He Told Me His Mother Used To Read Him This Story When He Was A Child. She Told Him That The Moral Of

He told me his mother used to read him this story when he was a child. She told him that the moral of the story was that you shouldn’t be generous with people because they’ll just want more and more from you.

Oh but, heads up, if you hug me for 3 seconds longer than I am comfortable, I may panic and bite you.

I am an adult, and, I’m sorry, I can’t help the fact that I just need a damn hug today.

Before you pass judgment on one who is self destructing….❤️

It’s Magic.

I have been trying to write this post for three days. I’m finding it difficult to put my head into words.

I struggle with Magical Thinking.  Ex): I was horrible to my mother as a teenager, and some of his rants sounded like things 14 year old me would have said.  So, naturally, the torture I endured for 13 years must be punishment for this.

It’s .. bonkers and I know that, but I don’t always, know it.

I believe a lot of the shitty things that have happened to me are the result of decisions I have made even though the links ... well... there aren’t any. This is my brain making connections that don’t actually exist - like I have a conspiracy theorist living inside my head.  And that conspiracy theorist is a jackass.

Because not only do I blame myself for, well, everything, I’ve learned to negotiate with my inner conspiracy theorist jackass that if I suffer enough,  perhaps I can forgive myself for past mistakes and prevent future horrors. 

I think i have always had these issues, but honestly, I have a hard time remembering the details of my mental state prior to him.  What I can say for certain was that he made these thing worse.

On top of also blaming me for everything, he especially reinforced the you-must-be-punished-for-your-crimes-real-or-imaginary mentality.  

He did lots of the punishing himself, but he had me do it too.  I learned how to self harm without any of the tell-tale signs.  

Sorry for the meltdown last night. That was dramatic.

Of course.