Going To Work When There's So Many Of Us Near The Front Is So Hard Dude,,,

Going to work when there's so many of us near the front is so hard dude,,,

In-system relationships can be so intimate.

Waking up together, opening the same eyes, and stretching the same limbs. Yawning in time and saying a good morning that only you who are involved can understand what it's for.

Sharing a meal, not only from the same plate, but with the same hands and the same senses. Deciding what to eat together, something that fits all of your tastes.

Curled in the same bed, in the same blankets, in the same body, drowzily mumbling about nothing and everything to each other. Joking around and feeling their sleepy laugh as if it were your own.

Living life, and inviting them to share yours and your time in it--performing your daily tasks in the unison of cofront. Seeing and hearing and feeling everything together.

Feeling them blush when you flirt or compliment them. Feeling their joy when you get them a gift, or how safe you make them feel simply when you're around them.

Enveloped in the same love, from the same brain, with the same feeling of care for each other palpable between you. Feeling the emotions you feel yourself, coming from the other person. Feeling their love for you, in the rawest, most direct possible way.

They are also on social media frequently so I honestly may make a list of the names/users they've used overtime. I don't want others to feel how I did. I loved this person like family, now I just feel sick to my stomach

when you try to make system friends and you find someone that you connect so well with and that understands your experience on such a deep level that you feel so seen and heard,

Only for them to have lied about almost everything they told you over your seven year friendship and now you're left alone with a hole in your heart where your love for them once was, and every alter who knew and had a connection with them hurts as well so it's a collective pain you all feel like a dull ache.

bitch with DID said they didn’t quite feel like themselves and i said oh im sure

experiencing bpd splits as a system is, so fucking hard

Felt this extra hard as a system who never received ANY mental health support until adulthood.

Having to manage your blurred sense of identity, the amnesia and ptsd symptoms and panic disorder through high school, hiding everything until it became my norm. Hiding to the point I almost died and hardly anyone even knows that about me.

Now as an adult, while I'm committed to healing, work and adult life makes nurturing my mental health so much harder, as work for me is exhausting and nearly impossible (I am also autistic). It makes me feel like any steps I take to help my sense of absolute burnout from the years of having to manage myself, just don't get me far.

Real talk recovery is SO much harder when you don't realize you have a disorder until adulthood.

Trying to juggle regular therapy sessions with full time employment is so hard and sometimes it feels like my job itself is negatively affecting my recovery. But I don't have a choice, I need to survive. And in this economy surviving means full time work.

Sometimes I wish that I could go back to a psychiatric facility because then I could fully focus on recovery and not have work meddling with it and making me worse. But I know that's a completely insane thing to wish since my therapist entire goal is to make sure I never go back.

I just want to recover. Man why is it so hard.