Star-studded

star-studded

member — jeonghan x f reader genre — smut word count — 1.8k synopsis — your boyfriend has a surprise for you, and he can't wait for you to find it. warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, hannie with nipple piercings, switch!hannie, nipple play, marking, punishment (kinda not really), ab/chest riding, thigh riding (i know he has those sickly little victorian boy legs but this is fiction pls pretend for the sake of plot), nicknames (baby, angel, brat, etc), multiple orgasms, blond!hannie, he cums untouched notes — this is for @onlymingyus and @duhnova i hope you suffer soooo much from this ily <3 anyway big thanks to mars and nova for cheering me on with this fic, it would not have happened without them. if you enjoyed this, please let me know in the reblogs or send me an ask, i'd love to hear your thoughts! enjoy!

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you were always plenty willing and eager whenever jeonghan came home and told you he wanted you on his lap. that was a given, especially when your boyfriend looks like that, as gorgeous as he is.

but tonight after he’d told you that he has a surprise to show you, you can’t seem to get on him fast enough, stripping your clothes away and leaving you in nothing but his favorite pair of lingerie, straddling his lap on the couch.

quickly settling into what’s become an almost nightly routine between the two of you, you begin to trace your fingers along his tight white t-shirt, dragging your fingers down his chest. but when you get to his nipples, something feels… different. you narrow your eyes at him questioningly, and he nods his head at you to continue, the corner of his mouth lifting into a grin.

jeonghan smirks as you tug his shirt up and over his head, a little gasp leaving your lips at the sight in front of you. the usual thin silver chain that rests around his neck is now accompanied by shiny round studs that sit on either side of each of his nipples, connected by a bar through the center.

“mm… these are new.” you reach out tentatively, eyeing him as you lay your hands softly against his pecs. he sits back against the couch with a grin, leaning his head back as if giving you permission.

“thought you’d like them,” he says with a cocky smile as you run your thumbs over the cold metal adorning his nipples, making him shiver at your touch.

he spreads his legs wider apart as you adjust your position on his lap, pushing your knee between his legs and sinking down to straddle his thigh. you lift your arms as he yanks your shirt off, your hands quickly finding their way back to his chest.

you tug on the metal bars experimentally, breaking out into a grin when his cocky expression falls and a whimper leaves his lips.

“what d’you think, angel?” he says, his voice husky as you continue to toy with them gently.

you run your fingers across his chest, pausing as you trace slow circles around his piercings with your thumbs. “do they hurt?” you ask almost in a whisper.

he grins wickedly, grabbing your hands to guide them back up to his chest. “not at all. feels so fucking good… ‘specially when you touch them.” he holds your hands in place against his chest, your fingers brushing lightly against the metal studs and sending a shiver down his spine. “go on, baby.”

at his coaxing you slide your hands down his torso, coming to rest firmly on his slender waist as you lean closer to him. you push your face into his chest and lift your eyes to look at him through your lashes, a smile playing on your lips.

“can i…?” you ask in a low voice, blinking innocently up at him, though your intentions are anything but.

he smirks again and nods, and without hesitating you carefully wrap your lips around one of his nipples. he moans when you swirl your tongue around the metal, sucking it gently into your mouth between your teeth.

his hands fall to grab at your hips in an attempt to ground himself, knuckles turning white from how hard he's gripping you as he continues to groan at your touch. he kneads the skin of your thighs, pulling your legs closer to him and letting his hands wander over your ass, squeezing roughly.

your mouth leaves his nipple with a wet pop, using your fingers to continue twirling the piercing as you move to his other. eventually your lips begin to wander, your fingers twisting and toying with them as you suck deep marks into his chest, dark bruises beginning to bloom immediately across his skin.

by the time you feel jeonghan thread his fingers in your hair and yank your head away from his chest, you’re out of breath and he’s completely soaked. now coated in your spit, the metal piercings sparkle in the light even more than before. the chain around his neck that’s always driving you crazy seems almost dull in comparison to the shiny new studs, and you briefly wonder what it would be like to have him hovering over you with both the chain and his piercings dangling in your face as he pounds you into the bed.

but it seems you’ll have plenty of time to experiment with that later, because suddenly you feel his long fingers sliding down between your bodies, tracing circles around your clit before roughly pinching it much like you’d done to his piercings earlier. you gasp and push your hips down hard, putting all of your weight onto his thigh as he begins to bounce his leg in a way that has your cunt clenching uncontrollably.

you let out a whine as he continues to push and pull at your hips, guiding your clothed pussy over his leg. you’re already so far gone that you don’t even have the brainpower to fuck yourself on his thigh, letting him do all the work as you keep your hands firmly planted on his shoulders, your thumbs flicking his piercings every so often and relishing in the high-pitched whines that escape his throat.

you squeeze your eyes shut as you struggle to ride out the waves of pleasure suddenly searing through you, weakly grinding your hips down against his thigh. your mind goes blank when you feel jeonghan pressing his lips desperately against yours, pulling your body as close to his chest as possible so that you can feel his piercings pressing into your skin. you moan into his kiss, arching your back to feel the cold metal bars against your own hardened nipples.

as soon as the breath returns to your lungs and the clouds in your vision start to clear, you grab his shoulders and push him roughly down against the couch, filled with newfound energy as you lay him flat on his back.

he grins and shoves at his pants to help you, the wet stain smeared across one pantleg lying visible on the floor. he fists his cock and starts to jerk his hand a couple times to prepare himself for you, but you reach down to stop him and he narrows his eyes in confusion.

you pull his hand away from his cock and crawl further past his hips, grinning as you sit straddling his waist just above his belly button. “i’m not done with you yet, angel,” you lean down to whisper against his ear as you plant your hips down, smirking as you use the nickname he usually calls you.

his nostrils flare in excitement, easily giving in and letting you do what you please. you press your palms flat against his chest, pushing down hard to give yourself more leverage to drag your pussy across his stomach. 

your wetness leaks through your panties, pooling in the ridges of his abs as you glide across him. your fingers lay splayed out across his pecs, your nails pressing into his skin as you ride him. each time you lean your hips back you can feel his cock brushing against your ass, and you smile at the knowledge that he must be painfully hard by now. 

“please, baby—” he whines, confirming your thoughts. his voice comes out strained and breathy, unable to even finish a sentence from how badly he needs to feel himself inside you, desperate to have you around his cock.

you shake your head and tsk as you look down at him, eyeing the chain that rests in the divot between his collarbones and watching the way it moves every time he moans for you. “uh uh, baby. this is your punishment for going out and getting these—” you trace your fingers across his nipples, pinching lightly but just hard enough to draw another whimper out of him, “—without telling me. i get to have my fun with you first, since you’ve been such a selfish little brat.”

sweat-drenched strands of blond hair stick to his forehead as he moans breathlessly. he grips onto your waist practically for dear life, but his arms make no efforts to move your hips for you. unlike earlier when he had you on his thigh, this time you’re in control. 

“mmph— got them for you, baby,” he rasps, practically pleading with you. “knew you’d like them. all for you, angel. wanted to make you happy.”

you can’t pretend that you aren’t pleased with his surprise, and you can already feel yourself being pushed closer and closer to the edge much quicker than usual. satisfied with his response, you give in, grazing your fingers over his chest once more before you lean forward, struggling to get a better angle to grind against his abs. your hands grip his shoulders, fingernails digging into his collarbones, and jeonghan knows you well enough to know that sometimes you just need a little extra help.

he reaches up and squeezes your ass, pulling your hips down against his abdomen and spreading your legs further apart, still giving you that stupid cocky grin even as he’s so close to falling apart himself. “one more time for me, baby, please. make a mess all over me, show me how good i am for you.”

and your body instantly complies. you bury your head in his chest one more time, sinking your teeth into his shoulder as you let out a string of whimper matching his own. your head is spinning as your cunt spasms, walls fluttering around nothing as you cum a second time.

you don’t catch the barely audible “fuck…” that falls from jeonghan’s lips in the heat of the moment, but you immediately feel the hot, sticky ropes that shoot across your ass and back and the way his hips jerk up against you before you’ve even had time to come down from your own orgasm.

once you’ve regained enough of your composure you push yourself to sit up with a shaky sigh, your pussy throbbing in oversensitivity yet still frustrated from going so long being empty. you swing your legs around and move down his body to sit between his legs, watching as his cock continues to twitch from the aftershocks of his orgasm. you wipe your thumb across his stomach, smearing the trail of white drops across his abs and mixing it with your own wetness.

jeonghan’s eyes are lidded and heavy as your hand snakes back up to his chest, pinching one nipple between your fingers while your other hand moves lower to press roughly against his cock. you trace the veins that cover his shaft with a fingertip, already feeling him beginning to harden again. you finally wrap your hand around his cock, holding his length between your legs and slowly tightening your grip until he lets out a ragged moan.

“so… when are you gonna get this pierced, too?” 

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i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

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jeonghan x fem. reader ( husband & wife ) fluff, family au.

warnings : terms of endearment, english isn't my mothertongue

“honey?” jeonghan calls from the hallway.

“are you here?” he glances into the room from the half-open door.

“shh, lower your voice,” you whisper, not wanting to wake your little girl. you wave your hand, mutely telling him to come into the room.

jeonghan silently slips into the room and sits next to you in front of the crib. you can see a smile spread across his face, a smile that means he's truly happy. happy to see that the fruit of your love was born healthy and safe.

“is she still asleep?”

“uh-uh.”

he reaches out a finger to touch her cheek but you slap his hand away before he can reach it.

“don’t bother her.” you reprimand, glaring at him.

jeonghan pouts, “not fair.” he murmurs under his breath. you laugh silently, ‘still so childish,’ you think to yourself. he will still make a very good father despite his childish side.

just his smile and the way he looks at his daughter prove that he has much more love to offer in his heart. he shines with a new glow that suits him very well, a glow that makes him even more beautiful in your eyes. and it brings a happy smile to your face.

the urge to kiss him suddenly comes to you. so you kiss him on the cheek, without him expecting it judging from his shocked face. his eyes widen comically like two saucers and you can see that his ears are turning pinkish red.

you giggle, feeling your ears heat up, growing shy under his tender gaze. “what was that for?”

“nothing.” you shrug, giving him an innocent smile.

“come here.” jeonghan pulls you towards him by the arm.

“no, wait wai-!” you exclaim, surprised by his sudden move.

in an attempt to untangle yourself from his grip, you find yourself on the floor, laughing like crazy while jeonghan is on top of you peppering your face with kisses.

“han- humph- hannie! jeonghan!”

unfortunately, the noises you make seem way too loud to the point of waking the baby.

“very clever, you woke her up.”

“hey!”

you push him aside to join the cradle, not paying attention to your husband's little complaints. you take the little one in your arms and start to rock her back to sleep.

there’s something about the way you look at and hold the baby that warms jeonghan from the inside out. his heart can’t help but race when he sees you like this, completely enveloped in the glow of motherhood.

your sweet smile, your relaxed expression, your honeyed voice and the delicacy of your movements make you more irresistible than ever. jeonghan realizes that he is falling in love with you again, his beautiful wife.

he watches you gently place the little being back in her cradle. you then take a seat next to him, leaning against his shoulder in search of some warmth.

you watch in awe as your daughter sleeps peacefully. just a few days ago, she was still in your belly. now she is lying in her cradle in your house.

“have you already found a name for her?” jeonghan asks, resting his cheek against the top of your head.

“um, i would like to give her a name that can remind her that she has and will always make us happy.” you declare, intertwining your fingers with your husband’s.

he hums in understanding. the room goes silent for the next few minutes, the two of you deep in thought.

an idea comes to your mind. you gently squeeze his hand to get his attention. “how about sunhi, yoon sunhi.” you tell him your decision with a sweet smile. “sounds good doesn’t it?”

he nods, reflecting the same smile as yours, a dreamy smile that can only be translated as pure happiness, he can't wait to watch her grow into a beautiful woman.

“so that will be your name, sunhi.”

you snuggle up together in the comfort of your room, in the warmth of this life that seems like a dream but is nevertheless very real.

Waking Up/Going to Sleep with Him

Pairing:Bf! Yoon Jeonghan x f!Reader

A/N: hopefully you guys enjoy!

Genre: Fluff/(hint of crack)

Word count: 4.9k

Synopsis: Waking up for the second time of the day and noticing Jeonghan's at work that being said, you have nothing to do so you just go to bed again until later when you hear a strange noise.

The sun hitting your face causes you to wake up, and attempt to get up but feel something or someone weighing you down. “Five more minutes pleaseeee.” Dragging out the last word while mumbling into your back, you look over to see Jeonghan holding you ever so tight yet so gently against you. “Hannie, it’s morning already we have to get up.” You giggle at him shaking his head and snuggling further into your back if that’s even possible. “Please Y/N, we’ve both been so busy with work lately, now we finally both have some free time so let’s just rest together for a bit more.” He pleads now facing you with his adorable eyes. “Alright, alright fine but only for twenty minutes, okay?” You smile at him as he nods, planting a kiss on your forehead as you’re now resting on his chest.

You wake up not feeling Jeonghans warmth or presence anymore making you confused, “Wasn’t he the one who wanted to sleep more? Where’d he go?” You think to yourself and check your phone. Your eyes widen while seeing it’s 2:58pm and you received a message from Jeonghan

YoonZinooo😎🤍

Today at 8:24 AM

Love..I tried to wake you up but you didn’t budge. I left for work already and I bet you’re reading this pretty late…but still, I made you some food on the counter, make sure you eat it. I love youuu🤍

Y/N

Today at 3:00 PM

I’m sooo sorry I didn’t wake up to see you off :(

YoonZinooo😎🤍

Today at 3:01 PM

It’s okay love, as long as you slept well and eat what I made.

Y/N

Today at 3:01 PM

I did and I will eat what you made thank you Hannie🤍

YoonZinooo😎🤍

Today at 3:02 PM

You’re welcome Love, btw I’ll be coming home a bit later I’m sorry, I need to practice more so don’t wait for me alright? I’ll be home around 2.

Y/N

Today at 3:03 PM

Okay..don’t overwork yourself.

YoonZinooo😎🤍

Today at 3:03 PM

😘👍🏻.

You jump off your bed and rush to the bathroom to freshen up for the day. Once you finish, you realize there’s nothing really for you to do today besides rot on the couch or your bed. You decide to bed rot because it sounds better than couch rotting. Once you finish eating the food Jeonghan made, you lay in bed to watch some cartoons while eating snacks. You start to get bored knowing Jeonghan isn’t here. Tossing and turning in bed trying to find some sort of warmth until you find the spot feeling drowsy. Drifting off to sleep for the third time today while your cartoon plays in the background.

11:26pm you hear a noise, like something dropped, startling you out of your long nap.“Is someone here? But Jeonghan has to work late today..” Or so you thought. Leaving your room holding the nearest object you could find in there, you enter the living room quietly still hearing some rummaging now coming from the kitchen. Gripping onto your object tightly you turn on the light as fast as ever to immediately point your object at this sudden noise. “Love?..” Nonetheless it was Jeonghan wearing a black cap laughing while you screamed in horror. He walked closer to me smiling “A flatiron really? What were you trying to do? Style my hair?” I continue to laugh, teasing her while she puts her object on the counter realizing while pouting. “I didn’t see what I grabbed because it was so dark…and besides why are you wearing a hat in here? You look like a robber.” She lowers her gaze embarrassed.“Come here love.” I giggle hugging her. “I had to wear a cap because I didn’t want anyone to notice me and it was dark..I should’ve told you I was coming home earlier.” “No, it’s fine. I had no reason getting startled..I should’ve known it was you.” She snuggles in the crook of my neck still embarrassed. “Let’s get ready for bed yeah?” She nods walking to the bathroom.

After taking a shower together and doing skin care we’re finally in bed, her lying on my chest turning her head up to look at me. “You know, I’ve been sleeping the whole day? But now that you’re here I’m not tired.” Her big eyes look at me causing me to smile. “You’re not tired.? Well then let’s talk until you do.” Nodding at my response she starts talking about the randomness of things known to mankind. “What if we were both ants? And one day I get stepped on?..” “Imagine our feet were our hands?” “Oh my god imagine…, going to sleep and dreaming of whatever, and when you wake up you’re in that area until you fall asleep again...I would love and hate that.” I just watch her, responding to her crazy questions. This is exactly why I love her so much, she’s always so unexpected making every day exciting. “And then it happens like-…are you listening?” She looks at me confused and pouty. I kiss her tenderly on her lips and look into her eyes “I love you so much, love.” She turns a tint of pink on her cheeks and mumbles those same words back. After a while, her blabbering turns into her mumbling slowly as she falls asleep. I massage her head kissing her forehead every now and then having her fall into deep sleep. I stare at her for a few seconds, brushing her hair away from her precious face. “I love you more than you can ever imagine.”

Req are open!

Tag list!!

hey, I wanted to request a Jeonghan x Reader, fluff + angsty thingy? thank you in advance doe 🫶🏻

I hope you like it! I had a brainstorm for it already lingering so this request was EXACTLY what I needed!

Synopsis: After a fight, Jeonghan brings home a Lego set and starts working on it right in front of you. Does he not want to talk about it?

Tags: Slight Angst, Established Relationship, NonIdol!AU, Fluff, One-shot

Length: aapprox. 2.9k words

Jeonghan x Reader - For You

The sound of the apartment door closing did not make you look up from your book on the couch. The kicking and thumping of shoes in the entryway only made you turn your pages, and the sound of footsteps entering the apartment didn’t even pull your eyes up. 

It wasn’t until there was a commotion at the coffee table that you saw it being used. In front of you was Jeonghan, your boyfriend, pulling out a large Lego set. When his eyes shot up in your direction, you simply greeted him with a raise of your eyebrows and a flick of your eyes back down to your book, turning the page once again. A little hum was heard across from you, but you didn’t acknowledge it.

“Mind if I sit here?” he asked, though he was already doing so. 

You took a deep breath. The coffee table always had the best space for Jeonghan’s Lego sets. “...Sure,” you said, but your eyes remained glued on one word in the book, rereading it multiple times to look indifferent. Jeonghan hummed in thanks. 

You and Jeonghan had gotten into an argument earlier that way. Over what? You were too heated to remember. Something about work, because it was always about work when the two of you started fighting. After the shouting and the tears in your eyes, all you remember was storming into your room, and Jeonghan left minutes later. It took another twenty minutes of silence for you to exit the room, sitting on the couch where you’d remained ever since. 

But Jeonghan plopping down at the coffee table without saying anything might be the thing to change that. The fight still sat heavy in your bones, your pillow still damp from hysterical crying on the phone to Joshua and Seokmin for an hour. And Jeonghan didn’t seem to care one bit. 

He always kept to himself after a fight, using that space to cool down before the both of you talked it out. But wasn’t that why he left the house in the first place? When you turned the next page of your book, ending the chapter, your eyes lifted to him again. He was organizing his legos, eyes focused on the task at hand. He was reading the first set of instructions for his design. When your eyes fell to the box, you saw him place it under the coffee table and out of view. 

The both of you sat in awkward silence for a little while, you trying your best to focus on the book in your hands while Jeonghan silently shuffled through plastic Lego pieces, the clicking sound echoing through the little apartment. Sitting in silence when there was so much tension was sickening, and you never understood how Jeonghan was able to do it so easily. How he was able to move on without so much as a word about it, a huff, not even an apologetic glance. His eyes were as neutral as they were beautiful and it was infuriating. Every time. 

I can’t sit here. You thought to yourself when you saw Jeonghan sift through a little pile of white pieces. The sound of your book closing overtook the plastic clinking together momentarily, and Jeonghan’s eyes met yours once more. He blinked. 

“Are you going inside?” 

“I might.” You said. 

Jeonghan blinked. Opening his mouth a few times, you thought he was finally going to utter some sort of an apology. Or beg you to sit and keep him company. Something that you could use to leverage a conversation about what happened. But he simply brushed his shoulder-length black hair out of his face and asked: “Can you hand me that piece?” he pointed to a red piece that had broken away from the rest when the pack first opened. With a sigh, you knelt and took the piece from the other end of the table, sliding it back over until it clinked against his waiting palm. “Thanks.” and with a nod, he simply returned to his work. 

Almost dumbfounded, you stood there and watched as Jeonghan clicked the red piece into place. Wherever he worked on a new set you couldn’t help but be curious as to what he was making, but you simply avoided your gaze. The tension was still so palpable that you felt like you would choke on it. When would he put that down? It would only take a few seconds. Was that new set more important than-?

“Can you bring me that basket of extra Lego pieces in our closet?”

“Wh-?” the question almost made you stumble despite standing still, and you stared at him. “Your Lego basket?”

“Yeah. It’s in the closet right under.”

“I know where it is.” you huffed, slamming your book onto the couch and storming into the bedroom. You were unaware of how desperately you wanted to create some distance until your feet started moving. But when you scanned the bedroom, eyes falling right on the closet, you debated simply staying in the room and not bringing the bag out to him. He could easily come and get it himself, maybe it would pull him away from his new interest long enough to solve this awkward tension between you.

However, you felt your feet carry you to the closet, kneeling to pull out the little basket of extra Lego pieces he’d been collecting since long before the two of you got together. You could hear shuffling out in the other room, and like a magnet, you felt your feet spin and begin walking. I’ll just drop it and not say a word. I’m going inside. If he wants to play this game, I can too. And I’ll win. 

Jeonghan looked up when he saw you bring the basket out, face still his neutral appearance of indifference. It seemed nothing on the table had changed, so whatever he needed, would hopefully be in the basket. As promised, you set the basket on the floor beside him without a word, not even a huff as you straightened your body. Jeonghan turned his head, peering into the basket curiously. The second his hand dipped in and he began digging, you saw his brows furrow in annoyance. But you weren’t going to let him win. You weren’t. You couldn’t. 

You plopped yourself back down on the couch, kicking one leg over the other and grabbing your book. And just like that, the tension settled back over the two of you once again. 

You weren’t sure how much time had passed, but you knew that it was making your chest tighter and tighter with each passing minute. This game was always hard to play, even when Jeonghan wasn’t distracted with Legos or work or his phone. Just sitting in silence when so many unspoken things were settled between the both of you…neither of you dared to start the conversation, it seemed. 

Jeonghan, however, had no problem talking. He opened the next bag and looked back up at you. “Can you pass me that green stem piece?” 

Instinct kicked in, and you looked up from your book to search for the piece. “Where?” Jeonghan’s lips quirked into a smirk, watching as you covered your mouth and looked back at your book.

“Never mind,” he said, reaching and getting it himself. A beat of silence before he said: “You don’t have to sit in here with me.” Your eyes cast up to him. “If you don’t want to.”

Your frown tightened just a bit, thumbing through the pages of your book. You were here first why did you have to leave? Forget that one thought of leaving the room after bringing him his basket, it didn’t matter. Especially now that Jeonghan was practically telling you to leave! Pulling your growing frustration deep into your core, you simply pulled your feet up onto the couch and continued reading your book. Jeonghan hummed. “Alright, then.” 

A few more clicks of Lego pieces and you looked up at him. He seemed to have gotten what looked to be a brown pot with red and white decorations half completed, and you tilted your head. He was as focused as ever, sifting between what he was given and the basket of extra just in case. You watched form behind your book as he moved seamlessly in one spot, muttering to himself as he clicked pieces together. Without realizing you were doing so, you slid off the couch and across from him on the coffee table, setting your book down. Jeonghan only glanced at you for a second, the corner of his lip quirking into a little smile before he continued working. It didn’t matter. You still weren’t talking to him. You just…the floor was more comfortable. 

Maybe if I just stare at him, he’ll finally get the hint. You thought to yourself, eyes boring into him. He might just think I’m over it. However, the longer you stared, the harder you stared, Jeonghan just kept working. He didn’t even glance up at you again until you huffed in annoyance. With another couple of clicks, the brown pot was done. He opened another plastic bag of pieces and turned in the directions. You followed every movement, your eyes straining from how hard you were staring. No luck. Jeonghan was so stubborn when he wanted to be. 

When Jeonghan leaned forward to get the next piece needed, you leaned forward as well. His eyes flickered to you for a second, and that second left you hopeful. But he simply looked back down at his work, and you wondered if that second of hopefulness reflected in your face. He thought everything was ok. 

As silence returned to the coffee table, you watched his hands move and work. The longer you watched, the heavier your eyes felt. The heavier your eyes felt, the more they began to sting with the desire to relieve yourself of some of that heaviness. Some of the heaviness you’ve felt for hours since this stupid fight happened. 

And he looks completely unaffected. 

You inhaled to take a breath but didn’t realize how hard it shook your chest, causing you to immediately turn your head and cough. Out of the corner of your eye, Jeonghan’s hand stopped and he looked up at you. You covered your mouth with one hand, the other wiping your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt. Then, it happened. Jeonghan scooted around the coffee table until he was at your side, but you refused to look at him. You could feel his hand on the small of your back, and he softly said your name. You could hear the concern on the one word, the tone that indicated he knew he had waited far too long to start bringing this up. “Are you-?”

“Forget it, I’m fine.” You said. “Work on your thing, I’m good. Just swallowed…swallowed some air.” Despite not turning to see Jeonghan’s expression, you could tell he wasn’t convinced. 

“C’mere,” he said, reaching his arm forward and pulling you closer to his side. You looked up at him as he tucked your head gently into his shoulder, his own resting on top. The hand that wasn’t now gently guiding your arm had reached back out to the instructions of the Lego set, pulling across the table and onto his lap. He thumbed the previous few pages, before whispering: “I think this set is missing some pieces. Should I take it back?”

“What?” you coughed out, tilting your head up. “Is that really what you’re so worried about?”

“Hm? What are you worried about?” he asked. He saw your eyes widen, and he responded by squeezing your bicep and setting the instructions aside. “Is it still bothering you?”

“Yeah, of course! How could it not?!” you shifted enough to get a good look at him. “You left for hours after and…for the past hour you’ve been home we haven’t….spoken anything of it. You’ve been working on this….like nothing happened!” Jeonghan was silent for a second, watching as you wiped your eyes. 

“Mmmmm, well when I came home I saw how upset you were when you looked at me,” he said. “I thought I should wait until you felt ready to talk about it with me…”

“Aren’t you upset?” You asked. 

“I guess.” he reached for a Lego, fiddling it in his free hand. “Being out cooled my head down a bit. I probably gave you more reason to be angry this time, so it wouldn’t be my place to decide when you’re ready to talk about it.” He chuckled. “I’m not very good at reading people, it seems.”

You sighed, reaching forward and taking the piece out of his hand, using your nail to easily snap off another piece that was attached. Jeonghan hummed. “Oh, that’s where it was.” he chuckled a bit, both of you now playing with identical plastic Lego pieces. You squeezed the piece in between your fingers, letting the ridges press into your flesh as you did so. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I just wanted you to feel ready to talk.”

“I’ve wanted to talk since you left….” you whispered, not looking at him as you continued to spin the piece in your hands. Jeonghan looked at you. “But whatever…it doesn’t matter anymore. I just want to forget about it.”

“You sure?” Jeonghan asked. “You look upset.” Despite that being true, you nodded your head, setting the piece back into his open palm. When he took it, his fingers curled around your own, turning it gently to place a kiss on your knuckles. “Then, do you want to help me finish this?”

“...What even is this?” You asked curiously. Jeonghan hummed, tilting his head. 

“I want it to be a surprise,” he said. 

“Oh come on…” you sighed. “After everything you put me through?” Jeonghan chuckled, leaning over to place a kiss on your temple. 

“Yes,” he said. “I’m almost done with it, anyway. Can’t you tell?” He motioned to the pot sitting across from the both of you, then to what looked to be a stem and different colored petals. 

“Flowers?” you asked, leaning forward with Jeonghan as he pulled the pieces closer to you. “Here. Can you get these round, red pieces? They’re going to make the petals.” 

When you looked up at Jeonghan as he gave the request, you felt another deep breath take over your body. Only this time, your body didn’t curl in on itself or shake with violent coughs. You simply nodded your head, turning to shuffle through for the desired pieces. 

The silence at the coffee table was still prevalent, but not as tense or uncomfortable as it was before. Despite neither of you taking the time to talk about what had transpired yet, having Jeonghan right at your side, gently chatting with you about the flowers, and clicking pieces together with you seemed to be enough to ease you for now. Even if things weren’t fully resolved at the moment, the way Jeonghan felt onto the small of your back with one hand, and leaned against you with an amused giggle as you both frantically tried to find desired pieces or snap them together, you knew things would be. 

It took another hour and a half, the moon already hanging high over the apartment, when the flower pot was complete. You sighed, resting your elbow on the coffee table and looking over it with tired eyes. “It looks good,” you said.

“It does.” He agreed, only to take the set and pull it closer to you. You watched with curious eyes as he slid it close to you and smiled. “Here,” he said. 

“What are you doing?” you asked, wrapping your hands around the base of the brown flower pot. Jeonghan shifted in his seat, eyeing you.

“They’re for you. Flowers.” he nodded.

“What?” you snorted. “These are flowers for me?” 

“Yeah.” Jeonghan’s tongue poked from his lips, swiping along the bottom one briefly. “I was going to get you regular flowers, but those die,” he said simply. Reaching forward, he poked the red flower hidden within the plastic bouquet. “These won’t. Like my love for you…” 

“Ah…” you felt your cheeks heat up, covering them with your hands. Jeonghan chuckled in amusement, his cheeks a lighter shade of pink once those words left his mouth. “That’s cheesy.”

“You didn’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that.” you corrected. Jeonghan chuckled, watching as you examined the Lego set in your hands, a faint smile on your face. 

“I am sorry for before,” he said again. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“...I’m sorry too…” you said, eyeing him. “I don’t even remember what we were fighting about.” Jeonghan shrugged. 

“I don’t, either.” He said simply, pulling you back into his side. You set the flower pot back on the coffee table, currently surrounded by empty plastic bags and boxes that needed to be cleared away. “But it upset you, so it’s important enough to warrant an apology.”

“Mmm..” you nodded, pressing into his side. The both of you sat in silence for a minute, your eyes studying the flowers until you asked. “Do you have any other sets we can put together?”

Jeonghan let out an eager little hum, nodding his head. “I do, indeed,” he said, your smile matching his as you watched him get up from his seat. As you watched him walk away, you felt silence fall across the coffee table again. But this time, it didn’t feel tense or awkward at all. 

It felt good.  

EVERYTHING

PAIRING: yoon jeonghan x f!reader (ft. wonbin)

GENRE: angst, fluff toward the end

TROPES: established relationship, model!jeonghan, singer-songwriter!reader, jealousy, paparazzi interference and rumors, and so on.

NOTE: this was hard to write so bear with me and let me know if there's anything that absolutely sucks about this lol... i love jeonghan but he's so hard to write (maybe it's because i'm the most not normal about him)... anyway this plot is kinda inspired by a real life fight i had with a friend who i have ambiguous feelings so do with that what u will :) enjoy!!!!

"thanks, love," jeonghan mumbles into your cheek when you hand him the wallet he'd forgotten at home this morning. even in the dim moody lighting of the room, you can see he's genuinely happy to see you when he pecks your cheek. you smile and press your hand into his, "how bad was today?" 

he hums, "not too bad if i don't think about it too hard."

it's not out of the ordinary for a successful model like jeonghan to have the mind-numbing schedule he has but you can't help hurting for him anyway. "i'm sorry, babe," you squeeze his fingers and he nods in acknowledgement. he's too tired to say much most days so you've gotten accustomed to interpreting his silences. 

you were part of a band known for its jazzy music and you were its lead singer and song-writer, which meant it couldn't be helped that you had written more than a few love songs dedicated to yoon jeonghan, your lover of over two years now. in that time, you'd found a good beat with jeonghan, spending a good four months with both your heads' deep in work and only the nighttime spent in each other's arms. sometimes, jeonghan's international presence meant a few weeks of not even that. and as your band got bigger, you took on tours that only took you further from jeonghan. but after a rocky summer, came the breeze of fall. 

fall meant downtime for both your jobs, a time you could easily retreat and while the rest of the world turned vacation mode off, you would travel with jeonghan, whether it be across the world or just along his skin on a rainy weekend. it was easy with him, even when it wasn't. 

but recently, you'd found yourself wondering if it really was that easy still. tonight you're performing at this club, a local presence known for its hosting of musical influences, and jeonghan managed to escape his impossible day to watch you. you should feel loved, grateful for him, but when it's your turn to perform, you feel yourself drift away from him.

onstage, even as you introduce yourself and your band members, your eyes are on him. but he seems so far away. he watches you, not a smile on his face, just familiarity. as if he'd memorized all that you had to say, as if this was another box to tick on his long day. you clear your throat to steady your mind and open the first song, "this one's called heavy." it was an old song, perhaps one you'd only performed before you met jeonghan. which would explain how hopeless the melody was, how uncertain your voice got throughout, and scarily enough, how much you found yourself relating to it now, so many years later. 

after the song's over, you glance at jeonghan and he seems as stoic as ever, clapping in encouragement but without any mirth. you sigh, "woah, sorry to bring the mood down like that," you chuckle a little when the crowd laughs, "um, anyway, this next one's much happier, i promise. it's called loverboy… after my one and only, well, boy." you laugh again and spot jeonghan smile, too, all the way at the bar and your heart thaws a little, allowing you to get through the song without thinking again about how cold it felt in the room. 

you get through the next two songs without a hitch, perhaps because you let yourself go on autopilot mode and restrict yourself from even looking at jeonghan for your own sake, and come down with a heavy sigh. your bandmate, yves, touches you on the shoulder with a frown, "you good, y/n?" you nod, "yeah… i'm just tired. or something." she pats you on the head, "don't think too hard about things, dove. just let go. or something." you laugh at her witty piece of advice and thank her as you head for jeonghan, naturally. 

he wraps you in his arms when you find him, plenty kisses on your neck, "my girl did so well." 

you let out an uneasy groan, "i don't know, han, i feel like i was lame."

jeonghan pulls away with a frown, "no, you weren't. you were amazing. although that first song caught me off guard. it's been a while since you performed it."

"yeah… it was my decision but it felt right," you shrug. jeonghan's eyes take on a gravity you don't like when you say that so you avert your gaze, "but more importantly, when can we go home so i can get out of this dress and sleep?"

a year ago, jeonghan would've gone, "i'll help you take it off right now, love," but now he agrees solemnly, "i think we go as soon as everyone's focused on the next set." 

–

you know it's stupid, you do, to dwell over the details of your relationship this obsessively. but honestly, once you start there's just so much to pick at. to start, you felt more distant from jeonghan than ever, as if there was something unsaid in your way just keeping you from getting back close to him. and you hate it when things go unsaid. but you also knew jeonghan didn't care for spelling every little thing out, he could settle for a little discomfort till ignoring it was enough to make it go away. 

but that was just it, you couldn't take it anymore. you'd had a few fights with jeonghan in the past and they'd all come down to the fundamental differences in your natures. you liked for everything to be said and thought out, especially if either of you felt hurt or unheard. jeonghan liked silence, just simple gestures speaking a million words and routines in place to reaffirm your love. you knew it was better his way, simpler and easier, but you'd lived his way and now, you find yourself suffocating in the same bed as him. 

you stir away from him, rolling off the bed and onto your feet, and make your way to your makeshift studio, closing the door off incase jeonghan gets curious. you can just say you were working on a new song. once in, you throw yourself against a bean bag, head heavy in hands. 

"god, this is stupid," you mumble as the tears roll out. you spiral almost immediately, thinking back to everything that went wrong in the past few months. for one, jeonghan was away for your 25th birthday, for the whole week, and though you'd spent it surrounded by your friends and his apologetic gifts, you couldn't talk the bitterness away. then, he'd been mad at you when you told him your tour started during the week he had off, calling you a "workaholic" because you'd rather work than go with him on the beach trip he'd planned. it was unfair, he'd admitted later, but not after you'd spent the whole week of your tour crying yourself to sleep. 

to add to it all, were the recent rumors in the news about jeonghan's brand new 'mistress', a japanese model called nana. even before the first article came out, he'd called you outright, telling you his agency had caught a reporter in japan pestering nana if she was anything to jeonghan. that had only dullled the pain you felt when you read it, pictures of jeonghan and nana posing for a cover shoot. and it wasn't the first time jeonghan had looked absolutely stunning beside another person, far better than you'd looked with him in all the paparazzi snaps that circulated the net when questioning if you were still in the running for the attractive model. 

it wasn't the first time and yet, thanks to your already strained relationship, you felt more hurt than usual. this was also the longest scandal yet, ongoing past four weeks, perhaps because of jeonghan's frequent visits to japan. it really got you thinking how there were so many reasons for the two of them to be in the same room. 

– 

jeonghan, alone in your shared bed, inevitably wakes up, confused when he doesn't feel you. "y/n?" he calls out, hoping you might just be using the washroom, but the lights are off and there's no sound in the bedroom. "my love?" he calls out louder, propping himself up on his elbows. when he hears no response, he falls onto his back with a weary sigh.

there was something up with you. you'd been acting… distant since the past two weeks. you'd pull away from his kisses a few beats too soon and wake up long before you had to. he wondered if he should ask you because he knows that's what you'd want but whenever he got to sit down next to in full seriousness, he'd go weak, missing your presence when he was away. 

he pulls out his phone, skimming throught the texts that had accumulated over the few hours he was asleep. there's a few from nana, the model he was rumored to be having an affair with. 

nana: another stupid article :( 

jeonghan sighs at the link she'd forwarded him. in full honesty, he'd all but developed a good friendship with nana while in japan, where he'd been previously lost without a good guide telling him where to go. given all his staff was korean, they could only be as useful as a google search. nana, however, had taken up to herself to show him the local spots, the shopping district where he'd been able to secure gifts for you, anticipating your needs before you'd known them.

you know all this, of course. jeonghan had offered to break all ties with nana if it bothered you but you'd been insistent that he keep his relationship with her, especially when it kept him sane abroad. 

you'd said you were fine, so how come you weren't next to him, mumbling sweet nothings into his chest like you always loved to? when you couldn't sleep, you would wake him up with your persistent kisses, apologizing when he did finally come to, but then talking about everything in the world from your outfit tomorrow to your plans in the next five years. 

"are we…" you'd started one night but then stopped, going hot and hiding your face into the pillow.

"are we what, love?" jeonghan pried you off the pillow and onto his arm, pushing his face close to yours so you couldn't run. 

"are we serious, han?" you finally asked, quietly. "you know, like, long-term serious?"

"hmm, let me think… i don't know we've only been dating for 20 months so i wouldn't get your hopes–"

you hit his chest with a muffled giggle, "you know what i meant!"

"i don't, really?"

you avert your gaze, "are we ever gonna, you know, be married? have kids? that kind of thing…"

jeonghan's heartbeat had sped up despite all his nonchalant facades and his face disclosed his flustered state causing you to go redder. "it's- forget about it if it's not something you've thought about–"

"of course i've thought about marrying you, doll," jeonghan asserts, arm around your waist to stop you from flailing around, his fingers draw circles on your exposed stomach. "of course i want to be committed to you for life, y/n. and don't even get me started on kids. i know it doesn't seem like it because i'm such a cool guy but i'm crazy for kids–"

"no, it's pretty obvious, you basically lose your head everytime we see a couple with a newborn baby–"

"okay, well, there you have it. i want kids with you, y/n."

you mull over his words in silence for a moment and then, "not now though, right?" you say, "we're both too succesful in our careers to… start a home."

jeonghan palms your cheek lovingly, "i think what we have right now is already home. but you're right, i think we ought to wait some more time. till it feels right."

till it feels right, he'd told you and now he kind of regrets it. he should've asked you to marry you right there so you'd never have a reason to doubt your relationship ever again. but again, that too was just a dream. 

– 

jeonghan was off to japan for a week. yet again, you think, holding your tears back on a sunday afternoon when you wake up to a resounding silence in your home. you need to find a way to make things right, you know. you need to talk to jeonghan but honestly, your head hurts so much you'd rather just forget all about him.

that's why you find yourself crashing at yves' place for the next few days, her house known to be a hub for lost souls and good music. you spend your afternoons working on new music, inspired by your new surroundings, writing about everything but jeonghan and as soon as it hit seven, you'd be helping yourself to martinis, thanks to yves' well-equipped bar. 

you were amid making yourself a drink while yves went over some notes and recordings you'd made this afternoon when she sat up with a weird look in her eyes. "y/n?"

"what is it? is it horrible?"

"no, it's not that. it's just… this feels like a different person," she comments, finger scrolling through your lyrics. "like a younger version of you? it has the same lonely vibe to it. i'm a fan of it to be honest, but i'm just wondering… is everything good?"

you chuckle, "yves, you ought to have known that if i'm here for an extended period of time, nothing is good… but i appreciatey you asking. i'll be fine, eventually." 

your friend is lost in thought for a while and you sip your drink when her phone pings with a message. she reads it and turns to you with a glint in her eye. 

"so… does that mean you'll go clubbing with me tonight?" 

– 

if you were gonna embrace a younger self, you might as well do it all, you thought, putting on a dress you'd loaned from yves. it was shorter than anything you'd worn recently and a light pink you never naturally gravitated towards. but you had to admit, it did look quite good on your figure when you looked in the mirror. you embellished your eyes with glitter, lining your eyes with mascara and a thin wing at the ends. 

the club itself is nicer than you'd expected and you're glad you'd dressed up as much as you did, pursing your lips to make sure the lip gloss you'd applied was still intact. yves pulls you to a table with her friends, some of them mutual to you, others complete strangers to you. either way, they're all fun, welcoming you without a question. 

one of the familiar faces is wonbin from a contemporary band known for its unique take on house music. he immediately materializes by your side when you've downed your first shot of the night, large grin overtaking his face. "you're here?" 

you tilt your head at his question, "i am! it's weird, isn't it?"

"a little," he shrugs, "you stopped coming out with us after you got swept up with that pretty model boy of yours."

you grow a little uneasy at the mention of jeonghan's name, "yeah, well, i thought it would be good for my music if i reconnected to my past a little. let myself live a little."

wonbin smiles, "that's nice, i love that. and to that," he brings out two more shots, handing you one, "cheers!" you hesitate for a moment but then catch yves looking at you encouragingly, and clink glasses with him, downing the drink in a go. 

that's all it really takes for you to let go. your body finds the music's rhythm faster than anyone else in the group so you take to the dance floor, and wonbin follows you, telling yves he'd look out for you. not that you need it. 

it's been a few songs that you've been dancing around, with wonbin's body getting closer to you with each time. you blink when his hand is at your waist, and you clear your throat, "i'm gonna go get some water!" wonbin grabs a hold of your wrist, "i'll come with!" 

it's a little uncomfortable, the way he's following you around, but you reassure yourself it was only for good intentions. a few more songs you keep yourself close to yves and her friends, feeling wonbin's presence heavily on your shoulder, but then you're a few more shots in and it doesn't really matter. 

it's only when you return from the bathroom when things go awry. it starts with your phone blowing up with texts and a call from jeonghan. in the loud music of the club, you can barely think, let alone talk to your boyfriend who you'd been ignoring for a week so you decline. when you make back to your table, your phone goes off again. jeonghan again. 

before you can register how odd it is of him to double-call you without good reason, wonbin's pulling you over next to him. you sit with a groan, "wonbin, i need to take this call–"

"y/n, you need to look at this. it's about jeonghan and that japanese model–"

yves cuts wonbin, "wonbin, get the fuck off her!" she tries to pry his arm off you but you find yourself unmoving when you catch jeonghan's figure on screen. he's laughing next to someone, a girl– oh, it's nana. she leans in close, a little too close, and you're not sure if it's your spinning head, but she keeps on getting closer, close until her lips are on jeonghan's and–

"i feel sick," you exclaim suddenly, clutching your stomach. wonbin's strong arms are around you in a moment and yves can't fight him off when he leads you through to crowd, weaving through the impossibly long line to the bathrooms. despite everything, you're thankful for him when he holds your hair up when you throw your guts up, tears mixing with the alcohol in your system. 

when you're done, you ask yves if she can take you home and she's already ready with your bag over her shoulder. 

"y/n, wait!" wonbin stops you, hand on your elbow, "can i talk to you for a sec–"

"wonbin, please, you've done enough, she needs to go home–"

"go home to what exactly?" he questions and you have to physically restrain yourself from falling to your knees with the sobs that wreck your body, "i'm here for you, y/n, if you ever need–"

down in your bones you know jeonghan better than anyone, know he would never be the kind to cheat on you, to ever leave you for the wolves like this. but honestly, the news ring out louder than anything in your head. "yoon jeonghan with ito nana, confirmed? was his little singer-songwriter girlfriend just a joke?" 

that's how you feel right now. little. and like a joke. you simply nod at wonbin and turn around to leave the club before the music can suffocate you any more. 

"i'm sorry, y/n, i didn't think he'd act up like that–"

"it's okay, yves, you didn't do anything," you tell her and look down at your phone at the photo of jeonghan that shows up every time he calls you. it was one you'd taken on your very first dates, of him sitting prettily across the table with a chopstick in each hand. 

"you should talk to him, y/n," yves pats your back, "you don't have to go back to him but you have to hear him out, right?"

you sigh, "you're right." 

you accept the call as yves leads you to a silent corner and gives you some space as she goes off for a smoke. you hold your breath when you hear jeonghan's voice. he sounds distraught.

"y/n? love?" 

all you can do is sigh to delay your tears. "hey," you say coarsely and jeonghan's losing his mind. 

"baby, can you stay where you are? i'm on my way, okay? i… i don't know what you've seen but you know it's not the truth. okay? just," you hear him run into someone and apologize. was he running to you? that would be crazy. "just let me talk to you."

you take a deep breath, "i'm waiting here." 

you don't question how he found you, it's likely your location on life360, a feature you'd added a year into your relationship just to know where the other was. just in case. 

you hadn't opened the app in a while, there hadn't been a reason. even if you knew where he was, he'd be far enough that it didn't mean enough. 

it takes a few more minutes before you hear jeonghan's voice on the sidewalk outside the club. he's in a white shirt that's been untucked from his pants. he's disheveled, and you can only wonder why. 

"y/n," he says, out of breath, sweat beading his forehead. 

"did you run here?"

"the car was stuck in the traffic so i told my driver to catch up," he inhales deeply, "i had to see you." 

"and why is that exactly?"

jeonghan sighs, "love, i think we both know why. that clip of nana kissing me probably found you by now?"

you look at your feet, "i saw it. i thought you guys were just friends?" you pause and before jeonghan can speak, you continue, "or was that just a lie silly little me believed?" 

jeonghan's hands find your shoulders, "there is absolutely nothing between me and her. i thought my platonic feelings were reciprocated because we'd been normal for so long. but then today, she… she kissed me and i realized that was me being stupid." 

"of course she was into you," you mumble. 

"i'm sorry, i really am. not just for this but for the past few weeks. or more than at. i don't know how long it's been but i feel like i haven't been putting you first."

"jeonghan, you have to know that it just sounds like you're overcompensating so i forget about the nana stuff."

"there is no nana stuff," he tells you, "and if you must know, i was always planning to come home a few days earlier. you've been so cold lately and i thought i could surprise you. but then you stopped responding to my texts and i found out through your bandmates you hadn't been home in a week. i got worried and in my head."

"i admit, i let nana distract me, but as nothing more than a friend. because when you're gone, i also lose my closest friend. i have no one but you to talk to you, love, i can't trust anyone, not after today. and i'm so sorry that i don't talk to you more, that i don't address problems as they come up."

you feel weaker than ever, head still down as tears roll down. "y/n? are you crying? baby, look at me, please."

"han, i really don't know what to do anymore," you finally break out, letting him take you into his arms, "i've been so miserable without you. i… i can't do it anymore." you take a deep breath to gather your thoughts. 

"you're so good at accepting changes and moving on from little fights. but i'm crazy. i get stuck in a spiral for days over the little things and after your scandal started, i… i can't help but think they're right." 

you pull away to look jeonghan in the eyes, "maybe i'm not the right one–"

"no," jeonghan cuts you off with a hiss that surprises both of you, "i will not have you think the stupid crap they're writing in the news, okay? you're my love, y/n, you're my everything. seriously, did you not hear me? i don't care about anyone else like i care about you. god, i'm stupid for not having married you when i had the chance."

"han, i don't know, i'm so tired," you rest your head against his. "can we go home for now?" 

later that night, you sit side by side with jeonghan on your side of the bed. you've taken your shoes off but not your dress. "is that a new dress?" he asks lowly. 

"i borrowed it from yves," you reply, adjusting the straps to sit right, "does it look fine?"

you feel like you're in a liminal space with jeonghan right now. you haven't broken up but you're not sure if everything's back to normal just yet. funnily, it feels like the first few months of getting to know him. he has the same boyish nervousness about him as his hand reaches out to brush your hair out of your face. 

"you look so good i'm mad i didn't buy you this dress," he says, "or that i didn't get to dance with you in it." 

you sniff, "i wish you'd been there tonight." and after a moment, "i wish we weren't so different."

and then again, "i wish we were the same person so i could know your thoughts inside and out without having to bother you." 

"it's not a bother, i'm just bad at it," jeonghan says, "and i don't wish we were the same person. because i love how different we are. i have so much fun with you, learning your ways and fighting with you."

"fighting is fun?" you ridicule him.

"only in retrospect, of course. i never want to see you look as hurt as you did tonight." 

he reaches out for your hand and you let him, intertwining your fingers. he places your joined hands against his lips and then back into his lap. "i love you, y/n. i love you more than everything."

"i thought i was everything?" you ask through a half-concealed giggle.

"don't tease me when i'm being vulnerable, love," he whines, "i'm serious. i'm sorry for making you feel so ignored all this while. it was never my intention. everything i did, i did because i'm stupid and still learning. but i always want to be with you. i want to spend everyday with you." 

"i love you too, han," you kiss his shoulder, "i'm sorry, too, for being so closed off. you don't have to feel so bad, it was partially my fault too."

jeonghan stands up, pulling you up after him. before you can ask him what's wrong, he hugs you tight, breath soft on your exposed back. your arms find his waist, rubbing his back in a reminder of how much you love him. slowly, you're not sure who starts it, you both start swaying to no song in particular, just to the rhythm of your heartbeats. he twirls you around with a smile and kisses your forehead. 

"on that note, my love," jeonghan stills you, tiptoeing across the room to his bag, ruffling through before finding what he was looking for. it's only when he gets on a knee that you comprehend what's happening, "i know i haven't been the most promising husband material but i promise, it will only get better from here. i've made the mistake of not doing this earlier and i can't wait to make you mine forever. so, y/n, will you marry me?"

with that, he opens the black box in his hands, revealing the precious diamond ring inside.

you've never fallen to your knees faster, taking his hands in yours, "yes, of course, i'll marry you, han! i–" you fall short of words when you look at the ring in his hands, "i had no idea you were planning on– god, i'm– i love you, han."

"part of the reason i wanted to come back faster was to do this," he tells you softly, slipping the ring onto your finger, "to finally propose to you." 

"finally?" you question, sensing some hidden meaning behind his words. 

"well, i have had this ring for a year now. i considered getting a newer model but this one was just too gorgeous." he takes your left hand in his, "and it looks prettier on you than i could have ever imagined."

"a year?" you ask in disbelief, "han! you– why didn't you tell me?" you feel stupid really, knowing how long he'd planned on marrying you for real. his love for you looms over you and you can't help but feel lightheaded. 

"because i didn't think it was the right time yet. i was wrong about that, of course. any time is right with you. i just needed to make you mine." 

you throw your arms around him, tearing up again, "yoon jeonghan, god, you make me crazy."

"so is that a good crazy, as in you'll write happy love songs about me again or… as in i make you want to scream and shout?"

"honestly, a bit of both," you laugh against his shoulder, "and about the happy love songs… i think you should know but i wrote some really depressing songs while you were away. yves loves them so they'll end up on the next album but i know you don't necessarily like them so–"

"what are you talking about? i love all of your songs."

"han," you kiss his cheek with a smile, "you don't have to lie. i know you feel weird about them. and that's okay. but i hope you know, i'm in a different space when i write those, and i will continue to write those. but they don't reflect the truth in any way, okay?"

he narrows his eyes, his lips pouty, "you mean to say i'm not good enough for you to make you happy for the rest of you life?"

"that is not what i said, babe, and you know it," you laugh again, letting him pull you onto his lap. he kisses you once and then twice. "if you say so, love." 

you spend your first night engaged to jeonghan the best way possible: talking to him. you lay down next to him, in your pyjamas, feeling fuller than ever. he tells you everything he'd thought or done in the past few months, scrolling through his camera roll for reference and kissing you whenever you'd have a giggling reaction. when it was your turn, you pulled up your notes app with lyrics from the past few months and read some select ones out for him.

"oh, oh, and the way i was gonna introduce this one was like this," you clear your throat as if taking on your stage persona, "this one's called no one's prettier because no one's prettier than my boy." 

you fall into a laughing fit with jeonghan, a slight blush on his cheeks when he pulls you close, "someone's down bad for me, huh?"

"yes, sir, i am," you say back, smugly, "i love my boy, sorry, my fiancé so much and i just can't shut the fuck about him."

"god, say that again."

"what? that i can't shut the fuck up about my pretty fiancé? my adorable loverboy? my honest and reliable husband?" the last word feels so right on your tongue when uttered for jeonghan, even though you'd never said it before.

"you're my everything, love," mumbles jeonghan with a big smile, kissing you sqaure on the mouth. 

–

"...so the past few months have been a rough trek for the band," you speak into the microphone, looking onto the solemn crowd with a soft smile, "and when i say the band, i really just mean me. i think i aged by like ten years." the crowd laughs. 

"but i came out stronger, and more engaged than ever," you wiggle your left hand at the crowd, throwing a smile at jeonghan at the front, watching with a smitten grin. "so here's a new song i wrote. it's called everything because my love is everything to me." 

when your set ends, you rush to jeonghan's arms and before you can ask him he'd liked the new song, he kisses your hands. "that was perfect, love. i've never felt more seen by a song." 

you let him shower you with kisses as you walk him through the lyrics a little. you're in the middle of explaining the bridge when you're interrupted by a call of your name. 

"y/n?"

you turn around to find wonbin standing before with a rose in his hand. "oh, hi, wonbin!" 

jeonghan doesn't do anything to hide the dislike on his face for the man. after all, you'd told him about everything that happened that night at the club and had barely managed to calm him down after. "hey," he nods at jeonghan who simply raises his brows at him.

wonbin glances at jeonghan's arm around your waist and sighs. "congratulations on your engagement, y/n," he holds out the rose, "and i'm sorry about everything that happened with us. i hope you know it's only because i have nothing but admiration for you. and maybe one day–" 

"thank you for your kind words, wonbin," jeonghan cuts him off, taking the rose and handing it to you with a small smile. "but we need to be going somewhere. sorry. see you around. maybe at the wedding?" 

as you walk away from wonbin, you chuckle at jeonghan, "didn't know you were still worked up about that guy?"

"of course i am! he tried to take advantage of you in a hard time! i'm just too pretty to get into a fight or i would've thrown hands long ago."

you laugh as you kiss him on the cheek, "right, of course. my baby, let's go home." 

How many times does it take to get smarter? Y.JH

Summary: 

Jeonghan and you start a fwb relationship after years of being best friends. He only has two rules: no feelings and no kissing. Who’s going to break the rules first?

Wordcount: around 6.3k

Warnings: unprotected sex, vaginal penetration, oral sex (f. receiving), fingering, bossy Jeonghan

Requested: Yes, here

P.S - Italic is for thoughts mainly from Y/N’s perspective and quotes. Bold is for text messages and/or calls between characters

As you sit on your couch on your day off and stare at the message in your phone, you ask yourself: How did this all start anyway? How are you sitting here, sexting your best friend in the middle of the afternoon and absolutely loving it? Well, for most of your shared friends, ‘this was bound to happen sooner or later’ as they so lovingly put it but, for both you and Jeonghan (the one on the receiving end of the sexting) this was never supposed to happen and it can end just as abruptly as it started.

You don’t remember exactly who leaned in and started all of this but you do remember the conversation after your boundaries as best friends had been completely crossed. While still naked and tangled, Jeonghan immediately stated he would like to continue doing this with you on a friends with benefits basis only, and if you agreed, he had only two main rules for this whole thing. 

First rule was a pretty cliché one: no feelings. You remember laughing at this when it first said it and teasing him for such a cliché move.

“It’s cliché for a reason, love. It happens more than it should” you remember how serious he sounded.

Second rule was an unbelievable one and it made you laugh even harder than the previous: no kissing. Now it makes sense why he did not kiss you at all during that first time you were together even though you were very (VERY) interested in doing so.

“Hannie, are you being serious? Who am I? The mistress you can’t kiss because if you do, it’s considered cheating on the non-existing housewife waiting for you at home?” you really couldn’t stop laughing.

“Kissing is reserved for people I want a serious relationship with and see myself being with in the long run” he said, even more serious this time around.

You stopped laughing immediately and… It hurt. That comment stung. Looking back on it, you realize this may have been a sign that you should not say yes to his proposition. That there was only one way this ‘agreement’ was going to end: badly. WIth you in tears. 

But you ignored that initial sting and pain. You ignored that initial sign from your brain and heart and said yes.

Jeonghan let you know there were essentially no other rules. You could call and/or text whenever you needed him and wanted to have him and he would do the same. Your friendship would remain the same, still having your weekly dinner and movie/show and, whenever either of you wanted to end this, for whatever reason, it would immediately end. One thing he kept saying was “No matter what, no matter how this ends, I still want you in my life, love. You are one of the most important people in my life, and that will never change”.

You nodded silently. But of course he would not let you get away with just nodding. He takes out his most powerful weapon against you. His pinkie. He wanted you to pinkie promise that your friendship would remain the same after you were done fucking each other casually. You remember how much a pinkie promise means to Jeonghan. The words ‘It can never be broken’ pop up in your mind and you hesitate. 

This was sign two. You got two signs from yourself during that same initial conversation with him to stop this before you both ruined what you have built together over the years.

Yet… You did it. You lifted your pinkie and you made that promise to each other. Why did it suddenly feel like you wouldn’t be able to hold up the end of your promise when the time came? ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it’ you had told yourself.

After that first time, you didn’t speak to each other for two weeks. The only messages exchanged between the two of you were the ones he sent to cancel your weekly meetings. You thought this was very strange. In all the years you have known each other and started this weekly tradition, he missed one, maybe two in all that time. This was unlike the Jeonghan you knew and you started to wonder if the gravity of the situation had finally caught up with him. 

You have always had the tendency to overthink things. And a tendency to: ‘hurt yourself with your own imagination’ as Jeonghan lovingly put it. So you told yourself that maybe he was just busy with work or… Well… Maybe another fuck-buddy or one-night stand. That’s the thing about him, he rarely dates anyone seriously. However, fuck-buddies and one-night stands are something he revels in more than most. 

You never thought about it much. Always just figured he has high standards for who he dates and just wants to keep the loneliness at bay by having these agreements with different women. 

Now that you were one of these women, you wanted to know if this would be an exclusive fuck-buddy relationship. For health purposes, obviously. Not because you are a very jealous person who does not like sharing, of course. God, you hoped he was just busy with work and not with someone else. If he had been with someone else, did this mean you hadn’t been good enough? That whatever happened between the two of you didn’t satisfy him? That would be a depressing revelation since you were left extremely satisfied after your first time with Jeonghan.

As you sit on the edge of your bed, overthinking everything about the last time you and him were face-to-face, your phone starts to ring next to you and of course, it’s the man himself: Yoon Jeonghan.

“You home?” he states plainly.

“Well, hello to you too, Mr. Yoon. How have you been? Good! Me? Been good too, busy with work but you know-”

“Stop the games, Y/N. I’m not in the mood. You home or do I have to call someone else?” he said as he rudely interrupted your very passive aggressive answer.

“I’m home” you answered and swallowed thickly.

“Good. Be there in 30. Be ready” he said in a very low voice and proceeded to hang up on you.

Shit, that was new, you thought. You were not quite sure what to make of that but you remembered the time that you accidentally heard the boys talk about how Jeonghan was less than vanilla with most people he slept with and then you started feeling oh so excited for him to arrive.

Those 30 minutes went by so unbearably slow. You remember it as if it was yesterday. You spent those 30 minutes getting ready for him. You showered, used your strawberry lotion that he loved so much and put on the tiniest, filthiest lingerie piece you had on. You then started to overthink again. Just because he had called like that, it didn’t mean he would want you. Were you being presumptuous? ‘Better put a robe on, just in case I’m extremely wrong’ you thought and you went to your closet to find the baby blue silk robe you loved so much.

He rang your doorbell right on time which was very on brand for the Jeonghan you have known for so long. You were a bit shaky walking to the door but you kept telling yourself ‘It’s just your friend, Jeonghan. Just your friend. Nothing to be shaking for. Your heart has no business beating this hard and fast for him’.

You opened the door and he immediately walked past you into your living room. He started taking off his jacket and shoes. 

“What are you standing there for? Go to the bedroom, take your clothes off and wait for me on the bed” he stated while staring you up and down and realizing you had a much too short robe on you.

“Excuse me?” you defied him. Of course you did. You had always done that as his friend and that was not about to change just because you two had found yourselves in that position at that moment in time.

“Talk back to me again and I’ll leave right now and find myself someone with less of a fucking smart mouth” he said while he looked feral and very ready to be true to his previous words.

You had not answered him. Instead, you went to the bedroom, took off your robe and waited for him on the bed as he had told you. While there, you heard him moving around in the bathroom and started to realize you were probably in for a wild ride that evening.

He walked into the bedroom and when he first looked at you, he stopped and just stared. He was breathing heavily and licking his lips.

“For someone who likes to talk back to me so much, you sure were ready to be fucked tonight weren’t you, love?” he said and you gulped.

“Better safe than sorry. I like being prepared”

“Hmm… Good girl” he responded and you almost melted into your mattress right then and there. 

“Are you going to do something or just stare at me all night, Hannie?”

“Let me be clear since you don’t seem to know your place. I make the rules here, not you. I move when I want to. I do what I want to. And you will be a good girl and take everything I give you, when I give you. Do you understand?” he asked and you audibly scoffed at him.

He squinted his eyes at you and cracked his neck. You got scared he was going to walk out and in that moment you deeply hated your mouth for always being so fucking honest.

“One more scoff or mouthy comeback and I’m walking out of here. That’s a fucking promise. Now, are you going to be a good girl and know your place from now on or do I need to leave and end this fucking deal?” 

“Stay. I’ll be good…” you answered in a barely audible voice.

“You’ll have to speak louder, love. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s just me. Your Hannie, yeah? You trust me, right?”

“Of course I do. This is just… Very new. Maybe… Be a bit patient with me if I screw up, yeah?” you asked him in what you considered to be your most innocent look.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll be more patient. Just had a very shitty day” he said while he walked closer to you.

“Let me make it better, Hannie” you said while you started to unbuckle his belt and undo his zipper. He looked down at you and held your face with both hands.

“You look so fucking gorgeous in that tiny fucking thing, love. You know that, hmm?” he said while he held your face.

“Thank you, Hannie…” you answered shyly while you continued to take his pants and underwear off.

Once his bottom half was fully displayed to you, you started to stroke his cock while you both stared at each other. It started to leak with pre-cum and you took advantage of that to stroke harder and faster.

“You gonna put this cock in your mouth or just stroke it like we’re teenagers hiding from our parents, baby?” he said breathily. And, for a split second your mind started to think about that pet name. Baby. He had never called any of his flings by that pet name. Well, at least not in front of you but you rationalized that behind closed doors he probably had done it before. You were not different nor special.

You chose not to answer him. You just pushed him a bit away from you, you moved from the bed to the floor, on your knees and dove in.

You had never really enjoyed sucking dick. It had always been something you do for your partner but it never had any effect on you. Until this man, that is. At that moment, you were desperate. You wanted to suck the life out of him through his dick. You were going to make sure he would never forget the kind of head you gave him. 

You were sloppy and loud. Spit was running down your chin and you had started easing up into fitting his whole cock in your mouth (and throat). It had been a long while since you had had a cock this big and since you deep throated. When you had finally managed to fully swallow all of him, he pulled you back with a groan. He was panting hard when he pulled you up to your feet by one of your hands and by your hair.

“You’re so greedy. You need to be taught some manners” he said as he backed you up until you reached your bed.

He took off the last pieces of clothing he had on and pushed you down on the bed. You moved up on the bed with him as he started to settle between your legs.

“Look at you. So fucking sloppy…” he said while he spread the remaining spit on your chin all over your face.

“Hmm… Just the way I like it though…” he continued praising you.

He started touching you. Started by slowly running his hand from your neck down to your hip bone while he stared at you. This had been very different from the first time you two had been together. The first time had been rushed. No suspense, mostly no foreplay. Straight to the point. This time, it seemed he was wanting to take his time and was in no mood to rush anything.

Fuck, you wanted to kiss him. Bad. You had to keep reminding yourself ‘No kissing. Don’t kiss him. Don’t lean in. Don’t you dare ruin this’. You decided to start touching him, to try and prevent your urges from coming through and breaking one of his rules.

You started to run your fingers through his hair and use your nails on his scalp, just the way he had always loved it. You then moved your other hand down his chest and lightly scratched his chest in the process. He hissed and slapped your thigh.

“No scratching and no marks, baby” he said while he started to kiss down your neck.

“Are those new rules, Hannie?” you asked as you started to get more and more breathless. 

“In a sense, yes. They apply for me but not for you. No marking me but I can mark you however I see fit. Understood?” 

“Unfair…” you stated as you began to pout at him.

“No pouting. These are my rules. Not too late to back out, love” he said while then moving his hand to your back to undo your bra. 

All you could do was moan. Something flashed in your mind ‘Not too late to back out’. You quickly put that idea out of your mind. You didn’t want to back out. You had wanted this and you were going to continue with this deal.

That was the third real sign. Just a quick flash. A brief warning from your heart most likely. But again, you ignored it.

“I need an answer, love. Is this too much for you?” he asked and stopped moving to look into your eyes while he waited for your answer.

“No, it’s fine. Just… I might forget them in the heat of the moment, so I’ll need your help enforcing the rules” you answered and he laughed, almost mocking you.

“Don’t worry, love. I definitely won’t forget them. I’ll stop you if it gets to that” he said and then continued to take off your bra. 

With the bra out of the way, he started to kiss and leave hickies all over your chest. Wherever his mouth wasn’t, his hands were. You felt so surrounded, so engulfed. You were getting louder by the second and you knew he was enjoying it. He kept humming when you got particularly loud and continued to abuse that specific spot until a full mark had begun to form. 

Once he was satisfied with his work, he leaned back on his heels between your legs and stared at you while running his hands through your legs. 

“You look even better with my marks all over you, baby” he said and he noticed you started to get a bit red and shy and refused to look him in the eye. He tapped your thigh twice and you looked at him (finally). He then smiled at you, leaned over and completely cupped your pussy with his hand. You started to pant almost instantly.

“Shit, baby. You’re already so fucking wet. You were trying to give me shit on marking you but look at this fucking mess you’re making” he said as he started to run his fingers through the wet patch in your (now) soaked panties.

“Hannie…” you moaned as he kept stroking you ever so lightly.

“Hmm… You sound so pretty, baby” he whispered in your ear.

He then began to slide your panties off. He was being so slow, so meticulous. You didn’t know how much longer you could wait for him to touch you. You also knew that if you had started to protest, he would have probably given you an even more difficult time. 

He finally leaned in. Head between your legs, he began to blow air on your now swollen and begging to be touched clit while he held your pussy lips open with one hand. You hummed and instinctively moved your hips close to his mouth. You immediately thought you had fucked up.

The look you had in your eyes must have shown that fear because next thing you know Jeonghan is laughing at you. 

“I’ll let that one slide since I feel generous at the moment” he said and before you could have thanked him, he dove in and latched his mouth to your pussy. He grabbed your thighs with both hands and started to eat you out desperately. If you thought you had been sloppy when sucking his dick, he was even sloppier while eating you out. He was making out with your pussy like his life depended on it. Your moans had started to get louder, especially anytime he sucked and rolled your clit on his tongue. 

He kept humming and moaning along with you until he finally decided to insert one finger into your pussy. He had not kept that finger alone for too long and decided to join a second finger into your wet pussy. With two fingers and with how wet you were, the noises echoing through your bedroom were indecent, filthy. And you began to get closer and closer to the edge and it was when he moved his other hand to your tit and began to grab and massage it that you were pushed over the edge with a cry and moan of his name.

He moved back up your body and started to kiss your cheeks and neck softly while you were coming down from your high. 

“You were so fucking good for me, baby. So good… Let me know when you’re ready” he said while you tried to calm your breathing down.

“Fuck… I’m ready… Please, Hannie… Don’t make me wait anymore…” you moaned in desperation.

He started to move his cock up and down your folds and as he was about to get inside of you, you stopped him.

“Condom? Tell me you brought one, please” you said while you looked in his eyes.

“I thought since we started this deal, we wouldn’t need it anymore. I know you’re on birth control”

“I mean… As long as you’re not fucking anyone else while you’re fucking me… I guess we can. But if you plan to have more fuck-buddies or one-night stands or whatever you want to call them, then no. We will need a condom” you said very seriously. You wanted him to understand that it was your turn to set up at least this one rule for yourself.

He looked at you with a strange expression. Almost disappointed that you even thought about him fucking other people when just two weeks before, he had proposed this deal to you.

“Of course I’m not fucking anyone else. You know I don’t have multiple fuck-buddies at the same time. Definitely not now, when I have this deal with you, love” he said and he inched closer to your face. You held your breath. ‘Is he gonna kiss me?’ you asked yourself. He rubbed his nose in yours and asked:

“So… Condom? No condom? Your call, love” and he continued rubbing his cock in your folds.

“No condom. Just get inside me. Now”

“Bossy” he smirked and finally (finally) got inside you. You both sighed and cursed under your breath when he bottomed out which made you both giggle.

He licked his lips, leaned back and placed both your legs on his shoulders. Then, he started with long strokes which quickly transformed into him pounding into you. He was fucking you hard. And with this position, he was kept at a distance from your lips which made you think about how fucking brilliant the man between your legs truly was. 

The sound of skin slapping, of how wet your pussy was, was driving you both insane. You could tell he was quickly losing his composure and so were you. You were still sensitive and you were already beginning to feel that familiar burning inside of you. Fuck, you were close. Very close.

He leaned in, bent you like a pretzel and whispered so so close to your lips:

“I got you. Cum, baby. Let go. I’m right here”

With his hand around your thigh and thumb on your clit rubbing furiously, you came with a loud scream of his name.

“Hannie… Hannie… Sensitive…” you said still panting.

“I know, baby. I’m right there… Fuck… Where? Tell me where”

You knew exactly what he was asking and your answer may not have been the smartest in that moment, but honestly, you didn’t give a fuck about being smart, not while he was between your legs looking at you like that.

“Inside, please. Please, Hannie. I need it”

And then, it was his turn to spill ropes of cum into you. ‘Begging. Of course. Predictable but expected’ you had thought about what triggered him to finally let go. 

Jeonghan laid on you, trying to keep most of his weight off of you while still recovering from his high. 

It was like everything hit you at once. You went there again. You two really crossed that line again and from the looks of it, it would continue happening after that moment. You… Didn’t know exactly what you were feeling. Looking back now… Maybe you knew exactly what you were feeling and that’s why you were so scared in that moment after everything that had transpired between you that night.

He got up, went to the bathroom and came back to clean you. He didn’t say a word and neither did you. He laid back down and pulled you close. You remembered thinking ‘This is not how fuck-buddies are supposed to act’. And you asked him:

“Do you cuddle all your fuck-buddies or should I consider myself lucky?”

“You should consider yourself special, love” he said right before falling asleep and you had felt it then. The fourth sign. You made a terrible mistake that night. You believed him.

The next morning he had left and said he would call you or text you or ‘whatever the fuck’. Ever the poet. And this is how this journey that you are now contemplating while sitting on your couch waiting for his text started.

After that second time, you two had met up regularly, sometimes multiple times a week. You always stayed at each other's place overnight and had always continued moving forward in your life. 

Your friendship was still the same, nothing major had changed and it was going great. But you kept waiting for that other shoe to drop. You knew sooner or later that it would because after the last time you were together, you remembered thinking that you didn’t want him to leave that morning. That maybe, instead of meeting up in your bed next time, you could meet up at the restaurant you’ve always wanted to go down the street from his house that he never took you to because ‘That is way too romantic for us, love’. 

That last time you were together, the one that made you think all of this… It was strange. You had felt at the time, something had shifted for him too because while he was fucking you on his kitchen counter, he leaned in so close… You could almost taste him… And then he moved away and flipped you over so that you were now bent over the counter and as far away from his lips as possible. Jeonghan had wanted to kiss you then, you were sure of it. You didn’t know what to feel. Happy because he had wanted to? Or devastated at the fact he still didn’t kiss you?

Fifth sign. You were devastated. You considered stopping everything. Just putting an end to your arrangement. You already knew you were fucked for him and you were also painfully aware that he did not feel the same way.

You didn’t text or call him. He, in turn, texted and called you multiple times. You had claimed you were on a business trip and out of the country. You were just hiding at home. Too much of a coward to break it off and too hurt to see him.

Of course this didn’t last long. Jeonghan knew you better than anyone and he knew when you were lying and avoiding something. Even though he knew, he had left you alone for that week. He probably had figured you needed time to deal with whatever was holding you back. But after that week, he showed up at your door. You didn’t make a sound, wondering if he would just leave if you did not answer any of the rings or knocks.

“I know you’re in there, Y/N. I gave you a week of lying and hiding. No more. Let me in, please, love”

Nothing. You didn’t want to see him. ‘Why is he like this?’ you had asked yourself. But you knew if the roles were reversed, you would be doing the exact same thing at his door and would not be leaving until he opened it so you knew the only way out of this was through it.

You opened the door, turned and started walking to your couch. You started playing whatever you were watching before he showed up and pretended to be paying attention to it. ‘Shit’ you thought. You knew he saw right through you.

“Are you really going to do this? You think I don’t know you enough to know what you’re pulling?” he asked, sitting on the couch with you and staring at you.

“I’m fine, Hannie. Just wanted to be alone for a while. Simple” you told him. You hated playing this card on him but he knew that once in a while you got a bit down about your family and the struggles with those relationships and you always used to tell him ‘Sometimes all I need is some alone time and I figure it out’. 

“You could’ve told me instead of lying though. You know I hate lies. You promised a long time ago, no lies between us, remember?”

You stared at him.

“I’m sorry, Hannie. Didn’t want to burden you, that’s all”

He had looked at you almost as if trying to figure out what you were thinking. Trying to understand why you had lied and kept lying. He must have decided then, it wasn’t worth asking anymore and he just put his arm around you, looked at the TV and asked:

“What are we watching, then?”

You had indeed started to watch the show with him but that quickly turned into something else. And again, this time was even stranger than the last. 

He had been so gentle with you, always whispering sweet nothings. Things you thought should only be whispered to a significant other, not a friend, not a fuck-buddy. No. This felt very different. 

That night, it felt like he made love to you. He laid you back on the couch after stripping both of you naked. He took his time eating you out like you were his last meal and only after you came 3 times from his mouth alone did he start fucking you. Or at the time, you thought he was going to fuck you but he surprised you. He held both your hands and kept them intertwined while he slowly thrusted into you. You lost track of time. It felt surreal, it felt like you were dreaming.

In the middle of all the moaning and panting and whispering, he did something that you never expected. He… Kissed you. It wasn’t soft or gentle. It was a passionate kiss, tongues intertwined, moaning like he needed this like he needed air to breathe. Such a contrast from how he was thrusting into you. And you let him. You kissed him back and you remember thinking ‘A kiss between friends shouldn’t feel this way’. 

Your heart was pounding and you wanted to feel his but he had kept your hands above your head intertwined with his and would not let go.

That night, after you both came and he cleaned you up. He didn’t say a word, just like during your second time. Except this time, he did not stay the night.

He got dressed and walked out. Without even a spare glance at you. You knew then. The sixth and final sign before you had decided, it was time to come clean and end this.

And that’s precisely what you were trying to do when you started texting him. However, as usual he had other plans and that’s why texting turned into sexting which turned into you reliving everything that has happened in the last couple of months between you.

This realization snaps you back into reality and you abruptly delete the very graphic text you were about to send and send another one instead.

“Come over whenever you can. I need to talk to you about something” you sent.

“What a way to kill a boner, Y/N. Let’s keep having fun now, I’ll come over when this meeting ends” and you wondered why you even thought his response was going to be any different.

“I’m serious, Jeonghan. No more games for today. Come over when you can and we’ll talk then” you sent and put your phone on silent. You didn’t want a back and forth, you needed him to know you were serious.

You were sure he knew though. Very rarely did you call him Jeonghan. It was always ‘angel’ or ‘Hannie’. Never Jeonghan.

You knew what was going to happen once he was there. Your heart was about to be broken by your favorite person in the world. You wanted to have hope, but you knew better than that. You knew him better than that. You were never special. The only difference between you and the usual girls he found, was that you had been best friends before. That was it. Nothing else to it.

After thinking about how you were going to tell him the truth. You decided to be as blunt as possible. He always loved that about you. When you were completely honest with him about everything. Even if the shit you said sometimes hurt to hear.

He got to your apartment almost an hour after that text. That was fairly quickly during his work day so he must have known you meant what you texted.

“So… Should I sit down for this, love? You’re not dying are you?” he joked. 

However, when he saw the look in your eyes he knew. This was not a joking matter and this moment wasn’t about him. It was about you.

“I love you, Jeonghan”

He stared at you.

“And no, I don’t mean in a ‘best friends’ type of way. I’m in love with you. If I’m being honest with both of us, I always have been. From the day I met you. But I knew.. I was never your type. Not then… Definitely not now. So I settled. I became your best friend. I realized I wanted to stay by your side even if you never saw me the way I wanted you too. It was… well… Stupid of me. Of course I only realized this once you started dating someone. It was painful but I pushed it down. If I’ve learned anything about my shitty childhood and most of my shitty life is to compartmentalize things. So, I put the box with all my feelings for you deep inside of my soul and pushed it down anytime I thought that dam would break. Until now. You were right. Clichés are clichés for a reason. Except in this case, I was already in love with you. I just hoped you would fall too.”

You knew it was a lot to process but now that you opened this dam, you couldn’t close it anymore. You were sobbing now looking at him and you couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all. No emotion was showing in his face. He too knew all too well to compartmentalize and he had a much better poker face than yours.

“Don’t worry though. I have no illusions that you feel the same way. I know you don’t. You made that perfectly clear after we fucked the first time. ‘Kissing is reserved for people I want a serious relationship with and see myself being with in the long run’. That really fucking hurt. The person I loved most in the world telling me I’m simply not good enough for them. I’m good enough to fuck though, apparently” you chuckled darkly.

“I know you kept saying that no matter what, you still wanted me in your life. What you forgot to wonder was if at the end of this deal, I would still want you in my life. I do. But not as a friend. Not as a fuck-buddy. I want all of it. And…I know you can’t give that to me. Even if you kissed me last time. I know you didn’t mean it like that. That’s why you left, right? Because you thought I was going to get sentimental about it. Well… I did. Cried myself to sleep in fact. You may have broken that rule first but I broke the most important rule long before we started this.” you kept going and now… Now he was also holding back tears, realizing this is not just the end of the deal. It’s the end of you two.

“I don’t blame you for any of it. In fact, you gave me plenty of options to back out. But I was greedy. I wanted to know what it was like. To be with you. Even if it was pretend, even if none of it was ever real. I wanted to feel it. What the ones good enough for you felt before me and what others will in the future. I needed to know. Even if now I am hurting and will keep hurting for a long time… Maybe for the rest of my life.” 

You were done. Now, the worst part came. You were about to give him an out and you knew he was going to take it but you had to know. You had to be sure.

“I know this is a lot to take in and I know you probably feel blindsided and overwhelmed. But I also know your answer. I just needed you to hear my side. Now that you have, it’s time to make your choice. Stay here and talk to me about this, which means giving us a chance. Or leave, without saying a word. Without looking back, like you did the last time we saw each other. And I’ll know for sure.”

He started to move.

“Before you make your decision though, know that whatever decision you make is final. There will be no regrets. No reconnecting in a few years when you think enough time has passed. If you walk out. We are done. Our paths will never converge or cross again. I love you Jeonghan. But I have to love myself more.”

He nodded. Audibly gulped. And then did what you were already expecting from him.

He left.

He left you.

Just as abruptly as it started, it had now ended. 

Not just the deal, no.

Everything.

You knew. You knew this would be his choice but why did it still fucking hurt this much.

There will never be another Jeonghan in your life. He was everything to you, even now. While you are crying and tearing pictures apart. You know.

Life as you know it was done. You will have to carry on with a broken heart that will never be healed.

But you are proud of yourself. You spent so much of your life choosing others over yourself and today, you chose yourself.

Eventually, the broken heart won’t be as loud. Time will help. You will still hurt, always for him but you will be better. You will be yourself again just with a few more scars.

As for Jeonghan… He also knew.

He knew there will never be another you.

He knew that night when he left. He doesn’t kiss anyone accidentally. No, he learned that the hard way a long time ago. He had wanted to kiss you. And not just that night. All the other times before then too.

He told himself it was the sex. It was just too good. It was clouding his judgment.

He didn’t have feelings for you, not at all. It just wasn’t possible. Not after all these years. Right? Or did he.. Always feel this way? Was that why he acted the way he did and jumped at the first opportunity to have you in his bed? 

He knew. Finally.

He also knows now you will never forgive him. The pinky promise had finally been broken.

He will have to settle. All his worries about the future. About dating only the right people. People worthy of him. Everything makes sense now.

Most people were not worthy of him only after he met you. You showed him what love was from the start and no one could measure up.

It’s too late now.

And besides, he’s the one that was never worthy of you. Never once. And he never will be.

Please let me know if you’d like a part 2 of this. I am a happy endings fan so I might be down to write it if you guys want it too so please reach out and let me know! And let me know if you liked it please CHEERS 🥂

PS: You can find part 2 here