Jaejin Had Never Been Good At Letting Go Of Things. It Was A Bad Habit He Had Carried For As Long As

Jaejin had never been good at letting go of things. It was a bad habit he had carried for as long as he could remember—holding on to old friendships that had long since faded, missed opportunities that still haunted him, and even a stack of letters from past relationships. He knew it was something he needed to work on, but change wasn’t easy and Jaejin wasn't the most flexible guy. Now, as he sat in front of Saem, the young boy with an infectious smile and friendly nature, Jaejin was trying his best—his absolute hardest—to be kind.

"Ah, so you're the same age as one of my younger siblings," Jaejin says aloud, He couldn't help but think about his own siblings wondering to himself if Saem was just as annoying as they were. "Having siblings is... well, chaotic sometimes," he chuckled softly. "But it's nice to have them around. They keep things interesting.". How long had it been since they had last talked? Jaejin’s life had been so consumed with practice, performances, and the pursuit of perfection that calling home never even crossed his mind. Had had neglected the little moments, the connections that mattered most?

"but sometimes I do wish I was an only child" Nah, probably not.

It seemed that as Saem spoke, his infectious smile grew even brighter, Jaejin couldn't help but feel irritated at the boy's ability to be so effortlessly happy. Jaejin put on a smile, wondering at what point his facial muscles would start hurting from all the forcing. Of course, Saem could be happy when he was set to travel the world and perform on stages that Jaejin could only dream of. Had dreamed of. And yet, there was still a part of him that knew —on any other occasion—he would have genuinely liked the guy. but sitting across from him was too soon for a wound that was still so raw.

"i've never been to Chicago, but if it's any consolation, I love the movie," he said with a shrug - a desperate attempt to connect. Jaejin noticed a subtle shift in the coach's expression—a faint disapproval that hinted they were straying from the assigned task. So redirected his focus, Jaejin glanced at Misaki and cleared his throat. "Verily, how dost thou like it in Korea? " 'Twas a mighty adjustment for me, and I confess I am yet to grow accustomed to it." "How do you like it in Korea? It was quite an adjustment for me, and I have to admit I'm still getting used to it." he asked, his words taking on the more formal Josean speech they had learned in class.

misaki is no judge, hardly the type to pick up on subtle nuances unless they're bolded in bright, flashing lights, his attention span often working far too quickly for him to truly pick up on details the first go around. that being said, misaki has always trusted his gut— instinct was what drove him, thoughts more often than not thrown to the wayside in favor of feelings when it came to beginnings. a believer in action, misaki can't help but feel like something might be off, but he can't quite place why.

jaejin seems nice, is nice as far as their current situation has shortly shown, but it seems like he's holding back. cautious. that's a state misaki can't say he's familiar with, but to an extent, he thinks he can understand— lessons are boring, especially ones meant to be advanced such as this . . . maybe the other boy was just nervous about a class as strict as this!

misaki would like to help change that.

his expression doesn't let up, grin as chipper as always, but misaki finds his eyes widening as jaejin offers tidbits into his life. "you've also lived in america?" he finds himself unconsciously slipping into english as well, a habit that occurs anytime another english speaker crosses his path. just as quickly as the slip had occurred, however, he's back to korean with a muffled cough and a meek sorry directed towards their coach. "i was born in chicago and lived there until i was seventeen— i moved here during my last years of high school!" mood on the rise again, misaki finds himself nodding along to his own words. "i'm an only child, but that's ok, i've met a ton of cool hyungs— you're older than me, too, actually! i was born in 2004." tilting his head to the side slightly, misaki adds. "it must be nice to have siblings, though."

Language Bootcamp Starter

Feat: Lgcsaem

If you were to ask Jaejin, he would say he's good at Korean. He can ask all the essential questions: "Where's the bathroom?" "How much is it?" Of course, "Please" and "Thank you," and perhaps most important of all, "I'm hungry." Clearly, someone in a pay grade ten times higher than his thinks otherwise. He had been told he needed improvement, which stung more than he cared to admit. But he believed he could manage the basics just fine, and that should count for something.

The powers that be, however had other plans and Instead here he was sitting in an empty classroom with nothing but a white board, a coach , and across from him - Kuramoto Misaki, The two had rarely interacted, but Jaejin knew of him. Of course he did; after all, Misaki was all set to debut in the new idol group for which Jaejin had been deemed unfit. As he looked at Misaki, Jaejin couldn’t help but compare himself to the male in front of him, trying to discern what set them apart. What quality did Misaki possess that he lacked? The comparison was inevitable and painful, but Jaejin quickly snapped out of it to focus on the task at hand. Now wasn't the time to dwell on missed opportunities. There was work to be done. He took a deep breath and addressed Misaki, unsure of how to begin, "So...do you want to start or should I?"

"She loves me, she loves me not; she loves me, she loves me not," he began, looking at his reflection in the mirror. "You see? My mother doesn't love me. Of course not! She wants to live, to love, to wear bright dresses, and here I am, twenty-five years old, a constant reminder that she is no longer young."

He had spent the last few weeks learning this monologue, practicing it everywhere—on the subway, in the dormitory laundry room, even while waiting in line at the cafeteria. Despite his efforts, he didn't know if he was actually improving, He'd done the research, gaining a deeper understanding of the character, but it felt like he still had a long way to go until he was truly satisfied with his character,

He tried to channel the character's frustration and sadness. "When I’m not there, she’s only thirty-two, but when I am, she's forty-three—and for that, she hates me. Besides, she knows I don’t accept the theater. She loves the theater, she thinks she is serving humanity and the sacred cause of art, while in my opinion, the theater of today is hidebound and conventional."

His voice grew stronger. "When the curtain goes up, and, in a room with three walls and artificial light, those great geniuses, those priests of holy art, show me how people eat, drink, love, walk about, and wear their jackets; when from those banal scenes and phrases they try to fish out a moral—some little moral that is easily grasped and suitable for domestic use; when, in a thousand variations, I am served the same thing over and over and over again—then I flee, as Maupassant fled from the Eiffel Tower, which made his brain reel with vulgarity."

He let the words hang in the air, feeling the intensity. Acting didn’t come naturally to him. It required a level of emotional vulnerability and authenticity that felt foreign. As he stood there, uncertain if he could ever fully embrace this path, he wondered if he would ever feel truly at home in this world of make-believe.

On a whim, Jaejin decided to change his hair color, embracing the motto: "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission." In the grand scheme of things, he probably should've sought approval from an image coordinator or some other arbitrary job in the company. But hey, you only live once, and now was the perfect time to make the change. With only 30 minutes before his next lesson, he needed to move fast, hoping to finish before anyone noticed and he got caught in the act.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, he hastily mixed the dye, filling the air with the sharp scent of chemicals as he poured it into a bowl. As he stirred, a small splash of brown dye escaped, landing on the pristine tiles near the sink.

He dipped his gloved fingers into the mixture, applying it to his hair in careful strokes. The cool, slick texture of the dye spread through his blonde strands, some of it dripping onto the edge of the sink and down to the floor.

"Come on, come on," he whispered, trying to balance speed with precision. His reflection in the mirror showed streaks of dark brown contrasting against his lighter hair, the transformation already taking shape.

Time seemed to stretch as Jaejin worked, every second ticking by as he hurried to cover every inch of hair from roots to tips. Despite his efforts, more dye splattered onto the countertop and the tiles beneath. He swore under his breath, hastily wiping away the drops with a tissue, leaving smudges behind.

Finally, with the dye fully applied, Jaejin inspected his handiwork. His hair was now a deep, even brown, the color contrasting sharply with his fair complexion. He let out a breath, relief washing over him after completing the task, though he couldn't ignore the mess in the bathroom.

Glancing at the clock, he realized he had spent more time than he intended. Hastily rinsing off the excess dye from his skin and the sink, he frantically wiped down the countertops and tiles, scrubbing away the evidence of his impromptu makeover.

Jaejin set up his camera on the tripod, carefully adjusting the angle to capture his bed. He glanced at the screen to make sure everything was in frame before jumping into bed, fluffing his pillow, and pulling the covers up to his chin. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them wide, pretending to wake up with a stretch and a yawn.

In truth, this was a lie. His mornings usually started with a mad dash to get ready, leaving his bed a tangled mess. But today, everything was different. He moved around the room, picking up clothes, straightening his desk, and organizing his shoes into a pristine line under the bed. His clothes for the day were neatly hung on his wardrobe, starched and ironed.

The whole thing was very performative, he mused to himself as he folded a blanket. Normally, his room was chaotic, with clothes strewn about and books in random piles. His morning routine was a whirlwind of activity, barely giving him time to grab a quick breakfast. Today, he meticulously dusted every surface, arranged his desk items in a perfect line, and even took the time to fold his clothes neatly. The effort to appear organized and put together felt almost like a role he was playing, a performance for the camera.

Transitioning to the bathroom, he draped a towel over his shoulder before dipping his head in the shower to dampen his hair. "Now, let's talk hair care," he said, facing the camera. He held up various products, explaining each one. "I always eat healthy and take my vitamins. For my hair, I do oil treatments before shampooing, wash it twice a week, deep condition for at least an hour after washing, then detangle, apply leave-in, and oil. I wash it in the evening and let it air dry overnight, then brush it out in the morning."

He demonstrated his routine, working the conditioner through his hair with a wide-toothed comb. "If I ever open a hair salon, I’ll call it 'The Mane Event,'" he joked, grinning at the camera. "We’ll have a grand opening with free makeovers and a red carpet for all the clients."

He then rinsed the conditioner out, his fingers moving deftly through his hair. "Seriously though, taking care of your hair is so important," he continued, reaching for his leave-in conditioner. "It’s not just about looking good, it’s about feeling good too. Healthy hair can really boost your confidence."

"Next up, the leave-in conditioner and a bit of oil to lock in the moisture."Jaejin applied the leave-in conditioner, followed by a light layer of oil, ensuring every strand was coated. "Leave-in helps keep your hair hydrated throughout the day, and the oil adds that extra shine and protection. remember, always be gentle with your hair," he advised, gently massaging the product in. "Treat it with care, just like you would your skin."

"It's all about maintaining healthy hair. It might seem like a lot of steps, but trust me, it's worth it." He says, pausing for a moment, looking thoughtful before combing through his hair once more, making sure every strand was taken care of. "I used to think all this was a bit much, but now it’s become a part of my routine that I really enjoy. It’s like my own little spa session."

With his hair routine complete, he flashed another smile at the camera. "And there you have it! Hair care, the CJ way. Now, let’s move on to breakfast." With that, he transitioned out of the bathroom, leaving his hair to air dry as he headed to the kitchen to start his day.

Transitioning to the kitchen, he prepared a simple breakfast: a bowl of yogurt with granola and fresh berries. He set the bowl on the table and took a seat, the camera capturing every move. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," he said, spooning a mouthful of yogurt. "Gotta start the day right!"

He took his time, savoring the combination of creamy yogurt, crunchy granola, and sweet berries. "I like to keep my breakfast light but nutritious," he explained between bites. "It gives me the energy I need for the rest of the day without making me feel too full."

After finishing his breakfast, Jaejin rinsed his bowl and set it in the sink, turning back to the camera with a satisfied smile. "Alright, everyone, that's the morning routine. Now, let's head out and tackle the rest of the day. Thanks for joining me, and I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my life." With a playful wink, he picked up the camera, ready to move on to the next part of his day.

The blonde sat alone in the empty dance studio, his chest rising and falling rhythmically, beads of sweat dripping from his hair, to his forehead, and finally onto the polished vinyl floor. He had spent countless hours that day - that week- trying to perfect the choreography of "D.D.D." by The Boyz, and the physical exhaustion was beginning to take its toll on him.

This week had been terrible, and he couldn't wait for it to be over.. The pressure of upcoming performances, coupled with the relentless schedule of practice sessions, had left him feeling drained. His body ached from the relentless rehearsals, but the emotional fatigue was even more overwhelming. Misunderstandings with friends, miscommunications with family, and the weight of his own high expectations pressed down on him hard.

The studio was dimly lit, with the only light coming from the large mirror-lined wall reflecting his tired expression back at him. Jaejin replayed the dance steps in his mind over and over. He had been at this for so long. the complex footwork, the sharp movements, the fluid transitions. He had gone over it countless times, analyzing every detail, yet, no matter how hard he tried, he felt like he was falling short.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the lights and the music of "D.D.D." on loop in the background. The upbeat rhythm threatened to bring the bubbling irritation in him to the surface. Jaejin knew he had to push through, to keep going despite the setbacks, but it was becoming harder to find the strength.

With a deep sigh, he finally let himself collapse onto the floor, the cool surface connecting with his sweat-covered back. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his cell phone and paused the blaring music. In the silence, he could feel his thoughts calming and his body began to relax.

Finally, he covers his eyes with his arm, welcoming the darkness to take him for the next few moments.