Whyyyyyy [Zapp X Reader]

Whyyyyyy [Zapp x Reader]

This fun little fic was requested by anonymous 🥲

.

You were having a pretty good day, until Zapp opened his mouth. And while you had long since sought refuge in the office gym, you were confident Zapp wouldn't follow you.

But you were wrong.

Like this living tool had radar, he waltzed right into the gym. You were doing your best to ignore him, and he shared your sentiment. Though he loathed to admit it, you did look kinda hot working with the Wing Chun. He would die before he acknowledge it, let alone say it.

He was trying to stay busy lifting weights. There was nothing you had to offer him, nope. He had so many better options just by going out to the bar. And it wasn't like he was trying to impress you. Hell no, he just needed a bit of a challenge today.

~~~

Great! Fan-f&cking-tastic! Stuck on a g%d d&mned, mother f&cking mission with this b^tch and t^ts! Zapp could have done all this by his d&mned self and the Chief knew it. Assigning you was just the b^tch move he didn't need!

Not that you were too thrilled about this either. Stuck sharing a motel room with this scumbag was not going to be easy. But travel missions didn't just happen, and getting away from the mist for a while was at least some kind of compensation.

"Ground rules Renfro." You were gatekeeping the door to make Zapp listen, "No bringing any furry friends home to roost, if you're gonna bump uglies find somewhere else to bunk. And no booze in here either, I can't exactly carry your weight when you fall."

"Yeah yeah." Zapp groaned behind his cigar, "Any other commandments your holiness?"

You frowned at the silver haired pain in the &ss, "Just don't get yourself killed outside the mission. Or I'll make sure your headstone says something like you died slipping on a banana peel."

"You wouldn't f&cking dare." Zapp glared at you through the smoky haze.

"Bet."

Zapp growled. He wouldn't put it past you to do it. Though it would be way worse if you let she-b^tch help.

"Whatever. I don't die that easily hasbin."

"You want a mirror bicycle."

"Shut up!"

~~~

You laid back, staring at the ceiling. Why were you worried? Zapp would actually somewhat respect your rules. You didn't know why he would, but you knew that he would. So why were you even worried about this?

Most of the time you couldn't stand his guts but here you were kinda lamenting his absence. Not that you say it out loud or even remotely suggest it to him, but the room was just a little too quiet without him.

Until he burst right into the room like the Kool-Aid Man carrying a battering ram.

Zapp was greeted by the 'oh-so-lovely' sight of you glaring him down from your bed. He didn't know what crawled up your &ss. He made it back in one piece, didn't bring anyone with him, and didn't bring back any booze either. Like usual, he followed your rules like holy writ. If only to keep you from squealing to the Chief about how 'unpleasant he is to work with' or whatever you said about him in the debriefing sessions. Zapp never paid attention to that stuff. Just point him where he needs to start slicing and get the hell out of his way.

But at least you flumped back into bed without a fuss.

"What!?" Zapp fell into his own bed, "Givin' me the stink eye like I broke your rules or something."

"You didn't have to slam the door open like that." You sighed, "Nearly gave me a heart attack dumb &ss."

Zapp looked over, seeing you look more annoyed than angry. Or was that his imagination. Why should he care anyways? Not like you were any kind of prize. Just another co-worker with a stick up their...

Actually, Zapp had no reason to believe you were like that. When he was stealthy he could over hear you attempt to make plans. If he didn't hate your... well he didn't know what he hated about you... he would have gone with you.

You felt eyes on you and barely peeked, "What dip stick? You got something to say?"

"Like hell!" Zapp rolled over, "You're the one with the pissy attitude."

"Well maybe I wouldn't have an attitude if I had a partner that did his job right!"

"Oh like you're sooooo talented, huh? I've carried your &ss on more missions than I can count."

"Please." You scoffed, "One, you don't count to save your life; two, I've kept you from death by stupidity more then you've been successful on dates!"

"You go there Raggamuffin? Like you get dates at all!"

"At least when I do get dates they're actually interested in me and not just my body!"

"How the hell would you know that?" Zapp's head snapped back towards you, "For all you know those morons are just playing the long game!"

You huffed, rolling over and pulling the sleeping bag you brought over yourself. It wasn't something you actually liked talking about, but it was something you were a little self-conscious over. The number of times you'd been dumped not too long after getting a little close had been a bit too frequent for your liking.

Zapp didn't do well in the oppressive silence. Part of him actually felt bad for going too far. Sure he was known for chasing skirts so it didn't bug him too much to have people comment on his love life... but maybe he had gone too far dragging yours through the mud like that.

He sat up with a loud groan, "Hey, don't tell me you fell asleep already."

You did your best not to move. You simply weren't interested in talking to him.

"C'mon." You felt a foot in the middle of your back, "You can't fool me. Wake the hell up."

Zapp stopped, he could see you were trying to avoid him. He drew his leg back onto his bed.

"Listen. I didn't mean what I said." Zapp stared up at the ceiling, "Those dumb&sses don't know what they're losing doing dumb sh^t like that. And you really do have a good head on your shoulders. So just don't let it get to you, 'kay?"

That shocked you enough to roll over completely, "Who are you and what did you do with Zapp."

"SHUT IT CORN-FLAKE!" Zapp sat up, "I'm not above admitting when I've f&cked up."

You raised an eyebrow at him. Zapp huffed and turned away.

"I'm not saying anything else so take it or leave it, &ss-wipe."

You just laid there. Not fully believing what you just heard. What got into Zapp this time?

~~~

Zapp couldn't believe how sh^t his luck was tonight. Not a single person caught his eye and for whatever reason he just couldn't make himself go home with anyone. Its not like there would be a shortage of babes running around. Not that Zapp would refuse any good looking hottie that caught his eye. And...

An almost familiar silhouette caught his attention. Who was this sexy little number? And why did they seem familiar on some level?

Zapp shrugged it off. It was entirely likely to either be a past fling or someone he's passed so often they just look familiar.

Nope!

You had been unceremoniously dumped, again. Sitting at the bar, trying not to cry because you really should have seen this coming. The other person had been so pushy about rushing things to the bedroom, so of course they would call you a prude and end it. All because you weren't ready to go there yet.

"Sup hotness, don't think I've seen..."

You looked over at Zapp, knowing instantly who it was but hoping you had been wrong. You both yelled and pointed at the same time.

"NOT YOU!"

Zapp was more furious with himself than the situation. The last person he wanted to hit on, of course his sh^tty luck. You just didn't want to be here right now. This ding-nut would only find a way to make things infinitely worse for you.

But Zapp extended the olive branch first, "Not that I give a f&ck, but why are you here by yourself?"

"None of your business."

"Tch, no need to be all snobby Corn-Flake." Zapp raised his hand to order a drink, trying to play it off like that was why he stuck around, "Just asking. Besides, it's not exactly like you to go out on your own."

"And how would you know, bicycle?"

Zapp shot half a glare at you, he couldn't look too long because he did find you attractive. As loathed as he was to admit it, "Ya know, I do have ears. And you aren't exactly quiet."

"Didn't think you knew how to use them." You scoffed, "Thought they were just to frame that pretty face of yours."

You stopped, hoping Zapp didn't just hear you say that. Cursing everything about tonight leading up to you saying that. Zapp was blinking, trying to come up with how to go on behind his shot glass. On the one hand, you sounded upset so anything you said could just be emotions talking, and you never did deny that he was handsome. On the other, if that's how you really felt... then so much of your rivalry with him made so much more sense.

"Well guess again." Zapp was going to go with charm and maybe get his own hormones sorted out, "This dumb&ss does more than sit around, looking pretty and getting into trouble."

You were refusing to answer. Recognizing that you were being baited into admitting something you didn't want to own up to. That did not deter Zapp in any way though. He leaned in closer, you could smell his aftershave. It was a light scent, almost like a low burning campfire. That really suited Zapp...

"You know," His voice had dropped into a husky tone... Oh god, was he really doing this?? Was he screwing with you? "We could drop everything and hook up for the night. Not that it would be just one night."

"I don't do one night stands." You answered, trying to not look at him, "I actually date people to get to know them before I run to the bedroom."

Zapp grabbed your chin and pulled you to look at him. Your resolve was crumbling faster than a cookie in milk. Why was he so damn, bloody handsome? What was this witchcraft? And what was Zapp's end game here?

"I don't want a one night stand from you." The way he was leaning in... you glanced down and back up at his eyes, unsure where to look really, "I'd rather take my time. Because the chase is the fun part, not the s*x."

You gulped, "Not like you'd stick around once you got what you--!!"

Zapp's lips were pressed against yours, hard. You felt so confused, wanting to push away but also wanting to pull him closer and AAAARGHHH!

But just as you were starting to get into it, Zapp pulled away.

"Then let me prove myself." He was still right there in your face, "And if I do cut and run, you'll still see me at work. So it's not like I'll ever live it down... or be able to get away from you trying to hit me all the time."

You were shaking a bit, but... "Yeah, alright. But if you tell anyone in the office I'll smack you into next week."

Zapp's stupid little smirk just before he kissed you again. AAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!

Little Dragon [Dog x Reader & Pokémon AU]

This sweet little fic was requested by anonymous 🍎

You couldn't help but feel a little nervous during the car ride to the prison. Sure, you were safe, but Dog's boss was still the intimidating sort. Not that Klaus would hurt you, he was just so dang tall and quiet. He wasn't menacing, but you definitely didn't want to see him in a bad mood.

And even approaching him to ask if he could arrange for you to even see Dog today had been nerve wracking. Though this wasn't a normal visit, no. Those happened at least once a month, but you couldn't trust yourself to not forget by the time you'd be able to visit. Not to mention that Warden Alice probably wouldn't like you randomly giving Dog any Pokémon without her permission first.

So it was safest to ask Mr. Reinherz about it when you noticed him at that little café, and thankfully he had been in a good mood. And walking down the hall, shoulder to shoulder with the warden while she talked to Klaus... complained really. You couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

"Honestly, how did I let you talk me into this one Klaus?" She scoffed, "Another Pokémon for the double S class prisoner."

"Is it truly right to punish Dog for what Deldro has done?" His tone was even as ever, "Especially in matters like this? [Name] has submitted the Applin for several security tests to ensure neither could escape by using the little Pokémon itself."

"Yes I know!" Alice was rather snippy about this, "But this isn't exactly a place for Pokémon to be either."

The more it went on the worst you felt. You knew Dog technically shouldn't have Pokémon at all, and that he had willingly given himself over to serve Deldro's life sentence. That you were acting more on desire than anything else and causing problems between Mr. Reinherz and Miss Alice, especially with Mr. Reinherz almost constantly defending you.

But it was too late to turn back, that would make things worse. And you didn't want this to be for nothing.

Entering a large open room by yourself, a room you were sadly familiar with because of Dog's good nature. But getting squeezed in a hug by your lover was always worth it. Knowing he chose to be here for the right reasons.

"Sugar Cube!" Dog's voice had a weirdly deep echo with you pressed against his chest, "What is it? Did something happen?"

You shook your head, sort of nuzzling into his chest. Barely able to raise your arms to put your hands around his waist because of how he pinned your shoulders.

"Warden said you requested this visit. So something must be up."

"I just wanted to give you a Pokémon." You finally drew back, "Since this month is our anniversary and all."

Dog's adorable smile could melt steel, you were sure of it.

"And they're okay with this?"

You nodded, pulling the Pokeball from your bag, "I made sure it could pass all the security tests already and got the a-okay."

He was a bit nervous to see what kind of Pokémon you had in mind, but Dog knew that if you were the one giving it to him then he would cherish it forever. And in releasing the Pokémon...

Dog gasped at the tiny, shiny Applin in his palm. It was hardly taller than his fingers and looked so cute with its green apple shell. Though Dog could see the tiny red streaks at the base, some Pokémon had traces of their 'normal' colorings after all.

"Dewbear, you didn't have to go through the trouble of hunting down a shiny!" Dog had swept you back up in a tight hug, "It's so cute!"

You sighed a little in contentment, "It was purely luck that I found a shiny honey. I had barely entered the forest and this little guy popped right out. He was so sweet and friendly I immediately thought of you."

Setting you back on the ground and letting the Applin crawl up to his shoulder, Dog nuzzled his chin against the top of your head.

"If only I could go out and catch one for you." His voice lowered a little, "Cause then it would be perfect."

You stood there for a few more minutes, just enjoying the hug. Before Miss Alice would undoubtedly ask you to leave again.

I'm pretty sure Steven and I would fight every morning around the coffee pot.

Evidence: I add a good bit of cream and sugar to my coffee, some die hard coffee drinkers say its a blasphemous amount but...

And the argument would follow us into the main office area (commonly called a bull pit), causing general chaos in our stead.

Chain, Leo, and Zed would just shrug it off knowing after a 5 minute cool down, the two of us will be cracking weird jokes about things like Les Misrables and politics.

Zapp would be trying to agitate both sides so the argument doesn't stop.

K.K. would probably sit closer to the middle on my side of the argument, if she's in the office at the time.

And poor Klaus would be trying to keep the peace. Even though we've had the same argument every morning this week, we'll have the same argument tomorrow, and probably every day until the sun explodes...

Not that Klaus is forgetful or anything, he just fully believes that once an argument is over then it should stay over.

Unfortunately for him, Steven and I don't back down from arguing that the other is performing coffee blasphemy.

Random scene in the office.

Zed "helping" Leo psych himself up to talk to his Libra crush by listening to his pick up lines.

Leo "So, you come here often?"

Zed, looking up from his book, "I would hope so. They work here."

What to do [Klaus x Reader]

"[Name]"

You turned to the empty room. That hadn't been--

You shook your head and returned to arranging rocks in the window planter. There wasn't any way for them too... no, it had to be your imagination. Unless Klaus was attempting a prank. Unable to shake the haunted feeling, you went searching for Klaus. This had to be resolved soon.

"Klaus?" You peeked around the door, "You didn't just call me. Did you?"

Klaus lowered his book slowly, "No Liebling. Are you feeling okay? You've been hearing things quite often lately."

"I'll be fine. Its probably just..."

You stopped with a hum. There really wasn't much of a reason for you to be hearing things. Nothing stressing you out too badly, or at least more than normal. You weren't even sure what you were leading to either.

Though Klaus wasn't letting you slip off before pressing a hand to your forehead. He wanted to make sure you were truly okay, and that you relaxed. He wasn't worried about psychosis or anything serious, just concerned that you were over working yourself somehow.

Everything made you feel a little paranoid. You kept hearing the familiar voice of your ex lover. They had been lost during the Collapse. While you didn't know where they were or what their fate had been, you couldn't help but feel a little guilty to be here in Hellsalem's Lot. Enjoying the company of the sweetest lover you'd ever had.

It ate at you more and more as time went on.

You couldn't handle it anymore. Seeking Klaus again, though much later in the afternoon.

"Klaus?"

"Liebling," This was a first, Klaus cutting you off, "Are you certain you feel alright?"

You wilted under the caring gaze, "It's not that. There's something else I need to talk to you about."

"Oh, of course." Klaus sat up a bit straighter, "My apologizes mien Hertz, I thought it was..."

Klaus cleared his throat and gestured to the chair opposite himself at the table. Turning his full attention to you. It could be a little unnerving at times, and right now it made you nervous.

"You remember how I told you about my ex, right?"

Klaus nodded slowly. Small amount of confusion dawning his face.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, "Well, I realized the voice I've been hearing is their voice. And I... well, I got to thinking about why. At first I thought it was just survivor's guilt."

Klaus furrowed his brow. Was this going somewhere... perhaps a break up?

"It was a little different than that." You admitted, staring at the table between the two of you, "See, I....I never actually broke up with them. We had fought a little before the Collapse, but we weren't exactly in a terrible place in our relationship."

Klaus went still at that. Had you been using him in some way?

You took a deep breath, "I love you. Nothing changed that. But I thought they were dead. I'm not so sure anymore. Since so many things lost during the Collapse have come back. And... I. I also still love them."

Klaus didn't move or speak. He wasn't sure how he felt about this. He had known about your previous relationship, but never how the two of you had ended the relationship. Now knowing that there hadn't been a break up to speak of.

"I don't know how to think. I don't really know what I feel either. I know I love you. That's not changing. But...I... I really don't know..."

You couldn't stop the tears flooding your face. Klaus was just blankly staring at you. His face was unreadable, and here you were completely wrecked.

"Do you think I'm a terrible person?" You barely managed to choke the words out, "For trying to move on when I clearly haven't?"

Klaus blinked, torn between wanting to comfort you and knowing he wouldn't comfort anyone else with the same problem. He felt like his head was spinning. How was this the same person he fell in love with? An ex that still had your heart, or at least a piece, and you sitting here admitting to what you did.

It felt like hours before Klaus answered, "I don't believe I would have done the same thing in your place. Moving on when your lover's fate was uncertain. I personally would have waited for irrefutable evidence."

Klaus could feel his heart splitting while you pulled back tears. He wasn't sure how to comfort you, not with something like this. Lying and saying everything would be okay, telling you he trusted you to stay with him, even just trying to reach for your hand to seem comforting. It all felt ingenuine and went against how Klaus felt, both as being part of the situation and trying to look from the outside.

You stood up, unable to handle the oppressive silence. Klaus moved the tiniest bit as you passed him, but didn't fully reach out for you.

"I just need to be alone for awhile."

Your voice was weak but didn't break any. Klaus nodded a little curtly, of course you'd also be torn up about this. He knew you wouldn't bring it up at all if it wasn't bothering you. How deeply it effected you was the real question.

Though, when Klaus noticed a couple small bags by the door... he was confused. He hadn't seen you all day, and yet here were some of your things by the door. What did this mean? Where were you going? Klaus wasn't kept waiting very long as you carried a third small bag with you.

"Are you going somewhere Liebling?" Klaus gestured to your things, "What's all this for?"

"I just..." Your voice was still low, "I need a night by myself. I...I just need to be able to think properly."

Klaus's heart sank a little. You did know he wouldn't blame you for doing what made you happy in the long run. Klaus himself had come to terms with how he felt. He didn't mean to run you off like this, but if you were certain...

"Please be careful." He leaned down, "This city is very dangerous. Call me the second you need help. Please."

You looked up at Klaus, knowing he was being serious. Part of you wanted him to stop you, force you to stay. But he wouldn't. He never would force you to do anything. But you really did need to spend the night alone, to gather your thoughts and sort your feelings. This had been building up for so long, of course the after shocks would be messy to clean up.

Klaus had cupped your cheek, pressing a soft kiss against your lips. One you couldn't fully return, no matter how much you wanted to. Further proving you needed to do this, and really think over what you've done.

When you finally got to the cheap motel, you laid across the bed. The 'Emergency Fund' you pulled from was savings from your job. Didn't mean there was really much in there. But staring up at the ceiling, listening to the noises of the city when you were so use to the quiet around Klaus's house, you turned over the situation.

How did you really feel? Should you have waited longer? Would Klaus have waited to date you for that? Should you have given up on dating until you knew your ex's fate? Were you a terrible person for going on with your life?

You couldn't be sure at all. Klaus would have waited. What if the roles had been switched? If Klaus had been the lover you lost to the Collapse... would you have waited for Klaus? You stopped, crying over how awful you felt thinking about this.

Klaus laid alone in his bed for the first time in months. His mind raced, worrying over whether you were okay or not. Wanting to know if there was something he should have done. He wouldn't have done what you did, but he didn't think any less of you for doing it. Klaus had contemplated calling, just to check up on you. He still wasn't entirely sure what this would mean when you came back.

If you came back.

Klaus sat up, shaking his head. Of course you would return. This would be discussed a little further and the two of you would be able to move on with it. The only other thing to discuss was if your ex did return hail and healthy. Klaus was certain things would blow over and everything would return to normal, for both of you.

You didn't even remember falling asleep in the bed, but you woke up cold. Tear trail stains down your cheeks and ears, breaths ragged and shaking as you stumbled to the bathroom. The face staring back looked horrid, sick. Going back home now would only make Klaus worry, he would miss work.

You jumped when your phone rang. The survivor's guilt, coupled with the guilt of hurting Klaus by telling him the truth made you feel paranoid. But you answered the phone, Klaus was already worried enough as is.

"Hello?"

Klaus sat up straighter at how your voice cracked, "Liebling? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm just getting up. Still at the motel. How are you?"

"I am just now waking up myself." Klaus tried to calm down, but your voice wasn't really getting any better, "Which motel are you at? Perhaps I could--"

"I'll be back soon. Don't worry. I'll be home by the time you get off work."

"I could come pick you up. I assure you it isn't a problem." Klaus felt like you were avoiding him on purpose, "Please let me."

You looked back up at the mirror, you still looked terrible... "Okay. I'm at Fregyja Nights. I don't have much to pack up. I didn't really do much besides think and go to bed."

Klaus had an odd mix of relief and even more panic. That was a very cheap motel in a rather dangerous area of the city. At least you were safe, for now. He would make sure you stayed that way.

You stood there, feeling like a misbehaving child going home from school early. It didn't take long for Klaus step out of his car, helping you put away your things. His hand never left yours the whole car ride home. That only served to make you feel more guilty.

Seeing you so very pale looking, Klaus worried. But he couldn't ignore the elephant in the room.

"[Name], about yesterday. Everything you said." Klaus sat there, not moving from the car while Gilbert took your things inside, "I wouldn't have moved on, of course. But I don't blame you for doing so. I should have--"

"Please don't." Klaus fell silent despite how quiet your voice was, "I know what I've done is atrocious. I didn't mean to hurt you... I should have kept it to myself."

Leaning into the comforting hand was just an instinct, "[Name], I want you to come to me with your problems. No matter how much it could hurt, I still want to be who you turn to when you need someone to talk to."

"Something like this..."

Klaus silenced you with a soft kiss, "Please. I know I can trust what you said. Don't beat yourself up over this. Should your ex show back up, we can handle this like adults. There isn't anything we can't talk through. Okay?"

You nodded, tears falling again.

Also, thought of this after posting XD.

Klaus doesn't exactly fit into Zapp's perceptions on manliness all the time. And while he won't attack when Klaus is behind the computer, holding his tea cups, and probably learned the hard way not to f%ck with Klaus's plants... Zapp still can't accept that Klaus is always a bit of a bad&ss no matter what he does.

Klaus on the other hand has a completely different set of ideals when it comes to manliness (in this context interchangeable with ballsy, gumption, confidence, courage). Klaus thinking just being comfortable in your own skin and being able to be yourself unapologetically is the epitome of manliness, Zapp sees it as never showing emotion, never acting on more feminine coded hobbies, and never admitting defeat/ inferiority.

And while they've never sat down and discussed those ideals, Zapp can tell a little the Klaus just doesn't fit into his perception on a surface level (in Klaus's downtime... and usually when Zapp launches an attack) he also refuses to admit that Klaus typically DOES fit into his overall perceptions.

regarding your rant:

the answer i want to give you as a Professional Overthinker who loves to analyze comedy relief characters is that zapp very clearly respects klaus and his abilities. he understands how intricate and difficult to control the brain grid technique is (as he points out in after that phantom ghost wagon and get the lockout) and knows that klaus' strength even without weapons is insane enough that he's confident that klaus can take down a series of relentless fighters without breaking a sweat. he very clearly admires klaus and his fighting skills, so i think that he might see besting klaus in a fight as a way to prove himself and his own strength. it might tie back to the way zapp was taught his own fighting style; raju is notoriously brutal to his students, so zapp would have a reason to want to prove himself.

with all that said, the real answer for why zapp constantly tries to fight klaus is probably just because zapp getting his ass kicked is funny and they needed a lead-in for the fighting ring episode.

(apologies for rambling in your inbox i just like talking about zapp ;;)

Ramble away, I love a good discussion <3

Personally I think Zapp first met Klaus through Klaus saving his life and absolutely HATES that fact. Both being indebted to Klaus and that his introduction was so bad&ss only for Klaus to turn around and be so very soft as an individual in his personal life (with gardening and baking etc.)

While it was good set up for S1 Ep7, it still makes no real sense unless Zapp actually gets the chance and then chickens out at the last second. (Maybe some big moment where he finally admits to respecting Klaus and recognizing that they need him as a whole and maybe that his constant attacks were just making sure the gardener he worked for was still a bad&ss even in his down time).

But I do agree that Raju's brutal training very likely has something to do with it, and possibly...(more head cannon territory) his upbringing under a single mom and feeling like if he can't do for himself then he's just a burden (deep seated trauma? In my comic relief character? ...its more likely than you think.)