Where You Belong [ I ] 18+

━━━ ❝where you belong…❞ [ I ] 18+

↳ ; ༄ eren j. x f!reader ━━━ mini series I. II. status — ongoing

synopsis ; when you catch eren cheating, he doesn’t chase after you. doesn’t try and find you. he simply lets you go because he knows that you’ll always come back to where you belong. back to him.

tw ; ༄ manipulation, gaslighting, infidelity, toxic relationship

w.c ; ༄ 12k

↳ note from syn ; ༄ it’s funny because i wasn’t actually going to post this in fear that it’s as bad as i think it is but tbh, comments are just opinions. words shouldn’t hold power over anyone and i worked hard on this so i said “fuck it” bc i (and everyone else) take time out to write what we write for FREE so it is what it is. also, this was supposed to be a oneshot but it’s getting a bit long so i’m splitting it up! this is a mini series which means there’s going to be a second part, which will be the final part to this; it’ll be out very, very soon so be on the lookout! ୧

↳ p.s. ; ༄ give a massive thank you to @arcanedevil for giving this a good look over (otherwise it’d be total crap ngl) heheh, luv you dearlyy — & as always, rbs/likes are very appreciated, tyy ᰔ

Eren Jaeger was the perfect boyfriend.

He worked for his father in preparation to take over his company someday soon, and stayed quite busy with that. Despite his minimal time towards everything else, he still managed to give you the right amount of time and attention that you needed from him as your boyfriend. 

Eren was sweet, thoughtful even. Call it cheesy but he liked bringing you flowers sometimes before coming home from work. Instead of you packing his lunch for the day, he was always the one that made sure you had something ready to go because he remembered you did errands all day for him and took care of the house so anything to help take the load off — he was on it. 

Was there laundry that needed to be done? Already gone through the washer and dryer, and even folded up neatly in the laundry room for you to put away. Dishes perhaps? Cleaned and put back in the cabinets. Eren believed in cleaning up as he went and he never slipped up on that. 

So not only did he take care of the house, but he also took care of you.

He didn’t have much time on his hands but he made sure there was just enough to spend with you when he wasn’t swamped at work. You didn’t understand his job thoroughly, but you knew how hard he worked and never slacked on contributing to the house and to the relationship. 

Eren was such a good man to you that both his and your parents have been nagging the two of you to just tie the knot already. You’d been dating for exactly three years, even progressing to live together now. Your parents were more demanding on the idea of getting married soon and giving them grandchildren because they still held onto the old stigma that once you’ve moved in with one another, marriage had to be next. 

You weren’t against marriage. No. It just wasn’t as important as they made it out to be. Your mom constantly told you, during your daily lunches with her, that your generation had a high divorce rate and you indulged her by saying that it was probably because young people tended to get married too quickly. You’d made a good point and she left the topic alone for a while. You knew it was going to come back up in a few weeks but whatever it took to get her to understand that neither you nor Eren were thinking about marriage right now.

At the start of your talking stage with him, it was hard to get a proper date out of him. On your third day of getting to know him, he wanted to come over your place to have sex. 

Third day. 

Naturally, you declined by saying that you barely knew the guy. He was persistent, that was for sure. Constantly texting, calling, stopping by your job at the time to buy his usual while lingering around, keeping you company, he’d say. Eren was like a fly you just couldn’t get rid of and eventually — he’d grown on you. You found out that you liked being chased and that he liked chasing after you and your precious time. When a month went by, you finally invited him over for dinner one night. 

Interestingly enough, he hadn’t pushed you for sex. With his foot finally in your door, he was sweet and only wanted to spend time with you. That was what nudged you to makeout with him on the couch after dinner and a long conversation. Before things could’ve gone any further, he pulled you back to ask if sex was what you wanted and if you were sure. It only made you even more sure that it was something you wanted and practically begged for it. He smiled because finally, he had you right where he wanted you. Carried you in his arms all the way to your bedroom and gently laid you down, spreading your legs and making you forget all about how long you made him wait for this. 

Soon after, many nights like that followed. 

You were beginning to get attached to him and wanted something exclusive, but that was the catch with him. He enjoyed being around you and having sex with you but when it came to tying him down with a label — it was harder than you thought it’d be. 

Eren wasn’t the sort of guy that slept with several girls a week. He was definitely not a socialite, and had a small circle of friends that he talked to on a day to day basis. He wasn’t a shy guy nor was he haunted by an ex. There was no specific reason as to why he was so against labeling what you two had and you began to feel that maybe it wasn’t all that important. As long as he wasn’t seeing anyone else like he was with you, did it really matter?

You started to feel like something was wrong with you. That, maybe, he just didn’t feel like you were good enough to be his official girlfriend so your attitude began to change, and he caught onto it pretty quickly. 

“What’s the matter? You're quieter than usual.”

“…s’nothing. How was it working with your dad today?”

“Uh…fine, but–”

“Want dessert? I’ll go get the pie I made. It’s really good. Be right back.”

“Okay…”

You cried in the kitchen holding the pie in your hands. Whether you’d gotten tears all in it or not, you weren’t sure but you couldn’t hold back your emotions anymore. Maybe you were being dramatic…or maybe that was you invalidating your feelings again. Either way, you felt shitty that you weren’t his girlfriend yet while you two had sex daily, and he practically lived at your place now. It made sense to at least be able to call him your boyfriend but what did you know? Before Eren, you’d only dated one other guy and he was okay. He just didn’t put in the effort and maybe that was why you were feeling so strongly about Eren. You knew that he was the one for you. You desperately wanted him to give you just a little bit more. Just enough to let you know that he felt the same way about you and wanted to make sure no one else came and took you away. As if that had a chance at happening but you wanted to at least know that he cared enough to make sure it didn’t.

So, you walked back out into the dining room and told him about how you felt. It was sickening for you to do because that meant exposing your desire for a label, something he didn’t care for, and was scared that was going to be his final straw. That he’d leave you sitting there at the table, losing him completely.

Instead, your fears were coddled and kissed away.

“Hold on, is that what this is about?” He asked, arms wrapped tightly around your waist with you sitting in his lap, sniffling. Even though you were crying, he couldn’t fight back a soft smile, looking at you. “Mmm, looks like it. I didn’t know calling you my girlfriend was all that important to you, baby. Of course we can be exclusive. I really don’t care for labels but…if it’s that important to you, then I’m okay with it.” You looked at him like you weren’t sure if he was telling the truth or only telling you what you wanted to hear. He pressed his lips against your forehead and sighed. “The thought of you going out and finding someone else to replace me makes me sick to my stomach. I’ll do anything to keep you to myself and if it’s being called your boyfriend, I’ll do it. It’s something I’ve been thinking a little about too but it’s scary because when I love someone…I love them. Hopefully you won’t ask for marriage anytime soon because this is already a lot for me.”

You giggled and pecked his lips, telling him that marriage was far from your mind and was simply happy with being his official girlfriend now.

After that, things were great. The slight tension was gone and Eren found that being your boyfriend wasn’t all that bad. Nothing changed, really, and he was grateful for that. 

But like many things, peace never seems to last very long.

Eren still spent most of his free time with you but something was off and you couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe it was a gut feeling or your intuition pulling at you but Eren…was different now.

He came home later than usual and instead of telling you about his day or cuddling you until he fell asleep, he’d walk straight to the bathroom, shower and go right to bed. Not a kiss on your forehead or even asking what you made for dinner. That happened for five days of the week and on the weekends he was either with his friends or with you, but quiet. He was on his phone more, but at the same time — he wasn’t ignoring you. 

You’d talk about your day, the news, what was going on with your friends or even interests of your own. He’d hum, give small answers or even look at you as you chattered on and on. You weren’t a very talkative person to begin with so it wasn’t like you felt as if you were talking his head off day in and day out. It only seemed that way because he didn’t seem to talk to you like that anymore and it began to eat away at your self esteem. 

Was it something that you were doing? Or, better yet, what you weren’t doing?

You couldn’t figure it out but the best way to rectify any situation was to talk it out so you made plans to do that tonight, when he finally came home from work.

Like the past few weeks, he didn’t make lunch for you so you forgot to eat something and worked on a small dinner. You were much too anxious to make anything bigger than a small lasagna so you got to it. Your mind was reeling and spinning with thoughts that maybe he was just tired of you now. Bored with the same routine and didn’t know how to tell you that. If his silence was to save you from the hurt and reality of the situation then you were likely to explode from the unknowing of it all. You weren’t sure how you were going to take being told that your boyfriend was bored of the relationship because you were content. You didn’t find the days to be long nor the nights to be dreadful. You loved when he came back home to you, kissing you and telling you how much he missed you. You worked from home now so you didn’t get a lot of social interaction unless your friends came over or you got invited out to lunch with your mom or close friends. 

You saw Eren more than anyone and the thought of him not finding your presence to be enough anymore made you want to throw up. What could you do about that anyway? Break the relationship off and let him find someone that made him feel something again? Did you have the courage to be that selfless? Eren was such a catch. He was miserably attractive and the sex was beyond anything you’d ever experienced. He was kind, understanding, caring and loved you like you were the only woman in his entire world. He was the perfect boyfriend but now you were beginning to wonder if you were the perfect girlfriend for him or if someone else was just meant to take your place.

When the hand on the clock on the wall striked seven, you were scrambling to get the table set. Plates and utensils were laid out on the surface of the table with empty glasses next to them. Instead of pouring the usual, you whipped out a fine glass of wine from the wine fridge. Neither you nor him were drinkers but on certain occasions, like this one, did you feel it was necessary to bring one out. 

Needless to say — you were stressed.

Thirty minutes later, you heard the front door unlock. Then it closed and you heard keys hit the small table near the door along with shoes sliding across the hardwood like he was taking them off, and pushing them to the side. Heavy but slow footsteps thudded through the hallway until they came close to the dining room…then curved around the corner, heading down another hallway that sounded like the way to the bathroom. 

You released a sigh, closing your eyes with your hands together in your lap. It was so quiet, you were almost able to hear your own heartbeat. Nervous wasn’t the proper word. It was like you were having trouble breathing. Several long deep breaths just weren’t enough to regulate the lack of oxygen you were getting, and it was because you couldn’t stop thinking about how the conversation was going to go. You didn’t care about upsetting him because this was something that’s been eating at you for a while. Something you’ve been wanting to know. You just didn't want to lose him over something like this. 

So you told yourself to relax. That it was going to be fine.

At least, that was all you were able to tell yourself to try and help.

After his shower, you heard him pad into the bedroom across the hall from the bathroom. You couldn’t hear much else so it felt like you were waiting for an eternity until you heard a door close. Soon, he was walking out of the bedroom and coming down the hallway again. Your heart thumped dramatically against your chest as you stayed seated, fidgeting in place, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. This was Eren. He wasn’t an angry guy and always listened to you when there was an issue or something that needed to be talked about. He was mature and handled it all with care and understanding. He loved you. There was nothing you needed to be afraid of. This was going to go well. You were sure of it.

When his tall frame finally passed into the dining room, a smile crossed your face. How long has it been since he sat down for dinner now? You couldn’t remember but didn’t care as you quickly stood up from your seat, pulling out his chair. You watched with anxious eyes as he sat down with a nod towards you, clear bags underneath his eyes. Your heart twisted in your chest. Was the impending conversation even necessary? What if he told you that his lack of engagement with you now was just because of how hard work’s been lately? You were positive that you were going to only feel like shit if that was the case. While he worked his ass off getting ready to take over his father’s successful company at the young age of twenty four, you were at home, letting your overthinking undo all the good in your relationship. Sure, communication was key but it didn’t help things if you sat around worrying over something that probably wasn’t that serious to begin with. 

There you went. Invalidating your feelings again. When have your gut feelings ever been wrong? If something wasn’t right, then maybe there was a good reason for it. 

The only way you were going to be able to find out was through asking him about it first. 

When you sat down, he started cutting at a small piece of the lasagna to put onto his plate. His silence unnerved you but you held your ground, firm in your decision to talk with him about your worries.

“So…how was your day?” You asked.

Maybe the talk needed to happen after a normal conversation.

Eren’s eyes flickered to the bottle of wine before looking at you. 

“Fine, but what do you really want to talk about?” He countered back, finding the wine to be a clear indication that you were wanting to have a more serious conversation than the one you were so desperate to start with. 

You swallowed the saliva that kept collecting under your tongue, and released a sigh. 

“Perceptive as always,” you commented under your breath, looking down at your lap. It was now or never. “Things just haven’t felt the same lately and I’ve been wondering if…if you still feel the same way about me.”

When you looked up, he was staring at you. His expression was unreadable — go figure. Usually, you were able to tell what he was thinking but nowadays, you’ve not the slightest clue. 

Eren cleared his throat and looked down at his plate, forking a good chunk of the lasagna in his mouth. He stared at the wall across the room like he was in thought. 

A long, deep thought.

“Just been tired,” he said, “Work’s been stressful. Sorry, baby.”

He didn’t even look at you when he said it. That was why you were having a hard time believing him. His eyes always told you the truth and when he was being honest, he never shied away. He wasn’t very good at lying so you always could tell when he was. This time, it was like he was hiding something from you and you didn’t like it. You hated that feeling. That feeling of knowing something was wrong but being unable to tell what exactly it was. 

It also made you angry because it was obvious something was off. Whatever was going on with him, he was keeping it close to his chest and you couldn’t stand it. There shouldn’t be secrets in a relationship. If there was anything he felt he needed to tell you about, shouldn’t he do it? No matter how bad or hurtful it was, you could take it. He knew that and still decided to keep it from you.

You couldn’t let that slide. 

“Eren,” you said in a firm tone that made him look back at you, still unreadable. “Just tell me what it is. Something is off with you and it’s been bothering me. Aren’t you always talking about healthy communication and that? What’s made you think you have to keep anything from me? You say it’s work but I don’t believe that.”

He shrugged, “Then I don’t know what to tell you, sweetheart. It’s the truth. I’ve honestly just been really drained with work and my dad. None of it has been easy, you know.”

“Lies again,” you stood up causing your chair to scratch loudly across the hardwood floor, fists at your sides. “Are you fucking someone else?”

Eren frowned before smirking, “Am I what?”

“Are you fucking someone else, Eren?”

For a moment, he just stared at you like something you said was funny to him. Then he went back to eating which only pissed you off more.

“You are…aren’t you?”

Your voice was weak this time, afraid to even entertain the idea that he was giving time that was always reserved for you to someone that wasn’t you.

Out of everything else you worried about daily, cheating hadn’t crossed your mind even once. Eren just wasn’t the type and you’d believed it for so long. Not once did he make you feel like someone else had the ability to replace you. He made you feel as though you were the complete package. That it was you or nothing. 

Right now…he was making you feel the exact opposite and you’d never wanted to be more wrong in your life.

“Can we not do this right now?” He asked of you, taking a bite out of the cheesy bread you made to go with the lasagna. “Really don’t feel like arguing tonight, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t care,” you sharply responded, giving him a hard look, “We’re either going to get all of this out in the open now or I’m leaving. Tonight.”

Eren stopped eating at that, flickering his dark green eyes up at you from his seated position. “You gonna what?”

Your expression didn’t change one bit but that didn’t mean he wasn’t making you nervous. The fast beat of your pulse was proof enough. “You heard me. I’m going to end up sleeping at a friend’s place for the night if we don’t talk about this like two adults having an adult conversation.”

He sat there for a moment, quietly. Even when he reached for his glass and poured a bit of wine into it, he was silent. You stood next to him, tongue pressed at the roof of your mouth, hoping he’d finally tell you what he’s been hiding from you. There had to be something. You couldn’t be delusional enough to come up with something that was so clearly there. You had a reason to be accusatory when he wasn’t acting like himself. Especially when he spent most of his off days on his phone while being with you. Something was up. You knew it. 

“So you think I’m cheating huh…” You heard him mutter before he brought the glass to his lips, sipping softly. He didn’t stop until the glass was completely empty. Then, he poured himself another but this time there was a faint smile on his face. “The stories you can come up with are hilarious. Ever thought about becoming an actor?”

“They’re not stories if they’re true,” you said back and he huffed out a chuckle.

“And how did you come to this conclusion again? Hm?” With his newly filled glass, he stood up, almost pressed up against you. You took a step back but he caught you by the waist, and pulled you right back in front of him. “Are you sure you’ve been getting enough sleep? Or have you been getting too much sleep? Because right now, you aren’t really making all that much sense.”

“Eren,” you tried to pull his arm from around you with a frown on your face, “You are not going to stand here and gaslight me into thinking I’m crazy. A woman’s intuition is 9 times out 10 right so how about you do more listening than talking so you can understand why I think you’re cheating on me.”

“Gaslight…” He stared at you, eyes glossed over with amusement and a bit of…lust? “That’s new. Where did you learn that one? Would never gaslight you, baby. You just need rest is all. How about…” he leaned down and ghosted his lips against yours, brushing them gently with a lazy smirk on his face. “I fuck you nice and good so you can stop worrying about small things and focus on us, huh?”

Something definitely wasn’t right and maybe it was the exhaustion being egged on by the chase of alcohol he was shoving down his throat or maybe he really was hiding something from you. Thinking that sex was going to solve it all. He couldn’t have been more wrong. 

You leaned back from him and held eye contact, feeling your skin prickle with heat. “Eren. Let me go. We’re not doing anything until we talk this out. I’m serious.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he moved to your neck and gave it a long swipe with the pad of his warm tongue, “M’serious too.”

When he began to mouth at your skin, you gave him a hard shove and he thankfully caught his footing before he backed into the table behind him. He leaned against the table with a hand on its surface to keep up most of his weight as he looked at you, a smirk still present. 

“What the fuck is your problem, Eren?” You panted, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. “I’m trying to talk to you. We’re talking, aren’t we? It’s either a yes or a no. Simple as that.”

He watched you fix your shirt back to where it previously was and hadn’t even realized that he had tried to unbutton a few buttons of your shirt. Whoops. 

“You know, if I tell you…you’ll just wanna leave even more…”

Your heart almost stopped. Was your worst nightmare actually coming true? Was he admitting it?

Was Eren actually cheating on you?

No.

No, he wasn’t. 

He was right. Maybe it was all in your head. Yes. He was playing a joke on you right now because there was no way he was insinuating that he was fucking someone else other than you. That wasn’t him. That wasn’t the Eren that you’d grown to know and love. He loved you and only you. 

And you refused to believe otherwise. 

With shaky legs and a foggy confused mind, you walked back towards him and took his face in your hands. “It’s okay. I know you’d never cheat on me. It’s okay. I believe you.” 

When you threw your arms around his neck, he didn’t make a move to reciprocate. He stood there, letting you hug him. He didn’t even move when you pressed several kisses along his neck up to his face. He let you shower him in little kisses and whispers that you wouldn’t ever suspect him of doing something like that ever again. 

Even through your sudden display of affection towards him, there was still that gnawing feeling at the back of your mind that told you to stay on guard. That there were things you were still blind to. If anything, be more alert now because there was no doubt Eren was going to prey on your aloofness. Take advantage of the fact that you were too stupid and in love to question him further about his abnormal behavior around you.

You decided to take its advice and remain sharp no matter how much you were in love with him because that could end up being your fatal mistake.

— two weeks later…

It was around noon when you’d decided to pack a nice lunch for your boyfriend and sit with him for his break at the company. 

You were excited.

Since the talk with him in the dining room a few weeks ago, things had really taken a turn for the better in terms of your relationship. 

He was more attentive, wasn’t on his phone the entire time you talked and even watched several movies with you until you’d fall asleep in his arms. He came home earlier every night and even offered to make dinner sometimes. It was like he’d done a complete 180, and you found yourself beyond relieved to know that the love he’d shown you at the beginning of your relationship was still very much alive. Things felt just as they had back then, and you couldn’t have been happier.

In light of things and your positive attitude for the day, you chose to wear a frilly yellow sundress with white platform shoes to match. The jewelry was kept light as well as your makeup. Your hair was up and out of your face to combat the heat outside. As you grabbed your purse, keys and the beautifully wrapped lunch in the form of small containers that happened to also be yellow, you walked out of the door, locking it behind you. 

Upon leaving the apartment, your elderly neighbor complimented your outfit and it only added to your upbeat mood. She asked if you were seeing someone and when you said your boyfriend, she talked about young love and how she missed having someone like that. She wished you well and hobbled off into her apartment. 

With a smile, you walked to your car and set everything in the passenger seat. After buckling in, you were off to see your wonderful boyfriend at work for the first time in a long time. 

Typically, he didn’t allow you to come simply because his father was apprehensive about you showing up when he felt his son needed to focus the most. However, since it was during his lunch, Eren had told you that it was safe to come whenever during that time so you remembered the exact time, and prepared for it. 

The song that came on the radio next made your fingers dance along the steering wheel, bopping your head a bit to the beat. You turned it up and began singing the words, not caring about the odd looks you received when you had to stop at a red light. You were in such a great mood that no amount of negativity from strangers was going to ruin it. 

When you finally made it to the tall building, you let the valet take your car off somewhere and walked inside with a little pep in your step. 

Hopefully Eren was going to be just as happy to see you as you were for him. 

You were barely through the door when a tall woman with blond hair came up to you, lips spread out into a wide grin. Her dark red lipstick matching the red bodycon dress that she wore and the louboutin heels on her feet. 

“How may I help you today? Are you interested in speaking with one of our representatives about one of the many programs that we offer? Or are you here for the internship?” She eyed your attire in a very judgemental fashion, almost looking as if she was disapproving of your choice of dress. You were forced to remember that no one at the Jaeger Enterprises knew who you were yet. It made sense why she felt that you were either a future customer or on the road to becoming a part of the business.  

With that thought in mind, you had to take a deep breath and pull up a polite smile even when it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“No. I am Eren’s girlfriend, and I’m here to spend lunch with him. If you don’t mind.”

The woman’s face fell just a bit, but it was noticeable enough. She clutched her clipboard tighter against her chest and blinked. “Really? I…I don’t believe we’ve met before. Perhaps I should ring him so that he knows you’re coming up. Yes?”

Her behavior now was strange. She looked uncomfortable and even sounded a tad bit invasive. Like she didn’t believe you and wanted to see if it was true. It made a little sense. You couldn’t imagine what it must be like for a random woman to waltz in, claiming she was the CEO's son’s girlfriend. It sounded a little outlandish when you gave it more thought but you had nothing to hide. Unless Eren decided to play a joke on you and pretend he had no clue who you were — there was nothing to worry about. 

You followed the woman to the large desk just at the middle of the floor and watched her dial a few numbers with her perfectly manicured fingers, listening for the dial tone. When you really gave the women you were able to see a real look, they were all so beautiful. It made you feel a bit out of place. They looked polished and elegant. Looked like the money they brought home every month with a salary of thousands. It started to make you feel self conscious as you stood there, feeling your palms clam up from the nerves of knowing that you did not belong there. At all. 

What was it like with Eren seeing those women day in and day out? Did he also find them as attractive as you did? Was he ever enticed to speak to one in a not so work friendly way? 

Those thoughts threatened to eat away at the joyful mood you’d walked in with until the woman spoke up. 

“It seems today is just full of surprises,” She said, the smile on her face beyond unnatural; forced. What was it about? “Mr. Jaeger did not pick up, unfortunately. So,” She shrugged. “There isn’t much that I can do. Sorry.”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Sorry? I…I don’t understand. What do you mean he didn’t pick up? This is his lunch, right? Maybe I came at the wrong time…”

“It’s his lunch, yes, but he could be with a client.” The woman set her clipboard down and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear, “If you’re wanting to see him, you will have to arrange an appointment.”

“What?” You asked, mouth agape. “An appointment for what? I’m his girlfriend. I don’t need an appointment.”

“Ma’am,” She sighed as if she was used to coming in contact with women like you, daily. “Like I said, not much that I can do from here. For all I know, you could be lying like the rest. I can’t let you up until I can confirm who you are with Mr. Jaeger. Now,” she sat down at a computer behind the desk and started pecking away at the keyboard. “-if you would like to go ahead and schedule an appointment, I can do…” She stared at the screen for a few moments while you were still trying to process the fact that Eren hadn’t even picked up the phone. What was more confusing than that was how hard it was to even see him in the first place. Why did no one there know who you were? You were in a relationship with him. You weren’t some stranger off of the street. You two lived together for god’s sakes. What the hell was going on? “How does next Tuesday sound?” She looked up at you, disregarding the far away look in your eyes. “At 2pm?”

Blinking, you looked back and smiled. “No thanks. I don’t need an appointment to see my boyfriend. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

You clutched the lunch you’d prepared close to your side and briskly walked towards the elevators that were off to the side. The woman called for you but you didn’t stop. There was no way in hell you were going to be kept from seeing your boyfriend whenever you wanted to. As if the fact that no one knew you there was going to make a bit of difference. The only way you were going to prove to them that you were who you said you were was talking to Eren, face to face. With your stupidly forgotten phone at home, you couldn’t even attempt to call his cell to clear your name. This was the only way. 

“Ma’am! You can’t go up there without getting cleared through authorization first! Ma’am!”

Her voice fell on deaf ears as you reached the elevator and was about to tap the button when a strong hand gripped at your elbow, swiveling you around. You were about to protest when your eyes met a tall, burly man that looked to be part of the security detail. His face was emotionless but his body language said enough. It hadn’t even crossed your mind that there was security walking around to keep the peace within the building. It wasn’t like you had time to pay that much attention while realizing the lack of knowledge about your relationship with Eren with the corporate staff.

“Sorry, Ma’am,” The man apologized, not a shred of compassion in his expression or tone of voice. “No authorization, no access. Please vacate the premises or I’ll have to force you out.”

“I don’t need any authorization if you’d just listen to me! I really am his girlfriend!” You tried to reason with them as you were being tugged back to the front entrance. “Try calling him again! I’m not lying, assholes!”

Trying to remain respectful felt useless when you were being forced out of the very building your boyfriend worked at. His father owned the entire enterprise and yet, it was as if you didn’t even exist to anyone there. Of course they saw you as another poor girl trying to see Eren again after spending one night with him thinking there was more to it than what it was. To them, you were merely a one night stand looking to be more and it felt degrading almost. No matter what you tried telling them, it wasn’t going to reach them because you had no proof. 

As you were beginning to lose the strength to fight against being escorted out, you heard a familiar voice boom from behind you that made you quickly turn your head. 

“Dear daughter in law,” Grisha said with a warm smile, hands behind his back. “What a wonderful surprise to see you here.” 

“So sorry about all of that with the security and such,” Grisha said over his shoulder as he approached a different elevator that wasn’t even near the lobby. You figured it was a personal one that only him and important clients were allowed to take. “My son gets a lot of…unwanted visitors so we had to take better precautions because most of those women didn’t have very nice intentions.” He chuckled, letting you enter first before he walked in. “So that’s why that happened but of course, none of that was appropriate in the slightest so I apologize, again, on their behalf. I’ll make sure they formally give their own apologies before you leave.”

“Oh no, no. That won’t be necessary,” you were quick to wave your hands, completely against the idea of making yourself a bigger spectacle than you were already made out to be. “I accept all apologies. Please, it’s fine.”

Your sheepish grin didn’t seem to convince him, “Oh come now,” he tilted his head, smiling comfortingly at you. “Don’t be so shy. You’re my son’s girlfriend. Soon to be fiancé and wife someday, yes?”

How were you supposed to respond to that? The Jaeger family’s always been so kind to you, and your family. Lots of get-togethers and gift-giving around almost every single major holiday. They treated you like their daughter in law already and though it was a bit overwhelming, you never wanted to disrespect them in any sort of way so you went along with just about everything they planned and did. 

Grisha, above all, was the most accommodating. The family definitely seemed to hold high expectations for Eren but acted as if they held none for you. You weren’t blind. You knew what they thought whenever they saw you. When you were going to get married to their precious son. When you were going to give them grandchildren. When you were going to finally become a part of their family, forever. There were clearly still things that you and Eren had to figure out within your relationship. So, marriage was too ridiculous to even talk about right now. Let alone children. 

Moreover, there was just too much you needed to learn about him and vice versa. Marriage was a forever sort of thing to you, so you didn’t want to just jump into sharing a last name with him. You needed more time, and hoped that the Jaeger family could one day understand that.

“You can never know what the future holds,” you replied with a more convincing smile in hopes that it was going to shut the topic down. Knowing Grisha, it was only going to satiate his interest for now. It was bound to come back up later.

“Hm,” He focused his gaze back forward, adjusting his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. “Indeed.”

“Eren’s still on his lunch break, right?”

Grisha nodded, “Should be. Ah,” He glanced down at the lunch you delicately prepared and brought with you, “Having lunch together, I see?” You shyly looked down with a nod and his eyes softened. “Precious. I remember my wife doing the same for me many, many years ago. As a workaholic, I could never remember to eat when I was supposed to but that lovely woman always remembered and brought the most delicious foods a man could ever want to eat.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the way he was going down memory lane and momentarily forgot about all of the issues that you’d dealt with Eren. Maybe you two had a future like that. Where both of you worked out all of your differences and just fell into a routine of being around each other, living out your lives. 

You hated to fight, to argue. When things were good, they were so good. However, when they were bad…they were bad. 

Arguments with Eren were always one sided. Hellbent on not letting you win or even speak because nothing you said mattered more than the point he was trying to get across to you. He was right, you were wrong. It wasn’t healthy, of course it wasn’t healthy, but you loved him and he was working on that; for you.

There was a lot about Eren that even his family weren’t aware of. He had manipulative tendencies and never liked being told no. That was a part of him that you couldn’t help him fix after the argument a few weeks ago. He said he was still working on those things too but after a small argument that happened recently…you weren’t so sure.

Eren was the perfect boyfriend but he just had a few things he needed to work out. 

— flashback.

“What the fuck is this?”

12:01 in the morning. 

You were woken up by the bright light of your phone being shoved in your face, being asked the same question twice over as if you didn’t hear him the first time around.

Eren’s face was turned up into an ugly frown, hand clenched around your cell. It looked as if he was prepared to crush it into pieces so you finished rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and squinted through the light to see what he was so upset about.

A conversation with your best friend was up. 

Still trying to locate the problem, you read through what he scrolled over and felt your skin crawl.

— mina 

are you still meeting up with armin tomorrow? 

pls say no bc you know how eren’s gonna take it

i don’t mind when u vent to me but lately it’s just been about the little arguments you two get into and it hurts to hear about

i know it’s late but just text me back when you can 

like first thing ok?

love you

delivered, 12:00am

Mind blank, you sat up and stared at the phone, not knowing what to even say. If you tried to explain to him why you were meeting up with Armin, he wasn’t going to believe you. 

Armin was having problems in his relationship and asked if you were down to meet and just chat about it all. He also wanted to see you since it’s been a while. Completely platonic; as friends. Still, that obviously wasn’t going to matter to Eren. He didn’t like when you were around a guy alone. Without him there, it made him nervous and you were never really given a reason why but you had an idea or two. He was a jealous man. Naturally, it was easy to assume that you meeting with Armin unnerved him because he couldn’t stand you talking with another man that wasn’t him. 

It was also the reason why he preferred you working at home and not at a place where he’d have to worry about men talking to you daily. Even if it was just about work. 

Mina didn’t understand what you saw in Eren. She knew what he was like from what you’d told her in previous conversations, and couldn't stand him one bit. She called him a narcissist one time she ran into him and she tried to tell you that it looked as if he was going to hit her but played it off. You tried to be understanding but it just didn’t sound like something he would even think about doing. You knew Eren. That wasn’t him. 

However, the way he was looking at you right now with flared nostrils and usually bright green eyes now dark as the room itself, it scared you a little. You didn’t have anything to hide but to Eren, that wasn’t always the case. He seemed to fabricate a lot when it wasn’t there, and you’ve never been able to figure out how to combat that. It was his word over your own. What could you do?

“Are you gonna have me ask you again? Because I wouldn’t if I were you,” he said in a low tone, phone still up and shining at your profile. “Tell me why the fuck you’re planning on meeting with Armin today and failed to tell me?”

You released a sigh. It was so early. Why was he insisting on asking about it now? “You know Armin. He’s a good friend of ours–“

“Is that what I asked you?” Eren leaned towards you, eyes searching your face. You sat, rigid. “No. It’s not. Why are you meeting up with him? Alone, at that.”

You stared back at him, feeling agitated now. “He just wants to have coffee and talk. He’s been having a few problems with Lili, and just needs someone to talk to. Plus, I haven’t seen him in forever so sorry I wanna see my friend.”

You laid back down and pulled the blanket back over your head. Eren clicked the phone off and set it back on the side table near the bed. He rubbed his face and groaned. 

“Don’t do that.”

“…do what?” You grumbled from under the sheets.

He looked at you, a soft look on his face. “Get all mad at me. You know I don’t like it when you do that.”

You pulled the covers off of your face and glared at him, “Then stop getting mad at me. It works both ways, don’t you think?“

Eren bit into his lip before leaning down to lay his head on your stomach. He stared up at the ceiling, clearly in thought.

“Sorry.“

You pouted, “For?”

His pretty emerald eyes flickered over to you, lips tugging into a smile. “For getting mad at you. Happy?“

“No,” you fought back a smile of your own and let a hand grip onto a pillow to your right. “You’re not going to try and stop me from meeting with Armin today, right?”

Eren grew quiet and you saw how he chose to look away from you, not wanting to answer the question. Your brows creased. 

“Right?” You asked him again.

He rolled his eyes, still not looking at you.

“Yeah, I can’t really promise tha–Ow!”

You smacked him with the pillow you were holding onto and he laughed, covering his face just in case you decided to do another sneak attack.

“Say it or I’ll do worse.“

“…no.“

“Eren.”

He flinched when he felt you move under him but realized you weren’t planning on hitting him again. His head plopped onto the bed from your stomach and when he pulled his hands away, you were straddling him. His eyes widened in surprise. 

“What are you–“

“I’m going to torture you the best way I know how until you give me what I want,” your hands played with the edge of his sweatpants, teasingly tugging at them like you were going to pull them down.

Eren smirked, putting his hands behind his head. “This should be fun.”

You grinned, palming his growing erection. “Yeah, but not for you.”

Not even two minutes into sucking him off was he telling you that he was perfectly fine with you meeting up with Armin. You made him promise that twice until he was finally able to cum down your throat, panting with his eyes squeezed shut. He was always easy when he really wanted something from you.

“Too easy,” you breathed against his inner thighs causing them to tremble at the feeling of your warm breath. 

Eren looked down at you before he flipped your positions, pushing your legs against your chest. You giggled at him, feeling him anxiously tug at your pajama shorts. 

“Deserve a good spanking for that little comment, huh?”

You fake pouted, holding onto your knees to keep your legs against you, “I think so. Go easy will you?”

He smirked, “Yeah, not fuckin’ happening. When I’m through with you, Armin won’t even think about coming near you.“

You shivered, feeling his tongue at your clothed cunt. “And why’s that?”

“Mmm,” he mouthed at the backs of your thighs, smiling against your skin. “You’re going to have way too many marks to cover up. And I know how much you don’t like wasting your makeup on something as silly as lovebites, right?”

“Eren,” you whined, “Please…ah! Please don’t.”

He swatted your hands away from your knees and pushed your legs apart until he was face to face with what he was looking for.

His teeth shined against the peek of moonlight that peered into the room, “Does it look like you’re in any position to tell me what to do, baby?”

— present.

Needless to say, the argument was diffused but it shouldn’t have started up in the first place. After the meeting with Armin, Eren was all over you that night. Ripped your clothes off and fucked you from the shower to the bedroom. You told him that the meeting with Armin wasn’t much. Just a bit of talking until Lili called and he had to go help her at the flower shop she owned and worked at. Eren didn’t care for the little details. He just wanted to 're-mark his territory'. 

Armin called him on his lunch break that next day and told him that he couldn’t reach you so he wanted to relay a message. 

“Tell her the advice worked! Me and Lili are good again and we’ll be communicating better now because of it.”

“Mm, no problem. Must’ve been some good advice if you were trying to call and tell her that,” Eren responded, signing off his name on some paperwork in front of him. He was clearly trying to gauge for any sneaky intel on Armin’s true intentions with you. If he had any, that is. 

“Yep, it was! She said to just sit down and listen to each other when we talk and we actually got out a lot we’ve been holding in lately. I didn’t know Lili’s been thinking about having kids and was just worried I didn’t want any because of a comment I made with Connie over the phone a week ago. Crazy, right? So basically it was just a misunderstanding and we talked about the best time to have children which is now since we’re both pretty financially stable. You know I’ve always wanted my own children so I can’t wait to…”

Eren tuned the blond out to think a little. So Armin was just a friend to you. That was good. If there was more to it, he wouldn’t have thought twice about getting rid of him. Sounded a bit drastic but anything to eliminate any sort of competition. You were his, after all. Wasn’t he well within his rights to protect what belonged to him? 

“Hey, I’ll call you back later. Kinda busy with work at the moment,” Eren said, signing off on the last bit of work he had for the day.

“Ah, sorry! I forgot you’re at work right now. Yeah, yeah. Let’s talk later.”

“K, see ya.”

If he had to get rid of everyone, he wouldn’t think twice about it.

As complicated as Eren was, he was still your boyfriend and you weren’t willing to give up on him. He wasn’t a project that needed to be fixed nor was he a problem that you needed to solve. He just needed your unconditional love and a lot of patience. As long as you continued to give him those things, you figured there was nothing that could go wrong. After all, he was still relatively new to a relationship so you didn’t mind the time it was going to take to remove the walls he still had up. 

“Ah,” Grisha smiled at you, “This is my floor.” He stepped out of the elevator but had a hand on the doors so they didn’t close until he was finished, “Go up to the 10th floor and Eren’s office is the last door on the left. If you find yourself getting lost, as this is a pretty big building, don’t hesitate to call my cell.” He patted his suit jacket, indicating that he had his phone handy.

You smiled, a bit embarrassed. “I…I actually left mine at home. So, I can’t really call you.”

“That’s quite alright,” he chuckled, unconsciously easing your nerves. “Just have Eren’s secretary phone me then. That’s if she gives you trouble if you ask where his office is. All good?“

You nodded, earrings chiming together. “Yes, thank you sir.”

Grisha shook his head, “Please. Call me dad.” You bit into your lip as he walked away, waving a hand over his shoulder. “Won't be long now.”

No need to respond. It seemed that he was having a good day. No need to go and ruin it with the truth.

When the doors to the elevator closed shut, you hit the tenth floor button and felt the metal box move further up. It was quiet now and you were finally able to think about everything. 

You weren’t sure if Eren was going to give you much of his time since you figured he’d still do some work while eating. You smiled to yourself. He was like that. Always so hardworking. Since he started to come home early, you often found him lying in bed against the headboard on his phone. It didn’t make you suspicious like before since he was always open to you laying by his side, watching him go through emails and such. It was boring but it typically put you to sleep. Especially when he hummed while doing it. 

It didn’t feel or even seem like he was hiding anything from you so it wasn’t hard to trust him more. He kept his phone unlocked and out of curiosity, you went through his messages and found nothing. Next was his instagram direct messages and even snapchat. Nothing. Well, there was this questionable snap sent from Jean but nothing you couldn’t see him sending Eren out of the blue. All in all, the phone was clean and you never snooped since. Of course, that was done while Eren was sleeping one night but when you told him the next morning, he didn’t get upset. He simply kissed your forehead and asked if you found anything. 

You realized he was hinting towards the snap Jean sent since he also knew how random his friend could be. After laughing it off, there was nothing more to talk about in regards to you going through his phone.

So it was official. Eren loved you and only wanted to show you that you could trust him. 

That was good enough for you.

When the elevator dinged and the doors parted open, you walked out and was instantly met with the secretary’s desk.

Chestnut brown eyes lightly lined with black liner and a hint of mascara caught you as soon as you stepped out of the elevator. Her lipstick covered lips spread into a smile as she ditched the notebook that she was previously writing into. 

“Well, hi there!” Her silvery voice rang, manicured nails fiddling with the pen in her hands. “And you must be…?”

When you told her your name, her eyes lit up. 

“Ah! You must be Mr. Jaeger’s girlfriend, right?” Startled by her knowledge, you nodded and she giggled. “Don’t worry. I know it’s classified information but he talks about you quite a bit around here.”

You felt your ears burn. That was definitely something you were intending to bring up to him when you saw him.

“That…sounds like him. Um, it’s still his break so I was wanting to spend it with hi–“

“No need to explain!” She interjected, jumping up from her seat. That was when you noticed how red her hair was. How pretty. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want here. Do you know where his office is or should I take you?”

You nodded, “I was told by his dad where it’s at. Thank you though.”

“You’re very welcome! By the way,” she stuck her hand out for you to take, her pearly whites beaming under the lighting of the room. “Anna. Just in case we meet again.“

You smiled back warmly, curling your hand around hers. “It’s nice meeting you, Anna and I’m sure we will be.”

When you walked away, she was still staring after you, face just as bright as it was when you first walked in. She seemed friendly enough which made you less nervous to walk through the floor in search of your boyfriend. Your experience with walking through the lobby earlier wasn’t one you wanted to particularly remember as an overall experience of visiting the Jaeger Enterprises so that was nice.

The hall that you were walking directly down seemed oddly quiet but you played with the idea that maybe everyone else was on break too. You didn’t know how a business worked but maybe when Eren had his lunch, so did the employees. Or maybe you just thought too much into it. The workers were probably busy. Perhaps their little offices were even sound proof.

Or maybe the floor was normally this quiet. 

Finally, you came to the last door of the hallway which was indeed on the left like Grisha had said. 

With a breath and a smile, you turned the knob instead of knocking. To be fair, why knock when he knew that you were coming? Sure, you took a minute but he still had an entire hour left to his break so what did it matter? 

Anxiously, you pushed open the door and felt your blood immediately run cold at the sight before you. 

“Ah! Eren! Fuck, right there!”

“Since when did you get this fuckin’ tight, huh? Been letting someone else fuck you, I bet.”

“Yeah and he was ten times better than you.”

“…you’re gonna regret that.”

Eren had the woman laid across his desk, skirt long forgotten across the room. Her panties dangled around one of her ankles while the other one was perched against his shoulder. She had her arms loosely wrapped around his neck, his hands holding her waist as he fucked into her. The desk rocked underneath them, creating a constant thumping noise over and over again. It was a miracle someone hadn’t heard them before you walked in.

Guess the rooms were soundproof after all.

His hair was struggling to stay in the tie he still had, strands of it sticking to his forehead from the amount of sweat he was producing. 

Everything was hurting. You were in so much shock and pain that you couldn’t even move. 

Was this really happening? No matter how many times you tried blinking, the image was still the same.

How long?

How long had this been going on without you knowing?

Then again, you’d known all along didn’t you? 

Eren lied and your intuition had been right. 

He was cheating on you. 

He was fucking another woman that wasn’t you.

You felt like you were going to throw up. 

The second you’d shuffled back from the doorway, your heel had caught onto the sill of the door. Catching your footing by holding onto the wood of the doorway, Eren’s eyes were immediately on you.

Great.

“Shit,” he muttered.

The moment you saw him stumble off of the woman and get his pants back up, you were running back down the hallway, ignoring him calling your name. Your eyes were quick to fill up with angry tears, barely able to see where you were going. You ran into a few people that worked there but didn’t stay to answer any of their worrisome questions about what was going on or if you were okay.

You fled back to the elevator but couldn’t escape Anna.

“Hey, what’s the matter?” She asked in a hurry as she rounded her desk, trying to get to you.

You’d smashed the down button several times, trying to quiet your sobs but it was no use. You couldn’t pretend that you weren’t in shambles. Your makeup was ruined and you didn’t look nearly the same as when you came through last. Immediately, she knew something was wrong.

“Hey,” Anna touched your shoulder and it was hard for you not to break down then and there. “Do you wanna talk about it?” You didn’t answer her and she sighed, chewing on her bottom lip. “Hey you know what? I know a good ice cream place near here. Wanna get some with me? We can take it to go if you don’t want to sit inside. I just…”

You glanced at her and after some thinking, you agreed. None of your other friends were available right now since it was still early in the day. They were definitely at work. You didn’t want to bother them and Anna seemed like a nice person. Why not? Plus, anything to get away from Eren right now.

Anna smiled at your nod, “Great. Let me just go and get my purse–“

You grabbed her wrist, eyes wide as they darted towards the hall. You could hear rapid footsteps coming and knew that Eren was still hot on your trail. 

“I’ll pay. Please, can we just go?”

Right on time, the elevator dinged and opened.

Anna blinked and saw the frantic look on your face and nodded.

“Sure, yeah. Of course.”

You tugged her inside and hit the lobby button, watching the doors slowly close but not before you caught Eren’s face in the slit. He looked devastated but not more than you. He called for you once more until his voice was cut off by the seal. The elevator moved down until it hit the floor, and Anna led you out and into the lobby. 

The same woman from before at the front desk tried to inquire where Anna was going but the red headed woman waved her off telling her that she was going on her break. 

Thankfully, that was enough to kill her curiosity and you two finally walked out of the building. Immediately, you were able to breathe and wanted nothing more than to be as far away from the building as humanly possible. 

“It’s just this way,” Anna said, holding your hand and tugging you down the street. 

————

“So the rumors are true.”

You were seated across from her, a cup of strawberry ice cream in front of you that was barely touched. Anna chose chocolate, and was halfway done with hers. The shop itself wasn’t very busy, and you were glad. It wasn’t like you wanted to be surrounded by a bunch of people at the moment anyways. 

Anna had an uneasy look on her face that made you weary.

“Rumors?” You asked, forgetting about your ice cream altogether.

She sighed, looking down. “Yeah. I thought they were just rumors. That there was no way Mr. Jaeger was having sex with the other secretaries on our floor. I mean,” she grimaced, “He’s dating you. Why would he do that?”

You laughed dryly, “Guess we both want to know the same thing.”

This…changed things. You never thought you’d have to sit down and think about what the relationship was going to look like if Eren ever actually cheated on you but now… Now you have to. 

You couldn’t stay with him. Not after that. If he was able to cheat on you once then he was definitely capable and likely to do it again. The saying was overrated but it was true. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Especially if you let him get away with it by staying in the relationship. 

All you wanted to do was cry for an entire month or two. Just wallow in the pain and hurt until you became numb to it all. Never leave the apartment, forget to eat for a couple of days and stay in bed until you can't tell the time of day anymore. 

Another part of you wanted to confront him. Scream, cry, yell and hit him until you got tired enough to stop. You trusted him, and he lied to you. For how long, you wondered. How long was this going on without you knowing? How stupid you’d been. To think that things had gone back to the way they were — it was your fault for believing it. The signs were probably there, in your face, and you’d ignored every single one of them. Now you sat in an ice cream shop, heartbroken. 

You felt like you were going to be sick. 

“Hey,” Anna called for you in a soft tone, gaining your attention. “It’s going to be alright, you know? I’m not sure how long you two have been together but this? The pain? It never lasts for very long as long as you’re willing to work at it. Now you just have to figure out if you want to stay and work things out or move on.”

In a way, Anna was like an angel. Maybe your guardian angel, if you believed in that sort of thing. She’d quickly become your confidant. Someone you were able to rely on. She seemed trusting enough, and there weren’t alarm bells going off so you decided to take her advice. As for what you were going to do…that was tricky. You had time to think more about it. Right now, though, you just wanted to take time away from him. To do that, you needed to go back to the apartment and get most of your things. Definitely before he got off of work because there was no doubt he was in the process of taking his early leave for the day to catch you before you left. 

You did not want to see him. 

After spending a bit of time with Anna, she took you to the apartment and said that she was going to wait for you downstairs before taking you back to his job for your car. You were thankful because you didn't want to do any of this on your own but you also found it unnecessary to have her come up. Especially if you actually ran into Eren trying to pack things up. 

An argument she didn’t need to be in on, that was for sure.

As you shoved various things in two different duffel bags, you began to get lost in your thoughts. 

So lost that you hadn’t heard the door open and close.

Once both bags were full of stuff you’d need for about two weeks or more, you turned around to check for anything you might’ve missed or didn’t think of and saw Eren leaned up against the frame of the bedroom door, dark thick brows pressed downwards into a frown. Usually, he would’ve looked cute like that but right now, under the current circumstances, he looked…

“Eren.”

“Are you leaving?”

Startled by the obvious, you blinked. 

“I…yeah. I am.”

Then, his frown disappeared like it hadn’t been there in the first place. 

“Okay. For how long?“

Trying to distract yourself from how strange the conversation was beginning to get and the thick tension that hovered in the air, you slung both of the duffel bag straps over your shoulders. Afterwards, you released a sigh, looking at him.

“I don’t know, Eren, but I’ll let you know if and when I come back, k?”

His eyes narrowed slightly and quickly. Too fast for you to prove that it even happened. “If?”

“Yeah. If. Now if you’ll excuse me,” You started walking towards him, muscles tensing under your skin to prepare for him to stop you but as he stood there, arms still crossed, and let you squeeze by him, you were even more confused. But, you gave it little thought. It didn’t matter. None of it did. You just needed to get away. Put some space between you and him. Maybe the distance was going to do him some good. He needed to miss you or maybe figure out whether he wanted you or not. From today's events, you didn’t feel very wanted. So whatever happened, it was about you and how you felt in the end. Hopefully he was going to understand. Then again, if he didn’t…did it matter either way?

When you made it to the front door, you pulled it open and felt it shut close. You whipped around, Eren’s arm hovering at the side of your head, hand still plastered against the door. His expression was unreadable so you couldn’t figure out what was going through his head. 

“Did I tell you that I’m sorry? Because I am.”

Unnerved, you shoved his arm away, “I’m sorry but that means shit to me right now.”

The corner of his lips pulled downward, almost in a half pout, half frown. His green eyes were a little darker than they usually were but maybe it was the bad lighting.

“Hm. So you don’t care? That I’m sorry?”

Frowning now, and highly frustrated, you huffed, “I don’t. Not right now. I just need space, Eren. Spa-ce. Know what that means?” His eyebrows twitched. “Means, I need to get the hell away from you before I make a decision I’ll probably regret later on. Now move,” you turned around and opened the door again. When you scooted back, you bumped into his chest, intentionally using it as a way to tell him to move back. He did, and shoved his hands in the pockets of his work pants, staring at you with a look of boredom now. 

You walked back out into the cool late afternoon air, feeling able to breathe again. The apartment had felt so stifling. 

Eren stayed in the doorway and leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, eyes boring into the back of your head. When you turned and locked eyes with him, you caught a bit of amusement in them.

It chipped at your nerves for some reason. Like he was proud of what he did. When you’d caught him in the act, he looked heartbroken. The Eren that was looking at you now wasn’t the same person. Couldn’t be. This Eren looked like he’d executed his plan just as he wanted and the outcome was how he predicted it’d go. Like he wasn’t going to miss you while you were away. 

It pissed you off.

“What if I don’t come back?”

He shrugged. “You will.”

“You don’t know that.”

He smirked. “Mmm, but I do. Most of your stuff is still here, are they not?” His hypnotizing eyes flickered to one of the bags on your shoulder, “Couldn’t have possibly packed it all away in those bags of yours.”

Your nostrils flared. He was right but still. 

“Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Nothing. I don’t wanna hear from you. I don’t even want to see you until I’m good and ready. Got it?”

He didn’t respond. He just lifted a hand to his forehead and gave you a mocking salute, smirk still on his lips. 

It only upset you further so for the betterment of your sanity, you stomped down the hall, towards the stairs. The more distance you put between him and yourself, the better. 

Once you put your bags in the back seat of Anna’s car, you slipped into the passenger seat and closed the door, being mindful to not slam it even though you were definitely angry enough to do it.

You were silent as you clicked on your seatbelt, mentally punching Eren’s sickeningly pretty face in as she watched you. 

Anna blinked, looked out her window towards the entrance you walked out of, and winced. Yeah this was going to be a nasty breakup, she could feel it. Good thing she’d placed herself right in the middle of it all. 

Not like her job wasn’t hanging in the balance or anything, no.

Course not.

With a small sigh, she pressed the ‘push to start’ button and felt the car purr to life.

“Woe is me.”

↳ end note from syn ; ༄ if this seemed fast, ignore it bc the next chapter is going to be prepared better, i promise;( anyways, part two’s coming soon! tysm for reading! ୧

© all content belongs to temptedbysyn 2022. do not modify or translate without permission.

Garou Predator/Prey Kink

(Can I just say we don’t discuss this shit enough and it’s high time we do??? Anyways this is just a brief thought that came to mind and I thought it was hot so lmk if you agree w/ any of these)

Garou undoubtedly has developed the predator/prey kink over time and it manifests itself in many different ways such as…

-Taking full advantage when you wear something that gives him “easy access” like a short sundress or a strapless top

-Holding you down during backshots so you can’t run away from that dick when you’re overstimulated and feel like you can’t cum anymore. He swells with pride when he proves you wrong too

-Catching you when you run away from him and throwing you over his shoulder to carry you to your shared bedroom (yktv 😎)

-OR if he catches you by pinning you down and you thrash against him helplessly trying to get away, expect him to start grinding on you after that

-The hard-on he gets when he demonstrates his strength in one of his scary ass ways and you’re noticeably intimidated

-His obsession with hearing you yelp when he surprises you with a firm smack on your ass

-When you find yourself practically immobile after he fucks multiple orgasms out of you (bonus points if you had an attitude all damn day)

-When all the sex positions he has you in almost feel like wrestling moves (don’t even get me started on that mating press boo😩)

-How he secretly loves waking up in the morning with you trapped in his embrace, even better if you wake him up trying to squirm out of his grasp. Don’t be surprised if morning sex comes right after 🙃

Anyways let me go my ass to bed

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⁀➷  darling i’d wait for you | mikasa x f!reader au.

༊*·˚ summary: knight!mikasa x princess!reader 

༊*·˚ warnings: explicit (16+) smut. marking and a bit of degradation? scissoring [dont knock it until u try it. thank u.]

༊*·˚ a/n: I have always wanted to make this an AU with one of the guys from AOT or JJK but… it never flowed right like this one. mikasa just has my gay ass in a chokehold. pls. anyway, hope you all enjoy. im kinda proud of it. it did take way too long though..

it became an awful habit.

waiting every single night for the woman in the armored suit to escort you back into your chambers, to sneak glances in between the door as the chambermaids ran in and out of your room to prepare you for bed. sometimes, the maids would purposely leave the door open, just so your knight could peek glances in between undressing and your bathing.

however, there were times where you doubted yourself and wondered if you were reading your knight correctly. through her limited expressions and limited words, it was hard to decipher her true emotions. therefore, you relied heavily on the way mikasa’s eyes worked.

Keep reading

18+ nsfw mdni, nsfw visuals at the end

7:30pm - All training sessions for the day ended. Armin was so excited. He said patiently in your room, waiting for you. He was scheduled to be off duty tomorrow, and so were you out of pure coincidence. Armin could hardly contain himself. He looked forward to catch up with you, hear about your day and all about the week that had just passed, staying up late and sleeping in the next morning, holding you and enjoying your presence. He flipped back on your pillows and took a deep inhale in one of them. They smelled just like you.

9:30pm - The intrusive thoughts come out at night, when all is quiet and there's nothing else to do. Just by existing, you tamed the beats and hushed the voices that lived in Armin's head. He was starting to get sleepy, but his demons buzzed around in his mind like wasps to their nests. Training ended two hours ago, what could you possibly be doing for that long? Perhaps you had gotten sick and fainted somewhere no one could find you? What if you had gotten kidnapped? Did you get lost somehow?

10:30pm - Armin couldn't wait any longer. He just had a bad feeling in his gut. He sped walked to the training grounds, heart anxiously thumping in his chest. He finally found you. You weren't dead, thank goodness, but you weren't "training" at all.

You were goofing off with Jean, Sasha, and Connie. Your laugh filling the outside air with a sweet song. However, Armin clenched his fists at the sight he witnessed, peaking around the side of a building and staying in the shadows as to not be seen. Connie was running around with you riding on his back. The four of you were in stitches. Armin hadn't seen you laugh that hard in a long time. At least, not around him.

Your legs were wrapped around Connie's waist and arms holding onto his neck. He could guarantee that Connie could feel your breasts pressed against his back, and he could also guarantee that he probably liked it. You had never asked Armin to give you a ride on his back. Come to think of it, Armin wasn't completely sure if he could pick you up like that at all. He didn't have the upper body strength compared to Connie... or Jean... or Eren, while he's thinking about it.

Armin suddenly tasted blood, realizing he had bit the inside of his cheek a little too hard. His stomach also began to hurt, as well as his palm from his nails digging into his skin.

11:30pm - He stomped back to his own room. Angry was an understatement. Rage was more like it. Armin was sitting in your room on your bed waiting for you for hours but here you were, blowing him off to hitch rides from Connie? How could you do this to him? Had you forgotten that Armin was expecting you? Would you rather hang out with your friends than him? You saw them every day, but haven't spent time with Armin in a week. Quality time is one of his love languages. Was he not enough?

Armin was beside himself. Hot, furious tears ran down his face as he rocked back and forth on his mattress in a desperate attempt to sooth himself. He could hear your voice in his mind reminding him to breath, "in through your nose, out through your mouth. Inhale, exhale." But that wasn't working. He tucked is head in between his knees and counted backwards from one hundred. That also didn't help.

Armin was beside himself. Hot, furious tears ran down his face as he rocked back and forth on his mattress in a desperate attempt to sooth himself. He could hear your voice in his mind reminding him to breath, "in through your nose, out through your mouth. Inhale, exhale." But that wasn't working. He tucked is head in between his knees and counted backwards from one hundred. That also didn't help.

With one clean swipe, Armin cleared everything off his desk and sent it to the floor with a loud clatter. Books and papers flying across the room. He gave his desk chair a swift kick, crashing into the wall. His temper tantrum was also of no help. He had half a mind to throw his oil lamp out of the window, but that would cause a fire. Armin was livid, but not enough to commit arson.

He sat back on his bed, grabbing his pillow and scream-crying into the down feathers. What exactly did this mean? Did you not want to see Armin at all? Did you still love him?

12:30am - Though you were the reason Armin was in so much pain, he still needed you to sooth him. You were all he wanted, all he needed.

Armin slithered through the dark halls like a snake. He went back to your room, wondering if you had finally decided to go where you were supposed to be. He licked his lips and knocked on the door politely. Much to his relief, you answered on the other side with a "Yes?" Armin swung the door open, slipping through, and closing it quietly.

"There you are!" You smiled at him.

Genuine and warm, happy to see him. Your day clothes were laid out on the bed, you adjusted your night shirt on your shoulders. From the looks of it, you had just changed.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up. I didn't realize it was past midnight, I totally lost track of time." You rolled your eyes at yourself as you folded your clothes and put them in your wardrobe. Armin stood in the middle of the room, hands nervously rubbing together.

"I'm literally, so glad we have the day of tomorrow. We can actually spend some time together. What do you want to do? I was thinking we could- Oh, are you okay? What's wrong?" Your tone changed immediately upon noticing Armin in his current expression.

Armin had The Look. His eyes were red, plush lips turned into a deep frown, eyebrows scrunched together, and his nose pink. You knew he had been crying not too long ago.

"Yeah, I just..." Armin rubbed the back of his neck.

He had to think, and quick. What would you say if he mentioned what he saw, how he felt neglected and left out? Would you be upset over his spying? Guilt caused goosebumps to rise on his skin, feeling silly in the wake of his tantrum. You had already mentioned that you let time slip from you and that you were excited to be with him. He didn't want to make you feel bad, even though your lapse of proper time management and being close with another guy did make Armin upset.

"Lots of work stuff, you know? Paperwork... I'm not the greatest at math." Armin played it cool. You nodded in agreement, crossing the room to place a hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, I see. Don't let the numbers get to you. Math isn't real anyway." You lightly joked. You peppered kisses on Armin's cheek. This was just what he needed; your undivided attention. His negativity dissipated with each little smooch.

1:30am - Naturally you both stayed up talking. You were still wide awake, while Armin's eyes got heavier and heavier. Screaming, crying, throwing and kicking things took a lot of energy out of him. It was Armin's idea to give you a back massage. He needed to feel you under him, rub and squeeze all over you, silently reclaiming what is his. You laid on your stomach, while Armin straddled your backside.

Connie may have won the invisible fight, but he had definitely lost imaginary the war that only took place in Armin's head. At the end of the night, it was Armin who got to kiss you on the back of your neck, who got to caress your soft skin and tell you how pretty you are, who got to hear your angelic groans of relaxation under his firm grip. His fury had subsided long ago, but anxiety still lingered. His drowsiness amplified his anxiety to ninty-nine.

"Do you love me, baby?" Armin asked. You hummed.

"From this day, until my last day." You confirmed, head resting on your hands and eyes sewn shut. Armin kept working on your shoulders.

"No one else? Just me, right?" He quizzed.

"No one."

Armin paused. This was exactly what he wanted to hear, but it wasn't enough. From his outburst to your words of affirmation, he needed more. Blood drained from his head and down to his cock, growing harder at the thought of what he wanted to do; Reclaim you, remind you that Armin -- and only Armin -- can make you happy in ways no one else can. He wanted to rid anyone else touch that might be lingering on your skin, or in your mind.

Armin laid himself on top of you, putting all of his weight onto your back. He buried a hand in your hair and pulled. Hard.

"Promise?" He tested. Armin pulled your hair so your neck would crane backwards, exposing the pulse at your throat. You swallowed, a dark fuzz of arousal coating your vision.

"I promise." You agreed.

2:30am - You didn't really think twice about Armin's behavior. It was no secret to you that Armin dealt with his own insecurities. But, who doesn't? You weren't exempt either, and you were no stranger about requiring emotional reassurance. Not always, but sex was often an escape from the bitch of a reality you both lived. In your personal opinion, Armin fucked you the best when he was needy and had a bad day.

It was almost three in the morning, so out of a consideration of those sleeping in their rooms next door to yours, Armin clamped a hand over your mouth. You panted into his palm whilst he pounded himself into from behind, laying directly on top of you. You couldn't get away if you wanted to, which you didn't. Armin still kept a firm grip in your hair.

"You like the way my cock feels inside of you, love?" Armin huffed in your ear. You moaned quietly under his hand.

"I can't hear you." Armin hissed. He removed his hand.

"Yes, Armin, you feel so fucking good." You whimper. Armin hummed in return. You could feel the bass in his chest through your ribcage.

He cradled your jaw in his hand, forcing your neck to turn as much as it could to look make you look at him. Forehead to forehead. Armin was somewhat hidden behind his hair, but it was impossible to hide his giant blue eyes from looking directly into yours.

"You're still mine, aren't you?" Armin wanted to know. He was teasing, taunting, this much was clear. His hips didn't stutter or falter while he questioned you. Still, there was an underlying bitterness to his question that you picked up on. You were too fucked out to focus on a sentence other than agreeing with Armin.

"Yes, yes, all yours." You sputtered.

With no mercy, Armin sat up on his knees, dragging you up with him with one hand still stuffed in your hair. Armin pressed you up against him, rocking his hips and gripping on your chest. His lips gingerly sucked on your earlobe as he whispered,

"That's what I thought."

( for your viewing pleasure )

reblogs and feedback are appreciated!

taglist: @xttxck @snake-titan @fireandblood-xxii @pinkfluffybunnyy

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𖨆♡𖨆 hanma shuji x fem!reader

╰┈➤ thrown into an arrange marriage with toman’s second man, you slowly come to find that not even your lost memories will stop him from getting what he wants. and what he wants is not you.

cw. amnesia, HEAVY ANGST, adultery, physical abuse (not towards reader), intimidation, alcohol, psychological trauma, illnesses, mentions of pregnancy, explicit smut, tension, mentions of bodily harm, mentions of food, mentions of alcohol, MINORS/AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI

╳  playlist                                      ╳ masterlist

#6: you love me but you're hollow (part 1)

Anticipation mingled with dread thrummed hard in his veins.

Wafts of nicotine surrounded him, shrouding half of his face in smoke and filtering around his car like a comforting friend.

Y/N will start her nagging, he thought, stubbing out the stick and maneuvering the steering wheel with one hand past a familiar bend. You never did like the smell of cigarettes and he found himself smoking less and less around you, wanting to not trigger your pout and endless chatterings on how bad these little “cancerous sticks”—as you deemed them—were harmful to his health.

Shuji snorted, a fond smile tugging the corners of his lips.

You could be so adorable that it made him already miss you. If he tilted his head to the side, he could still catch whiffs of your floral Chanel perfume, reminding him of the debauchery you both partook in before he had driven off. 

The journey to downtown Tokyo where flashy skyscrapers made way for modest apartments and run-down buildings took longer than he expected from traffic, and the moment Shuji stopped the car in front of a familiar four-story townhouse, he steeled himself for what he had to do.

There would be little doubt that Ichika would take horribly to the news, but he was ready to face it. Ready to own up to his mistakes. As much as he wished he could have a clean break from her, the reality was not as easy. 

The woman he once called his own was suspected of carrying his child—a combination of him and her deep in her body—that made him turn green around the edges with nausea. Unlike other married men entangled in extraneous affairs, he did not keep a burner phone and resorted to flagrantly flaunting his infidelity anytime he could, and the repercussions would come and bite him back in the ass for not keeping track of his mistress’ cycle. 

Mistress. Funny how a few short weeks can change a man’s mind. Just a month ago, he had vowed to never fall in love you; that his wife was too plain and unassuming to ever capture his attention.

Like the fates themselves were laughing at him, they drew out the most ironic Uno reverse card and made sure that he would eat his own words.

Do not seek me out unless I find you first. 

The memory of his fear when he discovered you missing from the gala’s table, and the subsequent panic he had at the idea that someone could’ve taken you. Shuji had been a fool to dismiss that it was merely his duty to Kisaki that tied him to you and not his latent anxiety that you could’ve gotten hurt.

You are not allowed to kiss me unless I initiate it first to save our face. 

Easily the top five memories to flood his mind would be of your sweet lips on his. How they molded exactly to his shape—the softness of them between his teeth. Your taste heavy on his tongue, like sunshine, honey and something intrinsically intoxicating that was purely you. Shuji was sure that if you took your kisses away from him, he would die like a man who was deprived of oxygen in the form of your breaths shared intimately with his. 

And three… don’t fall in love with me.

An idiot. A pure, unadultered idiot. Everything that he had harshly instructed to you the fateful night of your marriage had turned on its head. Instead of you breaking his rules, he was the first and only one to disobey them. You remained true to his wishes, and suddenly Shuji was afraid.

No… she loves me. His reasoning kicked in. She loves me and I love her. And after I do this, I can finally show her how much I love her. 

In an unhurried gait, the first thing he did was to walk up straight to her unassuming unit, knuckles rapping smartly on the door. The chipped wooden barrier pulled back, and the sight of his ex-mistress on the other end nearly made his resolve falter. Wet, red rimmed eyes and mused hair, misery lining every crevice of her once beautiful face. 

The first time he met her, Ichika reminded him of a famous Japanese actress. Her sweet, congenial smile, sparkling brown eyes and slim nose with her perfect complexion was hard to ignore, even through his fog of alcohol and smoke as he sat with the rest of his underlings to unwind after a hard mission. 

“Hey,” Shuji’s frown carved through her periphery, and a small ball of regret curled itself underneath his ribcage at how exhausted she appeared. 

Listless brown eyes, once sparkling with vitality, flickered slightly. “Hey. Come in.”

Ichika stepped aside, and Hanma entered her apartment for the first and last time, cognizant of the fact that he would never want to step foot back here again if he could help it. He opened his mouth, about to speak when she interjected in a voice hoarse from crying.

 “You’re cruel, you know that, Shuji?” Wrapping her arms around her frail form, she mustered enough vitriol for a glare which did little to shake him. “You’re mean. I hate you.”

At least she’s not hurting me or holding a knife to my neck. Shuji counted his blessings that his mistress was not one for violence, unlike his wife whom he suspected could have a vicious streak if she put her mind to it.

Bowing his head, Shuji recognized how hard this choice was—to let go of the life he previously thought he could live with the woman he once loved. Things have changed, and it was because of you that his eyes were opened wide to the knowledge that if he were to let this affair go on, he would lose out on the best thing he ever had in this life.

“There’s not much I can say besides I’m—”

“Sorry?” Ichika finished for him, a note of sarcasm in her brittle whisper. “You’ve ruined my life for the worst and all you can say is you’re sorry? You disgust me, Shuji.”

He bit down on the words he wanted to hurl towards her, letting her assuage her anger onto his deserving ass. Ichika had every right to rage at him, hit him if it made her happy, and for once in his life, Shuji would let someone else have the upperhand on him if it meant his future with you would be preserved. 

Before the 6’5 man could open his mouth and spare her a few decencies in the form of apologies, her slap richocheted across his face, bringing with it a stinging aftertaste that left him reeling. Golden eyes flashed, but he did not retaliate, passively accepting her rage. Another slap, and this time, the end of her expensive, Tiffany&Co ring he had bought for her months ago, caught into his cheek, leaving a small gash and a bite of pain. Hanma took one step back, jaw tightening, and he was about to speak up when she started sobbing.

“I’ll tell her about us!” 

His heart stopped. Starting back up took some time to gather his composure, and despite his promises that he would end this relationship right here and now, little could actually he followed through once he was faced with the duplicity of her actions.

“What?” his rich and deep voice, always with a note of softness for her was all steel. “What did you fucking say?” 

Ichika faced him with streaming eyes, and she chuckled caustically, the sound verging on mania. “I’ll tell her everything—our affair, the relationship we had before she fucking waltzed into the picture. I’ll tell Tomio. I’ll even tell Kisaki if you don’t fucking own up for your mistake and help me, Shuji.”

Her threats were paper thin at best, but Shuji felt a trickle of unease stir his soul. “Do you know who I am?” Standing to his full height, he sauntered over to her, a terrifying sneer plastered onto his face, and for a split second, a flash of fear eclipsed her expression. That’s right—she had to know her place. “I’m the second most dangerous man in Toman. With one single word, I can end your life right where you stand and bury your body where no else can find you. Do not—”

She screamed in pain when he grasped the base of her throat, almost completely cutting off her air supply, her back hitting the wall. Shuji was merciless when he pressed down on her windpipe, about to crush it when she wheezed out, “I-I’m pregnant.”

Two words, but it was enough to zap him off his murderous intent. He let her go and she slumped onto the floor, gasping loudly, choking on stuttered inhales as she massaged her abused throat. Looking up at him with watery eyes she sniffled, pointing towards the kitchen shelf with a trembling finger. “P-pregnancy test. There. See. For y’self.”

Ichika’s voice was hoarse with unshed tears and panic, and her wide eyes never left his broad back when he unglued his limbs; walking towards the direction she indicated and pulling open the drawer. The pregnancy test was hastily stuffed in between wad of papers, but he could plainly make out those lines that seemed to cut into him like glass. Those two deep lines that hurt more than serrated edges of a knife.

Shuji thought his world would collapse around him, and he had to hold onto the edge of the wooden cabinet to catch his breath. Her quiet sobs pierced through the roaring in his ears, and he lifted his head, the unfair decision he had to make weighing heavily on his shoulders. As much as he wanted to disregard Ichika as merely a mistress, the truth was not as simple. 

She had been with him from the very start—tended to his wounds, shared her laughter and cheer with him, helped him become someone better and she had a right to be angry; it was her perception that you would be reaping the rewards of him being a better man that she worked so hard to instill. Harumi Ichika was once the woman of his dreams, and he could not change that. Just as much as he could not change the softening of his ice-cold heart towards her pitiful cries. 

Her breath caught when she felt his arms around her, and then, the sturdy press of his chest under her cheek. Barely giving any time to gather her wits, Shuji spoke. “I’m sorry. I was too harsh—too cruel. I will take care of you and the baby if you choose to have it. But, I still can’t divorce my wife… you know what’s at stake.”

Ichika could barely believe her plan worked. “Yes,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and thanking every listening deity that Shuji would still be hers. “I know, and I’m sorry. I never meant… I didn’t mean to make you panic.” 

Shuji sighed, and rubbed his large palm up and down her back, soothing her. “I don’t want you to get an abortion. It’s wrong.” Mind foggy with grief and remorse, he fished inside the pocket of his pants, and removed the familiar velvet box. “Here.” 

Her breath hitched when he revealed a simple, pearlescent ring from the inky depths. Taking it out from its swathes of silk, he slipped the too tight circle onto her right ring finger, where it barely fit past her knuckle. A ring for the love of his life adorning the finger of another to appease the horrors he inflicted onto her.

“It says ‘to the love of my life’,” she murmured, turning her hand this way and that to let the ring catch onto snatches of light. “It’s a little too small, but it’s perfect.” 

Her smile brought equal parts relief and grief to him. But, he covered it up with his signature lackaidasal grin, chain earring brushing his cheek when he leaned forward to give her a perfunctory peck on her cheek. “I’m sorry I let my anger get the best of me.”

Ichika shook her head, and though his fingers had dug deep into her skin, there were barely any marks around her neck. His perversion forever hidden from the light. “You’re a fucking menance, Shuji,” her smile fractured slightly in the corners, “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He retraced the column of her throat, the warmth of his touch setting off curlicues of yearning straight into her soul. “Shuji, do you love me?” 

Why don’t you ever tell me you love me? 

Unprompted, that morose question in the sweet cadence of your voice flashed through his mind. Rendering him mute with misery. I’m so sorry, Y/N… I’m so weak. 

“Don’t tell her about us,” was his reply to her uncomfortably vulnerable question. “And do not let word of your pregnancy reach others, okay?” Those golden hued orbs took on a sheen of firmness that left her with barely any doubt that Shuji’s hands around her throat was just a precursor to the true punishment should she step out of line. “You know what’s at stake if it does.” 

She swallowed hard. It’s not fair. While Ichika kept him like an oath, he kept her as a secret, never to be seen in broad daylight. Didn’t she always tell herself that the life of a mistress was a sad one? Her luck was that she would never love the man who owned her heart, body and soul no matter how much it pained her that you were in the spot she so rightfully deserved. 

“I’ll be in the city settling business, but I’ll call you when I’m free,” he murmured, giving her a weary smile. 

Idiot. You fucking idiot. 

What kind of man was he that he could not make a decision and choose the woman he loved? Ichika was nothing but a burden to him, and yet, the knowledge that she was carrying his child—willingly wanting to hold onto a piece of him no matter how it hurt her—turned his resolve upside down. I’m a fool.

But, when she nuzzled her face into his neck and wished him a safe drive back, he could do nothing but hope that wherever the pieces fell, it would not crush him. Or, you. 

I’m sorry, Y/N. The ring on her finger shone brightly, a telltale sign of his reluctant commitment to her; one that did not even fit right or sound like the truth when he said, “Take care of yourself.” 

She closed the door on him, departing one last smile, a gracious farewell that he did not deserve. Nor want. A bitter sense of self-loathing washed over him, borne from years of standing by the sidelines as his mother conceived and lost multiple babies; his father’s fists striking her abdomen, the children she cried over. His brothers and sisters who never got a chance to live.

If Ichika wanted to keep the baby and her promise to not expose him, who was he to refuse? 

Especially when the child belonged solely to him—and there was no mistaking that it did. One look into her lacrymose and earnest eyes would tell him enough of the truth. 

Fuck. He was a father. No matter how much he tried to tell himself that it was a smart choice—the humane one—Shuji could not shake off the feeling that what he did would be the last straw that would tilt the scale firmly towards the end of tragedy for his romance story. Firmly lodging itself someplace between foolish hope that you would never find out the truth and the excruciating idea that if you ever did, there was nothing he could do to assuage your righteous anger towards him.

The both of you had entered this world of marriage with a mutual understanding that you would never have his heart because he kept it hidden in the arms of another woman.

And now, there was so much more at stake than where his heart laid.

You. His wife.

Shuji could not afford to fuck up. He would need a solid plan to finally take Ichika out of his life for good. 

Before you would walk out of his life—for good.

You stared at the dimly-lit screen, gnawing on your lower lip. 

The sky was a steel grey, looming with swollen rain clouds. Of all the memories that remained in your fragile mind, the hatred of rain remained your biggest one. You shrank back under the awning of the hospital’s shade, fiddling with your phone. 

Should I call him? 

The scathing inner voice scoffed. And say what? You miss him? You know he’s on a mission so why even bother. 

Standing outside of the hospital, your mind was a million miles away. Shuji would at least text you back to let you know when you could expect him to return but your phone was as silent as a grave. The thoughts would not give you a respite.

What if he’s hurt? Is he bleeding? Oh god—you gripped your phone tighter, stomach churning with anxiety. What if he’s dead?

You don’t get to ruminate on it long before a familiar luxury sedan draws up right in front of you. Echoing a scene from what felt like a lifetime ago, Chifuyu’s grin carved its way into your periphery and you barely had time to greet him when he got out of the car, dapper in a pressed suit and a single gold earring adorning his left lobe.

“Y/N. Hey.”

“Chifuyu,” you smiled, darting your gaze to the darkened interior of his car. “What brings you here?”

“Oh, yeah. Your father can’t come to see you today because some gang issues came up so he asked me to look out for you now that Hanma’s on a mission.” His sincerity left no room for your doubts, low voice a calming timber. Charmingly cocking his head to the side, Chifuyu gestured towards the car. “Do you want to go ahead with the doctor’s appointment or do you want to go out for some ice cream?”

You debated the options you had at your feet. On one hand, your father would be waiting for a progress update even if he couldn’t make it to this appointment—to see if your words rang true and he could rest his worries on the shoulders of a future heir. While on the other hand, dropping your duties for a day of fun with Chifuyu held a mighty appeal, and you waged war internally on these decisions.

Eventually, duty outweighed leisure and you nodded towards the hospital doors. “Will you please accompany me for my checkup?”

Chifuyu did not refuse and gestured for you to lead the way.

Inside the fluorescent office, the smell of bleach and antiseptic stung, and you had to breathe slowly to not trigger the sudden, irrational wave of nausea. Second to rain, you hated hospitals with a passion, their sterile and rigid walls too constricting and overbearing for someone of your timidity. 

The doctor stepped in after a few minutes, her kindly smile unwavering as she inquired about your health. You did your best to tell her the truth; how you were more tired lately and attributed it to your amnesia, the ache in your joints and the unpredictability of your sleep schedule. She jotted it down, and because Chifuyu was most likely aware of your situation after the fiasco at the L/N mansion, you made sure to meekly tell her you suspected you were pregnant.

It didn’t fully sink in to you how dangerous it was to play with Tomio’s trust and lead him on until the cool gel was smeared onto your belly. The silence highlighted your heavy breathing, and Chifuyu’s eyes on you were not helping your nerves in the least. You gulped down on your fear, mind racing a mile a minute.

What would you tell your father when the results came back and you did not have his heir?

Your death was signed on the dotted line with red ink, if that were the case. L/N Tomio would never forgive you and the punishment he held over your head would be multiplied by tenfold. You clutched the blanket tightly, eyes never leaving the grainy screen.

Intermittently, you would flicker your gaze towards the preoccupied doctor, trying to catalogue any change of emotion on her stony countenance. 

She flicked a switch and the room went silent. 

Anytime now, your sentence would be announced and you would have to face an even larger retribution. Chifuyu’s face was like the older doctor’s—solemn and unmoving. Waiting for the truth. 

Would he rat you out to Tomio? 

Would this man you thought of as a friend leak out your deepest secret to someone who had the power to hurt you? 

Your heart clenched and you almost choked on your spit. What would happen to Shuji? Your mind fell into a trap of fear and panic, inner turmoil loudly clanging for attention as you remained mute with apprehension. It was certain he would lose more than just four fingers—your husband may lose his whole hand and Kisaki’s trust. Toman’s support for him would be shaky at best, and he would fall from grace all because of your grave mistake in blurting out stupid, stupid lies—

A swooping sound filled your ringing ears. Loud and alien-like, it reminded you of holding your head for too long underwater till only your heartbeat was pounding in the forefront of your senses. You had no idea what that foreign noise was. 

“Oh. Hmm. Just as I thought. Well, Mrs. Hanma, it turns out there’s a huge reason for your sickness and fatigue… though I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you twice.”

The heavy pressure in the room lessened. Your chest, however, remained tight.

The curl of your tongue felt like it was caught on the roof of your mouth. You could barely speak; your thoughts colliding into a disbelieving stupor. This cannot be true. 

The world spun completely off its axis. You catalogued the doctor’s warm smile; the sound of Chifuyu’s short chuckle shattered in your mind like an interrupted melody. 

A shaky breath stumbled past your frozen lips, your mind fully blanking and not registering her next words. 

“Congratulations, Mrs. Hanma,” the doctor gestured to the screen and gave you a warm smile that did not touch your soul. 

“You’re four weeks pregnant.”

Ichika stared at the pile of paperwork, her mind a million miles away.

Ever since Shuji had left her apartment to be with you, her entire welfare was a mess; bags weighed heavily underneath her eyes, her lips were constantly drawn into a frown and there was something lackluster about her whole countenance. 

People were noticing—as they always did—and imparted some kindly concern for her wellbeing.

Are you sleeping enough, Ichika-chan? 

You should go and see a doctor.

Please drink more water. 

A hand slammed onto the desk, and she jolted, scrambling up from her seat to hastily bow when she noticed who it was. Kisaki’s beady eyes were narrowed, as if he were trying to examine her entire form with x-ray goggles. 

“Sir?” 

“I need you to schedule me this meeting with some Blood Phoenixes investors,” he paused, raking his eyes up and down her form. “You look terrible. Please fix yourself up; you’re the front receptionist for fuck’s sake.”

She bowed low, waiting for him to depart. He left her alone to her simmering thoughts, and she bit on her lower lip. 

As if her day could not get any worse, you arrived. 

Instantly, everyone shot up from their work desks, bowing low much to your quiet chagrin and you greeted them with polite nods and a soft good morning. 

Fucking bitch. Ickika put on a smile, bowing low the moment you approached the front desk. Your entire outfit put together would’ve cost her a week’s worth of rent, and she eyed the YSL coat hanging off your shoulders and how your milky pink gel manicured nails were nervously twisting your golden watch. 

“I’m sorry if this is so sudden, but is Shuji here? I need to speak to him.”

Before Ichika could open her mouth, Kisaki’s voice rebounded across the floor. “Y/N! Good to see you here.” The yakuza leader sauntered over to you, hands in his pockets and a faint smile on his odious face. “I’ll take over from here,” he announced to the other receptionists and Ichika bowed low once more for the both of you. 

You were ushered away by Toman’s top brass in a matter of seconds, away from the brunette’s fallen expression. 

“You look well,” Kisaki praised you loudly. “And you’re glowing, too. Shuji must be treating you right, huh?” 

Glowing. Ichika’s stomach turned. It reminded her of the predicament she put herself in. Speak of the devil. Her phone vibrated and she read his message in one quick glance. 

My Shuji 🖤: We need to get you to the doctor. I have to see how far along you are.

The pretty secretary clicked her phone shut, running a hand down her face. Exhaustion was spelled out on every crevice of her countenance, and she almost did not hear someone speaking to her.

“Ichika-chan, do you have the—are you alright?” 

She wanted to open her eyes and retort, but a chilling voice spoke again. Your presence back to haunt her. 

“Could you please speak to Shuji-san and free up his time later this afternoon?” Despite her reservations, Ichika got up and bowed uneasily to you.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but Shuj—Hanma-san—” she corrected herself quickly, “—Is on a mission right now.”

Her little blip drew your complete silence. Mari, the new receptionist, had also overheard her slip of tongue and stared wide-eyed at the two women. Tension swirled around both your forms, thick enough that one could slice it through with a butter knife. The look on your face was easy enough to decipher. Since when is this woman so casually acquainted with my husband to use his real name?

Ichika rushed to cover her tracks. “My apologies for appearing so casual, ma’am,” she bowed deeply again and straightened. “I have worked with Hanma-san for a few years now, but that is no excuse for me to refer to him in such an easy way. Please, forgive me for any misunderstandings.”

You took a second to let her explanation sink in. Softening, you nodded. “It is not an issue.”

Stupid bitch. Ichika kept her smile plastered on though her thoughts were swimming with vitriol. 

“Regardless, do let Hanma-san know that I requested him urgently, thank you.” You turned on your back, red-bottomed heels clacking on the floor. Rushes of clothes and loud scraping sounds from chairs pushing back hastily greeted your departing figure, every Tamakaro employee bowing in your direction until the elevator doors closed on you.

“Y/N-san is so nice,” Mari enthused, the moment Ichika sat back down. Leaning forward as if to conspire with her, the air-headed receptionist bubbled, “I heard how smitten Hanma-san is with her. They just recently got back from Kanagawa and she’s glowing. Rumors are going around that she’s pregnant.”

Ichika’s heart dropped right to her ass. 

Pregnant? Her entire expression was leached of color and Mari noticed. “I-Ichika-chan. Are you alright—”

“Cover for me,” she briskly stood up, gripping her purse and slinging it over her shoulder. “I need to check on something, okay?” 

“Ichika—”

The brunette did not heed her cries. Spinning on her heel, she shot a quick text to Shuji, calling for the elevator.

Can we do it another day? I’m not feeling so good.

Stepping into the enclosed space, she waited until the doors closed before sagging against the cool wall. 

There was no denying what her two eyes saw. The lustrous color of your hair, the health on your cheeks and the shine of your smile spoke volumes to how well her boyfriend was treating you. 

Ichika had suspected for a while that a shift had taken place in your marriage, though she was hesitant to bring this up with Shuji. What could she say? Whatever Shuji did with you behind closed doors was none of her business—no matter how much her heart was bleeding for it to be concerning her.

Some nights, she fell asleep thinking about how different life would be if she was truly carrying his child. Ichika had seen it in how Shuji’s eyes softened at the idea of having a family. The silent yearning that stretched from the tips of his long fingers that rubbed the soft of her belly hours after he had nearly strangled her, in quiet awe of the perceived life he cultivated in another woman’s body. He would have made a great father to her babies.

The pretty secretary swallowed down on her tears, cursing your name again. Why couldn’t she be someone of your power and status? Why did fate have to dole out an unfair hand just for the pleasure of watching her struggle every single day for recognition—for a place to lay her head and find a nook of belonging? You must know how much you ruined her life. You must know that.

And once again, fate taunted her with the life she could not have when she ran into Shuji himself in the main lobby, just minutes after you had left.  

Ichika still had a part to play in front of society and Kisaki’s people, despite her current status as Shuji’s mistress. Though the entire office floor probably knew of their affairs, as judging from their open mouth gapes at Toman’s second striding purposefully towards her, they dared not raise a single complaint or suggestion. 

The hand tattooed with ‘Sin’ gripped her free hand, and he bent forward, expression unreadable. “Follow me. Now.” 

This was out of line for Shuji’s character. The man who insisted they never interact in broad daylight was cocking his eyebrow in her direction, obstinately waiting for her to respond to his instruction. Looking for the world, completely familiar with her when they were not supposed to have any other relationship beyond the stipulated boss-employee one. 

She cast a look towards a bellboy hovering at the side, who was steadfastly staring at the grainy patterns of a painting hanging on the opposite wall, trying to seem inconspicuous. Cowards. Was there no decent person she could rely upon within this miserable organization? 

“Sir—” she pried her hand back from his grasp, smoothing the front of her skirt with a palpable nervous unease. “May I ask where we’re going?” 

In answer, Shuji shot his brilliant golden gaze onto the poor minimum wage worker, who visibly shrunk away from the tenacity of his unbridled anger. “Tell whoever the fuck runs the day-to-day operations that I have business with Miss Harumi.”

The greasy-haired man was all too eager to remove the force of his almost mythical superior’s stare upon him and nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, sir.”

I am dead. Ichika had never hated the universe with such vitriol like she did in this instance.

This grotesque, emotionally exhausting game of Russian Roulette that she willingly participated in had brought the smoking gun closer and closer toward her direction after every agonizing round. Your accident. The gala. Shuji’s fallout with your father. Kanagawa. 

The smell of blood and rusty tang in the air was too hard to ignore with the gun getting closer towards her vulnerable forehead. 

Many fearsome men perceived Hanma Shuji to be an emotionless menace; hell bent on destroying the world from top to bottom if it meant he could savour the thrill of it as it fell into ashes around him. 

But, the real Hanma—the one that Ichika was intimately acquainted with—was more nuanced than they gave him credit for. Hanma Shuji would kill, maim and torment if it served the right person.

Where does his real allegiance lie? The woman who had warmed his bed for months even during his marriage—the one he told he would not live without in a drunken stupor after his marriage to you was announced—was not able to read his mind. 

Twisted as it was, Ichika wanted to goad Shuji. Push him to answer the real questions that seized her mind unfairly every single night.

Do you love me? 

Do you love her? 

Who do you love? 

Instead, she kept her peace and stood up. Following Shuji towards the elevator, not even a single gust of breath could be heard in the vicinity. Every eye was on them—wide gazes, parted mouths. It was like they were witnessing a god and mortal interact for the first time. And wouldn’t it be similar, Ichika thought humorlessly. Hanma was far more important compared to her, and for him to taint his presence with the likes of her outside of the bedroom—outside of her apartment—spoke intense volumes towards his headspace.

Like a lamb cajoled straight to the slaughterhouse, she obediently followed him down the well-worn pathway. Only when he led her to the hotel’s premium parking did she get antsy.

“Shu, where are we going?” 

His answer was pulling open the passenger door for her. Despite every nerve screaming in the young woman’s mind to not blindly follow him down a trail she was not familiar with, there was nothing she could do to defy him. Shuji would just take what he wanted—never caring for her concerns or hesitations.

Hanma slammed the door of his Spyder shut when he slid into the driver's seat, jaw taut and knuckles white on the steering wheel. “I need you to be truthful with me.”

The anger dancing in his tone was what made her stop short, every excuse and justification she wanted to spill out coming to a screeching halt. 

Shuji flickered his golden eyes to her, not giving her a moment to prepare herself for the blow his next question left on her heart. 

“Are you pregnant with another man’s child?” 

Ichika felt like someone reached right into the cavern of her bleeding heart and squeezed it in a death grip. “N-no,” she murmured, unable to keep steady eye contact with her. “It’s yours.” 

Never mind that her womb was empty of his seed. Never mind that she was spewing out lie after lie. What mattered was that she would still have him by the end of the day.

Shuji closed his eyes, momentarily leaving her stunned and uneasy from his countenance. 

“Baby. You’re scaring me. What’s going on?” 

Again, silence greeted her. The sportscar lurched out from its bay and she scrambled to put on her seatbelt before the unthinkable could happen. Her lover was not in the right state of mind, as evident when he pushed the speedometer to a 120mph on a relatively busy highway. Ichika conspicuously removed her phone, but Hanma’s hand on her thigh stilled her.

“Forget it,” his jaw ticked. “Don’t even think of calling someone right now. We’re heading to the hospital.”

What defines true fear? 

Was it staring into the mouth of the beast? Or having the nozzle of a gun that was sure to go off trailing right in front of your face? 

Many people would say they were intrinsically scared of heights or spiders which remained the natural order of the world—for humans to be terrified of the things that they could not control, as irrational as it was. 

Ichika thought she might’ve developed a fear for flashing lights over gold surfaces. It reminded her too much of the anger in Shuji’s eyes when he finally lifted his gaze from her and onto the road ahead.

“Shu—”

“Don’t speak until I get the doctor’s confirmation.” The shocking aureate gleam stunned her into a disquiet. “I want to know if you’re telling me the truth.” 

And so, she didn’t. Glueing her mouth shut from the despairing words she wanted to convey, Ichika remained as deadened as a statue beside him; going through the motions of entering antiseptic smelling halls, past friendly nurses and through hospital screens.

She couldn’t run. Nor, did she sense Shuji would let her.

He played the part of her concerned lover well. Intermittently, he would reach for her hand, squeezing it in a way that appeared heartfelt enough for the elderly doctor to treat them but only she could tell how much her knuckles were starting to hurt from his bruising grip. She was one of the best in the district, as far as Shuji could tell. Every expectant wife of an important man went to her. Soon, Y/N will, too, was what Shuji was probably thinking. 

God, even in a time like this, she could not shake off her hatred for you. 

Though the doctor’s smile faltered when she saw his name listed next to Ichika’s in the report, she resumed her professional countenance as if nothing was amiss.

“So, Mrs…”

“—Hanma.” Ichika interrupted and took a deep breath. “I’m Mrs. Hanma.”

She did not dare look at Shuji’s face less she chicken out and admit to this clueless third party her entire ploy for wrecking his marriage. The corner of the doctor’s lips twitched—and was it her bad hearing or did the older woman mutter the word ploygamy underneath her breath? 

Strange. 

Ichika remained rooted to the plush medical chair, unable to stop the trained OBGYN from spreading the cool gel across her belly. Or, to control whether Shuji was staring intently at the monitor screen, trying to pick up on the thread of lies she weaved around her unfortunate form. 

Suddenly, the fear of flashing gold surfaces played behind her closed lids. 

Time froze. The progressive echoing silence in the room could’ve shattered her ears.

“I… I’m sorry, Mrs. Hanma. But, the scans are coming back empty.” 

Ichika swore she heard Shuji’s patience and civility snap.

The older woman trailed her uncertain expression towards her livid “husband” who did not hide his fury at her insolence, gnashing his jaw and shaking his head. Pure rage seeped onto his delicate features, a promise of retribution the moment they were free from the presence of passerbys. 

Her fingers had lost their feeling, breath lodged in her throat. The lack of air struck her with dizzying speed.  

The old hag is gloating at me, poisonous fumes laced her thoughts. She is thrilled that my boyfriend wants to kill me. 

Whatever else could such a vile woman be thinking when instead of offering condolences, her fushia-tinted lips tightened into a line and she uttered: 

“I’m sorry to get yours and your husband’s hopes up…” At least the bitch had some sincerity to hesitate, though her next words left little to be relieved over. 

“But you’re not pregnant, Mrs. Hanma.”

“Watch out, mama,” Chifuyu scolded, grabbing onto your hand to steady you from side-stepping off the curb.

Your giggles rebounded back in bright peals, a silly smile on your face, and his strict facade fractured. “Hey, guzzler. Quit acting like you’re dancing on the moon.”

“I could be,” you retorted back, giving him a smile that unwittingly brought heat suffusing across his face. He coughed and darted his eyes away from your shimmering figure, preferring to stare at his dress shoes. 

Gruffly, he crossed his arms. “I just don’t want to explain to Shuji if you break something.”

“I won’t!” you enthused, crossing your heart like a schoolgirl making a promise for the first time, your smile deepening. “I swear.” 

The corners of his lips twitched and he ran a hand through his dark hair, stopping short of his undercut. Faraway, somewhere in your mind, you realized you were acting like a child in front of  a member of Toman and instantly sobered, not wanting him to judge you wrongly. But, Chifuyu did not utter a disparaging remark, understanding the apex of your happiness.

“Are you telling him?” 

You nodded emphatically. The shine of your features, the curve of your eyebrows rising put the bright sun and cloudless blue sky to shame. Glowing in your effervescent light, Chifuyu was the poor, stunned soul who bore witness to your bubbling nod. “Of course. My husband will be so happy.” 

A flicker of darkness rolled over those crystal eyes, though it disappeared when you availed to look closer. “Oh, yeah. Hanma-san has always wanted a child.” 

The bitter afternote in his tone went by unnoticed and you chuckled, reaching froward boldly and squeezing his shoulder. In your most serious tone, you departed your next words, the hint of warning underneath them hard to miss. “Matsuno Chifuyu. Do not tell him first, alright? This good news needs to come from me.” 

Wide-eyed, Chifuyu took a half-step back. “S-sure. Of course. I would never dream of it.”

Unaffected by the tremor of his disturbance, you dropped your hand, resuming your carefree disposition once again. The Toman founder drove you home after stopping by for ice-cream, the both of you speaking about mundane niceties while such simmering happiness you harbored in the OGBYN’s room buoyed you back into the penthouse as if you were floating on air. You discarded your heels in favour for comfortable house shoes, musing that in a few months time, you would not be able to carry yourself on those spine-thin shoes anymore.

Stomach rumbling, you reached for a chipped pot and Shuji’s secret stash of Mac & Cheese, drooling when the smell from the neon yellow artificial goop reached your nose. You ate as you danced around the penthouse, filling your tummy and soul with more happiness as you patiently waited for Shuji to come home. 

He should be here any second. 

His name rang in your mind, and the threads that bound you to his soul tugged with fierce yearning. As if summoned by you, your phone rang, and your husband’s name was a welcome respite. 

“Hello?” you answered after the first ring.

“Baby.” The grey from cumulonimbus clouds which stood a little far off to your persistent excitement parted, revealing the severity of how deeply you had missed Shuji. “You good?” 

“Shu!” you set the bowl of coagulated pasta and cheese down, gnawing on your bottom lip like a schoolgirl giddily speaking to her crush. “I miss you. When are you coming home?”

“Soon, doll, soon,” he chuckled. “I just have some unfinished business to wrap up then I’m going to bend you over the sofa and make you scream my name til’ you’re hoarse.”

Oh. You shifted from one foot to another, suddenly hot under the collar from your husband’s blatant filthy intentions. “Then, come home soon,” you flashed your eyes to the clock above the kitchen counter and in a voice barely above a whisper, you murmured, “I could really use a good scream.” 

Hanma paused, his silence stretched across the line. You pressed the phone harder to your ear, fighting off a grin. “Fuck. G’na have to stuff your pretty pussy soon, baby. Wait for me on the bed. Don’t even think of putting on a single stitch of clothing. I’m on my way home now.”

Your heart lurched, and you breathed out a yes, daddy knowing how easy it was to rile him up when that term left your loose lips. So intimately acquainted were you with Shuji’s reaction that you could predict the sharp gasp that reverberated across the call.

“You’re in so much trouble, princess.”

In a whisper of a teasing tone, you murmured, “I’m counting on it, my love.” 

His warm chuckle resounded that made you wish he were right here so you could plant endless kisses onto his sweet face. 

“I love you.” 

You softened at the inflection of tenderness in his voice. “I love you, too.” 

Ending the call, you perked up, and tentatively wrapped a hand around your belly, smiling wide. “I can’t wait for you to say ‘hello’ to your daddy, my little bean.”

The apples of your cheeks were starting to hurt, but you didn’t mind. Pain that was born from felicitous joy was preferable than trauma. You had never felt this free and happy before, and you danced around the penthouse, cleaning yourself up from the day and doing as Shuji said, waiting for him on the large, California King bed with just your perfume on, nervously counting down the minutes til he would be home.

At seven sharp, you heard the door downstairs opening. Heart in your throat, you arranged yourself atop the blankets, adjusting your diamond necklace and hair so it fell in more natural lines down your body which complimented your brazen, seductive position. Shuji’s heavy footsteps echoed up the stairs, every staccato beat bumping up your heart rate. It ceased right in front of your bedroom door. 

Biting on your lower lip to stop a smile from spreading, your efforts were futile when you heard his shaky breath. The door fell open, and Shuji’s familiar, dear face spread into a soft smile.

“Doll.” 

Like two jagged pieces reuniting once more, he fell into your arms, and you welcomed him into your embrace, inhaling his kisses with such desperation it would’ve been shameful if it was anybody else but your beloved husband who was here to witness it.

Shuji himself was barely composed. He nipped your lower lip, running his large hands up and down your bare back, his movements more tender than salacious as you wanted to believe. There was a gentleness that could not be denied when he breathed you in. The setting sun threw his amber eyes into a brilliant disarray, those sharp lines and bold smile touched with softness around the edges, filled with nothing but devotion when he spread your legs wider and settled in between them.

You did not get to mutter a single word, not when Shuji was stealing your every breath and half-formed sentence, determined to have his fill of you. The sound of metal clinking and falling to the floor, the rush of his clothes melting off his lean and toned body until summer warm skin was pressed to yours; his defined lines complimenting your soft curves. 

“I missed you,” he murmured against your lips. The sky outside could break into pieces and seas could take Tokyo under its rifts, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. Not when his lips would not leave yours, his palms cradling your face like you were something delicate—something to be cherished.

You forced your lips to move, needing to convey the same level of desperation to show your equal devotion. “I missed you, too. I missed you so much, Shuji.”

The world tilted for a split second before you were upright once more, straddling his thighs. Strands of fluffy black-blonde hair fell in his face like dreamy waves, and you were entranced by the striking angularity and tenderness that co-mingled in such harmony on a face you loved with every fiber of your being. Your husband, your sweetheart. Your Shuji.

Would your baby have his eyes? Would they have his mischievous smirk—the same one on his face when you obediently lifted your hips and sank on his cock? They would have his smile, you were sure. You brought his hand up to rest on your belly, ‘sin’ starkly standing out on the soft planes of your curves, right where his baby was growing deep in you. 

 “Can feel you here,” your strained whisper had a double meaning. “You’re so deep in me.”

Shuji exhaled a laugh. “Yeah? I can go deeper—” a sharp thrust of his hips that caught your golden spot, making you gasp and toss your head back. Using your distractedness as a leverage, your husband started snapping his hips, taking pure glee in how your mouth fell open in an ‘O’ and there were already tears glossing in your eyes. You could do nothing but hold on as your husband set a brutal pace that had you clasping onto his shoulders for dear life.

He easily manoeuvred you into the seat of his lap, bouncing you up and down his thick cock and coaxing more of those sweet moans to spill from your slack mouth. Those large palms steadied your back from tilting behind, and your tangled fingers in his hair drew his amusement, especially when you tugged at the roots, face screwing up in pleasure.

“I’m g’na go bald because of you, baby,” he muttered, playfully biting your chin. “Tugging on my hair with that grip of yours.” 

Despite the deepened twining of your bodies, you exhaled a giggle, and Shuji’s gaze faltered. How could a heart like yours ever love one so corroded and evil like his? 

As if you sucked in the rays of the setting sun, your skin and hair shone, and Shuji thought there was little that could detract him from seeing you as nothing short of a goddess. 

His lips tangled with yours, the same moment your hips buckled and you released a short squeak—a telltale sign you were on the edge. I need to feel her cum. Shuji slotted a hand between your bodies, letting you grind your aching clit on his fingers as your movements stuttered and faltered.

“S-Shu—oh!” 

You bit down on his shoulder, riding out your orgasm, muffled moans of his name reaching his heated ears. God, he had been so blind. How did it take an impending tragedy to open his eyes to how much he needed you?

If he imagined a life without you—your sweet smile, your crinkled eyes, the innocent and open way you loved without conditions—Shuji thought he could cry. 

“I love you.” How paltry. Those three words could barely encompass his whole feelings, but it was worth a shot. “I love you. You know that right, Y/N?” 

You nodded in your fucked-out haze, pinning your swimming eyes on him. He picked up your hand, pressing a kiss to your wedding ring, the same one that was a twin design on his own finger. A silver band, simple and sturdy in both its strength of joining the two of you together for years to come. 

A life to be truly free with you.

Shuji kissed your hard as he came, his hips stuttering and drawing out another smaller release from you; both your bodies falling onto the bed while you perched two hands on his chest, riding out your second orgasm to fulfilment before your strength disappeared. You fell into his waiting embrace. Short, labored breaths were loud in the room; strong arms vining around your fragile frame, holding you close to his heart.

It was the perfect time. 

“Shu?” your soft voice knocked him back to reality and he hummed, kissing your sweaty forehead.

“Yeah, doll?” 

You nuzzled the warm, golden skin just right above the tattoo dedicated to his mother, sighing in contentment. “Y’know when you told me to call you daddy? Mhm… s’turns out you’re right. You’re gonna be a real daddy soon.” 

Shuji froze for a split second, and he lifted your sleepy face up, searching your expression for a shred of a lie. “Doll? Are you serious?” 

There was not a single line of duplicity in your sweet, glowing countenance. The truth screamed loudly from every loving pore of your body. “Yes.” Taking his hand once more and pressing it to your belly, you sighed in contentment. “The OBGYN at St. Luke’s confirmed it. We’re gonna be parents.”

A choked sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. Shuji wrapped his arms around you, and drew you impossibly close to heart, your entire body flush with his. “I love you,” he whispered, kissing your hair and your forehead. “I love you. I am so happy.”

You dared not shatter the peace, wide-eyed at his exuberant reaction. “Y-you are?” 

“I am,” he hummed, massaging your hip to show you how earnest he was. “I am so happy. I want to do this with you, doll.” 

A weight you had not noticed on your shoulders lifted. You could breathe easier. “I thought you would be angry.”

“Angry? Never. I would never be angry at you, doll.”

“Oh,” you deflated and shot him a brilliant smile. “I must admit, I didn’t know I was pregnant. It’s not like I was having the normal symptoms.” 

He eased out from your embrace shortly to scoot down and kiss your belly. “Hey, you little nuisance. How come you’re so quiet, hmm? Your mommy barely felt anything.”

You laughed at his mock teasing tone, threading your fingers through his fluffy hair. He’s already playing the part of a goofy daddy. “I did feel a little nauseous during Kanagawa, but I thought it was because of the sea air.” 

Shuji hummed, kissing your soft curves once more, making you giggle. “Any cravings, my love?” 

Thinking hard, you purse your lips. “I guess… Mac ‘n’ Cheese.”

If a laugh could embody such warmth, it would be Shuji’s short burst of a giggle. “Shit, I should’ve known. I’ll take you to Italy one day for a family trip so you can have the best Western food there, baby. It’ll just be us and our lil’ troublemaker.” His voice caught and you were quick enough to catch him wiping a tear away. “Fuck. I can’t believe that we’re doing this. I can’t believe we’re parents now.” 

Something about the split faltering of his emotions made you hold his face, nudging him up so you could look him in his red-rimmed eyes. The pads of your thumb smoothed his cheekbones, and you were staring at him with such tenderness and love, that Shuji swore he was a hair’s breadth away from telling you the entire truth. 

But, his tongue caught and his wide eyes studied how you traced the curve of his lip, your own eyes hazy and lovestruck. “You’re the only man I trust, you know that, Shuji?” Your words, innocent and soft spoken, cut him like a knife. “I’m so blessed to have you as my husband.” 

You met his gaze, flooring him with how open and honest your expression was. 

“From now on, it’ll just be me, you and our little bean.”

Shuji’s heart churned with guilt like the black waves of an uneasy sea about to encounter a huge thunderstorm. The curve of your brow, the lift of your smile, it made him question every single action he had committed, the horror he put you through and how you could forgive him so easily. 

Ichika… he had to end it with her. At first, he had his hands tied in making a choice, but now, it could not be any clearer.

Shuji wanted you. He wanted a family with you.

He had made his decision.

“Yes,” he murmured, wishing with all his heart that he could rewrite his past and give himself a chance to fall in love with you the right way. Without causing you pain, hurt or despair. 

He wanted nothing more than to start anew, past these treacherous mountains that constantly loomed in his mind’s eye to the sufferings he piled on you. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N. Let me fix this… once and for all. 

“Yes,” Shuji’s voice almost broke off at the end. “It’s just going to be us and our little baby from now on.”

Ever since you had made the announcement to your husband and showed him the soft copy of your ultrasound scan, his whole demeanor shifted implicitly. 

He was clingier. More caring.

It was a stark change to how he had first treated you after your accident. 

Little by little, you noticed it in his gestures; the boxes of Mac ‘n’ Cheese placed on a lower shelf so you didn’t have to climb up the kitchen counter to get it, more vegetables in the chiller, and nausea pills popping up beside the porcelain bathtub, on your side table and even in your purse as the symptoms progressed. As if your little bean was waiting for the world to acknowledge him or her before making a huge splash, the signs of pregnancy started getting worse.

You couldn’t even lie in bed for more than five minutes without bolting to the toilet, heaving down last night’s dinner. Through it all, Shuji was there for you, holding your hair back, and whispering words of encouragement. 

“So beautiful,” he would murmur while holding your exhausted body close to his, never mind that you had puked your entire breakfast up again just an hour ago. “You’re so beautiful and strong, my darling.”

Where once you would not even see your husband for hours on end, he was home more often. If he had work to do, he would send one of his trusted men to watch over you while he handled Toman’s affairs for Kisaki, always with the promise that he would come home safe and sound.

One day, you reached for his hand before the door could close, a tremor in your lower lip. Another mood swing. Shuji was cognizant of your shifting emotions like a pendulum, and rather than making fun of you like you believed he would, your husband would calm you down with a soft touch, a reassuring word. “I’ll come home at seven today and make you some sukiyaki. The one without mirin. Okay?” 

He kissed the top of your head and you sniffled, tears rushing down your face. “I-I know. But, I-I can’t help and worry, Shu. It’s so dangerous out there.”

His arms tightened around you. Just a few days ago, you received news that one of your father’s warehouses was raided by the police and they brought in a few of the Blood Phoenixes underlings. Luckily, those poor men were not top brass, and they were imprisoned for two years with the reality that once they were released, they had to resume their duties to your father again. 

“I’ll make today quick, doll. Okay? Tonight, I wanna cuddle you to death.” If any outsider were to see the Hanma Shuji pucker his lips and make a kissy face at you until you laughed, they would consider if their morning coffee was spiked with a hallucinogen. But, Shuji did just that and you pushed his face away, giggling softly. 

“Okay. Okay. Come home soon, yeah?” 

He nodded, and got onto one knee, levelling his face with your belly. “Daddy has to go to work now, but you take care of mommy, okay? I love you both so, so, so much!” he giggled, leaving loud, theatrical kisses on your relatively flat belly that tickled. “Mwah, mwah, mwah.” Shuji rose to his feet and leaned down to peck your parted lips for one last time. “And for mommy—mwah. I love you.” 

Your cheeks were warm and you batted his shoulder, biting down on a brilliant grin. “Go, you menace. Kisaki will scold you if you show up late.”

He gave you one last smile and you closed the door behind him with a wave. 

Menace. You patted your belly, loving how soft it felt underneath your palm, as if your body was preparing to make itself the most comfortable stay for your little bean. You sighed happily and proceeded to rest on the couch. Ever since you had told Shuji about your pregnancy, he was adamant on not having you up on your feet for too long. 

Meal times were relegated to the chefs preparing fresh food for you, healthy breakfasts became the norm though you were allowed to indulge in Mac ‘n’ Cheese once in awhile to satiate your cravings. “Your daddy is an evil man,” you fondly muttered to your belly. “He won’t even let me eat a whole pack of chocolate chip cookies. Says I can only have five—max. Do you agree that he’s so wicked, Shusei?”

You had no idea when you started giving your baby that name, but it made sense. It held a piece of Shuji in it and the whole meaning of ‘Shusei’ was “soul-bond”. This baby was the bridge between you and Shuji—a child once made from convenience and now fostered with love. A perfect choice. 

The doorbell rang, and you stood back up to get it, thinking it was one of the chefs. But, when it swung open, you were momentarily stunned to find Chifuyu on the other end.

“Hey, Guzzler. Looking glowy.” 

“Fuyu,” your shock melted into friendly delight. “Hey. What’re you doing here?” 

“Shuji-san sent me to watch over you today. Iroto is overseeing a warehouse delivery.” 

You welcomed your friend in, and he swiveled around to take in your space. “Nice crib. Shuji designed it?” Your mouth opened to answer, but you found you could not remember. Whose house was this, anyway? You had no idea if the modernist greys and sleek whites were from your designing touches or Shuji’s and you clamped up, unsure of what to say.

Chifuyu noticed your silence, and he nudged you gently. “Hey, you good? You zoned out there for a bit.”

“I… I don’t remember,” you murmured, suddenly embarrassed. “Most of my memories are still not back.”

Hearing that, the dark-haired Toman member frowned. “But, it’s been months. Surely you can remember some things?”

You rummaged in the fault of your memories and came back empty, besides a few impressions and still images that did not make sense in the whole picture. “I can remember my home. My father’s house, I mean. The coordinates. Um, some bits about the lessons I had before I married. Mostly my tou-san and snippets of some men who were always at our house. I… I’m still drawing a blank on Shuji, though.”

Something perturbed the other man. You could tell. His jaw ticked and he darted his gaze away. “Maybe it’s best if you don’t remember.” 

That got your attention. You wanted to ask him what he meant when Chifuyu’s phone beeped, and he fished it from his pocket, frowning at the screen. “Hey. Sorry about this. I know I just arrived, but there’s an emergency down in Odaiba. Something about a potential police raid.” Your face blanched. Shuji.

Gathering your composure, you nodded. “Of course. You go ahead. I’ll lock up and tell Shuji what happened.”

Chifuyu grimaced, raking his eyes up and down your form. “It may take a few days for us to settle this. You sure you’ll be okay? Shuji may not be home for close to a week.”

Your heart fell right into your stomach, but you were trained to never show emotions so readily on your face. Instead, you hid your concern and disappointment at not seeing your husband for a considerable time behind a neutral smile. “I’ll be fine, Chifuyu. It’s only a few short days. Tell Shuji I’ll be okay and that I can handle myself.”

His crystal eyes flashed, and you could hear the cogs in his head turning. “In any case, the only ones to know of your pregnancy is me, Shuji and your father’s closest men. No one knows just yet—not even Kisaki. Stay safe, okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.” 

Chifuyu left, taking with you the last shred of your composure which disintegrated the moment the door closed. The tears you held back—the concern you had for your husband—drip down your cheeks. 

Never would you have anticipated to feel such worry over your husband. It was not just the fact that he could be hurt, but you had another factor to add into the mix now. Your baby. I couldn't live with myself if Shuji got hurt and Shusei did not have a father. You ardently wished history would not repeat itself. All you wanted was to make sure your beloved baby got the love he or she deserved from two present, well-adjusted parents. 

Something you never did have. Something Shuji did not have. 

Everything you hoped your sweet child would have so readily, without needing to fight for it. 

Shuji… please, be safe. You started to sob quietly. Come back home to me and Shusei soon. 

“It’s over.”

For the second time in a few weeks, Shuji was trying to break it off with Ichika. The other woman was not crying or sobbing as she did the last time she found herself in the same predicament. 

Her brown eyes were crystal clear and her countenance free of clouds, Ichika looked more… refreshed. As if she did not lie to the second most notorious man in Japan. As if she did not try to deceive him and ruin his marriage with his beloved wife. Shuji mimicked her cool facade and lifted a brow. “Well, that was easy. You can keep everything I’ve gifted you… or not. Whatever you want to do. But, it’s over, Ichika. Y/N is the one I want.”

The tiniest of fissures cracked across on her porcelain perfect face. “Even the diamond necklace?” 

Honestly, Shuji could not give a damn about whatever bits and bobs he had bought for her in the heat of the moment. All he wanted was to wrap this up and return to your side to care for you and the baby. In answer to her ludicrous question, he shrugged. “Sure. Up to you.” 

When Ichika did not reply, Shuji paused. Taking in her countenance. Harumi Ichika was a beautiful woman; there would be little doubt that another man would take a fancy to her and fill in his shoes. If she played her cards right, she may even end up with someone with deeper pockets. It was the least he could wish for his ex-girlfriend in hopes to assuage his guilt for destroying her. 

“Well… I guess this is it. Have a good life, Ichika.”

He made to turn, but her soft voice stopped him. “At least tell me why you’re leaving me so cruelly.” Her voice tremored and he mentalluy cringed. Please, don’t make her throw a fit right here. 

Shuji didn’t bother turning around to face her. Partly to keep his expression hidden and another part because a liar such as herself didn’t deserve it. “My wife is pregnant. We’re about to be a family and I want to take care of her. Please, don’t contact me anymore. It’s truly over between us.”

Ichika curled her hand over the doorway to her little apartment, letting her face fall. So, the rumours were true. Apathy and bitter injustice curdled in her veins. Why did you deserve to live the life she wanted? Why was it you that had a the privilege to call him yours? 

Pregnant. Ichika could’ve puked. If that were the case, she wished you every ounce of good luck. You would need it. Shuji truly was such a cruel man. And the young woman had seen many a brutal bastard in her lifetime. Let that bitch handle him, she spat with vitriol inwardly. Let her see for herself how inhumane he can be. 

Outwardly, she did not argue with him. “Of course. Have a good life, Shuji.”

If it wasn’t for the minute tremble in her voice, Toman’s second would have thought she was planning bloody murder. A show of emotion was always good—it meant that a person was coming to terms with their pain and would not retaliate. Shuji needed complete subservience to ensure she would never harm you. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, back still turned. “I wish you the same. Goodbye, Ichika.” 

She did not answer. And he did not push for a response. Walking away from his once safe space to start a new life with the only person who mattered. 

The door closed behind him, locking with finality. 

“What do you want to name our baby?” 

Shuji’s voice over the phone, laced with nicotine and a little bit of the whiskey he drank to keep himself awake in Toman’s headquarters could never quite get him heady compared to your sweet giggle.

“Don’t you have to leave soon?” you scolded lightly over the phone. Amber eyes glanced at his watch. Five more minutes. Never enough time to hear about you and your day.

“Yeah,” he murmured, “But, I still want to hear your pretty voice. So, keep talking, darlin’.”

He could sense you rolling your eyes from the other end of the line, and he grinned, uncaring that anyone passing by would see the great Reaper of souls smiling like a love-sick idiot. His wife has the key to his calmness, they would whisper. Let them. They were right. 

“Hmm,” you paused, and it was easy to imagine your sweet face scrunching up in thought. “Shusei. I love that name.”

If Shuji’s heart was out of his body for the world to see, it would be jumping in the air and spinning a cartwheel. Taming the emotion in his voice was hard to do, but he managed to put a lid on his overflowing gratitude that you were the one he was doing this with, exhaling a short laugh. “Shusei, huh? After me, doll?” 

“Yeah,” your shy admittance stole his breath. “A little baby boy with your eyes. Shusei. I think that’s fitting. It means—”

“—Soul bond,” he finished for you, a lump in his throat. “I know, doll.”

He had never known a silence to be so tender. Where he came from, every stretch of quiet was a waiting game for a night full of terrors and screams. Broken noses, scarred skin. Moans thumping around the small bedroom and his mother’s glossy-eyed stare the morning after, more cheap concealer patching the bruises around her eyes and the bite marks on her throat. 

“Come back home soon,” your small voice ignited such a strong desire to see you that he almost spun on his heel to return back to your side. “We both miss you, Daddy.”

“I miss you both, too,” he mumbled, staring at his watch. His five minutes was up. “I’ll see you in a few days time, yeah? G’na be thinking of you and baby Shusei.” 

“Okay,” a rustle and the sound of your lips pressing to the receiver. “Mwah. I love you, Shuji.”

He resisted the urge to giggle like a fool. “I love you, too.”

“Say mwah,” he could practically hear your pout from where he was. “Say it or else I won’t sleep well tonight, Shu.” 

What a menace his wife was. Truly, she was the epitome of a true Mrs. Hanma. “Fine. Mwah. I love you, baby. Give Shusei a kiss for me.”

You ended the call with another loud smooch and he chuckled, not noticing Kisaki standing by the doorway, a knowing smile on his face. Shuji bristled and narrowed his eyes in irritation, already knowing what Tetta would say. 

“The wife all happy and loved up?” 

“Shut up,” Shuji mumbled, tossing his phone onto his desk and loosening his tie. “I know you’re here to gloat.”

Kisaki shook his head, that stupid knowing smirk still on his ugly mug. “Just here to say I told you so. Y/N is a good choice for you, Shuji. She balances you out.” For the first time, Hanma hated that his friend and leader was right. 

“Yeah, yeah. Yin and yang and all that bullshit. You’re such a smug son of a bitch, Tetta.”

“Am I wrong, though?” his blue eyes sparkled in amusement. “You do not know how lucky you are to have Y/N as a wife. I’ve heard many gang princesses are not as nice or as patient as she is.”

Shuji’s stomach turned. News in their world of prissy wives demanding for retribution on their husbands from their powerful yakuza families was few and far between, but they existed. Part of it was the reason why he kept away from you was due to your father’s status. The idea made him shudder and thank every deity that you were not of the revenge type. 

“She’s a good woman,” Kisaki hummed, interrupting Shuji’s thoughts. “Don’t fuck it up with her, Shuji.” 

The tall, golden eyed man rolled his eyes. “Hard not to when I’ve knocked her up already, Tetta.” He could tell Kisaki was not anticipating such news. Cold, diamond eyes widened, hardened and softened at the same time.

“Good. That is good news. Now, shall we get the meeting going so we can return home sooner?” To our families. Tetta didn’t have to speak that last part for Shuji to hear it.  

He cracked his neck, plastering on his signature, wide and unnerving grin—the foreboding Reaper, ready to start killing with efficiency. “Let’s do it.”

Anything he could do to get home to you and his baby quick enough. 

With your hair washed, your body completely squeaky clean and dinner cooling on the stove, the only thing missing to complete your night was a glass of red wine. 

But, alas, you could not do that because of one, very important person. 

Your lips stretched into a fond grin and you danced a little in one spot, overwhelmed with happiness. Patting your stomach, you cooed at your baby. “Shusei? How’re you feeling? You’re so awfully quiet in there, y’know. You didn’t even make mommy go to the toilet once today.” 

The moment those words left your lips, you felt a little shiver running down your spine. 

Is my baby okay? You spread your palm over the soft of your belly, closing your eyes and trying to feel your darling angel. There was a minute movement, and your breath hitched. Though it was far too early to tell if the baby was all clear, it was in that slight twitch that you held faith. Shusei will be fine. 

Mindlessly, you hummed a tune, one that was unfamiliar, and you wracked your memories for the name of the song. Slightly frustrated, you tried keying snatches of lyrics, and the only thing that came to mind was you’re all I’ve ever known…

A-ha! You found the song, and clicked on it in Spotify. 

A rich tenor filled your penthouse, and your eyes filled up with tears. Of course. This was your wedding song. The one that played for your first dance with Shuji. But… why did it leave you with such profound sadness? It did not make any sense and you let the lyrics fall around you, trying to wrack your brains for an inkling of what could’ve made you so down. 

Like quick flashes, you saw his gold eyes. Though, they were not rich amber, but a flat gold. Emotionless. Unattainable. 

You gasped, nearly dropping your mug of hot chocolate. 

What the… 

Before, you could detangle the treacherous thoughts in your mind, your phone beeped. Frowning, you set down your mug, letting your first wedding song play in the background on loop, before clicking on the blank number. 

The first message itself was enough to make your heart squeeze in dread.

Do you think you’re the only one Hanma Shuji loves? Think again. 

Your breath hitched when the unfamiliar number sent three separate attachments. The WiFi was slow, dragging out your impending dread, and you cursed the racing thoughts which colored you in shades of complete doubt. 

What did they mean by Shuji wasn’t faithful to you? 

The notion was absurd. 

You had seen the way how your husband looked at you, how he treated you like you were made of glass. The way he held you like you were something precious to be protected.

If Shuji was unfaithful, you would know. Never did you catch him with a wandering eye or the telltale signs of perfume and traces of lipstick on his clothes. He always came back on time, did whatever you requested of him and most importantly, he made you feel like the only woman on this planet. 

There could’ve been no way—

The first video loaded, and you were struck into a stunned disquiet by what unfolded before you. 

In the frame, unmistakable with the tattoo of ‘Sin’ running down an unknown woman’s belly, your husband was passionately fucking into another woman’s pussy, using her to get off. The silence of your marital home exacerbated the sickening squelches of their sexes meeting, and his deep groans you thought were reserved solely for you were now muttering a name.

Moaning a name that was not yours. 

You thought you could’ve hurled. 

Scrambling, you ended the video, wanting to remove the sound of your husband’s moans over the song you both first danced to. You disconnected the Bluetooth speakers from your phone, a heavy silence blanketing your tremoring body. 

This is wrong. This is heinous. 

Pausing the video, you took another deep breath and swiped to the next one. 

Mercifully, this one did not have Shuji fucking another woman, but it was a silent recording from underneath a meeting table. You could barely make out the curve of his defined thigh, the rumble of his voice in the background clearly spewing out the next words that hit your soul with astronomical waves of pain.

Wetness slipped down your cheeks, and you were close to hyperventilating when the meaning of this clandestine video became clear. 

“I will kill her if she so much as ever disrespects me.”

A consternated grunt. “Sir, this is your wife—”

“She means nothing to me.” It got worst the longer you listened in. “Once Tomio gets what he wants, I’ll divorce her. A fucking grandson for my freedom. It’s over, then.” 

You paused the video, the hot tears splashing down your thick bathrobe, drowning out the pounding blood rushing in your ears. With trembling hands, you clicked on the next attachment which happened to be a voice recording.

“... I love you,” your husband’s husky voice echoed around the lonesome penthouse. “Ichika, you are my world. I love you.” 

The phone slipped from your hand, clattering onto the floor, unnoticed from the deluge of tears that wouldn’t stop racing down your cheeks. 

This cannot be happening. This is wrong.

A cracking that fissured deep in your mind.

And then—the memories poured out like an overflowing urn.

His words, his actions, the pain he bruised on your soul. The empty penthouse, the bags you packed for your honeymoon only to be informed he was on another trip by impassive-faced underlings. With her. With Ichika. 

God. You heaved, spewing out strings of spit onto the carpet. It was her all along… how could I have been so blind? 

The same diamond necklace. The anger in her eyes. Your missing bento. 

You had been conversing with your husband’s mistress in the pretense of civility when you should’ve caused an uproar this whole time. 

Shuji… you let her humiliate me. In public. In front of your entire organization. 

Pain unlike any other you had ever experienced in your life overflowed past your lacerated soul, spilling out as broken wails which drowned out the last of your common sense to keep it together for your baby. How many secrets have you kept from me, Shuji? 

In the background, the singer’s dulcet voice crooned on and on from your phone’s speakers about his affections for his woman, assuring her that she would be his only love forever. 

Liar. Even the song you first danced to at your wedding was rubbing the awful truth into your face.  

Palms pressed to your stomach, you shook your head from side to side, as if to dislodge the reality that Shuji had unwittingly destroyed this marriage. The walls started to shake, and your teeth chattering was the first indication that you were spiraling into a panic attack. 

It felt like an earthquake was rocking you apart, tearing you limb by limb to leave nothing in its wake. One second, you were leaning against the counter, and the next, your body toppled to the floor, nails digging into the carpet as loud, uneven wails erupted from your mouth, your entire heart tearing cleanly into two. Snot and saliva trickled down your face, one hand clawed in your hair to tug at the roots, taking out your unending pain physically onto your writhing body. 

As if the agony was a livewire, it ran through you with jolts that left you heaving, blubbering uncontrollably in a lump on the hard ground. 

Shuji… Shuji, how could you do this to me? 

What sins did you commit to deserve such treatment from your husband? What heinous crimes did he suffer from your hands that he had to resort to such cruelty that immobolized your heart to a perpetually burning stake? 

You were dry heaving on the ground, the furthest thing from the composed, unfeeling Blood Phoenix princess the world knew you as. They never saw the scars, the hatred directed towards you for your only sin of existing in a world where you were not wanted but still exploited for these men’s gains. 

It started with your father, who disdained you from the day you entered this world because it was from your existence that your beloved mother met her demise. Years of being looked down upon, chased out of family rooms and your father’s embrace when it was all you wanted—all you needed to feel a shred of belonging. It haunted you with the realization that you were so undeserving, not even the man who brought you into existence could love you. 

How could you expect another man to adore you when the first man who was supposed to love and protect you could not even do that because of the skin you were born in? To be a  woman was a sin when the matters of dark politics were brought into play. The one variable you had no control over was the one they punished you the most because of it. 

You were nothing but a pawn on their chessboard. An unwilling player in their bloodthirsty games. 

But, what truly hurt wasn’t your father’s cruelty or even this world that failed a fragile woman just looking for love and belonging. 

It was the fact that you thought you had finally gotten it in the form of Shuji’s love. 

That your years of exhaustion on the road trying to bend every single bone in your body to find a home to belong to was not the respite you desperately wished it was. 

Where you once thought his love would be a plush mattress that would finally keep you safe from the horrors of this world had distorted into a bed of thorns that left you gaping and wrecked; blood spewing out from every bruise he left on your soul. 

From his mistreatment, to his emotional abuse and down to his infidelity, you had to wonder—was any of it real? 

Were any of his gestures like taking you out to Kanagawa, the sweet nothings he whispered after making love to you, or even the tender manner he held your body close as you fell asleep in his arms done with an honest heart? 

Or was it because he had a deal to fulfill? 

Once Tomio gets what he wants, I’ll divorce her.

No, your eyes rippled shut, more tears slipping down your swollen cheeks as you gurgled out a soft sob. None of it was real. 

Shuji had thoroughly milked you as the biggest leverage to his game, and like a fool, you succumbed to the pitfalls of his charm.

And look at where it brought you. You rubbed your belly, those ground-fisurring sobs petering into hiccups. After all that was said and done, it was you who suffered the most from these lies. You were pregnant and heartbroken, completely lost as to what to do next, your entire soul screaming for you to run away from this disastrous life and never look back. 

The ache in your chest could’ve almost drowned you from the neverending waves of pain and your eyes smarted, another flood of tears threatening to submerge you in your vortex of grief. By some miracle, you managed to sit up, rocking on your heels. 

Gripping your phone to your chest, you mechanically went through the short chat with the unknown number, blocking it and proceeding to your messages with Shuji. 

It was like you wanted to hurt yourself even more to hammer in the truth that you meant nothing to him.  

Those unanswered texts from what felt like another life where you played the unwilling part of a nagging wife tore through you like steel talons, reminding you of your foolishness. 

Shuji, are you coming home for dinner? 

I’m waiting in bed for you, husband.

Shuji, where are you? I’m worried.

Shuji, please come home. 

The truth was staring at you right in the face. 

Hanma Shuji was a man incapable of love. He had brought you into the wringer, took you for a ride against your own will and left you devastated at the very end; the catalyst to your undoing. 

And for weeks, you suspected nothing.

Idiot. No wonder your father couldn’t trust the Blood Phoenixes to you. If a woman could be so blind to her husband’s infidelity for so long, she wouldn’t suspect a double-crosser even if they handed her a glass of spiked sake. 

Useless. There must’ve been a reason why Shuji did not love you. Perhaps, it was because you were never strong. You’ve only met her a handful of times, but you could tell that the other woman—Ichika (you almost threw up at her name)—was far more resilient and resourceful than you ever were. The right lover for the second most dangerous man in Toman.

Nothing you did ever mattered. You were nothing.

Slowly, you picked yourself off the floor, shoulders slumped and phone dangling limply from your fingers. It was mechanical—first, you shuffled into your wardrobe, picking out your tote bag.

Where will I go?

Packing the essentials, you stuffed it full with your most precious items. 

The first dress you bought with your own money from secret counseling sessions at a child centre. The Tiffany bracelet that once belonged to your mother. A pair of earrings that also used to adorn your mother’s lobes. Your eyes landed on the diamond necklace Shuji gifted to you and a sludge of irrational anger welled up in your chest. It spilled out like a putrid cry, and you wrenched it off its stand, tearing the clasp, the glittering stones falling to the ground like diamond raindrops.

You picked up the largest one, the rational part of your tormented mind reminding you that you could fetch a good price at a pawn shop for the pendant. The same one shining off Ichika’s neck.

Fool. You slammed a hand to your forehead, as if to knock more common sense into your head. You stupid, stupid girl. 

Tears welling in your eyes, the hurt clawed through your chest like a hot, iron fist. 

Before you could make a run in the dead of the night, like you did the very first time, your phone rang. 

You were barely cognizant when you answered the call, your frozen lips murmuring a soft, “Hello?”

“L/N Y/N?” 

The unfamiliar voice struck a chord of terror into your already frazzled soul. “Yeah. Who is this?” 

“This is Iroto, Kisaki’s bodyguard. I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

You tightened your grip on the phone. Shuji. Despite everything that was forcefully unearthed like a rotting, bloated corpse that permeated the room with pungent lies your cheating husband told you, a part of you wished no harm would befall him. 

Please… don’t let anything bad happen to him.

“W-what happened?” 

“It’s your father,” a pause. “L/N Tomio has suffered a stroke and you are requested to attend to his side immediately.” 

a/n: reblogs and feedback are much appreciated!!

tagging [closed]: @soushswag @euryale16 @grindouse @legitnoi @sickhiqs @hanmas @gojojang @queenbunnny999

© all works belong to lalalunanymph. do not copy, repost or claim as your own.

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summary: you’re generally a very confident woman. but sometimes your insecurities manage to slip through the cracks of your resolve. after dating for a while, eren sees you breakdown for the first time.

request: n/a

pairing: eren x reader

word count: 1.2k

warnings: cursing? body checking, insecurity.

notes: this is for all of my readers who are like me :) i’m confident in myself & love myself about 90% of the time. but that 10% is a right pain in my fucking ass lemme tell you. i see a lot of fics here where the reader either completely hates themselves, or totally loves themselves. where is the duality, a girl can do it all LOL. requests are open

eren is smart, there's no denying that. he worked his way through the gifted program all throughout school, graduated top ten of his high school class, and got accepted into multiple ivys across the country. while he might exell in an academic setting, his emotional intelligence is severely lacking.

because of this, you really can't blame him for the fact that he doesn't see through your facade. granted, it is a very very good one, crafted over the entire course of your life. one of the reasons he fell in love with you was because of your confidence. he was so used to girls diminishing their personality to be what they thought he wanted, instead of just being themselves.

you commanded attention in every room you entered, and had a way of speaking that captivated everybody who interacted with you. you were just so ... you. so perfectly you that he would have never been able to guess that deep down you were struggling.

you had invited him over to your place to get ready for a pool party mikasa, annie, and sasha were throwing at their house. "a way to end the summer with a bang" as sasha liked to say. you had dragged eren to the mall earlier that week to buy a new swimsuit for the occasion. you had loved it when you tried it on in the store, the way it fit your body and accentuated all of your curves. but as you stood at home in front of your mirror you had propped against one of the walls in your room you just felt...off.

the material that you had previously fawned over was now too tight and dug into your skin in a way that made it pudge out of the small top. the rolls on your back seemed to sag even more than they usually did. you hated the way the bottoms made your stomach look and after trying to situate the thin strings higher on your hips numerous times, you realized there was no way to make them look quite right. and god, did your stretch marks look more noticeable than they usually did on your ass and breasts?

you were supposed to be leaving the house in five minutes, and eren had been bouncing off the walls all day in excitement. you could usually ignore your feelings whenever this happened. just say "fuck it" and pretend you loved your body anyways. but today was not one of those days. all you wanted to do was tear the bikini off, crawl into bed and cry.

"yo baby, do you remember where I put that big ass water gun i bought the other day, it isn't in the bag and - damnnnnnn. hehehe jeans gonna be so jealous." eren cut himself short when he saw you in the swim suit he had bought you. he put his phone down before rushing over to you, his hands immediately finding your hips as his eyes raked over your body.

"not right now hun," you muttered, pushing your hands off of him. if he didn't notice anything was wrong at first, he sure as hell did now. he pouted a bit, but moved away from you all the same.

"do you know where the water gun is though?" he asked again as he began to look around your room.

"no eren i don't know where the fucking water gun is." you regretted snapping at him the moment he whipped around to face you.

"first, don't curse at me. second, what's wrong?" he moved in front of you, holding your biceps between his hands. you couldn't look at him. instead choosing to keep your eyes firmly on the floor as he messaged your arms. you didn't want to break whatever perfect image of yourself he had in his head of you. you wanted to desperately to be the hot and beautiful girlfriend that he thought you were but, fuck.

"aye, baby, talk to me. what's going on with you, huh?" you thanked god for this mans patience as you stood there in silence for minutes.

"can you at least look at me?" he asked, tapping the underside of your chin with his pointer finger. he frowned when you finally did. your big eyes filled with tears that had already begun to fall onto your face, your lip quivering as you tried to hold in your sobs.

"oh my sweet girl," he cooed, bringing you fully into his arms.

"do you think i'm pretty?" you asked between sniffles.

"do i think you're - of course i think your pretty baby. i think you're gorgeous. the most beautiful woman i've ever seen." he was so confused. of course you were pretty, hell you told yourself you were hot everyday in the mirror as you sat and did your makeup. it was like a mantra.

you stepped away from him then, your hands frantically moving up and down your body.

"do you see the way this shit looks on me. its tight in all the wrong places, i look like - i look like i'm like six months pregnant or something, you can literally see the fat that's pooling over -"

"oh my god y/n i'm gonna have to stop you right there. hey, calm down okay. just breathe, it's okay." he rushed to you again, taking your hands in his as he started to rub circles over your knuckles.

"i don't know what's going on, or why you're saying this bullshit but you are so gorgeous."

"but i don't feel like it." you rubbed the snot slowly dribbling out of your nose with your arm, too distressed to care about how gross it was.

"i know i might seem really confident all the time, but sometimes pretending to love myself isn't enough. sure i like myself, but i don't love myself. not the way you seem to love me." eren could practically hear his heart breaking as you spoke.

"well then if you can't listen to yourself, listen to me. you, y/n, are honestly and truly the most beautiful woman i have ever know. inside and out. everytime i see you it feels like the first time i met you. i will never get over seeing your body, ever. we can be old, and saggy and look like fucking raisins, and i will love your body just as much as i do now. you have no idea how perfect you are."

your tears had stopped now, only the occasional sniffle coming from your nose as you looked at him.

"you don't have to believe me right now but, you're perfect to me." not knowing how else to convery his feelings he bent down and kissed you. he kissed you so perfectly that you began to forget what you had gotten so worked up about in the first place.

you were beautiful. you were strong. you were perfect.

"we can stay if you don't feel like going anymore. we can pirate the new spider-man movie and -"

"eren. we're going." you said, stopping his adorable nervous ramble. planting another few quick kisses on his lips you took another quick look at yourself in the mirror.

"thank you." you said with a small smile. he couldn't help but bend down to kiss you one last time.

"i love you baby."

"i love you too."

"okay so the watergun?"

elle’s rambles: this might have been a clusterfuck but oh well . i hope y’all enjoyed. requests for eren are open!