She Is A 10 But She Lives In Disbelief.

She is a 10 but she lives in disbelief.

If I stick around for too long i get stuck there feeling stupid  for thinking there was something more..

- from a short film "The Lonely Planet"

I feel a little less alone when I’m standing over the stove cooking a meal my mother used to make when I was a kid without looking at the recipe

SHE HATED HER LIFE, NOT BECAUSE IT WAS BAD, BUT BECAUSE WHEN YOU HATE YOUR BRAIN AND YOUR BODY, IT'S HARD TO ENJOY THE REST.

Franny Choi I Guess By Now I Thought I'd Be Done With Shame / Erika L. Sánchez Amá / Franz Kafka Letters to Friends, Family, and Editors / Hanif Abdurraqib A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance / Richard Siken Birds Hover over the Trampled Field / Hélène Cixous The Selected Poems of Hélène Cixous / Alberto Zamboni Ovunque / Oscar Nin / Richard Siken Crush

i. Franny Choi I Guess By Now I Thought I'd Be Done With Shame [ Somewhere, / there is a version of me that isn't neck-deep in her invented filth. ]

ii. Erika L. Sánchez Amá [ Amá, I leave because / I feel like an unfinished / poem, because I'm always trying to bridge the difference. ]

iii. Franz Kafka Letters to Friends, Family, and Editors [ I don't feel particularly proud of myself. / But when I walk alone in the woods or lie in the meadows, all is well. ]

iv. Hanif Abdurraqib A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance [ I've run out of language to explain the avalanche of anguish I feel when faced with this world, and so if I can't make sense of this planet, I'm better off imagining another. ]

v. Richard Siken Birds Hover the Trampled Field [ The enormity of my desire disgusts me. ]

vi. Hélène Cixous The Selected Poems of Hélène Cixous [ You horrify me. But at the same time, I horrify myself. We are horrible. ]

vii. Alberto Zamboni Ovunque [ The silhouettes of two human figures stand in a room. The background is blurred around them. ]

viii. Oscar Nin [ Distressed painting portrait of a man. ]

ix. Richard Siken Crush [ a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it. ]

It is late now, I am a bit tired; the sky is irritated by stars. And I love you, I love you, I love you-and perhaps this is how the whole enormous world, shining all over, can be created-out of five vowels and three consonants.

Vladimir Nabokov, Letters to Véra

im just someones weird sister