I Have Super Little Time To Write The Kind Of Extensive Meta That I Want To To CELEBRATE This FABULOUS

I have super little time to write the kind of extensive meta that I want to to CELEBRATE this FABULOUS episode 8 of Be My Favorite, so here’s more of a stream of consciousness edit of the notes I took during the episode, and prayers up that they all make sense as a whole.

This episode to me was about the start of Kawi EMBRACING THE PRESENT. To live with ACCOUNTABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY. I really loved the recap at the end of 1/1, before Kawi holds the crystal ball. Kawi’s reflecting and getting a BETTER, MORE OBJECTIVE overview of the impact of changing the future, and how much his power can ACTUALLY change things.

He gave the diary to Pisaeng so that Pisaeng could understand if things were changing in Pisaeng’s life without context. In other words: he is beginning to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings.

Kawi is beginning to recognize that his INTENTIONAL decisions in the PRESENT MOMENT will be the determinant to a future that’s… happier? Or at least – a future that will, hopefully, include some, if not all, of the people he loves. 

AND: he’s learning that if you live your present life WITH that intention – then THAT is the main control that a human has to determining one’s happiness.

He learns that he cannot change the future in an ABSOLUTE – his father will still die. It’s an important lesson. He cannot predict every single turn a human can take and guarantee a great outcome. 

I absolutely love the reflection on not running away. Pisaeng tells his mother he doesn’t want to leave Thailand. Pisaeng’s mom wants him to live overseas to live an “easier” life. But we then get the comparative reflection of Kawi and Max at the wonderful LGBTQ+ event, where we hear that running away just – doesn’t work.

Max is the guy – the guy for Kawi and Pisaeng that’s rooted in a very present world. The guy that can really see through both of them, understand their internal shifts and discomforts, and diagnose what Kawi and Pisaeng each have been struggling with. And, so beautifully – Max gives Kawi his flowers for just being a good friend. In the present.

Dudes, I never, ever shy away from a story that focuses on accountability and responsibility. It’s tough human shit, tough behavioral shit. When characters learn how to hold themselves accountable, and we see that process – Kawi, Khai, Frame, Phupha at the end of Our Skyy 2, Nozue, even Fuse (holy shit), etc. – the guys who will GO THROUGH a very TOUGH and HUMAN process of holding themselves PAINFULLY RESPONSIBLE to change on behalf of someone else – it is just GOOD ART when it is DONE WELL.

I am sure I will unwind more as I get through my day, but wanted to note these awesome, predictive easter eggs. This show is telling its story in so many ways – through the philosophical references we saw earlier in the series, and today, through shirts! (Yo, @grapejuicegay, we’re always looking for BBS connections, right? SHIRTS!)

MATCHING COUPLES SHIRTS! THEY’RE A COUPLE, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE PRESENT OR ALL THE FUTURES.

KAWI WEARING A DUDES SHIRT! HE’S GONNA LIKE GUYS!

LOL. I WANNA WEAR A SHIRT THAT SAYS “DUDES.” Let me get my message across AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLY – I LIKE DUDES, I’M GONNA LIKE DUDES. 

FUCK THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD! More soon. Our boy Kawi is growing up. Krist and Gawin are EATING. THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD!

(ccing @dribs-and-drabbles​ @lurkingshan @chickenstrangers – I got to watch this earlier than expected, yay!)

bold of you to assume i’m within 10 feet of you

I hope you trip over your shoelaces

I hope YOU trip over my shoelaces

Be My Favorite: I’m All Caught Up!

So two nights ago, I kind of lost it, HAPPILY, in a binge of Be My Favorite – I’m here to report that I’m all caught up, I’m VERY SEATED for the ongoing episodes, and hopefully I can get it together to do episodic meta from here on out. 

First off, I’d like to say, publicly, that I had written multiple times in previous posts that I would NOT be watching BMF after having watched SOTUS, SOTUS S, and Our Skyy x SOTUS for my Old GMMTV Challenge. I thought Krist Perawat’s acting in SOTUS, etc., was awful, especially compared to what Singto Prachaya was delivering. While Our Skyy x SOTUS was markedly better than the two full series, Krist wiping his mouth after the airport kiss still gave cringe, and I was like, peace out, cub scout, hope you never do another BL again.

I RECANT. Clearly, much has improved by way of Krist’s acting skill – and, likely, by way of how GMMTV workshops their actors and scripts before filming a BL. (And I REALLY want to thank @rocketturtle4​ here for going very hard in the paint for Arthit and tagging me in your post, because your SOTUS meta absolutely had me thinking about Krist’s acting again. That piece was part of the inspiration and urge that led me to pick up BMF. Thank you! Good things happen when you clown, friend!)

(As well, I want to note that while Krist’s reputation regarding homophobia has not, by way of general public judgment, been fully redeemed, that I think recent discourse surrounding the early days of the pressures of shipper culture and how his comments were received is very interesting to peruse – especially for me, as I develop a MUCH sharper eye towards the toxic, negative impacts of shipper culture. This amazing dialogue between @absolutebl​ and @thelblproject​ has been EXTREMELY helpful to me in setting that history and context for me.)

So, with all that said:

Be My Favorite is a FABULOUS SHOW. The writing is SHARP, the acting is GREAT, and the chemistry between Krist and Gawin Caskey is SUPERB. 

Catching up to episode 7, I want to review what I’m seeing as the major themes of the series, ones that I’m seriously enjoying:

1) As I noted in my Monday night liveblogs, this show is structured in part around the inspiration of a few old yt dudes philosophers and physicists regarding time, space, truth, and relative existence. We gots Nietzsche, Einstein, Orwell, and – gah, the Thai writer of the book that Max was reading early in the series about Thai social hierarchy, and I cannot find the post that explains that book (if someone has the link for that post, please send, and I’ll edit it in here). (EDITED TO ADD: thank you to @grapejuicegay​ for sending me the link! The book Max was reading was The Face of Thai Feudalism, and here’s a wiki link for the book). Otherwise, receipts!

Just to recap what I wrote in underslept franticness on Monday night: the first of the old dudes to enter the ring of this series is Einstein, regarding time travel. I mentioned that I am a huge fan of Jack Finney’s Time and Again – I loved that book in high school. It’s a fantasy about how the American government uses Einstein’s work on weight and light to understand the dimensional aspects of time, the present, the past, and the future, and how multiple existences may be present – if you can create a pathway into them. 

I don’t know at all if BMF is talking to Time and Again, per se, but it IS talking to Einstein and relativity, along with Nietzsche and what’s referenced in the slide above – Nietzsche’s On Truth and Lies in a Nonmoral Sense (and, yooo: here’s the text! Read it! Everyone: READ MORE NIETZSCHE! Let’s meditate on power together when we have the time, eeee!)

I really want someone with a Ph.D to not allow me to say this, but let me offer a blasé summary of the text to say: what’s essentially being said in the dialogue between Einstein and Nietzsche is that truth is relative to the moment in time in which truth is being sought, and to the individual to whom the truth may have meaning. Truth is relative to the beholder of that person that is seeking truth. 

In other words: what, exactly, is the truth that Kawi is seeking? 

2) @respectthepetty​ (here) and @lurkingshan​ (here) are writing excellent meta on the dislikability of Kawi, and how this search for his “truth” is fucking him the hell up. First: I TOTALLY AGREE. This dude wants to spin that damn ball to find out if his life gets “better.”

And what we’re seeing is that he’s slowly relaxing the parameters of what “better” means. What “better” HAD meant to him, early on, was that he’d be in love with Pear, and that his dad would be alive. In episode 7′s rock star world, we see neither of those things happening; in fact, in none of his presumed worlds do we see that happening. 

Besides Kawi’s dislikability, which I’ll get back to in a second, I just want to say:

Him jumping to world after world is SO important to this story, and I really like that this series isn’t trying to hone in on ONE world being THE RIGHT WORLD, because – Nietzsche, Einstein, and Orwell aren’t necessarily the guys you want on the bench arguing in favor of a ONE RIGHT WORLD perspective. They’re the dudes who are like – bend some light here (Einstein), throw in a linguistical concept there (Nietzsche), and add some questionable politics and power control issues (Orwell), and, well, you got some messy worlds there, my friends.

In other worlds: this show is set, per episode, in the world in which Kawi is existing at that moment. It has relativity to his other worlds – because he’s an anchor in all these worlds – but not one specific present moment is his absolute truth. YOW.

3) Sooooo, where does that get us? It gets us to episode 7, an episode that really moved us…“forward” (??) (ha) in this series. In that, Kawi changed enough in his initial state at the start of the series to create a new future for himself that was vastly different than the ones in which Pisaeng was going to marry Pear.

What I am loving about this series is that by being anchored by the influence of the philosophers, in part, that we get to see a lot more light into Kawi and Pisaeng. Pisaeng, as we now know, was pressured by his mother to stay in the closet at a young age (cc @brazilian-whalien52 and @respectthepetty on the linked post!). 

What is your truth if you’re in the closet for so long?

In episode 7, Pisaeng has disappeared from the lives of his friends and Kawi for months. We don’t exactly know why at this point. But we get a hint at the very end of the episode – that he is ultimately spending his time, possibly in multiple worlds, being patient for Kawi to come around to Pisaeng’s love. 

Early in the series, as well, Kawi notes to Pisaeng that Pisaeng wasn’t being honest to Pear about not having feelings for Pear. I think this extrapolation has already happened in previous posts, but I’m not finding them at the moment, so let me give flowers to everyone who has said: that Pisaeng’s internal reality is also a world, a present, that Kawi doesn’t necessarily share by way of absolute reality – in that, what Kawi demands of Pisaeng early on is relative revelation for the sake of the people around him. And how will Pisaeng’s truth affect others? How will it affect Kawi, how will it affect his mom? How does it affect Pear?

All of that is relative truth that each individual, involved in these circles, must translate AND accept and digest in their own individual, micro-level perceptions. Pisaeng’s own truth BECOMES a kind of truth that is slightly different for each person that’s receiving it. 

4) And the same for Kawi. Except, we’re seeing it develop differently for Kawi. I think we have known, up until the end of episode 7, what “better” meant for Kawi, as I wrote previously – Pear, his dad’s health, etc.

But I think we’re going to see a change in Kawi now (hopefully). We’re seeing that Pisaeng keeps returning to Kawi, in almost all the worlds, as Kawi improves himself and checks himself against his “present.” Surely, what we want to see in a BL is Kawi warming up to Pisaeng’s affections. The fact that time travel is the modality by which Kawi will experience that change – vis à vis some VERY fascinating perspectives on what “truth” really means – is FABULOUS.

It’s unique, because – I think – in the story of Pisaeng, do we see a macro commentary on the reality of being queer in majority cishet societies that may view queerness as dangerous or something to be kept secret, as Pisaeng’s mom indicates. 

To keep one’s queerness in the closet – FOR THE SAKE OF SOMEONE ELSE, damn it – isn’t that a violation of one’s own truth? And one’s own reality?

5) And, final point (for now) (ha) is: a theme that’s been running through my head on this series is how both Kawi and Pisaeng CHALLENGE EACH OTHER TO CHANGE themselves. Maybe even… for “the better.”

Previously to all of this time travel stuff – neither of them experienced external pressure to change their worldviews. Pisaeng was going to marry Pear as a closeted queer individual. Kawi was going to live out his life friendless and companion-less.

Instead, THROUGH the time travel, and through their growth in all of these different worlds – BOTH of them have been forced to change.

I really like this lesson. One can become complacent. As Theory of Love so deftly demonstrated: behavioral change is really hard. But it might be a little less hard if you have a companion, a friend, maybe even a lover, going through similar changes as well.

Kawi is still dislikable, I think, because he’s not aware of either HOW or WHY he’s changing. But he’s changing, alright. He doesn’t have the context, yet, as to why this might be good for him.

Maybe the crystal ball will tell him that?

OR, MAYBE: he’ll come to realize that contentment in the present is ultimately what will give him the most happiness. As Pear said to Kawi during her wedding in episode 7:

“But as we grew older, lived our lives, and continued to make mistakes, we’d have to accept that this was the farthest that we could achieve.”

What Pear is saying here is: you can stop striving sometimes, Kawi. If you can just – BE – and accept that life is not PERFECT – then your future WILL just BE the result of THAT work THAT YOU DO NOW, THAT WILL CONTAIN MISTAKES.

What I hope to see in the future episodes of this series is Kawi recognizing that that work is what will be his revelation, and his ultimate truth for himself – the truth that makes him the most happy and fulfilled.

We’ll see. I haven’t even gotten into all the subtle references to Krist’s past that this script holds, but @lurkingshan​​ is holding that down in her meta (yay, Shan!).

I am in LOVE with this show, and am SUPER EXCITED to join y’all in watching it! I am VERY IMPRESSED with GMMTV taking another chance on Krist in a BL, and Gawin was a perfect choice as an onscreen partner.

(CCing a few friends who were holding me down during my Monday liveblog, here ya go, some meta for ya – THANKS FOR YOUR PREVIOUS FEEDBACK, FRIENDS! @dribs-and-drabbles​​, @grapejuicegay​​, @rocketturtle4​​, @chickenstrangers​​, @lurkingshan​​) 

P.S. I FORGOT TO ADD:

GAWIN. CASKEY. DAMN. CAN THE HOMEY ACT, OR CAN HE ACT? He is SO GOOD IN THIS, MY GAWD! Their CHEMISTRY! MEEP!

Kawi is the worst, honestly

TLWR: Kawi sucks and episode seven told us exactly why.

We all know I love Be My Favorite, but the one point I love the most is how awful the show allows Kawi to be.

And before we try to defend our poor little meow meow, let's remember that Kawi knows he is the worst.

In fact, he repeats it all the time.

But episode seven honed in on why Kawi is the absolute worst.

Because Kawi IS the worst, so much so that he is even worse than Not, but it's not due to Kawi's low self-esteem.

The first reason Kawi is an asshole is because he only thinks about his future.

Others have mentioned how Kawi phrases wanting his dad alive because without him, Kawi isn't motivated to excel. It's not to simply have his dad alive, but because Kawi needs his dad to be alive. It's semantics, but Pear throws this in Kawi's face during the argument; Kawi has only thought about his future and not how his changes affect others. Even when Pear was left at the altar, Kawi went back to be the one to marry her. Kawi isn't present in the moment, which is the lesson he needs to learn, because he is always thinking about HIS future and how others will help him achieve that future.

The second reason Kawi is a jerk is because he doesn't think about anyone else's future.

This is different than the first reason because what happens when Kawi gets the future he wants? To Kawi, getting Pear, being a musician, and his dad being alive are all goals for him. He didn't think beyond that. One day, his dad will still die. Pear and him will break up. His career might not satisfy him. But Kawi never thought beyond that. Kawi never thought beyond this future moment for himself, and he certainly didn't think about it for others. Pear still wants a future beyond this moment, but Kawi has his ideal future and stopped moving. Pear wanted a present WITH HIM, but Kawi refused to keep evolving because he had everything he wanted.

The third reason Kawi sucks is because he isn't honest with himself.

This show harps on honesty, especially honesty with oneself. Kawi is oddly forthcoming about everything except his emotions. He offered up a lot of information to Pisaeng's mom, and when singing in the bar for the first time, he told the entire audience why he was going by Kawi instead of his full name. When Pisaeng tried to kiss Kawi, Kawi told him to be honest with himself about his feelings. When Pisaeng went to the gay bar to find answers, Max told him the answers were within himself. We see Pisaeng give the same advice back to Kawi in this episode in a full-circle moment. We've now seen Kawi, who blurts out everything, bury his emotions four times (the first night at the club, the beach club where he declared he was a virgin, outside the pink cafe where he told Pisaeng sorry, and now in front of the RV). Pisaeng has been there for each spell and had to take care of Kawi, so the common demeanor of Kawi's lack of honesty stems from Pisaeng and the feelings he has regarding him. The answer to Kawi's issues have always been within him. He likes Pisaeng.

But the biggest reason Kawi is the worst (even worse than Not) is because he isn't honest with others.

Pear knew Not was seeing both her and Kwan, but Kwan said Not wouldn't even admit they were together. Even if Not didn't tell Pear, she had years of practice in seeing the obvious.

Kwan has always liked Not. When he gave her the book then gave Pear one, she was sad. Not has always liked Pear, which is why he gave her the book and wanted to embarrass Kawi. The crumbs were always there.

Pear commented to Kawi back in university that he and Pisaeng seemed like they had been friends for a long time. Not questioned Pear about Kawi's sexuality. Pisaeng told Pear about Kawi's dad needing surgery and texted Pear about his emergency surgery instead of Kawi himself. Pear didn't need Not to admit to being with Kwan because she never needed Kawi to admit his feelings for Pisaeng. Mostly when it's so obvious to everyone else what is happening since the crumbs have always been there.

But Kawi continues to bury the confession. He tells Pisaeng how much he needs him and how much Pisaeng brings to his life, but he won't admit what matters.

When Kawi showed up to the beach and broke down in front of Pisaeng, Pisaeng asked him if he was still not over Pear. Kawi, who immediately reached out to Pisaeng when he needed comfort, who had been spiraling not being able to talk to Pisaeng, who demanded Max tell him where Pisaeng was, who if he was being honest with himself would have known this wasn't about Pear but about not having Pisaeng next to him, has even Pisaeng convinced that the feelings aren't really there.

Which is why Pisaeng lied.

Pisaeng saw those messages. Pisaeng knew Kawi needed him, but Pisaeng, a rich boy who is living on the beach out of an RV which implies he has distanced himself from his mother and her control, is tired of not being honest and has already had to take care of Kawi in all his moments of drunkenness which all included some raw confessions from Kawi. But how can Pisaeng trust a person who only says he's sorry when he is drunk? How can Pisaeng believe a guy who only kisses him when he has been drinking? Not to bring The Eighth Sense into this, but as Ernest Hemingway said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

Kawi wants to get in the water, but doesn't want to get wet. He wants to do everything with Pisaeng, but doesn't want to admit they are in a relationship. He wants to kiss Pisaeng, but he wants Pisaeng to give him an out each time. He wants Pisaeng to know how much he loves him, but doesn't want to tell him. He wants Pisaeng to always be by his side without committing to him, so it's ironic that he yells this at Not.

Because the simple truth of all of this and what really hurts everyone is Kawi could change.

Kawi could be better.

We saw Kawi's future in the form of a good dad but a terrible person. Pear's dad admitted to drinking a bottle of wine a day. Pisaeng's mom immediately offered Pisaeng a drink to pacify him, but he refused because Pisaeng, who now lives in an RV on the beach, wants to live an honest life unlike the others who know they aren't well, yet can't seem to change for the better.

Kawi could change his present for the better, but he only cares about his future. Kawi is so focused in a future that he already lived that he continues to miss the point about being present. Instead of waiting in the past to see how events unfolded, Kawi jumped to the future. Instead of Kawi being honest about his emotions and how they are evolving, he focuses on what he he used to feel. Kawi is so focused on how the past affected his future, that he doesn't realize the only place he needs to be is the present.

Kawi shouldn't have jumped back to the future. Kawi shouldn't have shown up to that wedding. And Kawi shouldn't have gone to Pisaeng.

Because Kawi is the absolute worse when he tries to make the world fit into his predetermined idea of what his perfect future looks like and how his past influenced it instead of just allowing himself honesty in that moment.

Kawi can't change the past with the idea of changing his future in mind. He needs to change his present for the sake of changing himself regardless if that is the past or future. He needs to focus on the moment regardless of where the moment is.

Pisaeng's drunk kiss on his wedding day exposed this vicious cycle between them of holding onto an idea for years until it destroys them, but, hopefully, Kawi will see that hiding their real current feelings behind plausible future excuses only hurts them.

Moving Forward

Every week, I make some wild ass theory about this show, and every week it goes in the opposite direction since this show has been unpredictable.

Because this show is telling us we need to exist in that moment, not the future.

The show will end how it ends regardless of how I want it to end.

Much like Kawi is learning, we have to be present, and we have to be patient.

Because good things come to those who wait.

Sidenote: There is only one this week because this is the only one we need.

im slowly going insane