"I Have To Break Your Heart

"I have to break your heart

with Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade"

Taking accountability for your decision to leave is cruel, don’t you think? Acknowledging how you hurt others, but refusing to apologize. What is the point in saying sorry when there's no effort to change?

Each moment you pitched to others the idea that you were completely alone, you dismissed those who loved you. You forfeit the relationships and connections you handmade with those individuals. And it’s clear for a fact you didn’t try to care. Sneaking away from those who truly do love you for others who couldn’t care less about your absence.

You can go back to a person. Again and again and again. But you cannot make them care.

Your false sacrifices will not make them love you.

You can leave, go to where you perceive 'home' as. But do not expect your family to be there, waiting.

"Flufftober 2024 (Leaves)

with Vil Schoenheit"

He gently scolded you just minutes before about before careful not to trip in these woods. With all the leaves, it was easy to slip and lose your balance.

But you never listened, did you?

You grabbed the third year's hand and pulled him along in a small run, much to his protest. It must've been ingenuine with how quick he was to follow you. It was common nature for him to follow you where you went. It was an unspoken fact. He adored you much more than others. He didn't mind a small chase for your enjoyment.

He yelped a little as you pulled him down with you. Of course you tripped over a tree root. It appeared his warning fell on deaf ears yet again. He fell beside you into a surprisingly large pile of autumn leaves.

He was ready to lecture you, but he paused abruptly with his mouth agape. You looked shocked, still holding his hand a little tighter then before. You glanced at him, or stared. It felt like you were analyzing him for those 11 seconds he counted. Then you startled him again as you burst out in such a joyous display.

You were laughing. Not just that. You were laughing by his side. Like you were unafraid of him. This whole time, this little date you arranged for the two of you around the ramshackle woods, you never seemed to notice or even care about his face. There was no makeup on his face, and you didn't appear fazed.

So caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice the leaf you'd brought up to the side of his face. "It looks like you."

His gaze shifted to the dead piece of plant. If you were any other person, he'd be offended, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not with you. It was a yellow leaf with brown spots dotting it.

"It's my favorite that I've seen, you know." Looking each other in the eyes, he felt his breath get caught in his throat. This wasn't normal for him. "Most people enjoy reds and oranges, but I prefer the yellows and browns. Reds and oranges are what is shown to the public eye, due to the seemingly crisp and prefect nature of them," he didn't stop you when you reached a hand to cup his face. He watched with narrowed eyes as you continued, "but yellows and browns show more character behind them. All the markings are ugly to some, but so beautiful to me."

"Dear, don't tell me you view any aspect of me as ugly, or perceive it as ugly to an audience."

You smiled at his false annoyance. He really didn't do well with being shown such affections. "No, Vil, but I believe you perceived it as so." You pushed the leaf into his free hand that wasn't holding your own. "After all, this is the first time you've allowed me to see you in such a state, with all your internal and maybe even external markings."

So you did notice his lack of makeup.

"But I find all leaves beautiful, you know." You looked at your intertwined hands. "Though this little tangent of mine wasn't just about fall's blessings."

Epel/Ruggie rambling

I already made a small drabble on this, but I associate Epel's guardedness towards Vil/Ruggie's hesitance towards Leona as the a specific phrase.

"I'll bite the hand that feeds."

Typically used in medias for familial bonds or animals, I admire the concept of someone of less "power" or "status" being more aggressive or passive towards another in the opposing position.

Typically in animals, namely dogs, they aren't aggressive by choice necessarily. Not towards those they value in some form or another. Unless they find it as needed, they try to stay in good graces to ensure they're kept well-fed or stable.

But, how does that change when it's weighed over their head, or used as a tactic of what FEELS like manipulation? The answer is defense. Fight or flight, with their freedom seeming to be the necessity at that very point.

"Maybe I'm afraid of you

I'll bite the hand that feeds me"

Neither are in a dangerous situation, but when it comes to their freedom or rather debts, they feel trapped. People and animals alike do irrational things when they feel afraid.

Even as Vil or Leona try to insist that they live free as they'd like, that underlying belief that it's all fake leaves the younger two feeling like they need to be on guard.

Just a small drabble while I'm half asleep

"Flufftober 2024 (Feelings)

with Jade Leech"

"You looked lonely, so I figured you needed a friend," was your response when he asked why you insisted on staying in the lounge after hours.

There was no malice in his voice, just drowsiness. His shoulders were more slumped than usual. You wanted nothing more than to offer assistance with cleaning up, but you knew it wouldn't do. The ever independent Jade Leech despised relying on others, much less the idea of owing them.

It was a tiring evening, you'd gathered. All the other students were permitted the chance to return to their rooms. All but the twins, and Floyd had already slithered off to go lay down. Jade never stopped anyone from leaving him to deal with these messes.

Scanning the lounge, it all looked fine. As expected from the moray, not a speck of filth remained. So why did he stay? He knew you were fully capable of walking yourself back to your dorm.

He looked exhausted while attempting to hold his smile. "I certainly hope that isn't pity I detect in your tone. I could find out quite-," but you did the unthinkable.

"I'd like to hug you, Jade. Is that okay?"

You caught him off guard.

"Ah- pardon?" His eyes no longer held their dreary appearance. They were blown wide.

But you kept going, with your uncomforting honestly. Like a barrage of attacks. "It's okay if not. But you appear exhausted, and I'd like to be here for you." His heart was racing at an abnormal rate. "I'm sure my feelings for you are obvious, so I'm not concerned with that. I just can't have you dying on me before I know how you feel."

Oh dear. Were human's faces meant to get this warm?

"My, you could stop anyone's heart with such carelessness. Or have your own trampled. Do you have such little regard for rejection?" He was hoping to turn the situation around on you. Like a last ditch effort. But it failed.

"Is that a no?"

"I...don't recall saying that."

"The way she is with me

with Cyno"

No one would believe you. No one would believe that the general mahamatra was sitting in front of you allowing you to place little flowers in his previously braided hair. Absolutely no one would think you were telling the truth if you announced how serene his expression was while asking how it looked.

And that was fine.

You didn't need others to believe you and your boyfriend's silly little moments like this. Maybe that's what made them so special. The fact that no one could replicate the behavior on either of your ends just made it that much more amusing.

"My art is completed," you triumphantly declared. He chuckled softly, content in this very state. Just with you in your guys' special date spot. Like a crevice in the universe just for the two of you, molded by his hands.

With his flower-strewn braids, he turned to face you slowly. He wasn't willing to destroy your handiwork. You noticed the smirk on his lips, "You really “rose” to the occasion, didn't you?"

You couldn't help but laugh at his typical antics.

And that laugh just made him fall a little further into your heart.

Walking out the door with your bags

with Al Haitham"

You wished you'd been at work when he decided to move his stuff out. At least it would've been easier to come home to the absence of him and his possessions. It would've still been painful, but not like seeing him carry out his boxes of items you convinced him into having at your place.

Despite still paying for and legally living with Kaveh, he kept many of his "hideous" house decor in your home after his roommate banished it. Now you'll lose that hint of a smile or chuckle he gets when Kaveh complains to you about them.

"If you'd just communicate more, you wouldn't have to do all this," you mumbled. You were more than just bummed out, sitting on a dining room stool.

Just as he was about to walk out another box, he stopped. "Well, I have no intention of changing for an individual who sees nothing wrong with their own self. But it's also not my job to tell you how you should or should not be."

Archons, that stung.

"This is my final box. Goodbye, and I do hope we can be cordial for our friends' sake." You wanted nothing more than to run up, hug him from behind, and beg for him to stay. But there was no point. He had no intention of changing for you two, and you couldn't either.