Commission: Lovestruck!au Jaemin Note: I Do Not Know How To Crochet So Please Bare With Me

☆ commission: lovestruck!au jaemin note: i do not know how to crochet so please bare with me

there are three people in the crocheting club

two are quiet, hermit type classmates that you have never heard make much more then a small noise or string together the syllables of their name in class

and renjun - who looks you up and down when you come through the door with nothing but the pair of old crocheting needles you got from your grandmother and a ball of yarn that is....in his opinion...the ugliest shade of yellow to exist

but then you sit down after a small introduction and get lost in your project, clumsily making it through your knots, and renjun softens to that

the whole point of this club is to be alone, together

you understand that without having to be told - meaning, you fit right in

after a hectic day of trying to survive classes, the annoying and loud nature of the hallways, and of course all the other woes of youth - this place is a safe haven

and then of course, na jaemin appears on a tuesday at exactly three fifteen sharp

the way he opens the door is sudden and the energy he gusts in with him like a wind draws shudders from the two wallflower classmates, a look of disgust from renjun, and confusion from you

"jaemin, this is the crocheting club are you looking for-"

he flashes a big and white grin at you

"then i'm in the right place!

✧

jaemin is not good at crocheting

to be honest, he can't even sew

he brings the wrong kind of needles with him and doesn't have the slightest idea of what a pattern he's interested in starting

he just makes an offhanded comment about how he likes cats, the big and fluffy ones

renjun's voice waivers with nuisance as he tries to get jaemin on a more concrete path

"well are you going to make a blanket with a cat, a hat with a cat, a pair of mit-"

"whatever you think i should do!" jaemin grins and looks over his shoulder at you "woah, you're in the club too?"

the way he asks makes you think he already knew the answer before stepping through the door

which is weird because..........jaemin isn't your friend

you guys are more like acquaintances by force

he was your lab partner last year when he transferred from organic chemistry to biology 2 which he claimed was because the professor just didn't understand him

but you had heard from rumors floating around that the real reason he'd been switched was due to an secret experiment gone wrong that jaemin had been caught red-handed for

you had debated asking him about it when you two were working together in class, but decided against it

plus - jaemin was good at biology - like ... really good ... so far so that maybe his claim about just being disliked had merit

because someone so talented and excited about science, couldn't have failed and almost blown up a classroom like the rumor whispered about

so keeping your curiosity to yourself, your just tried to keep up with jaemin

who would get to the conclusion before you could even get past the hypothesis

other than that, the most you'd ever really talked to each other was one time outside of the library

you were waiting for a friend and jaemin had come down the hall, flanked by a group of rowdy friends of his, jaemin the center of all their attention

when he'd spotted you he had smoothly pushed himself out of that frenzy and into your quiet, awkward personal space

"you accidentally left this behind last period." he'd fished your half done lab report out of his backpack "i kept it between two textbooks so it wouldn't get crumpled."

as he handed it back to you, you immediately saw that beside your own work were scribbled notes in pencil

"did you-"

before you could ask your question, a hand had appeared on jaemin's shoulder and pulled him back into the body of people taking up the entire hallway

jaemin didn't get a chance to look back at you, but you had watched him and everyone else disappear around the corner

you remembered distinctly that one person, a girl with bright eyeshadow and a collection of keychains hanging from her bag had turned around to shoot one glare at you, and then jaemin and the rest of them were gone

you had looked at the report, noticing that the comments in pencil were corrections to your work - but after each sentence there were a variety of tiny little scribbles

some were smiley faces and others looked like attempts to draw some kind of cartoon characters

even though the corrections were bluntly explaining how your line of thinking was wrong - the drawings had made jaemin's sincerity obvious on the page

he's trying to help me, and still be silly about it

you had remembered thinking: "that's very.....jaemin of him."

✧

despite this one interaction and the scattered lab periods you'd shared, you didn't have a moment where you felt as if you and jaemin had gotten anywhere near close

not as friends, and not as anything more

but yet - as the first session of crochet club that jaemin attends came to a close - he's the one to corner you at the door and ask, with that smile never really leaving his face

"can i walk you to the station?"

"sorry - how did you know i take the train?"

jaemin doesn't look flustered, he just blinks at you as if it's obvious that he should know this

"i ride my bike to school, and you're never at the bike rack. my path goes by the bus and you're never at the bust stop - so, logically speaking, the train is it."

you have the tickling urge in your stomach to one up him

"what if i walked to school?"

he points to the pass case hanging off your bag that clearly displays the ticket you need every day to get on the train

"then why would you always have that?"

you open your mouth to think of some retort, but you really don't have any, so you just look back at him

"is there a reason you want to walk with me - is there something we need to talk about?"

jaemin puts his hands hands in his pockets and shakes his head

"nope. but you can also say no if you don't want me to walk with you."

has anyone ever said no to him?

you think, taking a pause to focus on his face

when you look like that, with the added bonus of his height and the fact that being smart just comes naturally i would assume rejection isn't even a possibility in his mind

"no - i mean yes you can walk with me."

and look at me, falling right into the trap like everyone does

jaemin gives you a thumbs up and turns his body to let you through the door

the first couple of minutes it's silent and you catch some double takes from other students

renjun is at the front of the school when you pass and he raises an eyebrow as you kind of mouth a "i don't know either?"

then, when you're out of the vicinity of the school, jaemin straightens up and stretches his arms over his head

his shirt rides up and reveals the lean skin of his stomach and you involuntarily look up to pretend you didn't see it

"so - why do you like crocheting?" the question catches you off guard "from what i could tell today, it's pretty boring."

"it's not boring!"

you argue, "it's fulfilling, and good for your concentration. plus at the end you make something that you can use and that's the most rewarding part."

"but you can buy a hat or a blanket anywhere. there are machines that make them one hundred times faster, and they're cheaper to buy then spending money on the equipment and the yarn and-"

you stop and jaemin walks a couple of feet ahead before realizing and turning back

"why did you-"

"if you just wanted to make fun of my hobby, why did you even show up to the club today? no one forced you to join us - and you could have left at any point."

a look of surprises washes over jaemin, and then he scratches his head and seems to understand that all he's done is come of as a bit rude

"no - sorry, it's not my intention to criticize you. i just really wanted to know why you like it."

"lots of people like it. for lots of different reasons, just because something is boring to you doesn't mean it's boring to me. for your information na jaemin i don't find science to be all that interesting but you love it right?"

you aren't sure where this is all coming from, a part of you think it's just you exercising your right to tell this guy off for butting into your club unannounced

and the other part is just that......jaemin is always so straightforward and simple. he's always first to find a solution and for once maybe you want to get there first...just a one up against one of the most popular and intelligent students

"well science isn't boring, it's infinite and ever changing. isn't crocheting just doing the same thing over and over and over?"

"there are different-" you stops before you start, the two reasons you have for this conversation suddenly seeming childish and unnecessary

you glare at jaemin and stomp past him toward the station

obliviously, he starts after you, but you point back toward the school

"i would appreciate if you let me walk to the station alone now."

you don't look at his expression as you continue on your way, muttering in your head about how stupid that all was

jaemin watches you, but you don't feel his gaze on your back, instead you fume a little on your way home

but tell yourself that it doesn't matter, ultimately - you won't have to deal with jaemin again

he won't be showing up to your 'boring' club again anyway

✧

jaemin is there before you are, chatting at one of the two quieter students as they stare at him like deer in headlights

"basically, kiwi's don't have wings - but they're still considered birds, but interestingly they have more in common with mammals an-"

"jaemin" you get his attention and he smiles and waves at you as if everything is fine and as it should be. even though that's clearly not the case "what are doing here?"

he lifts his needles, "i'm here to crochet. this is crocheting club, right?"

you cross your arms, "didn't you tell me yesterday that you thought crocheting was boring?"

"i did"

"so then why are you here doing something boring when you have the choice to.........well not be?"

he stands up and you expect him to laugh, to turn this all into some joke that he's been playing out in his head

but instead he just gives you a clear smile

"because my choice is to be here. i want to be here and i want to crochet with you."

a gasp comes from the other two students in the room - renjun walks up behind you at the exact moment jaemin makes the proclamation and snorts

"so you're here to flirt? could the two of you do it somewhere else?"

"that's not-" you start but jaemin tilts his head at you like a puppy awaiting your call

"should we go crochet somewhere else? i want to continue our conversation from yesterday too."

renjun clicks his tongue, "oh your 'conversation' from yesterday huh?"

you feel heat on your skin from the eyes in the room and the absolute shameless way jaemin is staring straight at you with no intention of stopping

"actually, i have to go home - i have...stuff to do." you turn to make a beeline out of there, but in mere seconds jaemin has caught up with you with the cheery look on his face turned to concern

"wait - what do you mean do stuff? i heard you tell renjun at lunch that you're almost done with your scarf project and wanted to finish today at the club."

"oh so are you eavesdropping on me and my boring conversations now too? was not coming here to make fun of my boring hobby again not enough?"

jaemin looks lost, which confuses you because what other explanation could there be

"i was just near you in lunchroom and i never made fun of your hobby."

"jaemin, you literally asked me why i liked doing something so boring."

he takes a second and you're reminded of a loading screen on a game or a computer

"oh." he starts, brown eyes finding yours again "i didn't mean boring as a bad thing."

✧

you sit across from jaemin in the grass of a nearby park and watch him struggle through a couple of the first loops

after a moment he groans and puts the needles down

"it's just not for me."

"you can't say that just because you're bad at it. everyone is bad as a beginner."

jaemin shakes his head, "most things are easy to understand for me - how can i understand cell division but i can't understand how to make a square of fabric?"

you try to suppress a giggle, but jaemin catches you and thins his lips in response

"oh, is it funny that i'm not good at something you can do easily?"

you shrug playfully, "kinda."

he leans back against the tree his bag and yours are resting on as well

"i am sorry again.....i didn't think i would offend you when i ... said all that yesterday."

you rub your arm nervously, after storming out of the room with jaemin following you - you had been offended. mad, even.

but you had fundamentally misunderstood jaemin

he was just curious - as you had been when he was made your lab partner last semester

curious about why he'd been switched, but also just curious about how someone could have so much fun in science class

you didn't have that kind of fun with it - you weren't even interested in it really. you just had to pass the class.

jaemin was doing the same here, he'd just been more vocal about it and had used the wrong word when he'd picked "boring"

he had probably meant to say - why do you like crocheting? personally, it's not easy and fun for me.

which is a question lots of people have about it - and have asked you before

"don't apologize, you were just trying something new and wanted to know more about it i guess."

jaemin shakes his head

"i was trying something new - but i was trying it because i heard you liked it. i wanted to try something you liked."

the words are simple and strung together without shyness, but you don't really know how to take them

"um - why?"

"why what?" jaemin twists some of the yarn around his finger and then glances at you when you don't follow up

"why did i want to try something specifically you liked?"

he continues for you and you nod, unsure of what to add

he smiles and his teeth are pretty just like the rest of him

"because i like you."

✧

you reply the conversation close to a hundred times in your head that evening

"because i like you."

"sure, but you could have found another way to be my friend - you didn't have to force yourself into croc-"

"oh, sorry, let me say that again. i like you in the non-platonic kind of way."

jaemin's voice hadn't faltered, like with most things, he said this without a single hint of worry or lack of confidence

you'd felt the inside of your mouth go dry as you repeated it slowly back to him

"in the non-platonic kind of way?"

"yes." he'd taken the two crocheting needles and pressed the edges of the top sides together "like in this way, you know?"

you'd imagined he was mimicking kissing, but your mind halted that thought because - well - then that meant that na jaemin was implying that he wanted to kiss you

"are you being serious?"

was all you could think to say, the words tumbled out of you without a filter

"pretty serious."

he'd tilted his head and done the whole puppy awaiting your command look that probably sent most people head over heels within seconds

but just kept you sitting there almost dumbly confused

"you don't have to give me an answer now, and don't worry if you don't feel the same - just tell me how you really feel when you decide."

you sit up in bed and ball your fists around your covers

"when i decide? decide what? decide that i -"

you say it outloud and into the darkness of your room before groaning and falling back into your pillows, one hand thrown over your eyes

"not like i have a choice in deciding, it's you jaemin......of course, i like you too."

✧

jaemin is talking with renjun when you show up to the club the next day

and renjun throws a glance your way that immediately reads: please help me get away from this weirdo

jaemin waves at you casually, and it almost makes you forgot what happened yesterday

you sit down at one of the empty desks and take out your nearly completed scarf

looking at it, you nod to yourself, and focus on finally finishing

jaemin stays the entire time too, and you can see from the corner of your eye that he's trying out the technique you'd been showing him yesterday

he catches your gaze once and smiles, but goes back to his work

half thankful that he isn't sliding himself in beside you to talk while you work (or, more importantly - ask you for your answer)

but also half confused at how calm he is even after confessing

you let yourself get lost in your work and when the club ends, renjun and the two other students leaving before you and jaemin do

you look down at the scarf that's complete and then turn to the desk where jaemin is

he's fallen asleep on top of his attempt at making....well you aren't sure

and you get up to wake him

but before you put a hand on his shoulder, you take in the image of him - laying his head on his arms, uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows

he's got a serene expression, as if he's having the best dream in the world, his bangs falling over his eyes and tickling the desk beneath him

even like this his jawline is sharp and handsome, his breathing is even and his long legs are stretched out past the desk beneath him

he doesn't look like he belongs here, in this room with you, but somewhere else

somewhere ethereal and beautiful

which makes what happened yesterday feel like it isn't real either

you suddenly feel like you shouldn't disturb him

which also make a sinking feeling in your stomach rise as you wonder if you should just ...... say no. maybe, rejecting jaemin is the right choice for the both of you because -

you clutch the scarf in your hands

because you and him don't fit. like failed science experiments, or a badly crocheted pair of socks

"i'm sorry." you start - in a small voice "i'm sorry, but i don't think i should like you back."

"that's silly."

you startle and look down to see jaemin opening his eyes and blinking back sleep

"you were aw-"

"oh! you finished." he points to the scarf and you reflexively let him take it out of your hands

he unravels it and gasps, "it looks even better than the ones in stores. are you going to give it to someone?"

i was going to give it to you. i was going to be selfish and say, of course i like you back. you of all people should be smart enough to know that.

but you're quiet in response and jaemin's eyes flicker a little as the dimming light outside trickles throughout the room

"so what did you mean by that, by thinking you shouldn't like me back?"

"jaemin-" his name sounds too soft when it leaves your mouth "we're different, i don't think we would work out."

"but you haven't tried." he gets up and smiles "you haven't even given it a try."

he dangles the scarf up beside him, "you probably didn't think you could make this when you started - but look at you now. you made this."

he places the scarf gently onto the desk, as if it's going to break if he mistreats it

"and i wouldn't have half as much fun doing the same experiments over and over again, never trying something new to get a new conclusion."

he opens his arms wide and you look at him with a wrinkle of your forehead

"so don't say you shouldn't like me or i shouldn't like you. just like me freely, like i like you. without inhabitation - and let's see what happens!"

for a minute the world stops and you and jaemin are alone in it

without another thought, you walk right into him, throwing your arms around his waist

for the first time you feel through the contact that he's surprised, but then his arms close in around you

"the scarf was for you by the way." you mumble into the front of his shirt "i hope you like it."

he let's go of you with one hand, the other still securely wrapped around you as he puts the scarf on

"i love it, i'm going to wear it all the time."

"even in the summer?"

"even in the summer."

✧

somehow jaemin doesn't seem to be as aware of the shock that pulsates through your school when you both walk in holding hands

and maybe it's the fact that jaemin is sticking to his word, walking around with your scarf around his neck despite being inside

but you're sure it's actually because na jaemin is dating someone.

and that someone is you

the only people who aren't surprised are the crocheting club

renjun just gives you the, him? well if you're sure look and the two other members speak their first full sentence to you: "you guys look cute together."

jaemin swings by the club a couple of more times with you, but it's mostly just to stare as you work

you don't mind it - but you encourage him to join a club of his own that does things that he's interested in

"but i still want to learn to crochet, you like it and i want to understand it."

you put your hands over his and lean up to peck him right on the lips

"that's nice of you, but i think we can appreciate the things we both like .... even if we don't do them."

"you just don't want me to get you involved in my science stuff right?"

you sheepishly give your answer with a sidelong look away from him

jaemin laughs and presses his lips to your cheek, kissing twice toward the tip of your nose and then spinning you into his arms for one more kiss on the lips

but jaemin, surprisingly, is serious about learning more

so sometimes you sit inbetween jaemin's legs, crocheting and humming to yourself as he rests his chin on your shoulder transfixed at your movements

you explain them and then let him take over, his long arms coming over yours and taking the needles

he's clumsy and it's taking him some time to get used to it

but with practice, you're sure he will get be better

one afternoon as you're sitting together like this - jaemin rests his chin on your shoulder

"want to know when i started liking you?"

you stop your work and enthusiastically nod - you had never asked him, but you definitely always wanted to know

"so, i was taking organic chemistry and we were learning about reactions, addition reactions - adding atoms to unsaturated molecules - talking about the importance of modifying existing organic compounds."

"jaemin - human words"

he laughs, "talking about how adding something to something that already exists and making it something different."

"ok...go on."

"and i thought, what's something new i can add to myself to make myself new? i couldn't think of anything. long story short, i talked to the professor i had about it and he wasn't impressed with it. he said something about how biology might suit me better if i was interested in 'how humans change'."

you look over your shoulder, "so you didn't blow up the lab like everyone says you did?"

"nope, but when i left his office that day i passed by the crocheting club room and i saw you."

you feel jaemin's hands wrap a little more tightly around you

"and i had this feeling in my chest that something in me changed - just by looking at you. turns out that to my luck you were in biology two and after transferring i got to be your lab partner."

he nuzzles his face against your neck and you gently graze your fingers up and down his arm

"each time we worked together, something inside of me was changing. maybe not a cellular level - but i felt new every time and i didn't want to let those feelings go when the semester did so - i found you where i'd seen you first."

you take in every word, but ask - "but, how did you know that change was-" you hesitate but jaemin says the word against your neck

"love?" he lifts his gaze back to yours

"because it was the only definition i could give to the change inside of me. and sitting down with you in crocheting club, walking you to the station, and telling you how i felt - proved my theory."

you look at his eyes - as clear and as truthful as they always are - the beautiful brown a lighter hue in the light

"that there was a new me, a new me that loves you."

when he presses his lips to yours - you want to say it back, you want to fill the entire world with it

i love you too, silly.

love your fics so far, maybe you could make some haechan fluff? like, just reader telling that she loves him 🥺

sweetener | ldh

boyfriend!haechan x gn!reader

summary: you just want to show your boyfriend how important he is to you.

a/n: hiii, anon! i'm sorry it took so long, i did not forget about you!!! i hope you like it <3. guys, let's just pretend i'm not late to haechan's bday? thank you vm thank you.

cw: fluff, a huge use of "i love you" bcs... i love him i guess i'm sorry guys, a little tiny bit suggestive at the end, pet names (& lmk if i missed smth!).

you were utterly exhausted, overwhelmed by your job's demanding nature. all you longed for was the warmth and security of your boyfriend's embrace, the comfort of his presence.

a weary sigh escaped your lips as you fished the key from your pocket, unlocking the door to his apartment. "hyuck, i'm home," you murmured, tossing your bag carelessly onto the couch before heading to the bedroom in search of him.

he was there, already clad in the softest clothes he owned and lounging on the bed, engrossed in some amusing videos he had stumbled upon. yet, hearing your voice call out his name, he quickly switched off the screen and sat upright, eagerly anticipating your arrival.

"hey baby, there you are," he greeted, a warm smile spreading across his face as he opened his arms, ready to envelop you in a comforting embrace. you forced a weary smile, your exhaustion palpable. without a moment's hesitation, you gently flung yourself into his arms, burying your face in the crook of his neck.

"hi, love," you whispered softly, the vibration of your voice echoing against his skin as you cuddled close.

he let out a hearty laugh, amused by how quickly you came to hug him. he then tightened his hold around you as he effortlessly toppled back onto the bed, his hands gliding gently up and down your frame as he whispered softly into your hair.

"rough day?" he softly inquired, his touch a soothing balm against the weariness that clung to you.

"that would be an euphemism," you sighed, your breath fanning against his neck. "my boss has been a pain in the ass," you continued, nuzzling closer to him. "and being apart from you just adds to the misery," you murmur, your voice tinged with a hint of longing. "seriously, what could possibly be worse than that?”

he playfully tilted his head to the side, his arms cinching snugly around your form, pulling your body tight against his own. then, he released a theatrical sigh, his voice laced with mock distress.

"oh, how shall i ever recover from learning the depths of your yearning for me throughout the day?” he cupped your face on his hands. “what possible remedy could exist for such a woeful separation?"

you let out a lighthearted scoff and rolled your eyes at his words, a playful smile tugging at your lips. "instead of making jokes, you should be helping me recuperate from the long hours we spent apart," you responded with a cheeky glint in your eyes.

he chuckled softly, his affectionate teasing evident as he responded, "oh, how foolish of me to deny such a request from my needy love,” he then leaned in, planting a tender kiss on your lips, making your heart flutter. the kiss lingered for a sweet moment, leaving you blissfully content. "did that do the trick for now?”

you stood there, silently watching him with an adoring smile, as if beholding the most precious treasure in the world. "what?" he asked, his eyebrows raised in slight confusion. "why are you looking at me as if i were a puppy in a box in the middle of the street, and you desperately wished to take me home?”

you couldn't help but burst into melodic laughter, shaking your head gently as you cradled his face in your hands, your eyes drinking in every detail of him.

"i'm just thinking about how much i love you," you murmured softly, your thumbs tenderly caressing his cheeks. "seriously, i love you so much, babe," your eyes glowed with sincerity, a love-filled gaze that seemed to radiate from within. "you make me so happy, make me feel like the luckiest person alive to have you by my side. it's..." your voice trailed off, searching for the right words, but struggle to find them. instead, your thumb continued to gently caress his cheeks as you sighed, "surreal."

he was surprised by how romantic you were suddenly getting for no reason, but he was happy to see that you felt so strongly about him. he wrapped his arms around you and rolled so that he was on top of you, his face inches from yours.

“well, you make me so happy too,” he kissed the tip of your nose. “you make me so goddamn happy, you have no idea… i’m so madly in love with you, it’s honestly insane to me,” his laughter, a joyous sound, filled the air.

you followed him closely, your smile filled with tender affection, your eyes practically turning into hearts. "me too," you echoed softly. "i am madly, uncontrollably in love with you," a sweet giggle escaped your lips as you added, "you're absolutely amazing, my love. i adore every single thing about you. i love you with all my heart.”

he smiled down at your words, loving the way you were looking at him and the absolute sincerity in your voice. his heart was basically melting right then and there, he couldn’t get sick of hearing that you loved him, he needed it to fuel his days.

“baby... you’re not being fair you know, i’m supposed to be the one making you feel like that, not the other way around…” he laughed softly and kissed you once more, trying to get you to stop with all of the compliments

"no, it really isn't fair," you agreed, chuckling softly. "i feel like i don't express my love for you enough, and i should be telling you how much you mean to me every single day,” you sighed softly and gently squished his cheeks, looking into his eyes as you continued, "you're truly amazing, and that's putting it lightly. god, i love you so much it's ridiculous!”

“okay, okay, i get it!” he began peppering kisses over every inch of your face, saying in between each one, "you love me," he moved on to your cheeks, your forehead, your nose, and the corners of your mouth, adding, "you really, really love me,” then, he kissed your lips once more, pausing and grinning before continuing, "i'm incredible. you're in love with me,” another kiss. "you're obsessed with me." another kiss. "you want to marry me.”

he chuckled softly as he finished with a playful grin, leaning in and pressing one final kiss on your lips before you could say something back, this one lingering for a few moments. his lips moved against yours, prolonging the touch before he eventually pulled away, a soft smile still on his face.

this time, it was his turn to bury his face in the crook of your neck, his voice soft and muffled as he mumbled against your skin, "are you okay, love? why are you suddenly so affectionate?"

he had grown used to your sweet, comforting nature, yet he could never quite shake his surprise at how attuned you were to his emotional needs. you always seemed to know exactly when he needed a few kind words to ease whatever worries or concerns he was grappling with.

you let out a lighthearted giggle, gently stroking his hair with your fingers. "of course i’m okay," you reassured him. "i just felt like telling you how important you are to me!" your voice softened even more as you continued, "because i love you so much, and you absolutely deserve to hear it as often as possible!”

“god, you are such a cheeseball,” he teased, smiling and nuzzling his face in your neck as you scratched his hair, absolutely relishing your love and attention to him. "i'm the one who's incredibly lucky to have you by my side, even when i'm not being the best partner i could be. thank you for staying, thank you for believing in me.”

his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he nestled against you. "i don't deserve you," he murmured into your skin. "you’ve stood by me through everything, and i’m thankful every single day for having you in my life. i don’t know where i’d be without you, honestly. you make my life so much better by just existing, you know that?”

you pulled him away from your neck and pinched his cheeks. he playfully winced, his voice laced with feigned agony. “alright, alright, i get it!" he chuckled, placing his hands over yours to stop your actions. "and here i thought i was being poetic!"

you laughed and rolled your eyes. "i'm serious, though," you said, trying to keep a straight face despite the smile that threatened to overtake it. “you're everything i could ever want and more. you make me feel loved and cherished every single day, and i wouldn't trade our time together for anything. you're perfect, and i don't want to hear another word about you feeling undeserving. you're mine, and i wouldn't have it any other way.”

he looked at you in silence for a few seconds, a sly smile forming on his lips. then, he spoke up, his voice dropping to a sultry tone. "you know how sexy you sounded right now?" his eyebrows raised, and he continued, a playful glint in his eyes. "honestly, i’m tempted to throw away all our plans for the night and skip straight to the bedroom instead.”

with a light-hearted chuckle, you playfully pushed him away, making him roll onto his back in the bed.

"we're already in the bedroom, you dummy," you teased, still laughing as you climbed off the bed. "and no," you continued, sticking out your tongue playfully, "we're going to stick to our agreement. i'm going to take a shower, and then we'll watch dramas together. no exceptions.”

he whined in protest, making a dramatic show of complying. "fine, fine," he grumbled, rising to his feet and following you into the bathroom. he wrapped his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

with a playful smirk, you raised your eyebrows as his lips found your neck. "umm, excuse me, sir," you questioned, a hint of jest in your voice. "what are you up to now?" you inquired, enjoying the feeling of his soft pecks on your skin.

he pressed against your neck, nuzzling softly. "since we're both being so affectionate today," he began, his voice dripping with charm, "why not show you how much i love you? and no worries, i won't be skipping our night of cuddles, dramas, and snacks. instead, we'll simply... take a shower together. nothing more, i promise. just want to keep the closeness going.”

you knew very well that when it came to showers with donghyuck, there was always more to look forward to than just washing up. but who were you to complain, really? and besides, there was no way you could deny the growing heat in your chest or the way your heart skipped a beat at the mere thought of his touch.

you paused for a moment, pretending to consider his suggestion before replying with a playfully stern tone. "alright," you agreed with a mock-serious expression. "but let me make this clear: one wrong move, and i’m kicking you out of this shower. you heard me?” the smirk on your face betrayed your actual feelings, and both of you knew that your threat was an empty one.

he chuckled softly at your warning, his hands roaming over your body with a teasing touch. "oh, really?" he responded with feigned disappointment. "and here i was thinking you'd enjoy some extra attention," he sighed exaggeratedly, acting as if he were conceding. "but i suppose i'll have to behave myself then," he agreed, his voice dripping with playful compliance. either way, he wasn't worried. he knew you couldn’t resist him.

⠀   ⠀ ── ☆ ⁺彡 nct dream as spiderman !

the more i look at this, the more i dislike it 😮‍💨 enjoy i guess ... library.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ mark: ultimate spiderman. broken pecs and lame excuses. eating a sandwich against a skyscraper. homemade suit. attracting things with his webs (esp. you). quick reflex. stuttering. with great power comes great responsibility. yapping his adventures. “i can do this all day” energy. stacks of books and scrapped formulas for new types of web fluid. atlas carrying the weight of the world. falling in love with your best friend. stay up late saving the world... or the semester. confession on the roof of a building at sunset.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ haechan: spiderman by accident. anti-hero. wired headphones. a random stop at a gas station for snacks. bruises and cuts. original anomaly. boyish teasing. upside down kiss. across the spiderverse suit. street smart. smugly comments. sneaking out after being grounded. “he looks worse than me.” grimaces when you cure a ugly looking wound. piles of love letters from admirers. quiet confession while you cure his wounds. strawberry lollipop. enemies to lovers. stay up for a late night swinging around the city with you.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ jaemin: the sidekick who got superpowers. quiet extrovert's best friend. admiring the view of the setting sun. saving a kitten from a tree. visit at a nursing home. bingo in the afternoons. villains are friendly with him. classic suit. backward cap. funny clapbacks. “oh, it's just a scratch.” (frozen steak in black eye). subway ride home. eepy cats on a windowsill watching the falling snow. love at first sight. romantic telerage signal on the brooklyn bridge.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ jisung: wrong place at the wrong time. friendly neighbor doing errands for elderly people. clumsy swaying between buildings. awkward execution but good results. inner dialogues. thinking out loud. “from your friendly neighbor, spider-man”. shy giggles. stealing kisses. drinking soda on top of a moving subway. be late to class. stark enterprise intern. iron spider suit. meet up cute. confession by accident because he says something you said to jisung, not spiderman.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ jeno: intern at oscorp co. bitten by an upgraded spider because he's a little clumsy. social butterfly. lowkey popular at school. non-prescription glasses. nyu hoodie. crush on the quiet girl from his math class. “one last call”. hybrid suit. stolen kisses. last man standing. lost backpacks. wants to redeem the villains. she fell first but he fell harder. being snatched away for him. accidental confession because you joked that he was spiderman.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ chenle: rich boy experimenting in his father's laboratory. vigilante. sassy retorts. unpremeditated actions. advance suit 2.0. savior of the girl in distress. knocks on your window at midnight. finger guns. “that's the best you can do?”. childhood friends to lovers. vengeful. misunderstood. traitor trope. the sound of a thunderstorm. whispers at 3 am. random hugs. mean to everyone but you. no confession needed when you know your bestfriend fully.

ㅤ 𓂂 ☆ renjun: a radioactive spider missing at a science convention. spidey senses. overly intuitive. scrapped prototypes. city at dusk. gliding in the sky. leap of fate. upgraded suit. late summer nights. string lights. origami stars. sign language. sidewalk chalk drawings. not a quitter. “i am nothing without the suit”. skateboard tracks. volumes and mixtapes. scrapped knees. humming a lost song. self-sacrifice. exes to lovers. he removes his mask without knowing you're sitting on his bed.

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jisung another late birthday au for the february neos ;__; find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung | jaehyun | jungwoo | ten

a sour taste makes its way down jisung's throat

he pulls the candy out of his mouth and scrunches his face up

"did this shit expire?"

renjun's lips thin, "since when have you started cursing?"

chenle harks on the grass beside the other two

"ever since he got dumped."

jisung doesn't disagree.

out of everyone to pick up on his change of habits, it'd be his best friend.

he doesn't like to admit it, but the breakup that launched the beginning of his summer has made him feel different

bitter, angry, empty

he's sure if he told someone older like his parents or a professor they'd explain that it's normal.

it's part of growing up to have to process these horrible emotions and learn to feel them less extremely.

that somehow doesn't comfort jisung at all, why is it his fault that being young makes everything feel more vivid? the shatter of the heart in his chest and all the little pieces wedged up in his veins hurt so bad.

"jisung, you'll find someone better."

renjun ties his shoelaces and gets up, he's still chewing on the taffy they brought from the corner store.

jisung follows and he's never been so awkward about his budding height more than he is now

"i doubt that, i don't think i could find anyone better than my first love."

chenle gives a depressed sounding laugh and renjun starts a spiel about how he's being dramatic and silly

the sounds gloss over in jisung's ears, he tosses the candy he'd spit out and the wrapper over his shoulder

"you shouldn't litter."

three sets of eyes turn to the voice, you stand there with your gym bag over your shoulder on a path a little way down from the grassy hill the boys are on

you look at jisung with an unwavering gaze that drops to where he assumes the candy wrapper landed

you bend down and pick it up, shake your head and walk away

jisung follows your figure through the park as renjun and chenle mutter about how you're kind of right but kind of rude

"do you know them?"

jisung asks and renjun taps the bottom of his chin

"i think ive seen them at the tennis courts."

jisung doesn't know what it is about you.

he mistakenly thinks it is dislike that breeds curiosity when he shows up at the public tennis court the next day

you're out on the court with a group of middle schoolers, showing them the right way to swing a racket

jisung leans against the shade of a tree as you go through each step slowly and then have the kids copy you one by one

when you make a sudden movement to turn in the direction he's standing, he slinks behind the trunk

this is so fucking weird, im being a creep

he doesn't have anything to do for the rest of the day, or the rest of the summer, but still he cringes at himself

i should find something better than staring at a goddamn stranger. chenle was right, im cursing way too much.

so he leaves and he doesn't come back

but he visits the park for the next week with the slight hope that your path will cross with him on accident

not that he entertains that as actual hope - just that curiosity that nips at his heel like a cat asking to be feed

on day seven it happens

jisung is staring up at the expanse of the warm blue sky and you're walking from the direction of the tennis courts, you pause to check your phone and jisung springs to his feet

he's in front of you before he really knows what to even say

you don't look as freaked out as he was scared you might, you actually just blink and then point your finger at him

looks like they've got bad habits just like me

"you're the boy who litters!"

"i don't usually litter, i was just in a bad mood that day."

"doesn't excuse throwing your garbage around."

"is that why you remembered me?"

you slip your phone into the pocket of your duffel bag and shake your head

"no, there's another reason."

jisung itches to ask why but he realizes now that this conversation is going exponentially better than it could have

you could have said something like get the hell away from me....or who are you?

"do you want to walk with me for a little bit?"

fuck, i should have just asked why - asking them to walk is weirder

"why not."

you and jisung do loops around the park - it's pretty big so by the time you're on the third loop the night lamps are coming on and the sun is slowly disappearing

you two have talked about everything and nothing at the same time

jisung asks you if you're going to be at the park tomorrow

"i teach a summer tennis course for the park three times a week, but tomorrow is my off day."

"have any plans?"

he puts his hands in his pockets because they're sweating - i should have asked if they wanted me to carry their bag while we were walking. god did getting broken up with make me so stupid too?

"are you asking me out?"

jisungs palms stick to the fabric of his pants

"i got broken up with before summer started."

he blurts out before he can take it back, you poke your tongue into your cheek

"me too."

the genuine surprise makes jisung look younger than he is and you cross your hands over your chest as if you regret sharing the information

"sorry, i have to go."

you edge around him and jisung has one million thoughts run through his brain, how he should apologize or ask for your number or suggest something that could heal you both in the snap of this one summer minute

but instead he watches you walk ahead for a whole two minutes before you turn on your heel and uncross your arms

"can you meet me here at noon?"

"tomorrow?"

jisung feels the sweat on the nape of his neck now too, matching the moistness on his palms

"no, in twenty years. yes - tomorrow."

he nods and you don't give him anything else to work with as you disappear and jisung catches the last little slither of sunlight wave goodbye with you

"are you rebounding already?"

chenle's voice comes through the headphones as jisung clicks on a zombie with his mouse and shoots it

"it's not a rebound - we both got dumped so i thought we could like...FUCK! i died dude."

chenle groans

"maybe they can help you fix this cursing problem, but uhhh it totally sounds like a rebound to me."

jisung thinks about that as he waits for you at the park

rebounding has actually never even occurred to him as a possibility.

then again falling head over heels and getting tossed aside by the person he thought was his soulmate also never occurred to him as a possibility either - especially not before he's even managed to graduate university

but using someone to feel better about himself - that just isn't him.

"oh you actually came?"

he stops staring at the grass and meets the half smile you're wearing. he matches it with a shy one of his own.

you take jisung's hand easily - as if you weren't strangers a week ago - and tug him toward the park gates

"where-"

you look over your shoulder

"we have to eat ice-cream on a date."

jisung and you have the same taste, getting the same flavor of ice cream with a hard no to sprinkles. you tell jisung about this kid you teach privately for tennis and how he's a little rich brat but his parents always tip you nicely. jisung tells you that his best friend is chenle and they met when he nearly broke an elbow on the first day of middle school.

jisung pays for your bus ticket into the busier part of the city, you beat him at a couple of arcade games, and then he absolutely crushes you at mini-basketball. you pile all your tickets together and jisung tells you to pick the prize you want.

he watches you as you scan the cheap toys and then turn to your left where a younger girl is trying to see if she has enough for a sad looking stuffed panda

you dump the tickets into her hand and grin when her whole face lights up, jisung walks out behind you and goes

"you're actually nice aren't you?"

"oh - you didn't think i was nice when we first met?"

"i-"

jisung stutters when you look directly at him

"i just mean you- it was nice what you did in the arcade."

"why did your ex break up with you?"

jisung's world sort of stops for a moment. you still haven't looked away and he gets lightheaded by the sudden question.

"i don't know."

you nod, as if the answer is what you expected, and you take his hand again and make way toward the bus

he curls his larger fingers around yours and is silently thankful you don't ask for any more details

actually you both don't say anything the ride back, even though you rest your head on his shoulder the entire time

your hands are still clasped together and jisung finds himself not wanting to let go even when you stop in front of the park again

"thanks for the date."

you unwind your fingers first and jisung swallows

"do you want to go on another one?"

you shake your head

"sorry, i don't think i can do this more than once."

genuine shock sets in on jisung's face

"w-what do you mean?"

"i know being heartbroken makes you lonely, it makes me lonely too, but i can't just be someone's summer fling and get abandoned again. plus jisung -"

you tilt your head with a small laugh

"i think you're really cute and if we do this again i will start liking you seriously."

what the fuck do i say?

jisung thinks the summer heat in the air constricts around him - especially when he can't open his mouth to answer and you give a solemn wave as you turn and start to disappear down the sidewalk

fuck fuck fuck fuck

the curses start to hurt his brain and jisung breaks into a sprint to catch you before you make it to the end of the block

slipping his hand back into yours and spinning you to face him

"im not going to abandon you. and i - i already like you so please let me take you on another date."

the words fall out like letters into alphabet soup and you stare wide-eyed at him for about a second before you lean in and kiss him

and jisung forgets the entire language he's spoken since he was a child, curses and vulgarity gone with it

the second date comes and goes, then the third, and then the fourth, fifth, and sixth.

jisung watches you give tennis lessons and you even tug him onto the court one day to help with picking up the scattered balls off the court

the younger kids you teach really adore him, tall and smiley, they cling to him more than they do to you

and there really isn't any way you can stop them because soon enough you feel that urgency to be near him always too

it might be because jisung is so different from your ex, and you are so different from his

the reality is that when you finally tell each other what happened before your respective summers started

it turns out - it's almost exactly the same

jisung looks up at you as you lay across him in the tall grass of an empty corner of the parks sprawling fields, your tennis equipment abandoned and his shoes sitting beside yours in a lazy heap

"they just told me one day i wasn't enough."

you bury your face in his chest and sigh

"maybe im not, maybe something about me is still missing."

the tenor of his voice is sad and you put both hands on the grass to lift yourself up above him, you stare down into the prettiest eyes you've ever seen on a boy in your life

"shuttup park jisung. nothing is missing from you. you're enough."

he gives you a goofy smile and you want so badly to smile back and kiss him but you take the moment seriously and add

"remember when you asked me if i only remembered you because i caught you littering like weeks ago?"

the furrow of his eyebrow is enough of an answer

"i said there was another reason."

he sits up and you fall gently back against his knees and lap, jisung opens his mouth as if to ask what it was but you put your hands on both his cheeks before he can

"that reason was because i could see all of you - people tend to be shrouded in something, but it was all on your face the moment you made eye contact with me. jisung - you're the farthest person i know from being incomplete. you're you and no one else."

the weight of your words comes crashing down on you a second later and you get up off of jisung in a fit of embarrassment

even though you meant what you said it felt like something of a wedding vow than something you say someone you've been dating for only a month

but jisung just breaks into a bigger smile - he pulls you back down into a hug that gets you both covered in grass stains

"im so happy"

you smell the fabric softener on his t-shirt and suddenly wish you could slip it off of him and put it on yourself

his hands tighten around you

"i always thought the other reason was because i was ugly or something."

you scrunch up your nose and tell him to be quiet, but jisung just laughs and buries his nose in your hair

the rest of the summer is smooth and the happiest one you've had so far - and jisung, who had thought it would be hell, agrees

renjun points out that he hasn't heard jisung even utter the word 'damn' since he started dating you

and chenle cuts in that it's true - now whenever they game jisung just groans into the mic (or abandoned the game completely to fool around you with - as it is in chenle's imagination)

you notice it too, and you notice how everyday jisung grows further from the heartbreak that he had festered on for so long

and just becomes more open with you

on your last day at your summer job and what feels like the last day of summer in general, jisung picks you up with balloons

you both hand them out to the kids you worked with and keep one shaped like a big red heart tied around your wrist as you two walk through the dimming evening of the park

fall is coming, your shoulders shake and jisung pulls you closer into him, and when he stops suddenly

you see that you're in the place where you first met - when jisung had let that candy wrapper tumble down a grassy hill and you had picked it up with disdain

"is untying the balloon and letting it float off considered littering?"

he asks and you think for a second

"probably, it'll get stuck in a tree somewhere and we don't want that."

he looks down and leans in to kiss you gently, letting your lower lip sit between his teeth for a moment before he pulls away

"can we do it anyway to make the moment special?"

you look at him, eyes clear as day, and answer

"every moment is special with you."

jisung manages to get ten of those red balloons through the door of your shared apartment on your tenth anniversary

you fret about how balloons are bad for the environment, but still launch yourself at him in a big hug when he gets them all settled into your living room

he catches you, laughing as you both muse that you can't believe it has been ten years since you met

"and i haven't cursed once since then - can you believe it?"

you roll your eyes and say yeah sure, like he didn't curse when he stubbed his toe on your bed this morning

he pouts his lip and asks, "play along ok - just say i haven't cursed once."

"you haven't cursed once in the ten years we have been dating."

something twinkles in jisung's eye and you bite back your lip

"exactly - so is it ok if i curse this one time and say-"

he fishes something out of his pocket that looks like a small box, you think your breath catches in your throat

"i fuc-freaking love you - will you marry me?"

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au renjun happy super super super late birthday renjun! find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng | chenle | kun | yukhei | doyoung | jaehyun | jungwoo | ten | jisung

"i don't even like bugs."

jaemin shrugs as he shows his intern pass to the security of the front gates of the botanical garden

he mentions that you're accompanying him today as a visitor and you smile at the guard who pays you two half a gaze

"well i mean - they're butterflies not like cockroaches or anything so have some optimism?"

you don't argue, among your group of friends jaemin is kind of the symbol of optimism. sometimes it's misguided - like now - but you don't want to put a damper on his mood

after all, he's actually here to do a job

you are here on a summer assignment you have to complete for a photography elective you added to your uni program for the next semester

"nature photography" was the highlight of the project, everyone had been emailed a subject to take pictures of while off from school

you had expected maybe the beach, or flowers, or even tourists walking around in floppy hats

when you'd opened the professor's email and saw "butterflies" you had not been thrilled

but you were lucky enough to know that jaemin had scored his current internship at the botanical gardens, and while he was working with his weirdly favorite thing in the world - fungi

he could also get you access to the butterfly garden, a large indoor space for the various breeds of butterflies from around the world, before it officially opened to the public

"the pavilion is over there, i think renjun will be able to let you in."

jaemin says, pointing down a hill lined by pretty bushes that leads to a glass structure at the bottom

you turn to ask if he wants to meet for lunch, but he's already jogging in the opposite direction

you sigh, fishing your camera out of your bag - which is something you've borrowed from your parents because 'iphone photos are not allowed'

they're just butterflies like jaemin said, they're like...cute bugs.

you tell yourself as you get closer, turning the camera on and then coming to a pause in front of the glass doors that have a clear padlock on them

you loop around and try to find 'renjun' - but no one is in sight

secretly a little relieved that you don't have to go inside right away, you try to find a part of the glass structure where you can possibly get a nice shot of some of the butterflies from outside

a lot of the vines and flowers get in the way, so you struggle until finally, you find a spot that's open and peers right into the middle of the enclosed garden

you can see the butterflies, little splashes of colors that fly past you - magnificent oranges, reds, and blues

you admit they're pretty

but they're even prettier because they're not near you

and then something - no someone - comes into your frame

his narrow shoulders are engulfed by an oversized plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up by the elbows.

over the shirt is a gardening apron and on his hands are a pair of worn-out gloves

his profile is hidden by the dark hair that falls in a curtain and ends in a tickle at his jawline.

one, bright streak of bleach blonde runs through the black.

he reaches out to touch a half-bloomed flower and you watch as the butterflies float on by him

you nearly drop the camera when he turns and locks his gaze with your own

is that renjun? if so im going to kill jaemin! he didn't tell me he was so infuriatingly pretty!

without knowing how to talk to him through the glass, and because the words disintegrate in your mouth, you point to the camera

"jaemin's friend?"

oh, you can hear through the glass

"ye-yeah!"

"one second."

the sound of a click and some scuttling turns your attention toward where the door to the garden opens for a swift second, just enough for renjun to step through, before it closes again

probably to make sure none of the butterflies get out

you grip your camera and when renjun doesn't move, you make the small trip over to him

"jaemin said you're here for a project."

renjun speaks and his voice is softer when it isn't muffled through glass

"for my photography class in the fall, my subject is butterflies."

"what kind?"

your eyes get a little wider with confusion

"what kind?" you parrot

renjun's neutral expression doesn't change

"what kind of butterflies? there are over seventeen thousand species of butterflies - we might not have the species you are looking for."

"i-" you stammer, wondering for a split second if renjun is joking around, "there isn't a specific species it's just....all of them?"

renjun tilts his head as if that notion doesn't really make sense to him, but shrugs and turns toward the door again

"im going to open it quickly so just follow me."

you make a sound of agreement, but when renjun pulls the handle and steps inside.....and you can't move.

the door closes behind him with a sound that makes you jump and renjun turns to stare at you through the glass with a furrowed brow

"what are you doing?"

he doesn't bother opening the door again and you shake your head as a shiver runs through your shoulders

"a-actually is it ok if i stay out here?"

"i thought you needed to take photos?"

"i can take them from here - this lens is r-really good."

renjun doesn't seem to be buying your excuse, but he checks his watch and nods, before disappearing back into the middle of the indoor garden

you take a second to try and figure out what happened - am i scared of going inside? is it the butterflies or is it renjun?

you decide it's the butterflies.

renjun's just a boy - you aren't scared of that, but the thought of being somewhere covered with bugs

pretty bugs or not

is kind of ..... scary.

you pick your camera back up and circle back to your original spot

although renjun is nowhere in the focus, you are delighted to see some butterflies have come to nestle among the plants in view

you bring up the camera and take some shots

one butterfly is sitting directly on the leaves - big grayish, blue wings spread open and engulfed in the sunlight that shines through the glass

you zoom in on it, capturing the full expanse of the wings that stand out on the green

you get so invested you hardly notice the door open up again and then a voice speaks from behind your shoulder

"it's a pseudozizeeria maha."

you don't turn around and just stare at the butterfly still

"a wha- what?"

"a pale grass blue. they're native to south asia but are really common here too. they were first discovered by vincenz kollar, an austrian entomologist."

the sentence nearly makes you dizzy, but you thank renjun for the information

not seeing the small shy smile that casts over his lips when you do

you want to turn and show him the shot you took, but he's already stepping past you to the other side of the pavilion

the time sort of slips away from you before you can check it again and you only leave when jaemin comes jogging down from the greenery to whisk you off for lunch

"should we invite ren-"

you start, but jaemin is already twinkling eyes and nonstop talking about all the fun fungi he's spent his day with.

when you're back home you start to look through the photos you took

most of them aren't super great and the shine of the sun reflects on the glass

you know the only way you're going to get a perfect shot (or at least an acceptable one for this dumb summer project) is if you go inside the actual butterfly garden

sighing, you click to the last shot and are surprised to see that in the far left corner you see renjun's hand - gloved and in the palm of it is a small butterfly that has landed just in time for your shutter to go off

the rest of renjun is out of focus so you can't even see his, very pretty, face

isn't it weird, that he can be around them so easily and im so scared?

you zoom in a bit and wonder how nice it would have been to get a clear photo of the moment. that would be something you could definitely submit to your professor.

before any more thoughts of renjun can float through your mind, your phone pings and you look to see jaemin's contact name

did you get your shot? you can come with me on my next shift if you want to take more photos

you type back a reply before you can even think of it in your head

really? then I'll tag along :) want to take some more photos

jaemin confirms and then sends another paragraph talking about mushrooms and leaves and plants

and you giggle because he's funny and passionate, and also

guess i might see renjun again?

it's hotter than you can put into words the next time you show up at the butterfly garden

you're standing outside in the absolute sweltering heat and maybe the thought of possible colder temperatures inside the pavilion are tempting

plus - renjun is in there - he had waved at you when he saw you standing outside again

this time his apron thrown over a short sleeve shirt and some long jeans

he had motioned toward the door but you had just played off that you were ok outside. burning alive or whatever.

you found the same spot as before, wiping the sweat from your forehead before lifting the camera up in hopes of catching a good picture

but all you see through the lens was renjun, who'd taken the time to roll up the sleeves of his shirt and had seemingly abandoned the heavy apron somewhere inside

his longer hair had been clipped back and he was reaching down to heave a bag of soil up and over his shoulder

oh my god. oh my god. oh my god.

you are caught between taking a photo and just aiming your lens somewhere else out of embarrassment

either way, renjun doesn't seem to notice and continues working, saving you from the horror that would be seeing him turn and stare back at you

but this somehow goes on for the entire time you're there

you go to snap a photo, but renjun is somewhere in the frame

it must just be bad luck and timing

but by the time you're sitting at the garden's cafe with jaemin after his shift and you're going through your photos

all of them have renjun in them somehow

"woah i thought your project was butterflies not huang renjun's?"

jaemin jokes, sipping his iced coffee with an overly excited wiggle of his eyebrows

"shuttup - i just....it's because i am taking them from the outside, i need to figure out a way to get inside and just take the photo and be done with it!"

jaemin outstretches his hand

"gimmie your camera, ill go take one"

you snatch the camera off the table and vehemently shake your head

"no. the last time i trusted you with something expensive, you broke it in the first five minutes."

"hey! i thought ipads were waterproof nowadays like technology really hasn't come that far?"

you roll your eyes in response, to which jaemin sticks out his tongue and then claps his hands together in revelation

"why not ask renjun to take the photo?"

"because i don't know him that we-"

with a dismissive wave of his hand jaemin cuts you off

"he's not a stranger - i know him! if i know him, you know him. plus renjun is super careful and responsible - he's my age and ive already heard some of the directors talking about how they'd hire him as more than an intern if he wasn't still in university!"

wow, i mean i always got the impression he was mature, but...

"c'mon, i bet he'll say yes too! he's really nice!"

finally agreeing and promising jaemin you'll ask renjun when you come back to the garden again

you pretend the nervous feeling in your stomach is just because you don't know renjun that well

not because you also happen to think he's breathtaking to look at - and that it's going to be hell trying to explain to someone who knows so much about insects that you're too scared to go inside and take a measly little photo of them

you find yourself at home, with your laptop open, googling species of butterflies because you think you should at least pick one and ask renjun if he can possibly take a photo of that one

maybe your effort will make the conversation easier

maybe he'll like that i know the latin name for a - what was it? gonepteryx cleopatra?

of course, the next time jaemin brings you along - and abandons you with a thumbs up for his mushrooms and fungi - you are frozen still at the entrance of the butterfly garden

like a broken machine - you just re-read the sign over and over again - announcing that the garden will be finally open to the public in a week

and you nearly short circuit when someone clears their throat behind you

turning around, it's of course renjun, and he's giving you a weird look that is already making this whole situation bad

"h-hey renjun-"

"do you want to go inside with me today?"

you swallow and think you should really just suck it up and go inside. the butterflies aren't going to sting, bite, or eat you - but

"a-actually i wanted to ask you does the garden have any.....any um....gonep- um whats the word gonepetry? gonepetri? um-"

without a beat renjun finishes the sentence for you

"gonepteryx cleopatra's? no, those butterflies favor the mediterranean so getting them here is hard."

"right...well actually i was wondering"

renjun blinks

"oh and you can call them cleopatra's if you want. but unfortunately no, i don't have any in the garden."

god ok, how do i pivot this conversation...

"oh that's cute, um actually i also have a question-"

he waits expectingly and for some odd reason as the second's tick by he gets cuter and you get quieter and it is just a huge mess

and you think you should just book it and let renjun think you're a weirdo

when you finally lift up your camera and take a breath

"do you think you could take the photo of a butterfly for me?"

his brown eyes widen

"oh - like the photo for your project?"

"y-yeah. it's just......im really scared to go in there...bugs are not my thing. i know it's pathetic and they're just butterflies but-"

you look down and the sun and renjun's gaze are getting too heavy to handle

"but i just don't know if i can even focus when there are so many flying around....does that make sense?"

the beat of silence that follows is almost miserable but renjun just points behind him and says

"follow me."

the next thing you know you are trying to keep up with him as he walks past the butterfly garden and down a path hugged by greenery

it's way past where you've ever been and you ask renjun where he's going

only for him to insist you hurry up a little bit

before you know it you are both standing in front of a large, open iron gate, and behind it are rows and rows and rows of rose bushes

they range in color and size and the smell that permeates the air is so lovely you suddenly feel like you're in a fairytale

renjun leans closely to inspect a couple and then stops in front of a bush adorned in the brightest pink roses you must have ever seen in your life

"butterflies are attracted to roses, the colors are vibrant and they pollinate them."

"b-butterflies pollinate? like bees?"

renjun laughs, the sound adds to the almost dreamy vibe - with the way it sounds like the lightest piano keys

"yes and look - i can understand that you'd be scared of being inside a place full of butterflies, but here in the rose garden there are only a couple here and there."

he squats down and cups the petals of a flower with such a gentleness

you follow and are surprised to see a butterfly, with bright blue wings, nestled in the center of the rose

renjun flicks his eyes to your camera bag and you immediately understand why he's brought you here

without making too much noise you get your camera out and steady the lens - just one butterfly does not intimidate you like being in a glass, enclosed pavillion full of hundreds

so you can take the photo easily - though just as you click the shutter makes a noise and the butterfly takes off

you pout and look up to see if renjun is startled by the sudden escape of the focus of your photograph

when you gasp and see that another butterfly, this one a bright orange has settled on the tip of renjun's nose

without missing the moment - you raise the camera

and snap another photo, not taking the time to adjust the zoom or anything

just wanting to capture the little miracle

the butterfly seems to recognize renjun's pretty face is not a flower, not that you fault the butterfly for thinking that it was

as it flaps its wings and goes in search of another rose

you brighten up when you look at the preview on your camera

no blur or sun glare! it's a perfect shot!

and you lean close to renjun to show him and he leans in too

and the centimeter distance only dawns on the two of you when you look up and renjun has already turned his attention on you two

a heat spreads up your face, as it does renjun's and you both pull back from the scalding feeling

"i-"

"sorry-"

shooting back up to your feet you kind of wobble in this moment of awkwardness and then renjun asks

"will you use that photo for your project?"

"oh - if you don't want me to i won't, i think i can use the other-"

"you can use it."

he rubs his arm and then locks his gaze back on you

"but does this mean you won't come back to the gardens anymore?"

i guess since my project is done, he's right. i don't have any excuse to come and bother him by loitering around anymore.

you pull your bottom lip between your teeth and give a little shrug

"probably, jaemin's internship ends soon too so-"

"then would you be ok with seeing me- well-"

renjun flusters

which is somehow a shocking different from his usual blank expression of utter handsomeness. the stark difference is loveable and you almost have to stop yourself from falling over.

"well what i mean is would you want to maybe see me - outside of the garden.....like not here but somewhere else?"

"to hangout?"

you grip your camera and renjun half nods, but then you can see he's trying to think of the right word

"yes to hangout and like....but different, like a different kind of hangout."

confusion settles on your face and you are about to ask what he means exactly when someone burst between you two

"there you two are! sorry, was i interrupting renjun asking you on a date?"

jaemin's voice manages to echo even though you're all outside

and you push him playfully as renjun rids himself of jaemin's body weight and huffs

"aren't you supposed to be looking at toadstools are something jaemin?"

"first of all, toadstools are unscientific and not the correct term for a class of mushrooms. so mind your manners, and second - why would i want to miss the exciting moment where you too finally agree to go out!"

you catch renjun's gaze and it's as big and as wide as yours

"w-was that what you were asking, if i would go on a date with you?"

the words shock you ask they spill from your mouth

renjun nods, slowly, and then casts a look at jaemin

"yes. before this one interrupted."

jaemin looks between you two as if he is guilty of nothing

for a second you forget about him and then nod back

"y-yes id love to!"

renjun's face softens and he's about to ask for your number when jaemin claps his hands and the sound probably rattles the earth underneath you three

"amazing! this is truly a moment to remember!"

you and renjun both lurch at him and he laughs as you two tell him to go back to his mushrooms

and yet somehow, you three are all smiles when the day comes to an end because you and renjun have set up a date and jaemin is taking most of the credit for it

that summer, after you send the photo of the butterfly nestled perfectly on the tip of renjun's nose to your professor, is one that stays with you forever

you spend most of it with renjun, whenever he isn't busy with his butterflies, learning more and more about him

the little things like he doesn't like cilantro, he frequently doodles and draws in his free time, and he breaks everything he does down into a meticulous step by step process

you watch in fascination as he organizes his side dishes by the order he eats them, tabs the important dates in his planner, and pins your candid photos in a perfectly straight line above his desk

you know some of his friends call him a stickler, but it's really just another thing you grow to like about him

after all - your birthday gets a special, green tab in his planner. green means extra, extra, extra important

as for the butterfly garden .... you try a couple of times to go in. each time, renjun lists off a million reasons why butterflies are great and docile and not dangerous or scary

but every time you kind of apologize and say you can't do it - which renjun doesn't hark on you for

he just takes your hand and kisses the back of it, asks if you want to go visit jaemin or see the roses again

and as much as you love your friend, there's been too many instances of renjun leaning in to tuck your hair from your face and kiss you, all while jaemin pops up between you two like he's at the movies

and you two have to turn around and shoo him off as he insists he just wants to bear witness to the romance of the century

you and renjun sprawl across his bed, looking up at the ceiling as he finds comfort in counting the stripes on your shirt in silence and you mumble about how the summer is almost over and you won't be able to just be lazy like this with him anymore

the days of doing absolutely nothing

renjun props himself on his elbow and looks at you seriously

"spending time with someone you love isn't doing nothing. it's the act of growing closer."

you almost blurt out that that's the most romantic thing you've ever heard and you are going to cry

but instead, circle your hands around his neck and flip him over to be under you

poor renjun tells his directors he got bit by a species from the culicidae family (mosquito) to try and hide the blotch on his collarbone

and while the directors are impressed with renjun's knowledge of insects, jaemin just gives him the good old finger guns of 'yeah. sure'.

your photograph gets great marks from your professor, who replies to the image with praise about the lightening and angle

and the way you managed to capture both your boyfriend and the butterfly

you read the email to renjun over the phone and can almost hear the blush on him when you say boyfriend

you wonder if the future is going to be as sweet as this summer, can someone like you who is so terrified of the creatures renjun has structured his whole life around, really be the right choice for him

and when you ask renjun this, on the day before your classes officially start in the fall

he says that you don't have to be just like him for him to love you

it's the fact that you're so very you that he feels stronger about this relationship than he has about any other

and who cares that you don't like bugs. it just means that if you live together in the future he can be the one to get the spider under the cup and let it free while you lock yourself in the bathroom out of fear

you giggle at this, your heart beating against your ribs at the thought of a future so domestic with the boy smiling down at you

and the best thing is that future comes to fruition

when a decade later you're waiting for renjun outside of the botanical garden, where he strolls out with his co-worker jaemin whose holding a funny looking pot of yellow-topped mushrooms

"date night for the newlyweds?"

he wiggles his eyebrows the same way he did when you two were in college

you shoo him off with the hand that has your wedding ring on it and you tuck your hand through renjun's

"date night for you and some fungi, jaemin?"

he makes a face at your comment and bounds off in the direction of his car

you look up at renjun who chuckles to himself and pecks your lips in a greeting

"how are the butterflies this year?"

you ask as you two turn to walk down the street

"beautiful - do you think this might be the year you finally visit the garden?"

you scrunch up your nose and mumble that maybe, you'll have to see if after ten years your fear really hasn't gotten any better

he smiles and says you can take your time - ten, twenty, thirty

he'll be by your side when you decide it is time

you stop to look at him - seeing for a moment the flash of the boy with the butterfly on his nose - and smile

"and ill be by your side for anything and everyhing too."

he picks your hand up with his own - your matching rings gleam in the setting sun

"i know, that's why i married you."

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