Ok I Forgot I Came Here To Write.

ok I forgot I came here to write.

my heart..

how 𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 little by little...

𝖍𝖊𝖊𝖘𝖊𝖚𝖓𝖌 — leans away when you sit together

warnings ; implied insecurity, swearing. (0.6k)

at first, you thought it was because of the increasingly hot weather – the ac not being enough to fend off the gross, muggy feeling loitering near your skin, making itself at home atop your shoulders

at first, the distance was welcome

you’d rather not be sharing body heat when you had enough by yourself; heeseung’s arms, although comforting, were incredibly warm, after all

and then autumn began to creep up on you both....the year hands its wicker picnic baskets, it’s frisbee-like sun that whisks past your ear, gone before you know it came

the year hands in, for the both of you at least, physical affection

(farewell, dear kisses—

strawberry jam tasting ones, that are a little too sugary because you have a sweet tooth and heeseung doesn’t have the heart to complain

borderline sticky and gross kisses, skimming the corner of your mouth because you just finished baking and have icing everywhere, “shit (name), don’t you dare get that on my face—”

small ones, everywhere, because the gaze you hold for your reflection is too harsh, too critical, too....

long, yearning kisses. he hates being away, your fingers curl into his chest, feeling, feeling for his heart....does it still belong to you?)

heeseung doesn’t hold your hand like he used to in april

back in a season when love was new to your tongue, when it felt foreign to say – your mouths aching from the words, then aching some more from the giggles that came with it

back in a season when the heat was bearable and heeseung wasn’t so far away....in thought, in person, in the dark corners of the practice room, shrinking further and further into the shadows as to avoid you, and your heartbroken gaze

take, one—

left on read, left on read, left on read

take, two—

i’m coming home late today

as it he didn’t come home late every day, as if he didn’t avoid you every other fucking second of the day, as if he hadn’t broken up with you without actually doing so

“you’re a coward, hyung....”

“i know jungwon, i know.”

so here you are again, sitting against his bunk, shoulder blades tucked uncomfortably against the wooden frame, neck bent awkwardly as you stare at the ceiling

stare at the speckles, bumped elegantly like icing that a child had dipped their finger in

swirled it around, shaken up feelings the decoration and left you it in a borderline wreck

you stare till your eyes dry up and every blink feels like hell

you stare and wonder.....about love, types of love, times of love, lost love, coming only to this conclusion:

a fleeting spring....romance, should you name it, is worse than any summer love

it lulls you into a false sense of security, wrapped up tightly in a promise of new beginnings and hearts full of sunshine

these spring romances, they let you forget the dangers of overindulgence, the dangers of too much light....

“fuck, i can’t stop seeing their flaws, jay....i’m scared i might start hating them if i’m not careful—”

spring, like all things, comes to an end, and the lover you thought shared your adoration has become sun stained and open in your palms

look now, their hands sweat beneath your fingers, push down and feel the bone, do they cower from you?

does heeseung....?

does he....?

“why don’t you just end it with them, hyung?”

“because i—because i love them....”

“then why don’t you act like it?”

heeseung doesn’t know that himself

heeseung doesn’t know why he can’t let you go but can’t bring you close, either

does he love you?

perhaps not....perhaps the saddest thing about your story, is that you’re very much a memory brought forth into the present, a fragment of time not meant to be – stuck, stuck in the wrong season

oh, you’d never thought you’d become his spring lover—

the one he loved in passing....

so cute so cute so cute

𖥻 like OR reblog.

I have gotten to a point where I can’t even stand my own natal chart

but doesn’t jay give off the second lead vibe if he ever gets into a love triangle ( idk it’s just the aura or is it because he has been single his whole life??)

this man is so hot *cries*

these pictures right here scream dilf jaehyun okay, tell me where's the lie