Be My Valentine | Ch- 2 Its A Success!

Be My Valentine | Ch- 2  It’s a Success!

pairing: Vernon x reader

genre: fluff, angst, slight crack, friends to lovers, non-idol!au, college au

summary: College was hard enough and the thought of spending Valentine’s Day alone and sad was not your style. And the best solution was to go on a platonic date with your best friend Vernon. It goes so well that it becomes a tradition until it gets messy… nothing ever goes wrong by pretend-dating your best friend right?

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wordcount: 2.6k

a/n: So glad for the positive reaction to Chapter 1, hope you like this as well. Would love to hear your feedback about this!

pictures from Pinterest!

I am going to murder Vernon, ugh!

That is the singular thought in your brain as you stare at the tickets in your hand- a ticket to the amusement park in the city.

After the showdown of his "rejecting" your very public proposal hours prior, he got excited to plan the platonic date. You regretted the minute you agreed to let him do it, losing bets to Vernon was getting very annoying for you.

In your defence you could never say no to his smile- his whole face really did light up and his eyes disappeared into thin crescents.

"UGH!"

You groan out loud for the fifth time since he gave the tickets two hours back- 10 minutes after the drama at the library. It still surprises you how he had the amusement park tickets for the 14th of February ready. The previous day you had texted him at 3 am in the morning so he couldn't have bought the tickets before you met him in the library at 10 am.

Oh shit. What if he had another plan?

Did Vernon have a date that you didn't even bother to ask about? But then he could've easily said so, why did he agree? Even if he did have a date- probably a first date, why on earth did he plan an amusement park date?

Another groan involuntarily leaves your throat. This was not what you had in mind when you suggested this platonic date. You just wanted to have a nice dinner, some luxurious wine and get the couple's discount by pretending to be a couple. But of course, Vernon had to choose the one place you would hate.

Sigh. It's going to be a long weekend.

The next couple of days were surely one of the longest and most dreadful days of your life. Vernon on the other hand had seemed way too chirpy and happy the entire time. He constantly had a shit-eating grin on his face, even when he almost failed a pop quiz trying to tease you about the dangerous rides. But once he sees the panic rising on your face he always drops the teasing and comforts you- usually with food, which worked efficiently.

As the day came closer you kept begging Vernon to change the plan but he refused to budge. He did however agree to take you on one only one of the big rides- the rollercoaster.

Which is the reason for your current turmoil- to eat or to not eat. Throwing up definitely would not be ideal for a platonic date but you didn’t want to starve either.

After a good half an hour of pacing around your dorm room and eventually giving up on food, you dress in your most comfortable outfit. You wait in the room until your roommate and other friends leave for their V-Day plans, not wanting to be questioned about your outfit choices and plans for the night. You did not want to relive the taunting that you got from your roommate while explaining the whole ordeal. According to her, platonic dates between best friends never end well, but little does she know how close and amazing you and Vernon are.

Haters gonna hate hmmph!

*ping*

The notification interrupts your train of thought and you see a message from Vernon.

Come down. Don't be late.

Always the charmer.

Gathering your things you go down to the dorm entrance to see Vernon standing in his black hoodie and jeans, hands in his pockets and hair all fluffed up as he paces around looking at the ground.

"Hey", you drawl out as you reach him. He looks up and smiles his brilliant hundred-watt smile, cheeks pink from the cold and those cute crescent eyes coming out in full glory.

"Hey there. Ready to go?"

You nod nervously, "More than I'll ever be."

He holds your hand in his, rubbing circles around your palm to calm you down. He started doing this accidentally when he first saw you having a panic attack in your first semester. It has been a constant habit since.

Walking along in silence, hands still intertwined, you reach the amusement park ten minutes later. You had seen it before from the outside but nothing could’ve prepared you for how big the whole place was. There must have been a dozen giant rides including a roller coaster, a giant wheel, those rocking boats and even a pretty carousel. There also seemed to be a lot of smaller stalls with games like claw machines, hoop games and more filled with plushies as prizes.

That’s definitely one thing I want to do today.

You felt kinda good about this, so you turn to look up at Vernon’s face and he is looking around all excited. Smiling at the rides with childlike wonder with his mouth wide open in a gorgeous smile and his eyes lit up with excitement.

Your stomach rumbles and before you overthink about it, you disregard it as hunger.

He finally looks down at you and his eyes are immediately filled with concern.

“Hey is this really okay with you? Or do you want to go somewhere else?” He enquires in his soft, low voice.

Even if you weren’t okay with this you would never have the heart to deprive him of this experience which he clearly wants so bad. For god’s sake, he even had the tickets ready with him. Plus this place was not filled with as many over-emotional and horny couples as most other places tonight.

“Yeah, I’m good. This looks really fun!” You say with all the enthusiasm you can muster but he catches on to the slight tremor in your voice and doesn’t look entirely convinced.

You sigh and turn fully toward him and hold both his hands in yours. “I’ll be fine. This doesn’t look half as scary as I thought it would be. Don’t worry so much Vernon. Now let’s go and enjoy our platonic date”

You flash him your most sincere smile and he nods in acceptance as he returns the smile to you.

After looking at all the rides both of you decide to get over with the scary ones first- you eventually gave in and agreed to do them all (blame Vernon’s puppy-dog eyes). After those, you both decide on having food and end the night with fun small games.

Starting with the giant Ferris wheel and doing the roller coaster and pendulum boat ride all back to back definitely was not a good idea but you powered through them all by literally clinging to Vernon for support the whole time. While he was laughing and screaming in pure joy and thrill, looking funny and cute at the same time, you were screaming for your life out of pure joy- pretty sure you looked horrendous in comparison.

But all the junk food and the three plushies you won at the smaller stalls later definitely made up for the anxiety. Especially watching Vernon, the renowned genius, struggle with the claw machine as he tried to win you the yellow chick rabbit plushie made you giddy with happiness.

After a long time, this entire evening was spent without both of you bickering with each other. You still did taunt him at every opportunity you got- after you were done being shit scared. He was happy and talkative the whole time- a rare sight indeed. His exuberant smiles and excited shouts, when you both won the whack-a-mole game, were priceless.

This was definitely one of my best ideas. EVER.

You feel proud of your ‘genius’ as you walk back to the campus with Vernon, both of you silently enjoying your ice creams. You see him trying to balance two of the plushies you had won earlier as he tried not to drop the ice cream or the plushies. You smile to yourself, glad this evening went happily for both of you, while hugging the other plushie both of you won.

“Loser, don’t smile at my misery.”

You hear him whine as he catches your smile, mistaking it for mocking. You turn to him and hit him in the arm with the plushie that you’re holding. Before he can retaliate, you take a big bite of your strawberry ice and stick your tongue out at Vernon in mock.

He mirrors your action and you see his tongue is blue from the blueberry cola he is having.

Both of you look at each other for a moment- weirdly coloured tongues sticking out at each other like kids and burst out laughing. You keep walking while laughing like idiots and eventually come near your dorm gates.

Both of you reach a natural stop when you’re a little away from the actual gate. There are crowds of some girls, all dressed up, coming back from their dates and there are also girls in their sweats bringing in takeout to the dorms.

You both lean on the wall near the compound of the dorms, a usual spot for the two of you, finally done with the ice creams and just standing in comfortable silence.

The silence was always comfortable with Vernon, everything was honestly.

“Hey y/n..?” His voice is low and uncertain.

You hum in acknowledgment as you turn to look at him from the plushie in your hand.

“How was the 'platonic' Valentine’s date?"

He looks and sounds extremely nervous, although it’s only noticeable because you are attuned to every change in his tone and his micro-expressions. The slight shake in his voice, the little gulp afterwards and the death grip on the plushies in both of his hands gave it away this time.

You give him a reassuring smile and say your honest thoughts- which is essentially a ramble of every incoherent thought forming in your brain.

“I had an amazing evening! Never thought I’d actually enjoy going to an amusement park in my life. It’s my first time riding a carousel since I was 5 and I loved every second of it. The highlight was definitely those waffles and ice cream. Oh, and winning the plushies was Definitely a huge plus point. I am a genius! This is probably the most genius thing I’ve done in my life. I’m actually very happy. Why aren’t you saying anything?“

You finally end the ramble realising he was very silent and in all your animated rambling while cuddling the cute plushie in your hands, you forgot to check on Vernon.

But there he is, smiling as he stares at you. One corner of his mouth slightly tipped higher than the other, his mouth making a gorgeous bow shape, showing off his teeth and a small strand of hair falling on his face. Just as you can try to move it back he does it himself and for a second your stomach rumbles again as he runs his fingers through his hair- still smiling big.

“How do you always talk so much ?” He half questions and half laughs. You find yourself also smiling involuntarily and immediately straighten up to mock glare at him.

“Oh please! As if you didn’t talk for an hour straight during the rides… that too about your coding projects of all things!”

He smiles a little more brightly at this and sighs happily. “I was doing that to calm you down loser.”

His face is soft and his voice low and deep.

Cue stomach rumbling.

I really need to figure out what’s wrong with my stomach today.

Taking a mental note to visit the health centre the next day, you smile at him. Vernon might be an annoying nerdy idiot but he always cares… a lot.

Checking your watch you decide to head back as it’s almost 10 pm. Just as you bid bye to Vernon, who looks almost disappointed at that, he stops you.

“Do you not want the plushies ?” He questions holding out the plushies in his hand and looking at you earnestly.

“Don’t you want one?” You question back seeing how he’s ready to give both to you.

He considers the question for a minute before breaking out into another of his 'I have a good idea' smiles.

Uh Oh.

“Okayyy, I have an idea… you take the yellow chick one cuz you obviously want it-“, he points to the one in my hand and I nod.

“- I take the unicorn plushie”, he holds up the purple unicorn plushie in his right hand.

“- and the little puppy one…”, his eyes are gleaming so brightly as he looks at the cute puppy plushie in his left hand.

“If you want you can have it." You say hurriedly seeing that he clearly loves it.

He looks confused for a second then pouts as he shakes his head side to side in disagreement.

“No no, I was going to say let’s share it. Every Valentine’s Day we will exchange it. So I'll keep it until our date next year.”

To say he looks proud is an understatement. He might always well have won a Nobel prize the way he is grinning ear to ear. You feel a ball of anxiety rise up from your stomach and you push it back down taking a deep breath.

“Hmm not a bad idea but wait... does this mean we are doing this again next year?”

“Yeah, why not! This one was fun and I don’t mind making this a tradition.” He shrugs casually.

You consider it for a moment, it was not a bad idea. You were touched he wants a tradition with you but you were worried it is going to become complicated eventually. Because what happens when he finds someone better to spend the day with... or if you find someone else, although the chances seem minuscule. You wouldn't mind making this day about your friendship with Vernon, but it still feels like a lot.

Your stomach is rumbling again and you gulp before smiling back at Vernon's expectant face. You really cannot say no to his eager, puppy-dog eyes and that damn smile. The same face that led to him sitting with you on the first day and the face that made you lose so many bets and perform the embarrassing penalties that usually followed.

"Is that a yes?" He is in peak puppy-dog mode and looks at you with all the adoration and something else that you can't quite figure out.

You sigh as you nod to signal yes as you see him reach another level of happiness.

Your roommate’s warning echoes in your head- “Dates with your 'best friend' never end well. I hope neither of you ends up breaking each other’s hearts in this process.”

I can’t break Vernon’s heart. I won't. I shouldn't.

Your stomach does another rumble as you push back the anxious thought and look up to see a very excited Vernon. The smile comes naturally on your face and the only thing that matters is his happiness. It is always him who goes above and beyond for you so the least you can give him is this.

He hands the puppy plushie to you to keep until next year and says, “I can’t believe I’m saying it but your idea was a success. Looking forward to our next date Loser!”

Hours later, you still feel giddy and you hug the plushies tight thinking about the events of the evening as you drift off into sleep with a smile on your face.

Be My Valentine | Ch- 5  My Forever Valentine

pairing: Vernon x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, slight crack, friends to lovers, non-idol!au, college au

summary: College was hard enough and the thought of spending Valentine’s Day alone and sad was not your style. And the best solution was to go on a platonic date with your best friend Vernon. It goes so well that it becomes a tradition until it gets messy… nothing ever goes wrong by pretend-dating your best friend right?

prev chapter | masterlist 

status: complete

a/n: Here it is, the happy ending I have been waiting to write! Let me know your feedback and thoughts.

warning: swearing

I need to go to Vernon.

You have been telling yourself this for the last eight days. Eight days since you opened the mail. Eight days since any form of denial stopped working and your entire being has been hurting from the hurt you caused yourself. And eight more days till the wretched graduation.

When the thought occurred, you expected your body to act on its own and run to Vernon's apartment but instead, it chose to freeze. You sat there on your desk, staring at the invite, for lord knows how long. First came the realisation- you were a fool in love and an idiot in denial, then came the anger- how could you do that to Vernon, and finally the hurt- the 'what ifs'.

What if Vernon has moved on? What if he realised he doesn't really love you? What if he has found someone else and is finally happy? What if you hurt him so bad that he gave up on finding love and happiness? What if you have lost Vernon forever?

The moment these thoughts seeped into your brain they seemed to slowly traverse your entire being. You felt the pain in every fibre of your being. In every nerve ending, every memory, every muscle and every breath you couldn't fully let go. You remember the last time it was this hard to breathe, the last time you were so entirely alone that the whole wide world felt like it was closing in on you. The last time when everyone around you left you to pick up your own pieces.

It had been years since then. You had Liv and Vernon since the last time. Thank god you still have Liv but there are only certain things even she could help with. And not to mention that she has finally found the little ounce of excitement in her life since her job began and you have no heart to dampen that with your own wounds... again. She still found ways to help- by sharing her happiness with you. By being your support system yet again, even when she has a tough time herself.

You feel guilty, along with every other negative emotion flowing through you. Unfortunately for your compartmentalising brain, you have a few weeks of break before you start your full-time job. What wonderful luck this life has to offer! But life doesn't stop, rather you don't like to stop, and because you seem to be unable to fix the one thing you need to, you end up fixing everything else.

You spend your days fixing. cleaning and rearranging the entire apartment. The minute the first heavy thought occurs, you put on your cleaning gloves, pick up your toolbox and set to work. In the last four days, you have dismantled and rearranged multiple furniture pieces across the apartment. Liv understood it is your coping mechanism and entertains the change the apartment goes through every time she is back home. She is grateful you leave her room alone and you are glad she doesn't ever question your antics.

The heaviness in your chest now returns and you immediately shake your head and focus back on the task hand- wearing your old overalls and start painting the walls of your room. Yep, you had officially gone there.

Just as you had managed to get done with the first coating, your stomach grumbles reminding you that you haven't eaten in a long while. As you remove the rubber gloves and head toward the kitchen the doorbell rings. Groaning loudly you go to open the door, ready to snap at the person on the end, but the person on the other side of the door leaves you frozen.

You blink once, twice and thrice. You open your mouth but no sound comes. Because there he is, Vernon, standing in his grey hoodie and jeans, the headphones around his neck as usual, hair messy, eyes heavy and a small tight-lipped smile on his face.

"Hi."

Once again, your mouth opens, and no sound comes out. His voice sends your brain straight to overdrive and you stay there staring at him. You see him raise his eyebrows and sigh. Eventually, he reaches out, your heart is beating erratically and shakes you by the shoulders slightly.

"Hey loser are you alright?"

"Uh- I- Huh?" He just laughs at your exemplary articulation and lets himself in. You are confused but gain your senses enough to close the door behind him and follow him into your house.

He pauses in the living room, takes in all the changes and turns back to look at you with a dumbfounded look- eyebrows shot up, a ridiculous smile playing on his face- telling you that he has confirmed you're a weird human.

"Did you do all this?" He asks his hands pointing to the room. You nod. He nods as he processes the information.

"Are you hungry?" This question throws you off and you look at him to see if he is joking. Then you notice he has lifted his left hand which is holding a bag of takeout. You want to refuse but your stomach rumbles again, giving you out. He smiles and walks to the kitchen. You watch as he opens multiple cabinets, trying to take cutlery, struggling because everything has been altered in the kitchen. Eventually, he figures it out and you follow him to the couch. He puts the food and cutlery down and sits on the couch, and you follow suit.

This is giving you many flashbacks, you and him on the couch, the same place you had watched countless movies together, gossiped together, cuddled together, and eventually the place you broke his heart. He seems to have either forgotten or chosen to ignore the memories that linger in the air between the two of you like the smell of a wet towel trapped in a closed space. He gives you a plate and you notice the noodles and dumplings from your favourite Thai place. His plate also has the same food. You give him a thankful smile, hoping the pain doesn't seep out of you, and he gives you a cheerful and casual smile as he digs in. You follow suit.

The silence is palpable but only you seem to feel it as Vernon looks as relaxed as he's ever been. He closes his eyes and enjoys the food and a soft hum of approval leaves his mouth. You realise you haven't swallowed the food in your mouth and gulp it down with great difficulty- the way it has been for weeks now.

"Congrats on your job." His words make you choke on your food.

"Uh- I- Thanks." He nods, the smile on his lips.

"Are you not going to congratulate me?" His eyes are widened in childlike wonder and your stomach flips. "Wh-What?"

"Do you not know?" You shake your head in negative, too guilty to speak. His smile falters and he scoffs as he takes another bite of the dumpling. He raises his eyebrow and eyes you to see if you are joking and when he realises not, he slumps back on the couch running a hand through his hair.

Giving a dry laugh he looks back at you again. “I got into the research program.”

“Oh. Oh? Oh my God! Oh wow! Oh my God Vernon, that’s amazing!”

Just as your mind catches up with the news, the joy takes over your body and in a very practised way you move across the couch in one stride and hug him. You’re hugging him, squealing in joy, too happy to realise that he’s frozen and stuck between you and the couch. Once the excitement in your body dies down, you realise the position you’re in and embarrassment crawls up your face as you slowly get up and make your way back to the other end of the couch. Your face, hands, legs and everywhere is burning up and you stuff your face with a dumping in hopes of hiding it.

“Thanks.” He says and you look up to see a shy smile playing on his face. His smile really could light up this whole city and it certainly lightens your heart.

You both remain silent. It’s much less palpable now. A lot more comfortable.

Eventually, you decide it’s high time you sort this out. It is more painful realising he’s right here and yet he’s so far away. To realise all you could have and that you are holding it back for yourself and him.

“We should talk…”

He looks up with raised eyebrows. Not saying a word or indicating any sort of acknowledgment. You still continue with your point.

“We should talk about us.”

“What us?” You whip your head so fast at his words that you are certain you’ve cracked a bone. He looks stoic, with not a hint of… any emotion at all.

“Us… you and me.” You sound dumb.

“You are you and I’m me. That’s all.” He says in a straight tone and you do your best to observe a pinch of any emotion he might’ve been subtly displaying but you find none.

“Vernon.” You sigh and put your head in your hands on your lap.

“What do you want me to say y/n?” He sounds resigned, again.

Your eyes are wet and you blink back the tears. You will not break down without saying what you need to.

Slowly lifting your head from your hands you look up at him.

“Vernon, I’m sorry. And- No don’t say anything for now.” You stop him before he can interrupt. “I fucked up. Big time. I agree. I was just... I was scared. I was scared of hurting you and losing you. I was scared a lot. I still am." You pause to gauge his reaction and he is looking intently at you, doing a fantastic job keeping his emotions at bay. The lack of protest feels like permission to keep going, so you do.

"I was scared because I thought I would lose you entirely if this goes wrong. I thought by not acknowledging my feelings and denying yours, I could make us stay together for a lot longer. Romantic relationships haven't exactly worked that well in my life or even around me. I grew up knowing only instability. When I met Liv and you, I didn't expect you both to become so close to me, to become my found family, in a sense. With Liv, it was easier since there were no confusing big feelings involved. With you... I wanted to keep it easy and safe. Since the day I realised there might be even the slightest of feelings, I did my absolute best to push it down so that I don't lose you. I did everything I could to convince myself that I can't, I shouldn't have feelings for you. I pushed it down so much that my response the other day became an instinctual fight or flight response."

You breathe heavily after saying all that in one flow. You needed to say more but also take a pause because it feels like too much. Your eyes are wet and heavy again, and your knuckles hurt from how hard you were pressing your nails into your palm the whole time. Hanging your head low and closing your eyes, you just take a few breaths and try to unclench your fists.

Right as you are about to give up on unclenching them you feel a weight on your fists. You open your eyes to see Vernon kneeling in front of you and opening your fists and looking at the marks your nails have left on your palms. You continue looking at your fists, unable to meet his eye, as he starts rubbing soothing circles on your palm. He then lifts your palms and kisses lightly on the scars. This is when you break.

The tears are streaming involuntarily as you stare at him, him still trying to soothe your fists with small teardrops trailing down his own cheek. You are on the couch crying, him on his knees holding your hands and teary-eyed. Funny how life can come full circle.

He straightens up and finally meets your eye, glistening with tears and a million emotions you can't bare to identify as you wipe away your own tears.

"When?" Might sound foolish but you know exactly what he is referring to- the first time you began to live in denial.

"The first Valentine's date."

Vernon stares at you for a few seconds, as if to test if you are joking, and breaks into a small smirk.

"So it did work." Now you break into a smile, you are most certain you are blushing too.

"Yeah, very well in fact." This time both of you let out soft and shy giggles. He clears his throat.

"Y/N, I know this is scary. But scary might not be bad. We are scared to lose someone only if they mean that much. I mean I was shit scared, and then the fear turned to anger, jealousy and every ugly emotion ever. But at the end of the day, I was willing to fight. I still am. And I will as long as we have something to fight for. I am not promising you a forever of sunshine and rainbows because we both are not stupid. But I promise to talk things with you, as long as you do too. And to fight for us, for you, for this." He says pointing to the air between us.

You smile and nod, wiping your face with a renewed vigour.

"I really should've just let you talk that day huh?" It's a rhetorical question but Vernon shrugs in agreement earning himself a pout from you.

"Jokes aside, I need you to know that what I said that day was not true... I love you." His eyes light up, his mouth slightly opens in surprise and your heart swells at his reaction. You lean a bit forward, suddenly courageous, and hold his face in your palms.

"I love you Vernon, a lot. A lot more than I can comprehend now that I spent a good two years suppressing it. Turns out I did a very bad job at that." He nods with a big smile lighting up his face. Chucking, you continue. " I loved you from the start as a friend and then began loving you more. And God, even after all this effort and hurt to try and stop that- I didn't succeed. Now I am glad I didn't. I just... I am still shit scared, but I want to be scared while I'm with you. Like you said, I'd rather be scared of losing you than not have you at all."

He's sobbing and smiling into your hands and you are sobbing into his hands that have now moved to hold your face. Eventually, he pulls you into a hug and you reciprocate with such force that both of you end up crashing on the floor- side by side, still in each other's embrace.

He brings his face towards you, you close your eyes and the world comes to a standstill as your lips meet. Your heart seems to untangle itself and even though you are physically out of breath, you feel free to breathe now. He pulls back to see your face, his million-watt smile on full display, as you return it with an equally bright one.

"I love you so much y/n." The words and the emotions in his eyes make you go weak in the knees. You wouldn't mind feeling that giddiness every time. You giggle into his arms in glee.

"Vernon, you asked me to be your platonic Valentine then-" He visibly cringes at the mention of platonic, "- and now, I want you to be my Valentine forever."

"Oh wow. Cliche much. Maybe we can go to the Graduation together first and then talk about Valentines- which is more than ten months away." He scrunches his nose in mock distaste as you playfully hit him and snuggle in closer to his side.

"But yes, you are stuck with me- Valentine and all." He means it.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be." And you meant it.

Be My Valentine | Ch- 3  Turbulent Traditions

pairing: Vernon x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, slight crack, friends to lovers, non-idol!au, college au

summary: College was hard enough and the thought of spending Valentine’s Day alone and sad was not your style. And the best solution was to go on a platonic date with your best friend Vernon. It goes so well that it becomes a tradition until it gets messy… nothing ever goes wrong by pretend-dating your best friend right?

prev chapter | masterlist | next chapter

status: ongoing

a/n: This is almost entirely angst and I tried my best to write it. Let me know your feedback and thoughts.

warning: time jump (almost a year), swearing

pictures from Pinterest!

"Another one bites the dust huh."

You groan from your spot on the floor in the middle of the living room in the apartment you share with your friend, Olivia. Now that you were in your senior year and both of you had part-time jobs, you decided to move out of the crusty dorm room. It is barely enough for both of you but it works as it is close to your university and your respective internships.

Life has been filled with the highest of highs and lowest of lows in the last year. You managed to stay on top of almost all your courses, your internship was going great albeit strenuous, but it gave you the freedom to live where you want and achieve all your dreams. Well, all but one that is.

While it has only been highs in the academic, career and friendship aspects of your life; it has been nothing but an exponential downfall in your love life. From jocks to nerds, online dating to blind date setup from friends- you'd tried it all, but luck was not on your side. It was either a disappointment, heartbreak, or a combination of it all. You had sworn off men since freshman year but the platonic Valentine's Day date with Vernon had left you craving romantic validation and you started putting yourself out there.

You heavily regret that decision now as you stare at the ceiling trying your best to not puke as you remember the most recent... mess up.

"Can't believe he, of all people, had you wrapped around his finger ." You hear Olivia's voice come from the sofa again.

You get up from the floor slowly and glare at her. "I am not proud of it either Liv. But," You put your hands in your hair and tug at it in frustration, "he sweet-talked the shit out of me in that New Year's party. What a fucking idiot I was... UGH!"

She sighs and you feel her move from the couch, sit down next to you and wrap an arm around you.

"Hey... babe look at me." You turn to face her as she wears the pained and sympathetic expression that you knew all too well by now.

"I'm sorry this keeps happening to you but please know none of it was your fault. Okay, maybe choosing idiots is your fault but it's still not a big deal. Don't beat yourself up over douchebags okay?" She sounds soft and empathising and you just nod as you hug her. Both of you stay in the embrace for a moment or two before she pulls away to face you.

"What's Vernon's opinion on this?"

Another groan leaves you. "I haven't told him."

"You haven't told him about the breakup or about even the relationship," both of you pretend-gag, " Sorry I meant the 2-week situationship or whatever," she says with her hands vaguely flailing around to depict just how vague and annoying the whole ordeal had been.

"I haven't told him abt the whole thing." She raises her eyebrow as you give a guilty smile. "Y/n come on. That's not..."She shakes her head unable to finish the sentence, which both of you know would sound hurtful and true.

"I know... I know Liv. I messed up. But I just couldn't say it. It never goes well when I bring up my dating life. And if I tell him how it ended now, he'd flip out." She rolls her eyes and you brace yourself for the harsh truth that you know is coming- because that is what you and Liv do for each other, although you have been at the receiving end of harsh truths a lot more recently.

"Y/n are you-" she breaks off in the middle and sighs. "You know what, never mind. No matter how many times I say, you're gonna be in your own denial. So yeah do what you want to."

Without waiting for your response she gets up and goes to the kitchen. You sigh and follow her there. "Liv come on, you know that's not what this is. Will you please stop trying to convince me that Vernon likes me." She turns from the stove and looks pointedly at you.

"Yeah sure keep believing it."

You sigh knowing this is a losing battle so you leave her to be with a frustrated sigh. Sure things had been slightly different between Vernon and you since last year's platonic date and he keeps snapping at you every time you tried to talk to him about any of the guys you liked or were dating. And without fail, every single time, he would tell you that he warned you about not making bad choices. All that you got from this was he was being needy and also a good sensible friend. Olivia has convinced herself is proof that Vernon loves you. She's technically been on this agenda since sophomore year when she claims to have seen the "look of love" on Vernon's face during a party night.

Cute story, but not real. Hopefully not.

When overthinking starts clouding your mind, you do the only thing you can right now- avoid thinking by sleeping.

--------

"Hey, y/n wake up."

You open your eyes to see a very concerned Liv staring at you. "What happened?" you ask groggily.

"Vernon is here."

"WHAT?" She just nods in response and you immediately jump from the bed and straighten your hair before heading to the living room.

He is sitting on the couch in his signature black hoodie staring at his feet with his back to you. You consider running back into your room and jumping out the window for a minute. But you don't.

"Hey," You see him turn around and give a tight-lipped smile.

"Hey, y/n. Can we talk in your room?" he says as he gets up from the sofa and you nod as you look at Liv, who is smiling at you with sympathy and confusion.

Once you're both in your room, he settles down on your chair near the desk and you sit on the edge of the bed.

"You haven't changed anything in the room since you moved in and that was months ago." He notes assessing your room and turning to face you.

"I was busy."

"Dating douchebags." He says it silently as if hoping you'd not hear but unfortunately for both, you did hear it.

"What?" He looks up at your sharp tone and slightly winces when he sees your glare.

Sighing he says, "I heard." You roll your eyes. "And I suppose you are here to give another lecture on my 'horrendous decision-making skills'."

He looks at you for a minute, air-quotes and all, gets up and sits next to you on the bed as he takes your hand in his. "I'm sorry." You turn your head in surprise. "For what?"

"For being an asshole of a friend and driving you away. It didn't feel good hearing about you getting hurt from a third person and I know it's my fault."

You sigh and give him a small smile, leaning your head on his shoulder. "I am too. Wasn't entirely your fault. And... I agree."

"Huh?" You look up at his confused face turned toward where your head is on his shoulder.

"I agree that I do date douchebags." He laughs and you follow suit.

It was always easy with Vernon. Sure you both fight a lot, especially since your dating drama has been on a high. Both of you are loose-lipped and say things you don't mean but you always did go back to each other at the end. You don't think you could ever go without talking to Vernon for more than two or three days no matter how angry or scared you are. And neither can he.

"You've been busy." You tell him, now playing with the band he's wearing on his wrist. "Kind of, I guess. I just had a hard time balancing all the assignments, coding tournaments and of course, my internship."

You hum in acknowledgement. "You work too hard Vernon."

"Hmmm maybe. But if I don't. then who's gonna buy you the things you want?" You scoff at his words, "As if!"

He raises his left eyebrow with a smirk playing on his face.

"Alright, then I won't give you this." You eye him for a minute weighing the possibility of it being a mere prank but then curiosity gets the best of you.

"Give me what?" His smirk grows bigger and reaches into his pocket, takes out a small piece of paper and hands it to you.

No way.

"Vernon, did you just get me passes to the club I've been trying to get into for monthsssss!" You exclaim as your jaw dropped to the floor and his smile now lights up his whole face.

"I got us both in. I figured it would be a good gift plus our annual date is in two more weeks anyway." He explains shrugging.

"Oh My God! This is going to be amazing! I can almost forget that it will be Valentine's Day!" You scream as you hug him and get up to excitedly jump around the room.

"Why are you always a Valentine's Grinch," he says with a small laugh and you stick your tongue at him, too happy to bicker.

---------------

The two weeks since Vernon gifted the club tickets passed by in a blink. Everything went smoothly at uni, at work and at home. Once again you find yourself swearing off love during the month of love (the pattern is not good, is it!), but it feels less annoying with the knowledge of having tickets to the hottest club in town.

The same knowledge plagues you currently as you throw away the tenth outfit from your cupboard onto the bed as you deem it "too gaudy" for the night. Vernon told you it was okay to show up in whatever you feel good but what does he know about fashion. Plus, he looked annoyingly good in almost everything. For someone who is extremely quiet and a nerd who is slightly insane, he has a surprising number of fans. Most of them get harshly rejected when voicing out their interest to him, he really is insane.

"Still didn't find an outfit?" Liv pokes her head through your room door and takes in the state of your room's avalanche-level mess. You shake your head negatively with a pout which makes her sigh. She enters the room and brings in two hangers of clothes with her. Your eyes grow wider in shock as you see two of your favourite dresses from Liv's closet.

Before she can begin to explain, you run to meet her in the middle and grab the black satin dress she has in her left hand.

"Hey! I didn't even say you can take it!" She says with mock anger which only makes you sheepishly laugh.

"Well, what are friends for if not sharing Livieee..." You coo in what is hopefully a cute tone.

"Yeah yeah, whatever. But don't you dare ruin it." She warns and you nod your head. "Got it. Thank you, Liv."

"Buy me food later. Now go and enjoy your date." This earns a glare from you and she corrects herself with an eye roll. "Oh right, your 'platonic' Valentine's Day date at the hottest club with your 'best friend'." The air quotes are way too exaggerated and you push her out of the room before you question everything again.

Why didn't you question things more, you think as you try your best to not freeze in the short satin dress and jean jacket on your way to the club. Vernon had insisted on picking you up but you refused stating that the club was only a couple blocks away. Now you understand that being the passenger princess is always the right option, especially when dressed in the shortest possible clothes in the middle of a cold February.

You see Vernon standing in front of the club, a few steps away and wave at him. He doesn't wave back. He looks like he has frozen on the spot, even though he is covered from top to bottom in winter-appropriate clothes- a stunning jacket with a plain black t-shirt and his favourite pair of ripped jeans. You eventually reach him and he seems to finally come back to life.

"Did you get a frostbite or something right now?" You question as you punch him in the arm slightly. "Uh, no no. Just lost in thought. But you look like you are gonna freeze if we don't go in right now."

"Yes, please. I need warmth." You say as you both rush into the club.

The club is all you expected it to be in terms of ambience but it was definitely far too crowded for your liking and before you could start feeling claustrophobic you felt Vernon's voice near your ears.

"I got us VIP passes, let's go up." You gawk at him with wide eyes knowing that would've cost a lot and let him guide you to the far less crowded area upstairs with more space and fewer people. He leads you both to a table with a semi-covered booth where you both settle down next to each other. Even without your jacket on you feel a lot warmer and better now.

Both of you get started with a set of cocktails to get the night started. Time goes on as you switch between drinking, dancing on the floor and convincing Vernon to join you. Eventually, you give up on making Vernon dance and head off to the dance floor to enjoy some alone time dancing.

But the thought immediately gets squashed as you see a tall, dark-haired man on the dance floor near you. He's built like a literal Greek god but something about how his hair falls in soft curls on the side of his face and he smiles at you to make you feel like he's a good man. But then again you are inebriated so let's not be hasty about your questionable decision-making skills. The very same skills that lead you to move toward him and extend your hand for a dance. He looks between your hand, and your face and gives you a bedazzling smile before accepting your offer.

As you both start swaying to the beat, you feel his hands roam over your waist and you hold onto his shoulders. You feel light, not thinking much- just enjoying dancing with this hot piece of a man on a good day in a hot outfit. It feels good and so you let him hold you like this and keep dancing. You were slightly out of focus and don't notice that his hands are slowly moving to spots you would feel uncomfortable had you been a little more conscious. You were a little too caught up in the vibe that you break out of it when you feel a harsh pull and stumble into another pair of arms before you can fall flat on your ass.

"What the-" Your words die in your throat as you see one man throwing a solid punch at the one in front of you. You blink twice to get rid of the haze and realise that Vernon had punched the stranger while holding onto you with his other hand.

A very drunk, red-faced and unstable-looking Vernon.

Your senses take over before the much taller and definitely stronger man can punch Vernon and you step in. "Hey, I- I'm so sorry. I don't know why my friend did that. I am sorry. Just let him go, he must've drank a lot. Sorry."

The bigger guy retreats at your words with a glare toward Vernon and the people around go back to their business. You drag Vernon by his arm to the nearest door which led to a balcony.

"Y/n I-" You slap him before he says another word and it silences him as he put his head down.

Even though you are confused and pissed off, you still love Vernon- because he is your best friend, so you move to caress the cheek you slapped. When he eventually looks up you can see that he is still slightly drunk but not too far gone.

"What the hell was that Vernon?"

He blinks at you for a second. "I'm sorry."

"You should be. But why the fuck did you do that?" He sighs in frustration and runs his fingers through his hair as he steps back. You stand there searching his face for some kind of answer.

"I- It's so annoying how easily I lose control when it comes to you. Ugh!" He punches the wall in frustration as he says this and you are too scared to move. You have never seen Vernon lose his patience in all three-plus years of knowing him and this was him in pure rage.

Even though you are scared you still try to calm him down by turning him to face you. "Vernon, please don't hurt yourself. Tell me what happened." Your voice comes in a broken plea and it makes him look at you and your wet eyes.

"What happened?" He grunts again. "Are you kidding me Y/N! How can you be so reckless all the time? Do you not realise how messed up it could get!"

"What are you even saying?" You hear yourself begin to shout, completely sober and confused now.

He gives a dry chuckle. "That guy was feeling you up the whole time. Did you not even realise that?"

All you can do is blink at him. He stares at your confused expression and you see his rage turn into something sullen- you're not sure if it's worse or better. When he speaks again his voice is an octave deeper and strained.

"Why do you keep putting yourself in danger's way all the damn time? Don't trust every guy you see Y/N. It fucking pisses me off to see you go off with every loser on the planet. You have no clue how much it sucks to see you get hurt by every idiot and keep putting yourself down. You're such a smart, amazing and gorgeous woman and you let all those bozos make you question your worth. As much as I just hate the idea of you with someone else I at least wish it were with guys who know to treat you right. The way I-" he throws his head and takes a shaky breath," You know what, never mind."

"Oh my god Vernon. It was just a dance in a club. Of course, his hands were on me, and so was mine. Why are you so worked over this like you are in love with me or something."

You are ready to laugh at the ridiculous suggestion you made but the sound gets caught in your throat when you see him freeze and his eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights.

Oh?

Oh...

Shit.

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

I started this account solely to write poetry and until a month back didn’t think I’d write fanfic and post it but I’m glad.

On that note I’ve definitely got one coming today (hopefully in a few hours)😁😁😁😁

remember me...

I wrote this one inspired by never grow up tv, dorothea, young forever (BTS) and Promise (Jimin)

Exclusively Me

remember me…

The garden is a forest now, flowers blooming every morningMy little lake all dried up welcoming the impending droughtI watch as the seasons

Made my entire day😭❤️💜💕💖💙💚💛

THANK YOUUUU😭😭😭😭

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

pairing: Hyunjin x fem!reader

tags: angst, fluff in ending, dancer Hyunjin, non-idol!au, college au, swearing

summary: Being in the coveted dance team of the university was no small feat. After being in the team for a whole year, you find yourself about to participate in a prestigious inter-college competition for Duet performance with none other than the college IT boy and dance team captain- Hyunjin. You'd spent one year suppressing your big fat crush on the charming boy, but now that you find yourself dancing in his arms, he just might paint you golden.

wordcount: 6.4k

Note: This can be read as a one-shot but I was kind of expanding on the universe from the Lee Know oneshot Mr Gorgeous.

Let me know your thoughts and feedback.

It was a nice Sunday morning and like every college student, all you wanted to do was sleep in. But unlike every student, you’re part of the university dance team. From the outside looking in, it was the most glamorous group to be a part of. Being a part of the team inherently gave you the highest social status on campus. You got special exemptions from certain tests and even privileges for missing mandatory events.

Little did they know that all the shine comes with a mountain of hard work. Getting into the dance team itself was a major task lasting 5 entire rounds of selections in multiple genres, solo and group showcase. And once you make it, there is no room for complacency. The team did at least three performances a month- in-house and external. So the only constant in your lives was practice sessions, assignments and sleepless nights.

For being the most desired group on campus, the dance team never got the time to do any of the popular kid things, apart from the validation itself. Except for the dance team co-captain, of course. Hwang Hyunjin will not let busy schedules and tiring practices stop him from being the campus IT boy. Nobody, literally nobody, is privy to his charms.

Including you.

Despite a lifetime of training in dance, the primary reason you tried out for the dance team was Hyunjin. You still remember the goosebumps on your skin and the way your jaw was on the floor the entire time he was on stage. On the day of your freshman orientation a year ago, you had joined hundreds gathered in the amphitheatre to see the dance team perform. The then sophomore, Hyunjin along with his friend Lino (Lee Minho), had been the stars of the show. The entire team, including the charming ex-captain- Chris, were immaculate. The performance was so power-packed mixed with equal parts grace and emotions. While the boys had done a hip-hop rendition, the girls had taken a contemporary approach. The two eventually collided to meet in the modern-pop genre for the finale. You decided then to join the dance team, so you did a few months later.

Although you should’ve decided against harbouring a huge crush on said It-boy. In the first two shows after making the team, you were nothing but a blubbering mess. It took all of your conscious energy to not stammer every time he so much as looked at you. Ultimately, you mellowed down, or maybe the reality of seeing Hyunjin woo more than half the campus with his charms and leave a trail of broken hearts got to you.

You still respected him as a dancer, it’s hard not to when he oozes power, grace and sometimes the literal demon while dancing. His on-stage persona was almost entirely different from the idiot who runs around pissing off his Co-captain Minho, or constantly trying to borderline harass the newest and youngest addition to the team- Jeongin.

Your phone alarm starts ringing bringing you back to reality- Sunday morning rehearsal. You silence it before it disturbs your roommates’ precious sleep. Trying your best to tiptoe your way around the dorm room, getting ready and after grabbing a granola bar from your desk, you make your way to the practice room.

On the way you meet your favourite person on the team- Felix (truth be told he’s everyone’s favourite).

“Hii Y/n.” He waves furiously giggling as he walks up to you.

“Hi Felix” you giggle back, simply because it’s impossible not to get affected by his infectious joy.

“How are you so cheerful at 6:30 AM?” You ask as he gives you a side hug. He just shrugs and skips alongside you to the practice room. You let out a little laugh at the little ball of sunshine that is Felix as he starts animatedly telling you random stories.

The practice room is in shambles. You and Felix exchange a flabbergasted look at each other and look around the room again. Everyone is crowded in the centre and talking over one another.

“Y/N! Come here. Fast.” You hear your Sumi, your teammate, call from somewhere amidst the chaos. When the team starts noticing you enter the room, they fall silent. They move back from crowding in the centre and you realise all eyes are switching between you and Sumi who is holding a paper in her hands.

“What’s going on?”

Sumi gulps and hands over the paper to you.

Inter-College Dance Competition Category: Duet Participants: Hyunjin and Y/N

Shit. Holy shit.

“Morning guys.”

The voice startled you. You whip your head to see Hyunjin enter the room, his duffel bag on his shoulder, clothes crumpled, and hair in a messy bun. Yet he looked ethereal.

He looks at you and smiles. “Oh Y/n, you’ve heard the news. Good, we can get down to the details then.”

Details? What details? Oh, right dance.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure.” You finally manage with a nod.

“Alright guys let's start, we’ll do a couple run-throughs till noon, take a break and convene here at 4:30pm to get ready for the show. Finally, we go up there and rock the crowd. Sound like a plan?”

Everyone cheers and you nod, still processing the fact that you had been chosen to dance a duet with Hyunjin. Not just any performance but the biggest inter-college competition in the state. With Hyunjin. A duet. You. And Hyunjin. Good god it’s going to be a ride.

The team goes into a practised routine of rehearsals, chaos, more rehearsals and even more chaos.

At 1 PM you’re glad you can finally rest for a few hours before the performance. The evening rolls in, and you head to the green room. One by one, the girls start getting ready and the green room is already chaotic but becomes a full-blown circus once the boys crowd in.

From your place, you watch as Hyunjin hugs Jeongin so tight that the poor junior looks like he could die. Lino is sitting in his favourite corner (he has one everywhere he goes), cuddled up with his girlfriend- man has been the biggest simp since they got together a month ago. Felix is going around giving everyone motivation and cheering them up- typical Felix. He hugs you so tight and warm, you can feel the nerves physically leave you. Then there’s Yeji and Lia, discussing choreo parts with Sumi and others. The air in here is infectious, everyone is equal parts excited and nervous.

The performance goes by in a whizz, the adrenaline rushing through your entire body as you stand on stage witnessing your friends, classmates, seniors and juniors in the crowds enjoying the performance.

You feel alive.

Afterwards, you change out of the costume into your sweats and meet all your classmates who had come backstage to support you. The gratitude that fills your chest leaves you emotional.

You give Jeongin a tight hug, congratulating him on his official performance as part of the team. Even if he hates the hug, he gracefully accepts it and smiles wide. You were very entirely endeared by his cuteness- everyone was. Specifically his super fan Hyunjin.

Think of the devil and watch as he walks to where you and Jeongin are. Even though you squished down your tiny crush, you've always felt nervous around him- simply because he is Hwang Hyunjin. Now the impending performance and the sheer idea of having to spend weeks practising with Hyunjin- one on one, is doing no help to your nerves.

"Jeonginahhhhh," he squeals and you step back as he hugs the younger member. Jeongin tries his best to smile and endure it but fails, making you crack up.

"Hi Y/N," Hyunjin says, finally letting the younger one go free finally and turning to you.

"Hey, Hyunjin. Amazing performance." You manage to say, trying to keep your nerves at bay.

"Thanks. You did well too." He flashes his smile, his fringe falling to his face and his eye twinkling as his cheeks light up.

There goes any attempt of calming your nerves.

Hyunjin continues to shower Jeongin with compliments, rightfully so, and you watch how he looks carefree and young as the latter is glowing in pride and embarrassment.

Right as you turn to take your leave, Hyujin calls your name.

"Yeah?"

"We need to discuss the performance, when can we meet about that?"

The frown on your face turns up before you realise it and he laughs.

"I get it. I need a break too. Maybe we can meet on Friday evening?"

"Yeah, sure. That works for me."

"It's a date."

A what?

But before you can mull over what he meant, your friends drag you out of the green room to celebrate. You were glad for the welcome distraction. Especially watching Seungmin and Yumi constantly fight over everything as you and Jisung sit there laughing at their antics.

----------

"Y/n, You can do this! It is just dancing. You've been doing this your whole life. Well, not dancing with Hyunjin, but the semantics don't matter. You can still do this. It is just called a duet, maybe the two of you will not even be on stage at the same time. Hyunjin is a busy guy, he might just ask you to do your own choreo for your part. Y/n, I know you're gonna sla-"

"Y/n, I will MURDER you if you don't get out of the bathroom right fucking now."

Yumi's voice breaks you out of the pep-talk you were giving yourself in the bathroom mirror. You give yourself one final thumbs up and head out to see a fuming Yumi standing on the other side.

She grunts like a wounded dog and you giggle as you hug her in apology.

"Sorry. Anyways, I'm heading out now. Haffun." You pick up your bags and start walking toward the dorm room door.

"I will. All the best for your meeting. And Y/n?" You hum looking at her.

"It'll be alright, don't stress out too much." You nod appreciatively and wave as you head out.

The whole way to the practice room, you keep repeating the pep-talk to yourself. You've spent a good amount of time in the last four days telling yourself that the date comment is just a habit for the pro-charmer Hyunjin and it means nothing. You might've also spent a good few hours warning yourself not to develop any embarrassing feelings for him.

When you enter the practice room, you see Hyunjin, Yeji and Minho sitting in a corner discussing something. As the only seniors in the group, they make all the logistical and creative decisions for the team. Minho spots you first, smiling politely and Yeji follows suit. Hyunjin nods in your direction as the three of them start to pack up.

Yeji and Minho make small talk with you before leaving and you're left alone with Hyunjin. He sits down in the centre of the room, in front of the full-length mirror, and ties his shoes as you walk toward him. He's in his usual sweats and hair tied in a half-up bun.

"Hi." You mutter as you sit down next to him.

"Hello. Had a nice break?" He smiles and you nod.

"Yeah, slept like a pig. What about you?"

"Meh, I mean I got a break from the dancing but still... senior year you know. I'm just perpetually tired." He does look tired and you nod sympathetically.

"Well, I'm sure you'll fare better than me as a senior next year." He says with a smile, sounding sincere and it takes everything in you not to blush.

So much for no embarrassing feelings.

"Oh, sure. Don't downplay your achievements. No one could lead this team the way you do." You were speaking the facts but seeing him smile wide and bright made your stomach flip.

"Aye you don't need to butter me up anymore, you got the part in the biggest competition now."

"Hey, I wasn't trying to butter you up." You feign mock offence.

"Okay, I believe you. Anyway, let's start with the concept."

Please say anything except sexy or love.

"So the concept is love- more like finding your way back to love. So I thought we would do something where estranged exes find their way back to each other kind of."

Big time fuck.

You nod and smile as you process his words and what this might mean for said embarrassing feelings (which you will not harbour). You decide to be a professional and only focus on dancing.

"Yeah, that sounds cool. Do you have any choreo already planned?"

"Yeah." He pulls up his laptop from his bag and shows a video. Hyunjin and Yeji are dancing in the video, the dance is… touchy to say the least. You refuse to acknowledge the churning in your stomach as you see the two of them dance closely.

The dance is split into three parts- starting with solos expressing the regret and anger that both parties have, proceeding to a mirroring sequence where their anguish aligns and finally, the slow dance symbolising the happy ending.

Once the dance ends you stare at the blank screen for a minute before turning to see that Hyunjin is expectantly staring at you.

“So?” He asks with raised eyebrows and a small smile playing on his lips.

“Umm it’s amazing. As usual.” He smiles and waves away the compliment.

“I have one doubt though, why didn’t Yeji and you perform this?” Your voice comes out low and quiet. A part of you hopes your question doesn't make him rethink and choose Yeji instead- for dance, of course.

He shakes his head sidewise, a shy smile on his face. "It didn't feel right."

"Oh."

"Alright, so I can start teaching you the common parts and we can modify according to our needs as we go. I'll leave the solo to you. Okay?"

"Yeah cool."

Lord knows how this is going to end.

----------

"Hyunjin, let's do this once more and then we'll move on to the next part." You reprimand a whining Hyunjin, lying face-first on the practice room floor. It's the fourth day of practice sessions and both of you are running out of fuel quickly.

"Y/n, you're doing good. Let's just take a break and start with the slow dance part." He whines turning to face you with a pout.

You want to give in to his antics but you hold your stand. Partly because it is a mirroring dance and you desperately want to be completely in sync with Hyunjin (the man dances like he is the god of dance). Another part because you wanted to delay the thought of starting the next section of the performance because the thought of being close to Hyunjin and doing the slow-contemporary dance section made your legs turn to slime.

"No. I just want to perfect this. Just onceeee. Then we can take a break, and start the- the other part." You flash him your best puppy-dog face and he sighs as he gets up from the floor.

"Alright let's do this but I don't know what you are worrying about, you're perfect already."

Cue embarrassing butterflies and feelings you definitely do not feel.

And like clockwork, the two of you start moving according to the beat. You had watched Hyunjin's every minuscule movement and so had he. Now you are in so much sync that the perfectionist in both of you is almost entirely satiated.

"Okay... that was brilliant Y/n. Please let's take a break and start learning the next part." He says taking deep breaths and chugging water. You can barely nod as you catch your breath.

The next hour is spent eating the dinner you ordered a while back, reviewing the latest run and the choreography video.

"What are you thinking for the solo part?" He asks between bites and you have to admit he looks cute with his cheeks filled as he chews and frowns as he enjoys the food.

"I'm thinking of sticking to my roots- just contemporary."

"Oh that's good. You're good at contemporary."

"I- Thanks." He smiles.

"You should do something similar to your audition performance."

You nod involuntarily and then his words sink in. "You remember that?"

"Yeah, I do. It was an amazing performance Y/N. I'm sure everyone remembers it." You scoff and he raises an eyebrow.

"Minho asked me if I am new, last month."

He laughs. "No no, that's just his messed up humour sense. But anyways, I speak for myself when I say it's hard to forget such a good performance. And you."

You end up swallowing a big bite of your burger and start to choke as he just smiles and hands you the water bottle. Before you can say anything, he is up for the next part.

It starts fine, the two of you slowly moving toward each other with each step- from mirroring each other to reaching out. Then comes the trickier part. It starts with your hands brushing, the two of you circling around the other, looking into each other. Obviously, you look anywhere but his face. Because staring into those eyes will not do anything good for you. He doesn't say anything if he notices the little flinches or lack of eye contact.

The two of you keep practising the moves over and over until both of you are satisfied with the flow. Now it is becoming increasingly hard for you to focus on these details. Especially considering how your heart is beating in your ears with every step the two of you take.

He needs to hold your hand and move it in a curve while his other hand is on your hip. And it gets worse, as the following step requires you to turn and face him, your hands on his neck, his on your hips as you bend away and come back to his embrace. He suggests going over each movement slowly and it worsens your plight. You hear his voice from a distance as you do your best not to stare at his lips that are inches away. You can see that he is saying something and you find yourself nodding along. You do the step according to his counts and return to his embrace.

This is when you do the mistake of looking up at his face, he is staring down at you too. You see the black fringes that have escaped the bun, sticking to the corners of his face. His forehead is lined with beads of sweat, thin darkened eyes, and plump lips slightly apart. The clock ticks somewhere but neither of you seems to realise, until eventually, you snap back into sense- the inherent panic of feelings stirring in your stomach.

You step back and look at your feet, he stays still and starts fidgeting with his hands.

"I- Um... It's almost 10. I- I should head back." You stammer, slowly looking at him. He looks at you for a second and nods. You nod and start collecting your things.

"Do you want me to walk you back?" And thud goes your water bottle, slipping from your hands- entirely due to your clumsiness and nothing to do with butterflies, of course.

"Uh no not necessary. It's just a 5 min walk." You hope he looks disappointed but hope is a dangerous game for a fool trying to live in denial.

"Ok. Bye." He turns to his bag before you can say your bye and that's that.

------

"Two days. That's all we have for the performance! And this is when Hyunjin decides he can just go galivanting about and not show up to practice." You groan to yourself, standing in front of the full-length mirror in the practice room.

The last two weeks of practice have been a lot less eventful compared to the first. After the first day of doing the slow dance, things shifted between Hyunjin and you. Both of you became more distant and closer, at the same time. Some days you bickered like childhood besties, and on others, both of you walked around each other on eggshells. He often showed up to morning practice with crumpled clothes and messed up hair and your heart would drop to your stomach realising he must've spent the night with someone else. You would immediately reprimand yourself for making assumptions just to get your feelings in check.

And yet here you were, mind running in a million different directions as you figure he could be with anybody right now, while you sit in the musty old practice room at 7pm on a Saturday evening. These thoughts never helped, so you resort to your comfort zone- dancing.

And for the third time that evening, you go over your solo part and the rest of the dance. You are tired of dancing the same things so you start freestyling to your favourite tracks. Dancing always made you feel good, especially when you poured all your emotions out through your body. You lost yourself to the song, letting the beat and your body carry you away.

That's how you fail to notice Hyunjin's arrival until you get startled by the loud claps coming from the door. You whip your head around to see him standing with his go-to sweatshirt, duffel bag and hair in a bun. He is smiling wide, the kind that made his eyes small and cheeks full.

"Y/N, that was sooo goood. I've never seen you move like that till now. That was amazing, really!"

This boy made it so hard to live in denial with his charm, kind words and that smile. And that's why you can do nothing but smile and giggle like a little girl as you mutter a small thanks.

"Sorry, I got caught up in work. Have you been waiting long?" You watch as he puts his bag down and starts stretching and you see that his sweatshirt is inside out, and his hair is messier than you've ever seen. Here's the thing about this boy- he goes around breaking hearts without intending to. And here's the thing about unrequited crushes- you become somewhat of an Agatha Christie, just connecting all the randomest dots just to make up reasons to let your heart down again, it's almost a masochistic need. Logically, you knew better than to assume messy clothes meant anything of significance. But as a woman on a mission to prevent herself from falling deeper, you would grip onto anything that provides an anchor for your heart- even if it means you end up breaking your heart anyway.

And which is why you blurt out, "Why do you care if I wait... I'm sure you have better people to attend to anyway."

The piercing tone of your voice makes Hyunjin stop in his tracks and look at you through the mirror. The room is dead silent as you pick apart the skin in your cuticles in an attempt to keep the tears from falling and your heart from breaking further. Maybe it was the exhaustion, the all too familiar feeling of heartache that comes with unrequited love, but the shell you had so carefully maintained had come crashing down.

"Wha- What are you saying?" His voice comes soft and nervous. You do the mistake of looking up, through the mirror. You scoff and swallow the tears back, "No, nothing. I just- forget it. Let's practice."

"Are you sure? You just said something abou-"

"Can we just practice once and get over with this. I'm exhausted." You snap.

He just nods and proceeds to start the music. You don't look at him, not even during the mirroring sequence, he huffs a little too loudly at that. The run-through itself goes smoothly, until the last sequence. It's hard to do a romantic slow dance when you refuse to meet his eyes and keep flinching every time he touches you. Still, both of you push through. You get out of his clutches the second the song ends and start to pack your things.

"Y/N, why are you already packing?"

This boy makes it very hard not to get unreasonably angry at him because he doesn't let you hate him.

"It's almost 9 pm Hyunijn. I have been here since 6, I'm tired." He just nods and stays silent. You gather your things, throw your bag on your shoulder and leave. If he realises that this is the first time in two weeks you didn't wave or say bye enthusiastically like you usually do, he doesn't show it. If he realises that this is the first time in two weeks that he hasn't asked to walk you back to your dorm and you refused the offer like you usually do, he doesn't show it. The walk back to the dorm feels a lot heavier for the first time.

The next day is nothing short of a struggle, your eyes burning due to the incessant crying from the previous night, mind spinning everywhere and body weak. You were ashamed to have let your feelings mess you up so bad. Usually, you'd be extra careful to eat more and rest well during practice and performance times. This is probably the first time that you show up to the dress rehearsal with big bags beneath your eyes and feeling like a mess. It's not your first unrequited heartbreak, just the first time it feels this heavy and lonely.

The rehearsal is sullen- neither you nor Hyunjin makes any effort to talk. The tension in the air gets to the audiences for the day- Minho, Felix and Yeji. They exchange looks and try their best to engage both of you in some kind of conversation- it doesn't work. You put on the outfit and it makes you look decent despite your haggard state. The salt in the wound is how gorgeous Hyunjin looks in his outfit- not surprising, but still annoying considering he walked in looking downright homeless and sleep-deprived. The outfit doesn't hide the state of his face, yet he looks gorgeous. A week earlier both of you had been so excited to see the outfits, you even had hopes of Hyunjin finally seeing what is in front of his eyes. Yeah, stupid embarrassing feelings.

There are two full run-throughs, and the emotions until the last part is so enthralling to the audience. The three watching can see the tension flash as the two of you do your best to avoid each other's eyes and finish the dance. They don't press much, you're thankful for that. Getting out of the outfit, ready to head back to the dorm, you step out of the door only to find Hyunjin standing there- back in his oversized sweatshirt, messy hair and sullen expression. He always looked a lot younger and innocent when he wasn't performing, and you liked that about him- until now.

"Y/N, can I walk you to your dorm?" His voice quivers and he looks like an actual wounded puppy.

"Not needed." You avoid his gaze to evade giving in and walk away before he can retaliate. You always refused his offer knowing it was just another steep step right into disaster- as if the one already caused wasn't enough. You've also seen him pull the same gentlemanly moves with girls and boys across the campus and watch the poor suckers fall for him only to get burnt. Even after trying your best, you got burnt, you didn't need more reason.

------

"Y/N, can we just talk once before going on stage please," Hyunjin begs from the driver's seat. He is driving the two of you to the competition and the minute you sit down he says this.

"Let's just go. I have a headache." It wasn't a lie, but it felt bad rejecting him that way. The rest of the drive is silent, save for the faint music coming from the radio- which was annoyingly filled with love songs. After an hour's drive, you both arrive at the location. the entire place is filled with students from multiple universities across the state, all excited and dressed up, except for the two of you. You hate yourself for making this hard for both of you, especially when he did nothing actually wrong.

Stupid feelings.

"Stop fidgeting with your nails." Hyunjin snaps at you. He is sitting next to you in the green room- looking ethereal with makeup and costume on.

"I'm trying." You grunt back. There are ten minutes left for the performance and both of you are getting increasingly agitated.

"I'll help," is all he says before taking your hand in his and caging it there as looks toward the side of the stage. You try to protest but he clutches your hand pretty firmly.

"I won't burn you, stop squirming." His words effectively shut you up. You try to numb the feelings arising from his touch. You almost manage to do it until you realise he is rubbing circles around your palm. You're simultaneously calming down and getting more worked up. But he does manage to distract you till it's go-time. He gives you a small genuine smile and you nod, almost letting the tears fall. His face deflates but he immediately collects himself and goes into performance mode.

The music begins, you look out into the crowd, the nerves turn to excitement, and you feel alive. Hyunjin's solo leaves the crowd in awe. The audience goes wild during the mirroring sequence. But all the sound starts draining out as you move closer to him. You look at him, he looks at you, and your hands intertwine. The both of you move according to the beat- the only thing that exists right now is the music, Hyunjin and you. For the next minute he's yours and you're his. No one needs to know, the world could divide you later but for now, this was your sacred oasis.

A tear rolls down your cheek, and he reaches to brush it off in sync with the beat. His eyes sparkle, and there are a million emotions behind them. You want to hold on, you want to dance with him as long as you can. Both of you are in the tightest embrace you've ever been in, with shallow breaths, wet eyes and a big lump in your throat. The applause makes you break and look at the audience.

Neither of you speaks as you wait backstage for the last performance. You look everywhere but at him, trying to be as discreet as possible while rubbing the tears off your face. Eventually, all contestants are called up on stage. Hyunjin and you stand shoulder to shoulder, his palm brushing against yours but never reaching to hold on. The third and second places have been announced, the room is pulsing with tension and yet all you can think about is the man on your right.

You faintly hear your name, along with Hyunjin's, and it takes two seconds to realize that you've won the competition. What should've been the highest of highs of your life feels anti-climatic. You look up at him, both of you are smiling wide with teary eyes. You bear tears of fear and heartache, while he is probably teary-eyed on achieving this prestigious prize. The two of you collect the prize, congratulate fellow participants, and socialise with the other people there with practised smiles.

After an exhausting hour, the two of you are back in Hyunjin's car, still in outfits and makeup. He drives silently and you close your eyes fearing the tears will fall down otherwise. The car halts a while later as you've reached the campus. Both of you collect your things, take the cup and medal you won to the practice room and change out of the costumes.

Just as you turn to leave the room and head back to the dorms, he stops you with a hand on his wrist. You turn to question him but he doesn't look at you. He's locking the door with one hand as he holds on to you with the other. You roll your eyes.

"Hyunjin let me go."

He turns, now done with the lock, and starts walking forward as he drags you with him.

"Let me go, Hyunjin. I'm serious." He keeps walking, and you follow, until you've reached a room that looks like a storage room. He stops in front of the door and still doesn't let go of your hand. You're too confused to say anything although your head is buzzing with a million questions.

"When someone asks to walk you back, you should let them."

"Huh?" He turns to look at you, eyes dark and serious. He hasn't taken his makeup yet and he looks positively dangerous if not enthralling.

"I said, stop refusing when I ask to walk you back." His words are sharp and his voice is low.

"Why? What does that change?" The sting in your eye returns, you can't bare to look at him so you turn away.

But he holds your chin in his palm, the one that isn't holding your hand, and turns you to face him. "Y/N, I don't understand what I did wrong. Just please tell me, I'll do anything to make you happy."

"Why? Why do you want to make me happy? So that you can break my heart like you break everyone else's?" He looks shocked and the tears are now flowing desperately from your eyes.

"What are you even saying?"

"Hyunjin stop pretending... everyone knows that you just charm people and sleep around. Actually, it's not even your fault. I'm the idiot who knew all this and still let myself fall for you." You can feel your heart disintegrate and sincerely wish he'd let you go so that you can go hide in the comfort of your bed.

"What the fuck Y/N? Just 'cuz people say something doesn't make it true. I don't just go around flirting and sleeping with people." He's angry and you can hear it. You know he has the right to be but can't help your emotions. He is still holding your hand despite his anger, you note.

"Then where do you disappear off to every night? And why do you always show up in dishevelled clothes and messed up hair?" You sound stupid, now that the words are out of your mouth, but then no fool in love ever remains sane.

He sighs and throws his head back in frustration.

"You idiot. That- that's not because I'm fucking someone every night. It's- I go to.."

"To what Hyunjin?" Your patience is running low and he looks nervous.

He sighs. Letting your hand go, he opens the door to the storage room and turns the light on. It is an art studio, filled with paintings upon paintings. You turn to Hyunjin, more confused than before.

"This is my makeshift studio. A gallery owner has signed me on as the artist for their upcoming exhibition. I'm trying to get stuff done for that. It's next week. That's why I am always late to practice and why I look 'dishevelled'." He says quietly, with air quotes and a desperate tone in his voice.

"What?" To say you're surprised would be an understatement. You know he is an art major and that he paints, but all of this is new information. You look around the room once more, there are various kinds of paintings- places, flowers and even people.

"Yeah. I've been trying to show you my work for weeks now, that's why I keep asking to walk you back. I have always wanted to show you my work but didn't get the courage to talk to you personally till the practice." He looks nervous and his mouth forms into a pout. You just let out a laugh as more tears roll down your cheeks at the relief. "Why are you still crying?" He asks slowly as he wipes the tears away and you just laugh.

"So... you're not with someone else?"

He smiles now and shakes his head. "But I want to be..." Your eyes widen and the lump in your throat that was finally starting to dissolve comes back in full force. Seeing your face he starts to laugh.

He faces you, letting go of your hand to hold your face in both of his hands and leaning toward you. Your heart is beating in your chest.

"Dummy, it is you I like. Don't know how or when, but yeah..."

It appears that the act of having someone reciprocate our feelings can be perceived as rather endearing rather than embarrassing.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks slowly, his voice dangerously low.

"How are you so sure I like you back?"

He smirks at you and rolls his tongue in his inner cheek.

"Hmm... let's see how. You just acted like a crazy idiot for a week and told me it is because you thought I was fucking other people." Your face burns up in embarrassment as his smirk turns into a full smile. "Also, you get so extremely flustered every time I come close to you and your face is all red and cute, just like right now."

You close your eyes shut tight at his words, ready to combust.

"I didn't do a good job keeping my crush in control at all huh." You manage to say, slowly opening your eyes to see him smiling brightly.

"Absolutely not." The both of you laugh, he pulls your face closer and you hold onto his waist for balance. The lump of anxiety in your throat has turned into a plethora of butterflies.

"So can I kiss you or do you just want to keep staring at my lips like you do every time we dance."

"Oh shut up, Hyunjin."

He laughs and leans in but pulls back at the last minute. You let out a whine in protest.

"I- I just wanted to confirm, I like you and want to date you. Only you. Is that clear?" You just nod, breaking into a smile so big your jaw hurts.

"Also you might be the muse of my paintings."

"What? How many?"

He looks shy. "One?" You raise your eyebrows. "Okay, five."

"Hyunjin wha-"

You never get to finish the sentence as he takes your mouth in his and you've never loved rude interruptions before. Seems like wouldn't mind anything as long as you get to hold and be held by Hyunjin and dance with him through a thousand storms.