X I Plead The Fifth

x I plead the fifth

Excellent reasons why they should make a tv series on Niccolò Machiavelli during the times of the Florentine Republic:

A sympathetic protagonist: Machiavelli was born in a not wealthy family and achieved his position simply because he was, indeed, excellent at his job. As every single person who is sincerely passionate about what they’re doing, he never got rich.

A competent protagonist as well: Machiavelli was Segretario della Seconda Cancelleria (don’t know how to translate this, sorry). This means that his work revolved around Florence’s relationships with other States/parts of Italy. He was so good at writing that he also wrote the letters for other people who weren’t as skilled as him.

Humor: Machiavelli was one of the wittiest men of his age. There could be. So. Much. Sass. In the series. (He was the living embodiment of the “I’m surrounded by idiots” feeling: sadly lots of his suggestions went unlistened)

Politics: I mean, we have all watched three seasons about Cosimo and Lorenzo but... aren’t you curious about Florence’s relationships with Milan after Lorenzo’s death? Or with the Pope? Or with the King of France? Machiavelli was ambassador in France more than once! (He was also convinced he had learnt French when he... really... hadn’t...). It was a fascinating period, full of plot twists and action and Machiavelli was at the very center of it! His story has so much potential and still no one considers it!!

Culture: Machiavelli came in contact with Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo and all the most important artists and writers of the time and you really want to miss the opportunity not to show them all on screen? He was also a play writer himself and a (not so good) poet.

Representation: Machiavelli was bisexual. This isn’t something I’m making up or that I’m saying lightly. I have found proofs in his letters that say he had regular sexual intercourses with men throughout his whole life, it’s a fact that is academically recognized and the term “bisexual” has been used in at least an article. Sadly, everything I have read about this is in Italian but if you read the introduction to Roberto Ridolfi’s Life of Niccolò Machiavelli this is addressed, even if the author was a Catholic Italian living in the middle of XX century (and therefore not... exactly accepting)

Therefore: the only thing lacking in his life is a strong romance. He loved sleeping around (a post here on tumblr called him a virgin and... OP you were so wrong you have no idea) and he married Marietta Corsini because of financial reasons (as I said, he wasn’t rich). I mean, they didn’t hate each other at all, but they definitely hadn’t what was between Lorenzo and Clarice. BUT! DON’T DESPAIR! BECAUSE WE HAVE:

Cesare Borgia: now, everyone loves joking about Niccolò’s crush on him and while this is totally inaccurate we know that he really really admired him and that Cesare actually... enjoyed his company too. They did MIRACLES with Lorenzo and Francesco’s relationship in Medici, can you just IMAGINE what could turn out with them? Not romantically speaking, mind you, just an interesting relationship between two men of value in a very difficult time for Italy.

It has never been done before. We complain about lack of originality when... we have a pearl... right there...

Maybe, and I say maybe, after seeing a couple of episodes of this people will stop calling Machiavelli and his fans fascists... just saying... I seriously hope the girl who said that to me has hopened an history book since then

@screenwriters of Medici, please read this and PROVIDE

i take back what i said about freddy being nothing like kaz. when the interviewers scared the cast, he just sat there completely unbothered and held amita’s hand, then laid back and said “so funny” as if the entire cast didn’t almost just pass tf out

You know what I would really love to see?

Bisexuals, pansexuals, omnisexuals, asexuals, and greysexuals included in dark academia.

And when I say that, I don’t mean “I want to see more gay content and more single people content.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m always up for more gay content and more single people content, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.

I want to see a bisexual girl slowly fall in love with an omisexual boy while they debate each other over the historical evidence for Alexander Hamilton’s possible affair with John Laurens according to the letters left behind. I want them to meet up for black coffee and tea afterwards and end up laughing about their exes using bushels of diverse pronouns for past loves. I want their relationship portrayed as the queer romance it is. Because bi and omni people are queer. And that’s queer.

I want an asexual boy who sits up late in the library because his roommate brought someone home and he wants to finish reading Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. I want another student to notice the title of the book and immediately come over to ask his opinion on whether Sun Tzu would agree with Machiavelli on methods of keeping power. I want the relationship to escalate to a friendship. I want it to escalate into a romantic relationship. I want him to never feel pressured into sex because his partner loves him for his whip-smart mind and humanity, not his body. Because ace folk are queer. And that’s queer.

On a similar subject: I want an aromantic person to slowly become better and better friends with the girl who is their roommate. I want them to admire her witticisms, her strength in the face of adversity, her analysis of Ulysses. I want them to love each other as best friends. I want both of them to be happy with the relationship as it is, with neither worried that the other wants more. I want them to stay up late editing each other’s papers with together without it getting awkward late into the night. I want them to stay best friends even after she gets married to the woman of her dreams, meeting in person and online but also writing letters in heavy black ink with quill pens, because they are dark academics and friends. Because aro people are queer. And that’s queer.

I want to see two pansexuals go on a date to a production of Twelfth Night and ooh and ahh together as the characters jump between gender presentation because oh heck, the leads are all good looking. I want them to joke about whether the actor was hotter as Cesario or Viola on the way home. I want one to get so flustered while listening to their date talk about what turns them on that they ask “can I kiss you?” and swoop in the moment they get permission, leaving the other a little breathless. Because pansexual folk are queer. And that’s queer.

Gay folk? Hecking fantastic. I love y’all. You gays, lesbians, wlw, mlm, all that jazz—y’all are hecking great and I’m glad God made folk who are solely attracted to their own gender because look at you!!!!

(Also, though I don’t know if there are any straight people here: straight folk? You’re great too! We love talking about the queer content here because we rarely get spaces to talk about queer content, but don’t feel like you can’t come along for the ride. There’s no gate on enthusiasm for learning.)

But (as I’m sure everyone agrees) folk who like more than one gender and folk who like none at all are pretty spiffy too. And please remember the awesome attitude of “it’s queer screw you ivory tower you’re wrong and you know it” that runs heavy in the veins of dark academia extends to us too, because I think we sometimes forget that.

Thank u for ur time. Eat a bagel or something. They’re good.

the crows are so much funnier than the fandom give them credit for

here are just SOME of the funniest moments throughout the books

“….you can find your way to Ravka or Matthias’ grandmother’s house for all i care” “leave my grandmother out of this”

obviously the ghost scene

pay someone to pay someone to pay someone to

“you speak Fjerdan about as well as i speak moose” “moose is probably your native tongue”

‘Had they blown up the lab? Kaz had definitely NOT told them to blow up the lab’

The deadpan ‘He had not been shot’

Kaz trying to justify his decision if bringing Wylan along to the rest of the crows: “ i told you, ✨hidden depths✨” “see Jesper, ✨marketable skillz✨”

‘“You all look so young, where are your parents?” Wylan and Jesper burst out laughing’

“This many people having fun in one place might have shocked the Fjerdan right out of you”

“I.Should.Let.You.Die”

Nina trying to bring Kaz back: “The Ice Court, remember? 3 million kruge?” Kaz’s eyes cleared. “4 million”

“You couldn’t look guiltier if you were performing the role of Thief #3 in a penny play on East Stave”

“Who wants to buy i coat in the dead on night?” “Tourists”

“Tiny and Ferocious, just like you”

“Unless you have a unicorn for him to ride away on, there is no scenario that guarantees Kuwei’s safety”

‘They could fake a pregnancy. They couldn’t fake an actual birth. Or maybe they could, he wouldn’t put anything past Kaz at this point”

“He has a very soothing baritone”

‘“I’d prefer a pair of sable-lined swimming trunks, but we can’t always get what we want” A furrow appeared between Kuwei’s brows. His understanding of Kerch had apparently been reached and surpassed’

The Wyvil

Matthias thinking they should just let Nina and Jesper flirt the entirety of Ketterdam into submission

That MASTERPIECE of a scene where Jesper and Kaz have a random petty fistfight, and all the other crows literally move out of the way, and then when Wylan tries to get someone to stop them they just shrug and go ‘I mean they aren’t using their weapons let them fight it out’ and THEN Colm coming him and scolding them and both of them IMMEDIATELY stopping

“Whatever you say, Llewelyn”

Nina’s singing

Wylan and Kaz falling through the ceiling onto Van Eck’s dinner party will ALWAYS be iconic

Kaz’s chapters in general are absolutely HILARIOUS, but my personal favorite is when he’s depending on Matthias Not Betraying them, and he thinks something like this:

‘Either he was right and Matthias’ feeling for Nina would prove enough, or Kaz was about to pay for all those talking tree jokes’

The talking tree jokes in question

The initiation ceremony where the tree teaches you the secret handshake

‘His first thought was that this boy had the most beautiful lips he’d ever seen, and his second was that he was probably about to die’ Wylan honey we’ve got to talk about your priorities

“Is it that bad?” “No, you just have really ugly feet”

That scene at the start of Six of Crows where Van Eck has Kaz tied to a chair and is explaining what he needs, and then is explaining why he needs Kaz specifically, talking about how his De Kappel painting was stolen which is a really impressive feat, while Kaz is vehemently denying that he had anything to do with it although it was obviously him

Wylan being passive aggressive while Jesper is trailing after him trying to apologize for the Kuwei thing

“Can’t we just enter as performers? I hear Wylan really kills it on the flute”

Inej getting Nina’s cookie jar after she gets back and Jesper being offended that he didn’t get to take some

Nina making fun of Kaz’s haircut

“Is my tie straight?”

That’s all I can think of for now, i’m sure there’s more so if you think of something feel free to add on