UNEXPECTED

UNEXPECTED

You take up all the space in my memory

If I’m not with you, you’re in my daydreams

God knows how I fell in love so fast; I'll never understand why

Wish I wasn’t so shy, or I would’ve told you when I saw you the very first time

That when you looked at me, I saw my soul inside your eyes

Was it serendipity? Finally the right time?

Falling for you was different; it was like I could fly

I’m so thankful your path crossed mine

Even if you’re gone, these memories keep our love alive

I just wanted you to know that you’re always on my mind

And while I wasn’t yours and you weren’t mine

I’ve never felt so safe with anyone else in my life

You were an enigma — the strong, silent type

Like you were “once bitten & twice shy”

You were afraid of me, for whatever reason why

Maybe someone lied to you one too many times?

Or did you make a bet with love but it dropped you on a dime?

I know it seems impossible to trust when you’ve been traumatized

But my love is different; it’s patient, it’s real, it’s kind

A life full of pain that you hide behind a smile

But I could see the hurt, it was hidden in your eyes

And I know that I can’t fix you, so I won’t ever try

Instead I’ll love you just as you are — even if you think you’re fucked up, to me you’re just fine

And I promise these things, for the rest of my life:

I’ll have your back, your front, & your side

If you’re ever too weak to stand, I’ll lend you my spine

If a war starts inside your head, I’ll give you peace of mind

If your heart ever stops beating, I’ll shock it back to life

Your wings might be broken now, but I can’t wait to see you fly

No matter the distance and no matter the time

I’ll always, always love you beyond ANY reason why

05.30.2024

4:41 P.M.

IDOC

People say stay away from you

& I tell them to fuck off

Let them talk & let them judge

I’m a fool for your love & irs just the two of us

Take a chance roll the dice,

Life ain’t fair & love don’t play nice

But me and you, you & I

As long as I got your heart, you can have mine

Space & distance don’t factor in

And I forgot about all the time you gotta spend

Away from me — locks & bars & keys

Miles apart but I still know your heartbeat

Think of me instead of the concrete

Go to sleep, sweet dreams

And when the sun comes up again, you’ll be one day closer to me

10.02.2023

1:56 A.M.

⏳

BACK TO PRISON

Tried to tell you when you leave imma be lost

Well here I am just like I said, staring at a fucking wall

I told you that you’d be gone

My mind is wandering & I have nobody to call

Soon I’ll just be numb to everything & I hope I never care at all

I did this to myself tho, I knew I was gonna break my own heart

You said you’d catch me if I fall

How could you give me everything I ever wanted

Just to turn around and let them take it all

Try to take it day by day, you tell me to stay strong

But I’m not as strong as you think I am, and just like my tears I fall

I don’t know anymore, I just sit where you once were and wonder where you are

I’ll never not think of you, and I’m always hoping that you call

08.28.2023

2:43 P.M.

⛓️

CHANGES

I don't think like I used to

Love was never my friend

Isolation was an answer

Losing my mind, I guess

Hijacked, robbed of my control

Empty mind, you can knock, nobodys home

Learned you quickly, I hated to see you go

You gave me a love I have never known

You are tangled into my soul

With you I’m safe, your arms feel like home

What I hate the most is you’re really gone

So my heart is locked up & you have the master key

Which means until they let you go, I’ll never be free

And sometimes your absence haunts me

Feels like I’m coming apart at the seams

A little dramatic? Maybe

But I can’t help what you do to me

Fuck being sad, I feel incomplete

Tell me how to stay alive with half a heartbeat

So many miles and hours left to see

Far apart, years between

The ones I love the most I never get to keep

Promise me one thing

When you come back

Please don’t ever leave

10.02.2023

3:07 A.M.

🩶

GHOST OF ME

I guess I’m dreaming,

about you

Don’t wanna see your face

But when I fall asleep

It’s something I can’t shake

The images of you

Everything I wanted us to be

What we could have been

Only exists inside my dreams

But It felt like love, I think

I guess I wanted to believe

But I was young and untouched,

Never realized I was being too naive

Your aftertaste still on my tongue,

It’s nasty, it’s bittersweet

I never knew what hindsight was

But now I see you perfectly

Everything was make believe

I fell into a love that would never be

But i still can’t help remembering

The way your voice would surround me,

Your laugh is engraved deep into my memory,

Your name is a scar branded on my skin for the world to see

And when I finally sleep

I have wild dreams

Behind my eyelids I escape my reality

and I go to a place,

Somewhere far away,

Where everything is frozen in time and space

When you and I were one in the same

But now I don’t even get to hear your name

All I hear is my voice echoing

Behind my eyelids I can see your face

But I can never get to you,

I’m always running in place

It’s a sick game to play

Then it’s over, and I am awake

You came like a plague

And I couldn’t see

All the damage that you’d do

And how permanent it would be

What are you, a man or a beast?

Sick in the head — depravity

Looking at me like a piece of meat

Something to hunt, something to eat

You crawled into my sheets

Slept next to me

What I thought was love was insanity

I never thought you were a thief

You walked right out with everything

My body, my soul, my sanity

You took things that are not yours to keep

And now my existence is only the ghost of me

She paces constantly, and sometimes I hear her sing

She haunts me when I’m awake,

And wakes me when I’m asleep

12.11.2023

5:47 A.M.

THE LAST TIME

People tell me to stay away from you

I tell them to fuck off

“Tatt my name on you so I know it’s real”

& that’s what I plan to do

And we already got matching mugshots

I was just naked in your bed, I miss you

How’d we end up so far apart?

The mirror beside us was my favorite thing to watch

The last time we had sex, you were asleep in my car

You were mad at me, so I let you doze off

Two hours later, I leaned over & kissed your neck real soft

Like “hey wake up, I want you to take my panties off”

10.26.2023

3:02 A.M.