Friends With Benefits: Alright Now Remember, Absolutely No Getting Feelings For Each Other, Okay?

Friends with benefits: Alright now remember, absolutely no getting feelings for each other, okay?

Me already in love: Absolutely

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

Got stoned listening to French music. Unfortunately I got so high I forgot that I had French music on and just though I was so high I couldn’t understand English anymore. Whoops

Man I love going to the bar with my one guy friend because he can never get the bartenders attention for the life of him so I have to order for both of us. Problem is he only drinks fruity drinks and I tend to order whiskey, so every time the bartender sees this intimidating 6’4 dude and this barely 5’3 chick and has to guess who gets the cosmo, and who gets the whiskey on the rocks. They have yet to guess right.

Me ever time I get called to HR at work:

Fuck I hope they fire me this time

Man nothing makes this world feel more dystopian for me then watching 6 year olds pull out nicer phones that mine