, having them affirmed for her scratches an itch. in the past few months she has been doing much better, but she has also come to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to forget the person she once was. she fears she could just as easily slip back into that role; whether tomorrow or two hundred years down the line. “i've thought about it a lot over the years. you always had more freedom than we did. i would have married a powerful man and become his puppeteer. elain would have married a handsome man, and given him countless, beautiful heirs... but you could have been anything, feyre. you could have honed your craft with renowned artists, travelled the globe with our father, eaten as many delicious foods as you desired. in the end you would have found yourself here, i know that now, but until then you would have been just as special. would have taken interesting lovers, too.” more interesting than the hale boy who had always been so beneath her. 

“it was never you i hated, feyre.” in the depths of her being nesta knows that part of the reason she had resented her youngest sister so is that she had kept her ALIVE when she had lost all interest in being. ultimately, she hadn’t wanted to starve to death - not really. she could have done just that and allowed her sister’s to have satisfying portions each night that they'd had food. but she had seen the reality of families who had wasted away into the winter, and had just enough self-preservation to keep herself from joining them. but it didn’t stop her from being weak in every other sense. knowing that her sister, who had looked so much like her, was far stronger than she could ever hope to be at such a young age had made her CRUEL BEYOND BELIEF. she knew it, but she couldn’t stop herself from succumbing to the fury when it etched it’s way into her being. she’d simply taken it out on the wrong person.

“i hated our mother for leaving us before we could find security… our father for giving up. i hated that you had to become that version of yourself. but most of all i hated myself for not being able to do what you could.” she’s thankful that she has been mirroring her sister’s body language all this time, lithe fingers wrap more tightly around the railing as she absorbs the peaceful view. she’s grateful to avoid her sisters' sparkling gaze; can’t bare to see what emotions may be evident on her features. feyre had rarely been able to hide her feelings when they were younger. time in prythian had improved her skills, but they still slipped through in moments when her guard was down. no doubt some form of disgust coloured her features now. 

"unless one of our enemies gets their way, we're going to live for a very long time. i can't let you spend another minute of it believing that i ever hated you..." an unexpected smile graces her lips, and she continues. "except for when you banished me to the house of wind, i did hate you then."

@moondevoured : "we had nothing except each other."

“ that’s not how i remember it. ” i stared ahead, clutching the railing, and struggling to bite back the resentment that ached to pour out of me. i was so tired of fighting. of holding onto any of the bitterness that had festered in my new, immortal heart. all i had ever wanted was my sisters — my family, to see me, to fight for me, as i had always been willing to do for them. that promise i had made to our mother still hung over me even now. to stay together and look after them. but i could still remember the sneers each time i trekked back home through the woods, my knuckles blistered from the cold and scarred by bowstrings, clothes splattered with blood, and hair a matted mess. a wild animal, nesta had declared, barely housebroken. even while that scared and lonely girl still cowered in the corners of my soul.

“ you and elain had each other. i had myself. ” and my paint brushes and glimpses of a starry night to keep me company and give me comfort. even before our mother had died and we had lost everything, my earliest memories still involved me having to fend for myself. left out of the dance lessons and dress shopping nesta and elain seemed to revel in. i had been too strange and restless for our mother to waste her time investing in. i was a bother. an inconvenience that taught herself how to become scarce. “ you never wanted me to tag along anyway. ”

Ella Purnell 🤍✨ insane beauty.

@f1ameheir — ❛ what are you doing out here by yourself? ❜

it's a great question. it would be an ever better one if nesta had thought to formulate an answer before she arrived here. she isn't even entirely sure of where she is exactly; she was supposed to be transported to adarlan, but this place doesn't match the descriptions she and gwyn had so carefully studied. not exactly. they had no other choice but to be impulsive when they agreed to the terms of the prisoner who was able to transport her through time and space, but knowing as much doesn't stop her from wishing they'd had time for a test run.

somebody needed to witness an important event firsthand (and soon) so that they could locate an artifact that had since been lost to time and legend. the role had fallen to her. she didn't have a child to raise, or a court to rule, an army to oversee, or enemies to spy on. but she does have something to prove, still.

"oh! i'm simply admiring the moon." she infuses her voice with a sense of whimsy, steely eyes drifting back up to the sky; to the tall walls interrupting the stars. she takes a deep breath as if she's savouring the moment - but the stench of spoiled food in the air twists her features in disgust.

although she's doing her best to act natural - in a way that isn't too telling of her own nature - it's challenging to do that when she feels SO UNSETTLED by the journey... by the way that beast had gripped her arms in one moment and released her here the next. nesta is now so uncomfortable in her own skin that she could happily tear it away in one swift movement. but that would raise alarms.

"truth be told i'm a little bit lost. the sun had only just started to set when i started wandering... perhaps you could point me in the right direction - if you have a moment, that is?"

@serendpitous — do you believe in fate? (kate)

"no." she responds simply. too simply. in the time that it takes for the music to come to an end and for the orchestra to prepare for their next piece, nesta realises that kate is fishing for more information with her question.

"i believe that we create our own fates. if you desire a happy ending, work is required. but fate is certainly a comforting thought. all of my favourite novels have a sense of kismet." for a fleeting moment she wonders if perhaps some people are more destined to create their own happiness than others. the same, she realises, could be said for MISERY. "— what do you think, miss sharma?"