I WILL KILL MYSELF

I WILL KILL MYSELF

3:03PM, working from home with neighbor!haechan, wc1027

"Noona?"

"Hmmm?"

"I want to ask you something."

You look over at Haechan to see that he isn't really focused on you. Instead, he's leaning into his dining room table lazily, his bicep flat on the surface and chin resting in his hand. He's scrolling on his computer, too, looking particularly annoyed by whatever it is he's looking at, so you refocus on your laptop in an attempt to seem just as casual.

"What's up?"

"Do remember when we ran into each other at 7-11 a few weeks after we started hanging out?"

"Um…not at all."

He closes his laptop, the sound startling you into looking back at him. He's frowning at the tabletop now, fingers drumming across the top. "Seriously?" Before you can answer, he sighs. "I always considered that a pretty defining moment in our relationship."

You half close your laptop, push it to the side, and fold your arms across the table as you give him your full attention. You have no idea what he's referring to, which would be amusing if he didn't seem so affected by it. (Also, if you weren't so distracted by the fact that he's chosen to call it a relationship instead of a friendship.)

"You were heating some noodles. And I…you'd been crying." He still doesn't look at you, but you're grateful for it. "You never said you were, and I didn't want to upset you by asking. But it was a bit obvious.

"We ate together and then walked down by the river."

Your eyes widen as the memory comes all but crashing down on you. You had been crying, and when he'd tilted his head to meet your eyes —his expression had been so sweet, eager and interested until he realized you were going through it— all you could do was hope he didn't mention it. He hadn't, thankfully. Instead, he'd softened his approach and asked if you wanted to walk home together. (Which was an insane suggestion, because you were forty-five minutes from your apartment, but you'd felt infinitely better by the time you got there.)

"I always wonder what you'd been crying about."

"Still?"

"Yeah." He does look at you now, dark eyes seeming to search inside you. "If I made you feel any better…I hope I did. I really did try to make myself seem reliable." 

You watch him sit up and flip the lid on his water bottle as you attempt to remember what had upset you.

His laugh startles you out of your head. "And noona doesn't even remember."

"I remember."

His brows raise.

"I felt really lonely," you admit, face hot at the vulnerable statement. "I'd been at work all day, had lunch with my coworkers, and gone out with friends after. But, I just…

"Felt lonely. So, yeah…I'd been crying. You spotting and talking to me was surprising. I thought you'd just been, I don't know, amusing yourself before that. That our knowing each other was more or less confined to this building.

"And during that walk…" You smile, remembering how fond you'd grown of him in a short amount of time. "You did make me feel better. We started eating together more after that, right?"

"Yeah," he smiles, too, seemingly satisfied. "It went from a maybe once a week to a definitely at least once a week…And now we're working from home together…"

You laugh as you go back to work. "How domestic of us."

He hums his acknowledgment as he gets up from his seat, and heads toward the kitchen. You hear him start to fiddle with his coffee machine as a comfortable silence settles, and you're unsurprised when he sets a cup in front of you a few minutes later.

"Noona," he murmurs, hand on the back of your seat as you look up at him. His mouth ticks at the corner when he sees your surprise, the half-smirk causes heat to pool irresponsibly in your stomach. "What time is your meeting?"

"In, uh…15 minutes."

"I've been really good, right?"

What?

"Patient, too…" His thumb brushes across your cheek, fingertips ghosting your jawline. "If it's all I'm allowed to have then it's enough."

You want to say something —literally anything—, but you're too distracted.

"Your face is so hot. And you're trembling…"

"H-Haechan."

It isn't embarrassing, but does make you nervous. The butterflies in your stomach, heart in your throat, head in the clouds type of nervous that you hadn't realized you could still feel. It forces you to swallow and blink a few times in an attempt to clear your head.

"It's okay." He leans in closer and closer and you swear you stop breathing. You swear he knows it, too, because he laughs gently and you can feel the warmth of it on your face with how close he is to you. "Take your time."

His lips brush the curve of your cheek before he pulls away and goes back to his side of the table. He sits down and opens his laptop as though he hasn't reduced you to a puddle of emotions formally known as Yn.

"Mark's gone for a few days."

It's too casual. There's no way he's suggesting what you think he is. Right?

"So it's a good weekend to binge Twilight without any shame."

You can't help the laughter that bubbles out of you, and he shoots you an amused look in response. So, so obviously pleased with himself on all fronts.

The five-minute warning on your meeting isn't as sobering as it should be. Not when you're going to spend a few too many hours with him on his couch and you want to kiss him for real. Not when the cup of coffee he made you tastes exactly how you like it. Better, even. (Because things always taste better when they're made by someone who cares about you.) 

As you join your meeting, you make sure you're on mute and ask, "Italian for dinner then?"

"Favorite place or someplace new?"

"What um…what if we made it ourselves?"

The grin he offers you shoots straight through your chest. "How domestic of us."

my heart hurts i miss renjun so fucking much

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1-800-hot-n-fun [na jaemin]

when a random number messages you because he found it written on a bathroom stall … (pt .2 exclusive)

jisung’s slutty waist is so pretty

cr. twitter i forgot :/