Some Of The Tags On My Last Post Were Interested In Daenerys Dress I Designed For My Own S8 Re-write

Some of the tags on my last post were interested in Daenerys dress I designed for my own S8 re-write AU. Just an idea of what a wedding dress could have been…

Thank you for your answer!! I sent this ask before creating this blog.

On the consummation of their marriage: I do still believe that was rape; by saying he was gentle I only meant that he did not physically harm her and seemed upset by her tears, in contrast to subsequent couplings where she was in pain and he didn’t care when she cried.

I really wish Irri or Jhiqui had been a perspective character. I’d really like to know what other Dothraki thought of Drogo and his relationship to Dany. Or even Doreah, although she’s not Dothraki, she is a grown adult unlike Dany, Jhiqui, and Irri, and would have more wisdom.

Her marriage to Drogo is so sad. I really think her love for him is a coping mechanism. Many victims come to love their abusers and will excuse their actions endlessly, which is a really difficult mindset to escape. It was also likely a product of the way Viserys abused her. Viserys was overtly violent and threatened her routinely, and she loved him anyway. Drogo, who offered her protection, must have seemed much better. When someone has been abused by someone so close to them for so many years, they may fail to recognize what it really means to be treated with love.

What do you think of Khal Drogo? As someone who relates to and projects onto Daenerys more than any other fictional character, I have really complex feelings about him. I relate to Dany so much that I feel what she feels as I read. I felt her fear of him at first, then her love, and her grief. But as a 24 year old woman now, I cannot help but feel revulsion in my gut about a man older than I am bedding a girl of her age. I know that we can assume taking wives that young was acceptable for the Dothraki but it still twists my gut that he felt attracted to her. I also question the nature of their love. She certainly loved him, but was it a love born out of Stockholm syndrome? Of survival? Did she come to love him because if she didn’t, she would’ve gone mad? And did he truly love her? He was gentle when they consummated their marriage but then continued to bed her even when she cried. Did he simply love her as the mother of his unborn child? Would he have loved her had she not conceived? There’s also the matter that he declared that he wanted to rape the wives of Westerosi knights and enslave their children, which are things that are obviously condemnable, things that Dany herself is not okay with. What do you think?

Hi nonnie! I totally understand relating to Dany, so first of all there's nothing wrong with feeling her love and grief for Drogo. It just means Dany's chapters are very well-written, and Dany is herself a very-well written character. You can feel what she's feeling when you're reading and still know that Drogo raped her. If some people come at you for this, ignore them.

He did rape her even the first time. Some will argue that she said yes in the end, but she said no before. She was sold to him, she spent the whole chapter fearing what would happen, and she didn't have a choice. What would have happened if she hadn't finally said yes, one time? He would have let it go? Of course not. I also have to talk about the reactions someone’s body can have, as it’s used to say Drogo didn’t rape Dany as much as her finally saying “yes”. It happens more often than people think it does. A man can be raped by a woman, for example, and his body will react to make it possible. I’m trying to not be too graphic here, but it’s important. Well, a woman’s body can also have a reaction that people will consider as consent, when it’s not. This belongs in the list of the very long reasons why a victim of rape or sexual assault will not consider themselves as a victim, or will not dare to go to the police nowadays.

Another thing: when I say Dany was sold to Drogo, I'm not just talking about an arranged marriage which benefits both parties, like it happens in Westeros. First, the Dothraki culture is very different (for example, Drogo could have shared her), and Illyrio made profit of this wedding, which means she was traded. She was a slave, not just a woman in an arranged marriage. She knows what it's like, and that's why she's fighting slavery afterwards.

Basically, Dany didn't have a choice during her marriage to Drogo. Never. Yes, she cried. Yes, she was afraid. Yes, he raped her more than once, because she didn't consent. And saying yes once (although I’ve talked about how this “yes” doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape) doesn’t mean you consent for the next times. While the concept of marital rape didn't exist in those times, we know what it was:

“Yet every night, some time before the dawn, Drogo would come to her tent and wake her in the dark, to ride her as relentlessly as he rode his stallion. He always took her from behind, Dothraki fashion, for which Dany was grateful; that way her lord husband could not see the tears that wet her face, and she could use her pillow to muffle her cries of pain.”

Daenerys III, A Game of Thrones

She thinks about suicide as the only way out:

“Day followed day, and night followed night, until Dany knew she could not endure a moment longer. She would kill herself rather than go on, she decided one night.”

Daenerys III, A Game of Thrones

She made the best of her situation though, to survive. What's interesting in Dany's chapters is that she blames her brother Viserys. I'm not saying she's wrong, but she's not blaming Drogo. Why? Because after adapting to the Dothraki culture, Dany felt safe with Drogo, loved even. It's called being an unreliable narrator, and as we read Dany's chapters in the first book, we can start thinking she's with a man she loves and who loves her. It's not the case: she's his slave. It’s only when Dany stops showing weakness that he seems to care about her. But Drogo also had a powerful impact on her. Dany starts to make decisions and come into power after her marriage to Drogo. She starts to stand up to her abusive brother after her marriage to Drogo. So her own feelings towards Drogo are still very confused:

“Do you know what it is like to be sold, squire? I do. My brother sold me to Khal Drogo for the promise of a golden crown. Well, Drogo crowned him in gold, though not as he had wished, and I... my sun-and-stars made a queen of me, but if he had been a different man, it might have been much otherwise. Do you think I have forgotten how it felt to be afraid?”

Daenerys II, A Storm of Swords

This is just one example, but while Dany is against slavery and does realize she was Drogo’s possession, in her mind Drogo was good to her.

No, I don't believe Drogo ever loved Dany. The nicest things he says about her is when she's carrying his son. But it's very hard to guess what Drogo is thinking, as we don't have his POV. In fact, a huge issue with GRRM is that he doesn’t give any backstory to Drogo or any Dothraki. We do have a backstory or a POV for characters who are abusers and/or rapists, but they’re white. Without knowing anything about Drogo besides Dany’s thoughts, it’s easy to either romantize him or villainize him more than the others.

In the Dothraki culture, for Drogo, there’s literally nothing wrong with what he said he would do to get the throne for his son (again, it’s not for Dany). She’s not okay with it, because as much as she adapted to the Dothraki culture to survive, she’s against rape and slavery. She put a stop to the rape and enslaving of the Lhazareen women because she believes it to be wrong, despite having come to value aspects of the Dothraki culture.

“Princess”, he said, “you have a gentle heart, but you do not understand. This is how it has always been. Those men have shed blood for the khal. Now they claim their reward.”

Daenerys VII, A Game of Thrones

When Jorah tells her this, he’s stating a fact. Is there even a word for rape in Dothraki? They don’t understand why Dany says she wants no rape, she’s even being told that those riders do honor to those women. Why am I going there, after explaining that Drogo didn’t love Dany, that she was raped many times, that she was a slave? Because you asked me what I thought of Drogo, not just his relationship with Daenerys. And the answer is: I don’t know, because I don’t know him, only what he did to Daenerys.

Love the Jon-Dany-Arya parallels we’re getting in ACoK. In chapters 12, 13, and 14, Dany, Jon, and Arya respectively come upon empty, abandoned towns.

Princess Daeyanna, first of her name ♡

I really wish the HotD writers had given post-time skip Rhaenyra and her children (and Laena’s children) more substance. All of team black in general aside from Daemon feels a bit… lackluster compared to team green. Especially comparing Alicent’s kids to Rhaenyra and Laena’s. I’m sure this will change next season given what I’ve heard about Fire and Blood, but right now, the two “sides” are really not on even moral playing fields. Ultimately no matter what she does, I’ll always believe Rhaenyra’s claim trumps Aegon II’s, but aren’t we supposed to be seeing both sides as morally grey?

Again aside from Daemon, team black has hardly done anything condemnable compared to team green. Daemon and Rhaenyra conspired to murder an innocent man to fake Laenor’s death, a murder that the show kind of glosses over, and Rhaenys presumably killed many when she burst into Aegon’s coronation with Melys (again, the show does not frame this as questionable). As far as I can remember, that’s kind of it for all not-Daemon team black characters. Sure Luc attacked Aemond with a knife, and Aemond has every right to be upset about it, but they were children and I’m sure Luc didn’t intend to cause as much damage as he did. We can’t put that on the same level as the hightowers planning to usurp Rhaenyra, Criston murdering a man at a wedding, Larys killing his family, etc. And I think the characters suffer intrigue-wise as a result. Is this how it’s supposed to be or do the writers except us to consider Rhaenyra having children with Harwin and marrying Daemon as acts on the same moral level as those of team green??

The absolute fury I feel upon finding out that Baela and Rhaena have personalities in the book. We were ROBBED!! Just the blurb on Baela’s AWOIAF page is more interesting than what we got on the show. Baela is a “tomboy” who keeps her hair cut short, has a quick temper, occasionally starts shit on purpose, loves dragon riding, and has a pet monkey. Why didn’t we get ANY of that?? We got: young woman who stands by Rhaenys. We have enough screen time to see Aegon rub one out in the window but Baela and Rhaena get benched? Come on now