Of The Few Extant Fixed-wing Bird Species, The Hermit Warbler Is Perhaps The Most Intriguing. Where Other

Of the few extant fixed-wing bird species, the Hermit Warbler is perhaps the most intriguing. Where other flapless birds are content to catch strong winds in order to take flight (thus limiting their habitat), these plucky warblers will climb coniferous trees as tall as two Robosauruses stacked atop each other before leaping off and gliding. It is currently unknown why they do this however, as their diet primarily consists of spiders and other crawling insects that do not require being airborne to catch.

Unable to stop screaming, Eastern Towhees have been absolutely terrified for nearly three generations. Efforts to discover what, specifically, these alarmed birds are so afraid of has met with repeated, gruesome failure and The Academy of Bird Sciences is running dangerously low on field interns. For safety’s sake, if you hear an Eastern Towhee please leave the area immediately.

Shifting their natural camouflage from season to season, Rock Ptarmigans are native to the subarctic region and can blend with their rocky surrounds almost perfectly. Unfortunately these clever disguiseurs can never resist adding fantastic eyeshadow to their ensembles, leading to intense predation by foxes and particularly ambitious Least Weasels. To date, efforts to provide makeup in more neutral tones have been met with disinterest.

Historically used as high-visibility life preservers on fast warships, Frigatebirds are island-dwellers who opted for millennia of laborious evolution rather than learn to swim. By inflating their gular pouch, these indolent sea-birds can float about on the surface of the water, waiting to snap up any small fish who wander by. Unfortunately the bright red sac is visible even below the water’s surface, making these clumsy swimmers prime targets for hungry dolphins.

As their name implies, Stellar Jays are just fantastically perfect birds. Novice birders may confuse these nigh-platonic exemplars of the Jay bodyform with the much less inspiring and all-around garbage Steller’s Jay, but these true Jays can be differentiated by a sense of serene wonderment filling the viewer as this incredible creature goes about its daily business. It is advised to set several alarms when watching Stellar Jays, as their magnificence has been known to transfix birders well past suppertime. 

The aptly-named Grosbeak Weaver possesses a rather unusual baleen-like structure in place of a crop, allowing it to filter out vital nutrients, bits of seed, and water from the faecal matter of larger animals. After being ‘wrung dry’ the Grosbeak will cough up the now-desiccated pellet for use as nest lining. Recent studies have confirmed these foul-mouthed birds are (perhaps mercifully) lacking any sort of tastebuds.