jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis
I write stuff, I guess.

Ao3

223 posts

Jesselabilis - I Write Stuff, I Guess. - Tumblr Blog

jesselabilis
1 year ago

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

jesselabilis
1 year ago
Come On Man

come on man

jesselabilis
1 year ago
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis
1 year ago
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis
1 year ago
This Is The Funniest Tweet Ive Seen In Months Bye

this is the funniest tweet i’ve seen in months bye

jesselabilis
1 year ago
ARIEL NEEDS LEGS
ARIEL NEEDS LEGS
ARIEL NEEDS LEGS
ARIEL NEEDS LEGS
ARIEL NEEDS LEGS

ARIEL NEEDS LEGS

I was gonna make Emmy draw this but she said no so I drew it myself.

I’ve never drawn a comic before!

edit: WATCH IN MOTION COMIC FORM

jesselabilis
1 year ago
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis
1 year ago
MANIFEST

MANIFEST

MANIFEST

jesselabilis
1 year ago

Recycled tumblr humor

jesselabilis
1 year ago
[crazytom] - Reposted W/ Permission
[crazytom] - Reposted W/ Permission
[crazytom] - Reposted W/ Permission

[crazytom] - reposted w/ permission

jesselabilis
1 year ago
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.
jesselabilis
1 year ago

I'll unalive you

jesselabilis
1 year ago
A post on the r/energydrinks subreddit with a picture of a monster drink frozen into a popsicle and the title "Does making energy drinks into popsicles lower the efficacy if the caffeine? I enjoy mixing together multiple kinds of energy drinks and freezing them into caffeinesciles... but if the freezing process is degrading the caffeine molecules, I'll stop immediately. I need maximum torque."
A comment from u/longrange_tiddymilk that reads "No it shouldn't change the caffeine bioavailability or it's effectiveness. Have you tried shoving the Popsicle up your ass?" 
OP u/Limo-Dick_Calvin replies, "No, I haven't but if I were to boof an energy drink I think this would definitely be the way to do it. I think I'll schedule a time for myself to boof a caffeinesicle tomorrow at 11am. Edit: I did it. [link to update post]" 
u/Glad-Jellyfish-69 replies, "bro is going to the ER with frostbite in their colon [frozen emoji]"
Post from u/Limp-Dick_Calvin on r/energydrinks reading: "Update: Energy Drink Popsicle Successfully Boofed. Trip Report: 
Hey guys, its limp dick calvin, many of you might of seen my post yesterday about my practice of freezing my energy drinks into icy caffeinesicles for my sucking pleasure. Now, quite a few creative folks recommended that I boof the popsicle for maximum caffeine absorption. I've always wanted to boof something, whether that be alcohol, acid, or caffeine, but I never have. Acid is feasible I guess, but the idea of pouring a liquid down my rectum just sounds difficult and unpleasant. For one, my butthole is rather tight as it has never been penetrated, so I can't imagine my brown balloon knot would be accepting of any liquid visitors, if you know what I mean. Another thing is if I managed to get the liquid in there, and then stood up, is it just coming right back out? Just a total mess of a concept imo. However, a caffeinesicle actually provides me with the perfect way to get an energy drink up my asshole. So, I froze a thinner than usual popsicle last night with a mixture of C4 and monster energy, and this morning at 11am, I went into my backyard and used a chair to sit on the popsicle, successfully booing it. I didn't know if I should bob up and down on it like a dildo, so l just sat there. And boy, was it COLD. I felt like I was being possessed by a frost demon. However, I felt absolutely electrified. Like my blood was made of energy drink itself. I don't know if it was the freezing cold, or the rapid absorption of caffeine through my colon, or both. This felt like adderall being mainlined into my veins."
continued from previous post: "After about 3 minutes or so, the popiscle had completely melted in my asshole. I looked around for witnesses, stood up, pulled up my pants, and went to go take a shower in case any leaked out onto my legs. It's been 3 hours since and I still feel like a thousand bucks. I feel like all my brain fog is gone and if I wanted to, I could teach myself how to do commercial real estate in like 6 hours of research. I feel like my brain is limitless. Anyway, just wanted to share with you guys. I'll probably be doing this a couple times a week now. That's about it. See ya."

Comment from u/ImpactFire1021: "I need to get off this app man"

Things are happening on reddit

jesselabilis
1 year ago

elf yuri except one of them is high fantasy and the other is one of santa's

jesselabilis
1 year ago

trump was gifted a cybertruck and there are so many different ways we know that truck could do the funniest thing in history

jesselabilis
1 year ago

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

jesselabilis
1 year ago

They just don’t assassinate politicians like they used to anymore

jesselabilis
1 year ago

If Sherlock Holmes was Isekai'd to a fantasy world he would just deduce the rules of this world and get back to solving crimes. He'll find an elf girl sidekick,name her Watson, and pretend like nothing happened.

jesselabilis
1 year ago

anyone want pics of my holes?

jesselabilis
1 year ago

when i was a tiny baby queer (aka a 24-year-old), i went to my first pride festival probably three months after i kicked ex-gay therapy to the curb and came out to my parents. being the people they are, my parents came with me. they weren’t really sure about this whole gay thing, but they loved me and wanted me to be safe and happy and wanted to be involved in what was important to me, so they came along. (i also think my mother still might have thought i might get drugged or murdered or beaten by a protester of which there were plenty.)

anyway i wanted a memento of my first pride, you know, and this one vendor was selling keyrings, and i liked it, so i bought one. do you remember those italian charm bracelets that were all the rage like 10-15 years ago? it was a keychain like that, and it had a rainbow rooster, a rainbow cat, and then just a rainbow, and so I bought it.

i run into my mom a couple of vendors over and she goes oh you bought something? what’d you get? so i showed her, and i was like, “I’m not sure why it’s a rooster and a cat. Seems kind of random. But I liked the rainbows.”

and my mom, who was some form of minister’s wife for most of my childhood and teenagerhood, stares at me like she thinks i’m joking.

“What?” i say.

“…it’s a cock and a pussy, Jules,” she says flatly, and that is the story of how i died at the age of 24 while attending my first pride festival.

jesselabilis
1 year ago
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.
I Turn To Ares.

I turn to Ares.

Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

jesselabilis
1 year ago

Today, I would like to commemorate an event which has laid a very profound impact on the internet.

Ten years ago on this day (06/08/09), a forum website called SomethingAwful held a photoshop contest titled “create paranormal images”.  The contest would require participants to edit ordinary photographs into creepy-looking images, and then try to pass them off as authentic photos on other paranormal forums.

Today, I Would Like To Commemorate An Event Which Has Laid A Very Profound Impact On The Internet.

Two days later, on June 10th, a user by the name Victor Surge would find this thread, and become inspired.  He submitted the two pictures above, featuring a tall, faceless monster which would stalk children, who would then disappear.  He called his monster “the Slender Man”. After this initial post, Surge and others would expand on the character and the story, creating one of the internet’s most famous monsters.  The Slender Man proved to be popular enough to spread to other websites, with 4chan, Deviantart, and TV Tropes all having their own Slender-Mania. On June 20th of that same year, another user on the SomethingAwful forums found the Slender Man, and also wanted to contribute.  Noticing nobody had made any videos yet of the monster, he sat down with some of his friends and planned out a video webseries involving a former college film student discovering and unravelling the mysteries surrounding Slender Man; this would become Marble Hornets, one of the first horror-themed ARG’s of the internet.

Today, I Would Like To Commemorate An Event Which Has Laid A Very Profound Impact On The Internet.

That all happened ten years ago.  Ten years of haunting the darkest corners of the internet, and Slender Man has built up a surprisingly dense resume, for a fictional monster.  Several popular webseries, a couple hit games, at least two movies, even inspiring other characters in seperate series like the Silence in Dr Who and the Enderman in Minecraft.  And all this within a ten-year period.

I think this just attests to how much humans can be inspired by an idea.  From a small handful of edited photographs, we collectively constructed a new monster which lurks in our nightmares, and now it almost seems as natural as the horror mythos he was based on.  For better or worse, the Slender Man seems to be here to stay. Happy Birthday, Slendy!  Here’s to hoping you continue to be both terrifying and terrific!

jesselabilis
1 year ago

For the love of god stop

jesselabilis
1 year ago
jesselabilis - I write stuff, I guess.