I.

I.

Sitting beside you

I completely devour

the scent of your skin

II.

Our eyes never meet.

My existence is not known

to your universe

III.

But I still sit here

depleted by your presence.

Just wrapped up in you.

IV.

I am jealous of

the significance placed on

what captures your gaze

V.

A piece of me drifts

off with the dying seconds

when you don't see me.

Bankrupt

  I invested all

to buy into your lies but

did not break even

Stopwatch Heart

Your hand wraps tightly around my heart as you watch me run for you.

Starting and stopping.

The numbers, a constant representation of just how long I have deluded myself with your lies.

You keep record of my attempts to please you. All this time represents the passage of effort racing down the endless path to perfection. 

And yet you still expect a finish.

The pitfalls of my feet drop anxiously onto your predetermined track. I finally catch up to your point of completion only to hear your words of 'encouragement.'

You can do better than that.

You watch unimpressed as you constantly belittle my efforts on this solo race.

I'm not so sure anymore.

Am I in this alone or are you comparing times? Is there another competing with me for that coveted spot atop your podium?

This is not worth my effort.

What I do is never good enough for you. And yet you still expect perfection while you keep control over my stopwatch heart.

Just Venting: Hipsters.

We're in a society so fucked up that the happy go-lucky person who starts conversations with strangers is actually refreshing. The person who gets involved in society is actually different. Maybe in mainstream media this personality would be portrayed as the bitchy popular type and nobody wants to be perceived as that. But to go the polar opposite and adopt a Juno-esque personality doesn't make you 'different'. Sorry to break it to you.

It just bothers me when I walk past a large Starbucks window and see the many late teens-mid twenties hipsters with their chai latte and laptops venting out their frustration about mainstream society with the belief that they themselves are different from that. If only they could look up and take in the environment around them they would notice that what they're doing makes them a part of mainstream society. I just want to grab them and yell "YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! WITH YOUR AMERICAN APPAREL HOODIE THAT HAS THE WHITE ZIPPER AND YOUR IPOD FILLED WITH 'OBSCURE' INDIE BANDS WITH THE SAME FUCKIN' SOUND AS EVERY OTHER 'OSBCURE' INDIE BAND."

Hispters sit there all smug with this 'I-don't-give-a-fuck' attitude when in all honesty they do give a fuck. They want to give off this notion that they are these broody, creative types as they sit there with their too small band tees and slightly groomed 5 o'clock shadow. They go deep into the shallow depths of their creativity to pull out some emo-ladened saying, each word dripping with cries of pity-me to update their Facebook status with. Oh yes, they want to advertise just how wayward thinking they are to all their friends. It's their big 'fuck-you' to a society that's not even listening anymore. Like a parent who has gotten so used to their attention seeking toddler that they just block out the annoyance and wait for them to grow up.

I mean, had they've done this 10 years ago then yeah they may have been different but no they decided to adopt this behaviour when it has become socially acceptable and therefore OK to deviate from the norm. It's mainstream. If you had gotten that nautical star tattoo on your wrist/neck/hipbone in the 80's then yes m'dear you would have been unique. Now it's just another initiation into hipster acceptance along with the spacers and the thick rimmed black eye glasses. It's just so ridiculously absurd as each girl strives to be the next Juno, Norah or Summer and every guy practically lives to become Michael Cera or the kid with the faux hawk (because he's not different enough to get an actually mohawk), wayfarer Ray Bans, dark skinny jeans and ridiculously large, non prescription, lensless glasses frames.

So to all you hipsters: You are not different. You are not unique. You are like every other person who tries to digress by adopting the ways of everyone else who strives to be the person you are trying to become. Don't get me wrong, there definitely are people out there who are genuinely creative but when you sit there and take somebody's thoughts and re-word them using thesaurus.com so you can sound deep and intelligent you are perpetuating the notion that you are not creative. Your actions are cancelling out the very person you aspire to portray. You're just perceived as a try hard. Sorry.

Then I'm Not the Girl For You

If I have to be the prettiest girl in the room for you to notice me

then I'm not the girl for you.

If I have to turn heads for you to walk with me in public

then I'm not the girl for you.

If I need to be made up for you to come visit me

then I'm not the girl for you.

If I need to be blemish free for you to look at me

then I'm not the girl for you.

I'm not the model.

I'm not your trophy.

I'm certainly not perfect.

And if you can't see past the flawed exterior to focus in on the actual gift

then it's OK. You don't deserve to know me anyways.

If you try to change your past you'll only ruin your future.

n