it's my drama. appreciate my flaws & learn from my mistakes. it's okay to cry your heart out but don't forget that there's always a second chance. be strong but don't forget to be yourself. you can be wild and carefree but don't forget to be serious at times. oh remember to laugh too! life is amazing and unfair at the same time... deal with it even if it's not the reality that you wanted!
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11-11-11: That Special Moment I Had With My Umpe
11-11-11: that special moment i had with my Umpe
I got to talk again to the most important person in my life. I missed her a lot and how i wish i can hug her and tell her how much i love her. But i don't want to worry her abt me so yeah we just talked about how life here is and how she's doing back home. Whenever i talk to her i tend to worry about her alot and how she is coping back there without me by her side... It breaks my heart to know that i had been selfish to her when i made the decision to leave her alone back home. I feel so guilty & I really regret it especially whenever i hear her cry or even her sad & weak voice or like when news that she got sick... It feels like it is my responsibility to take good care of her yet i can't do anything. I feel so helpless and worthless whenever that happens. It makes me want to run into her arms as fast as i can and ask for her forgiveness... And do anything to compensate for all the times i was not able to spend with her. Oh how i missed hearing her voice and being by her side all the time. I missed how she takes good care of me... how she prepares my meal... how she would give me allowance and extra money to buy whatever i want... how she attends to me whenever i am sick... how she would ask me if i already ate lunch or dinner... how she would worry about me whenever i go to vacations... how she lets me do everything that i wanted to do even if that means she will need to do extra work... how she treats me so well even if i sometimes shout at her or give her attitude... how she'll tell everyone how proud she is of me and how good i am... how she would shower me with lots of care, understanding, praises and love. I miss everything about her! And now that her birthday is coming up, i can only wish her good health and long life. Well that has always been my wish for her. I remember i would always pray to God that hopefully one day we will be spending our days together again. Just like the good old times. It's just sad that it has been four years since the last time we've seen each other. How i wish i can surprise her in her 77th bday this coming november 17th. *sigh* I know she knows i love her a lot. And hopefully, as she grows older, she won't forget our memories together, both good and not so good memories we had. I hope the distance between us will not be the reason for her to forget me, her favorite granddaughter. I love my Umpe so much and my love and gratitude for her will never fade nor be forgotten and taken for granted just by anyone. This special relationship and love we have for each other can't compare to anything. Only the two of us can understand its true and deep meaning... I am really thankful to God for giving her to me and making me a part of her life. I feel so blessed to be loved by Umpe. I don't know how am i going to be able to give back for the kindness and love she gave me. I can only think of spending my whole life with her, loving her, providing her whatever she needs, giving her everything she wants and working harder so she can be more proud of me :) Umpe, thank you for everything and i love you so much.
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scar-edd-blog liked this · 13 years ago
More Posts from Iamkakasince1991
What?!
Sometimes i don't really know what i want. I would usually just go with the flow... Or follow whatever the people around me tell me to do. But sometimes i wonder what my life would be like if i decide on my own. What kind of person i would be like if i am in control of my life. How different the treatment i will get from the people around me... I must be crazy thinking things like this... I believe i need to sit down and have a serious talk with someone. Maybe i do need it so i'll be enlightened and get courage to face reality. Coz yknow what?? I am in the point of my life where running from reality is a bad idea. It just makes me weak and useless. Oh my! I definitely need to know what i really want now. And to focus on myself, work diligently towards my future and hopefully get that prize in the end of my journey... These challenges in the path i chose to travel in are killing me little by little but i hafta endure it. I have to! I can do this! FIGHTING!!!
tell me this is happening because it is not the right time yet...
i thought this is it again. but what the fuck am i thinking?!? of course this will not be possible. not gonna happen, not even a bit.
it's crazy coz i can easily see how amazing and entertaining you are with just a glance and then without me fully realizing it, i'm already falling in love with you.
am i really that stupid? am i really that shallow? when am i going to stop acting like a high school kid? UGH! i hate myself being like this. it hurts me more coz i know there's not even a chance for us. it's just always me and my one-sided love... *sigh*
I want a boyfriend!
Believe it or not this has been floating on my mind this past few weeks... Sad to say but i can't deny the fact that this has been bothering me lately. I think i am being too sensitive when it comes to conversations about falling in love and heartaches. I feel stupid too coz i don't really know why i am suddenly behaving like this. I mean i know i tend to have a lot of crushes way back when i was in high school. But now that i am older, i don't understand myself for wanting to have a boyfriend. Is it coz of peer pressure? Loneliness?? Family/ relatives and close friends always asking about my love life?? Really, it upsets me that there was a certain point in my life where i felt so unwanted. And now i am scared that no one will like me. No one will bother to notice me nor care about whether i am in love or not. I have been so conscious of myself since then. I avoid people's stares as much as i can. I try not to chat with them. But then i realized how am i gonna fit in outside my own little world if i lock myself up on my own... I better work my way out of my shell and learn what is out there. I need to have a taste of the harsh reality and what the society can offer... Yes, i am worried that i might regret it later but i am more worried of not being able to experience falling in love with someone (unexpectedly) and making more connections with other human beings. I just have to have faith in myself, in GOD and in the people of our society. Love, love, love... when are you going to find me? I am running out of time. I am patient but there's also a limit for it. Please let me meet "him" soon :|