Invest In Yourself. You Are Truly Beautiful. You Are Love. You Are Light.

Invest in yourself. You are truly beautiful. You are Love. You are Light.

♡♡♡

In a new country with a foreign language I was enrolled into a new school and I somehow made a new friend. Actually I think he became my friend and not the otherway round because I had no idea what a friend was or what it meant. I just knew that Jeremy waited for me everyday at school and would always, always, without fail always, sit with me every morning before class.

Jeremy was the first proper friend I had. After the school bell rang and we had to get to class, he would walk me to class everyday too as we were in the same class. I don't remember him sitting at my desk, so we didn't chat too much in class.

I remember once a classmate came up to me, a girl, to ask me about Jeremy and how come we are always sitting together before class every morning. In that question I remember I felt an energy attached to that which meant something else. Her question meant something more.

I would be asked similar questions throughout my school years but I would never come to understand the actual meaning of their questions until I was about 14years old and in year 9 at high school where I embarrassed a boy just because he liked me a little more than some others, just because he probably found it amusing that I always tried to outplay him in tennis considering he was 5'10 and I was 5' (maybe half). In my defence I was pretty dynamite, I was athletic and a great volleyer too. I didn't just embarress this person though, I stopped talking to him altogether and so that was the end of our tennis games together. I rarely played after that.

I remember this time so well. I remember thinking about what other people would think of me if they knew this guy liked me. I remember being so scared at the possibility of what others would think of him too, not just of me. Scared of any possible judgements that would be cast my way.

It's because of these times in my life, especially how I acted and reacted to my tennis friend that I made conscious decisions to never, never be that way again and not because I wouldn't like to be the other end of that myself but because I discovered I had choices with regards to how I could act and react towards this person. And that these choices were in my hands. I had full control over my own actions and reactions. I had full control over my own feelings regardless of how others acted or reacted towards me, what they thought of me, what they didn't think of me. In that moment of realisation, it didn't matter anymore. I no longer cared what people thought or didn't think of me. Don't misunderstand that it was a simple flick of the switch though. The decision was but the process was not. The process was a lengthy one, it had me in my head over and over again. The me I wanted to be up against the me that I was comfortable being. Everyday, over and over and everyday I was always trying to overcome myself, no one else. It was always me vs my comfort zones, me vs my boundaries, me vs the limitations - all of these things I created and reinforced within myself.

And so to this day, I've never knowingly made anyone feel small even if I could have easily done so. I lift people up whenever I can, sometimes even if I knew that I was the stool they needed just to get that step ahead. Go out of my way to be kind, let others know they were always seen and heard. I give smiles and compliments too because all of these things are important to me and because we all deserve them.

Now all of this is just a part of who I am. I don't have to consciously try anymore because it's all a part of me, naturally. What many don't realise is, it's who we all are.

I am an activator for you, for your soul and spiritual journey. However you choose to take that, it's just how the Universe designed it.

Think of the spiritual and all the unknown realms, I am designed to confront everywhere you are afraid, everywhere you are not everything you can be, everywhere you are not brave enough, everywhere you've fallen short and not been a "warrior".

YOU are all of that bravery and courage that I AM.

♡♡♡

You seek to be in relationships that are spiritual, that is powerful, and you need a spiritual woman to be with you as your beliefs and your brand of spirituality is solid.

You need someone in their goddess energy, who is in her power, someone who has sensitivity and connection to emotion, someone who has the ability to put the pieces together when everything falls apart, the ability to be strong in the face of everyone else, when all others give up, give in. You need someone who can take charge and continue the fight when everyone and everything else collapses around you.

And you know this person will fight with her army of self. She is the army. That's goddess energy. Thats your brand of spirituality, that's spiritual, that kind of strength.

♡♡♡

Sometimes we have to experience what we don't want in order to understand what it is we truly want, truly need.

I know what it feels like to be the temporary side deal. Of course at the time this was happening I chose not to believe that that's just exactly what I was. It was exactly how he treated me (and eventually how I would start treating myself). I just didn't want to believe it, I was too high filled with feelings. His feelings. My feelings. My feelings mostly.

I know what it feels like to be the person whose name is never spoken. Whose name never escaping her lovers lips.

I know what it feels like to be always hidden away, always kept in the shadows. Never good enough and quite the embarrassment.

I know what it feels like to be so in love with someone who never chooses you.

It is because I know these things that I have come to discover what love is. I know Love, I am Love and I know what I want and am deserving of...I want the kind of love that wants you to say my name over and over. The proud kind of love that shines from your eyes and changes you forever. The kind you can feel from the very core of your being and stays with you wherever you roam. The kind that radiates brighter than sunshine and makes the thunderstorms shy in comparison. I deserve this. Nothing less.

We are unfinished....